Mr. Krabs: Four hundred and fifty-one, four hundred and fifty-two, four hundred and fifty three, four hundred and fifty four, four hundred and fifty five, four hundred and fifty si... [hurts himself] Ow! No! [sucks claw] Ooh. [close up on Mr. Krabs' nail] I split me nail. Oh, that looks terrible. [dials number] Hello? It's an emergency! No, I haven't been biting them! [frusturated] No! Can you just schedule me in? [shocked] Now? A manicure right in the middle of the day? [whispers] But what if the guys see me? [stops whispering] Yes, I want my nails to look their best. Be right there. [takes secret underground passage to the front door and bumps into SpongeBob]
SpongeBob: Ahoy, sir. Where are you going?
Mr. Krabs: Uh. Heh heh. It's a... it's a secret.
SpongeBob:[shocked] You have a secret?
Mr. Krabs: Everybody has a secret, SpongeBob, and mine's gonna take 15 minutes. [looks at his nail] Maybe 20 if she can spruce up my cubicles. [notices SpongeBob is listening and puts his hands behind his back]
SpongeBob: Aye-aye, sir. And who will be "in charge" while you're gone.
Mr. Krabs: Eh, [looks over at Squidward] well, not Squidward. [looks at a customer] No, no, him. [looks at another customer] Too lumpy. [looks at SpongeBob, who shines] Okay, okay, you're in charge.
Mr. Krabs: You're in charge for the next 15 minutes.
SpongeBob: I'm... in charge?
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, sure, why not? [SpongeBob starts shaking] You okay, boy?
SpongeBob:[flies around, leaving a rainbow trail behind] Yahow! [lands and salutes] I won't let you down, sir.
Mr. Krabs: What a sheesh. I'll be back in 15 minutes [Mr. Krabs leaves, Squidward is sleeping, and SpongeBob wakes him up]
SpongeBob: Naptime's over, Squidward. Now what do you say we work real hard until Mr. Krabs comes back?
Squidward: Krabs is gone?
SpongeBob: Yep. And i'm in charge for the next 15 minutes.
SpongeBob:[giggles] Yeah, I'm kind of a big deal around here. I guess that's why Krabs put me in charge. [close-up of Squidward not listening three times] Charge. Charge. [Squidward falls asleep]
Squidward: Wake me up when I care. [SpongeBob looks at his watch]
SpongeBob: Do you care now?
SpongeBob:[looks at the customers and gasps] Heh-heh. Everything is under control, people. Go back to your krabby patties. Nothing your temporary man in charge can't handle. [tries to wake Squidward up] Squidward? Squidward? Squidward? Squidward? Squid? Squid? Squidward? Squid? Squid?
SpongeBob: Well, it's just that I'm in charge and...
Squidward:[growls...but then gets an idea] And you ruined my regulary scheduled Krusty Krab nap?
SpongeBob: Regulary scheduled nap?
Squidward: This must be important. Mr. Krabs has never interrupted one of these before.
Squidward: But being as you're the man in charge, you must have your reasons.
SpongeBob:[sweating] Well, I, um...
Squidward: What is it?
SpongeBob: Um, nothing. Carry on. Boy, there sure is a lot of proceedural type stuff I don't know about the Krusty Krab. [Squidward laughs then cuts to the scene where Squidward is watching TV]
SpongeBob: Order up, Squidward!
Squidward: You know, I'll let you serve this one. My stories are on.
SpongeBob: Gosh, I'd love to, Squidward, but I've got to cook the patties. [raises his spatula]
Squidward: So do it when you're done.
SpongeBob: And unclog the sink.
Squidward: Would you like to hear a secret?
SpongeBob:[appears right behind Squidward and slightly shocks Squidward] What kind of secret?
Squidward: See that guy over there? [points]
Squidward: He wants to be a fry cook, and you're his hero!
Squidward: Why don't you give him a couple of pointers. Let him cook his own patty, and don't take "no" for an answer. He's shy. [laughs] This should be good.
SpongeBob: Oh, a little cashier told me! Follow me!
Frank: Yeah, whatever you say, man!
[he takes him by the hand and leads him into the kitchen]
[in the kitchen]
SpongeBob: Betcha didn't think you'd be in here today, did ya?
SpongeBob: First off, this is my grill. This is where the magic happens! And this is my actual spatula! [shows him the objects] So start fryin' up some patties! I'll come check on you later, my little prodigy!
Squidward: Ha, ha! SpongeBob will believe anything!
[SpongeBob comes out of the kitchen]
SpongeBob: Order #12!
Squidward: SpongeBob, what're you doing?
SpongeBob: Bringing out an order!
Squidward: You're serving Krabby Patties with your hands? Do you know how filthy your hands are?
SpongeBob: They are?
Squidward: But your feet however are clean. Think about it. Your feet have been protected by your shoes and socks all day.
SpongeBob: Oh! [he takes his shoe and sock off, then we see a close-up of his foot with a band-aid, and blisters]. It's all coming clear to me now. [cut to the next scene where SpongeBob is walking on his hands and serving a customer with his feet, on one foot there is a Krabby Patty, and on his other foot there is a drink] There you are. A nice hot meal with sanitary foot service. Here's a nice delicious Krabby Patty, and a large drink. [he puts a straw in the drink by using his toes, then he bends the straw with his big toe, the customer flinches] Enjoy.
Debbie: Hey, is my food here yet?
Frankie Billy:[hands over Krabby Patty and drink] Here. You can have mine.
Delivery Man: Special delivery!
Squidward: What? [delivery man squishes Squidward with the items]
Delivery Man: Please sign here. [Squidward signs his name] Hey, my pen.
SpongeBob: Now that I'm in charge, I've decided to decorate the Krusty Krab! I'm gonna make it all pretty!
Squidward:[grunts and gets an idea] Hey, SpongeBob, do you want to hear another Krusty Krab secret?
SpongeBob: There's another secret? What's the secret?
Squidward: Do you want to know how Mr. Krabs gets all these customers?
Squidward: Mr. Krabs keeps this place a dump, so the food's more better by comparison!
SpongeBob: Sounds like the Chum Bucket.
Squidward: Ah, but you'll be doing it on purpose.
SpongeBob: Ohhhhh... [cut to SpongeBob dumping garbage from trash cans all over the tables while Squidward watches and sipping a soda] How's this, Squidward?
Squidward: Lookin' good!
SpongeBob: You mean, "lookin' bad"! Enjoy our fine decor!
Nat: Next time i'm picking the restaurant.
[SpongeBob mops the Krusty Krab with muck and grime, until it is totally covered in brown goop]
SpongeBob: One Krusty Krab, covered in mud and slime!
Squidward: Mmm, you missed a spot.
[he mops a customer and his food]
SpongeBob: Got it! [SpongeBob chews gum and spits it on the bottom of the tables] Gum under all the tables! How's that for low expectations?
SpongeBob: Initiating stage two: collateral damage! [he throws a brick at the window, but it is thick glass and it bounces off and hits him in the face, then, he walks up to Squidward, his clothes tattered, him scuffed up with mangled hat, twisted eyelashes and a black eye] How was that?
[gives a thumbs up and smiles, showing his damaged teeth, one dangling from only a string of his gums]
Harold: This place is disgusting!
Fred: Yeah, let's get out of here, as soon as I finish this delicious Krabby Patty!
[SpongeBob grabs Squidward by the shirt and points to the customers, about to exit]
SpongeBob: Squidward, all the customers are leaving!
Squidward: What did we talk about?
SpongeBob: Don't touch the material.
[lets go of the shirt]
Squidward: If you want the customers to stay, you need to provide some entertainment!
SpongeBob: Oh, can do, Squidward, can do!
Harold: Come on, let's go.
SpongeBob: WAIT!!! You don't want to miss... This!
[he shrugs his shoulders up and flares his hands outwards while jumping and crossing his legs]
Debbie: What's he doing?
Harold: He's... dancing! [he grabs his head by the sides, stands on his tippy-toes and moves his midsection in and out] Ok, people, just back away slowly... [he turns around, thrusts his rear out and kicks back a leg, one at a time, while making funny noises, and everyone backs away, creeped out]
[meanwhile, Mr. Krabs is on his way back to the Krusty Krab]
Mr. Krabs: Ah, there's nothing like polished pincers to make you feel like a man! [he laughs at his own reflection in them] Let's see how SpongeBob's doing as acting manager. [he goes in through the door and is shocked at what he finds] What the...??!! SpongeBob dancing like a goofball?
[back view of SpongeBob leaning forward and swinging his arms]
SpongeBob: And a hey, and a ho, and a hey and a ho! And a hey, ho, hey, ho, hey, ho, ha, hey, hee, ho...
Mr. Krabs: Me customers cowering in fear?
[all the customers are huddled in the far back corner of the building]
Evelyn: Help... us...
Mr. Krabs: The Krusty Krab a filthy mess?
[Frank holds a tray of food with a Krusty Krab hat]
Frank: Order #20 ready for pickup.
Mr. Krabs:[anger rising] And some stranger cooking Krabby Patties??!! [Squidward is asleep in the ordering boat] Squidward sleeping on the job??!! Ok, that's actually normal. SpongeBob! What have ye done to me Krusty Krab!
SpongeBob: I was just following Squidward's advice, Mr. Krabs. He told me all your secrets!
Mr. Krabs: All my secrets...? [stares at his newly-polished nails and then nervously hides them behind his back, sweating and chuckles nervously] So, is there anything else I can do for you, acting manager SpongeBob? [cut to Mr. Krabs doing the dishes, he chips a nail again] Ah, gwenevere!!!
[pan across the restaurant to show that random fish cooking, Squidward asleep, overturned gummy tables with mud everywhere, and SpongeBob dancing in front of fearful customers to Russian music]