Growth Spout/transcript

Template:EpisodeTr/128a

• [inside Mr. Krabs house]
• Mr. Krabs: ♪Me dollar lies over the ocean, me dollar lies over--♪ [sniffing, then exhales. His breath is revealed, which smells like a port. His breath contains a lighthouse and some seagulls. sniffs again] Whoa! Blarney stone, that's a horrible reek. I knew I was forgetting somethin'. [grabs a toothbrush with toothpaste, and sings again] Ohhhhhhh, bring back me money to me! [starts brushing his teeth. A rumble is heard, and one of Pearl's fins breaks through the mirror. Mr. Krabs stops brushing]
• Mr. Krabs: That's strange. I'm sure I can remember screwing the cap back on the toothpaste, but here it is on the edge of the sink, plain as day. Heheh! These are strange times we're livin' in.
• Pearl: Daddy!
• Mr. Krabs: That sounded like me beloved teenage daughter, Pearl. I'm coming, princess!
• Pearl: [groaning]
• Mr. Krabs: Pearl! What in the name of Neptune's Aunt Nancy is with all this ruckus?
• [Pearl's legs suddenly starts growing, along with her head, her body, her ponytail, and her fins]
• Pearl: What's happening to me?! [her mouth grows. Now her weight breaks the bed]
• Mr. Krabs: Pearl, this is terrible! I paid 30 bucks for that bed! 'Course, that was when you were a newborn. Maybe if I crunched a few numbers and checked the warranty, I could—Pearl: I [pants] need [pants] food. [continues panting]
• Mr. Krabs: [brings refrigerator] Okay, Pearl! I wasn't sure what to get, so I just brought the whole--
• [Pearl's tongue grabs the refrigerator, puts in her mouth, and chews]
• Mr. Krabs: refrigerator.
• [Pearl starts to grow some more]
• Mr. Krabs: Pearl, I somehow just realized what's happening.
• Pearl: So did I.
• Mr. Krabs: You're havin' one of them, uh, you know, one of them, um, growth spouts. It means you're healthy.
• Pearl: It means I need food!!
• Mr. Krabs: [opens cabinet] Empty! [actually there are 2 foods available]
• Old cracker: What am I, chopped liver?
• Chopped liver: No, that's what I am. [rimshot]
• Mr. Krabs: [panting]
• Pearl: Daddy!
• Mr. Krabs: Darling, I searched the entire house. There's not a speck of food to be spoken of.
• Pearl: Well, you're just gonna have to go buy some.
• Mr. Krabs: [panics] Uhhh, can't. It's late, and all the shops are closed. We're just gonna have to wait until morning to find you something to eat.
• Pearl: Wait, what's that green stuff in your pocket?
• Mr. Krabs: Eh? Where?
• Pearl: There! [grabs money]
• Mr. Krabs: Me money?
• Pearl: I'll just have to eat this.
• Mr. Krabs: No, wait! I'll think of something. [walks out of his house] Food. Where? Where? Food. Where? Where? Huh? [sees a fence. He peeks in someone's garden and sees a peanut garden. He gets a basket and grabs all the peanut worms. Inside the house, Mrs. Puff is seen snoring]
• Mrs. Puff: [snores] Must protect garden. [snores] Only thing that makes life worth living.
• Mr. Krabs: Hehehehehe! Peanuts! [peanuts wiggle] What the... [peanuts pop out their eyes and squirt Mr. Krabs] These peanut worms are pets, not vegetables! [screams and leaves the basket behind]
• Mrs. Puff: [opens door suddenly] Who's there? I'm warning you. I have a blunt instrument here, and I'm not afraid to use it. [She sees Mr. Krabs stuck in the fence, trying to escape] There you are, sucker! [throws her "blunt instrument" and hits the fence, causing the fence to flip and hit the back of Mr. Krabs. Acting as a boomerang, it flies back to Mrs. Puff]
• Krabs: [still running] Cucumbers. Squirting me. Flying stuff! [laughing hysterically. He hides in a big rock, only to be revealed that it's Patrick's house. He sees a refrigerator filled with food] Jackpot. [sees Patrick, sleeping with his head on a bowl of Kelpo] Surely Patrick could spare a few morsels. After all, it's for a worthy cause. Me beloved Pearl. [grabs all the food] Don't worry Pearl, Daddy found you some vittles! [the food is actually sand] Bottom feeders. [He sees Patrick and gets the bowl of Kelpo. He runs back to his daughter, exhausted] Pearl! I brought you some-- [Pearl grabs the cereal] cereal.
• Pearl: More Daddy, More!
• [cut to Mrs. Puff's house]
• Mrs. Puff: [petting a peanut worm] There, there, my darling, the bad man is gone now. And if he comes back, we'll make sure he never walks again.
• [two police officers appear]
• Officer: Which way did you say the kidnapper ran, Miss, uh, Mrs., uh, Ms., Mrs., Miss, Mrs. [clears throat] So which way did you say he went?
• Mrs. Puff: I said he went that way.
• Officer: [writes on his notepad for about five seconds] Anything else?
• Mrs. Puff: No.
• Officer: [writes on his notepad for about five seconds, then taps notepad] Got it. Johnson. [Officer Johnson turns on the flashlight and points it at the fence] Well, looks like whoever it was is gone now, ma'am. Enjoy the rest of the evening. [both walk to their to their police boat] I tell ya, these calls are getting more and more weird. I mean, what kind of nutcase would want to break into someone's vegetable garden at this time of night?
• Krabs: Ooh-hoo-hoo, foo-foo-foo-food. Gotta find foo-hoo-hoo food! [passes the police boat]
• Officer: Well, I doubt he's gonna turn up anywhere near here again tonight. What do you say we go check out that new 24-hour taser emporium you were talking about? [drives out]
• Krabs: Food! Food! Food! Food! Food! Food! Food! Food! Food! [passes Squidward's house, then doubles back and sniffs] Food. [uses nose to try to unlock the door. sees Squidward sleeping in the bedroom] Not food. [stops and smells the flowers, then continues. He then turns on the light and gasps] Hanging cured meats. Exotic spices. A breadbox overflowing with baguettes. Yummy stuff everywhere! I'll start with the fridge. [opens fridge filled with food] Candied sea yams, pickled urchins, anemone pies, a bucket of kelp slaw.... Et cetera. Ooh, more et cetera. [walks out of the house]
• Squidward's house: Oh well. I needed to lose a little weight anyway.
• Officer: [talking to Johnson] And that's what I told him. I said, "If you're not gonna bring an extra set of batteries, then why even carry a--" [sees Mr. Krabs carrying a sack filled with food] Hey mister! What's with the sack?
• Krabs: S-sack?
• Officer: Yeah, sack. That big giant sack thing you're carrying on your back, that sack.
• Krabs: It's, uh... I'm, uh, practicing to be "Santy Claws" [Santa Claus] for the holidays.
• [siren on the boat wails. The officers drop Mr. Krabs off to his house]
• Officer: Okay, you have a safe night now.
• Krabs: Thanks again, officer!
• Officer: Be seeing you in a couple months. [chuckles] Happy Holidays.
• Krabs: Okay, Pearly, I got some vittles for ya! [Pearl begs to put the food in her mouth. Mr. Krabs dumps all the food in her mouth. Her stomach growls that the scene shakes, then, she burps loudly]
• Pearl: More!
• Krabs: I was afraid you were gonna say that.
• [Mr. Krabs runs to get some food. He sees SpongeBob's house in front of him. Inside, SpongeBob turns on the kitchen light, where he sees Mr. Krabs]
• Krabs: I wasn't stealing food!
• SpongeBob: [gasps] Mr. Krabs! How could you do this to me?
• Krabs: SpongeBob, I'm sorry, I had no other choice. See
• SpongeBob: Coming over for a slumber party without even giving me a chance to put my best PJs on? I mean, look at these things. Just give me one minute to change, and when I get back, we can get started on some s'mores and popcorn.
• Krabs: [chuckles nervously] G-g-good idea, SpongeBob. That sounds just perfect.
• Squidward: Not so fast! That crab is a food thief! He snuck into my house in the middle of the night, stole every last morsel in my kitchen, and he even swiped my entire collection of smoked kielbasas.
• SpongeBob: But I thought he was having a slumber party at my house.
• Squidward: I don't care. I'm calling the police. [dialing]
• Krabs: Squidward, wait, you can't.
• Squidward: Oh? And why is that?
• Krabs: Because if you do, I'll fire ya. [Squidward continues dialing] No, if I go to prison, who's gonna feed Pearl?
• Squidward: Hello, police?
• Krabs: Hold it! I'll... I'll...
• Squidward: You'll what? You'll give me your golden tooth?
• [Krabs sniffles, and yanks out his golden tooth. He gives it to Squidward]
• SpongeBob: I didn't know Mr. Krabs had a gold tooth.
• Squidward: Neither did I.
• Krabs: [sobbing] Oh, SpongeBob, what am I gonna do?
• SpongeBob: Oh, don't worry Mr. Krabs. I had a tooth pulled a few years ago. Only hurts for a couple of days.
• Krabs: It's not that, boy. Those nerves died years ago. It's me dear daughter, Pearl.
• SpongeBob: Pearl? What happened?
• Krabs: She's going through one of them growth spurts, and I can't find a way to feed her.
• SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, you're the owner of the most delightfully delicious restaurant in Bikini Bottom! Why don't you just take her there to eat?
• Krabs: Hold on, boy. I said I was trying to feed me daughter, not completely obliterate me inventory.
• SpongeBob: You don't have to do that. I know a special ingredient that can make one Krabby Patty taste like a million.
• [cut to the Krusty Krab]
• Pearl: Oh, Oh! So hungry, not gonna make it!!!
• Krabs: SpongeBob, hurry it up!
• SpongeBob: Hang in there, Mr. Krabs. Almost ready.
• Krabs: You've been saying that for the last-- [SpongeBob appears with the Krabby Patty.. The Krabby Patty is put in Pearl's mouth. She burps]
• Pearl: Daddy, I'm not hungry anymore, and I've stopped growing. I feel great. Heh, Heh!
• Krabs: Whew! Boy, I'm glad that's over. And it only cost me one Krabby Patty. Say, what was that secret ingredient you used in there, anyways, boy?
• SpongeBob: It was love, Mr. Krabs. It was love.
• Krabs: [laughs, then stops] Eh?