This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Hello Bikini Bottom" from season , which aired on .
- [episode starts and shows Squidward's house]
- Squidward: [slurps] Maybe I'll...practice my clarinet.
- Squidward: Ah-he-he-hem. [Plays jassy tune]
- SpongeBob: Kind of sounds like Squidward's practicing his clarinet over there. Doesn't it, Gary? Gary? Well, I can't just stand by and let him practice alone. Then what kind of a friend and neigbor would I be? Not that kind that I... [metal teangs and takes out guitar]...would want.
(Squidward countinues playing his clarinet until Spongebob opens his window and he starts to play along. Squidward stops playing his clarinet after noticing Spongebob)
- Spongebob: Hi neighbor!
(Spongebob and Squidward continue playing together until Squidward blows his clarinet out of his mouth)
- Squidward: GAH!!! DAH! DAH! DAH!
- Spongebob: Should we take it from the top?
- Squidward: The day I willining practice my musical art with you is the day I grow hair on my...(Notices a fish clapping from him)
- Colonel Carper: Like bravo man! Bravo!
- Squidward: And who might you be?
- Colonel Carper: ♪I'm glad you asked! I'll make it perfectually clear! I'm the guy you made smiled from ear to ear! 'Cause the sweet sounds coming from this here direction! The entire ocean should hear! Now what I am promotions to you, is something I feel is my duty to do! I'm out just some admiring passerby, I want to be your concert, promoting manager guy!♪
- Squidward: ♪Are you serious? Is this a dream?♪
- Colonel Carper: ♪Colonel Carper's the name, I think we'll make a great team! You and your musical compadre us there are the next big thing I do solemnly swear! Sooo! What are we waiting for? It's high tide time we go on tour! Together we'll set sail on a magicial musical journey! Where you'll play for at least a trillion and that guy on the gourney! Screaming fans well sisley clap their hands for more! As you fly though the air doing your own high choooour! And remember to bring your rake! 'Cause Neptune only knows the money will make!♪
- Mr. Krabs: (Runs out of his house) ♪Did someone said money? I could swear that's what I heard! I got super sensitive hearing when it comes to that word!
- Squidward: ♪Yes he said money, but more importanly he said faaaannnnnnssss!!! And not the type that blows air if you're feeling too hot! The type that wants autographs on everything they got!♪
- Pilar: (Rips of his underwear) Signature Mr. Tentacles?
- Spongebob: ♪And when I heard the word "Team" which is special to meeee! 'Cause through the power of music there's no way we won't get. The bond together with this special duet!♪
- Spongebob and Colonel Carper: ♪SOOOO!!!! What are we waiting for? It's high tide time we went on tour!♪
- Squidward: Uh, excuse me? Is there anyway I get to do this tour as a soloist?
- Colonel Carper: Hmm, let me think about that for a second...NO! ♪WHATSOEVVVVEEEER! The tour must consist of my two plus sis of the tall one with holatoses and the square one with the talented wrist!♪
- Squidward: ♪A dream wrapped in pain. I don't know whether to smile or pout.♪
- Mr. Krabs: ♪Excuse me, Colonel! I'll be taking over from here on out!♪
- Colonel Carper: ♪But it was I who discovered this soon-to-be famous band! And I'm the one who knows what it takes to get them there! You'll need a tour bus, venue, gotta build up buzz! You'll need equipment and roadies too! I'm the expert of all things concert promotionist making you have no inclaim, you have no clue!♪
- Mr. Krabs: ♪Thanks for all the great tips! I think you should be on your way! Good bye! Good luck! Have a nice day! SOOO!!! What are we waiting for? It's high tide time we went on tour!♪
(End music)