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Goodbye, Krabby Patty
General
Season №: 9
Episode №: 200
Airdate: February 20, 2017
Chronology
Previous: "Lame and Fortune"
Next: "Sandy's Nutmare"
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Goodbye, Krabby Patty?" from season nine, which aired on February 20, 2017.

  • [The episode begins with SpongeBob and Patrick having a fun time in Jellyfish Fields. They attempt to catch some jellyfish but snagged themselves with the nets while there are jellyfish on their heads. Patrick removes his net and the jellyfish stings him, swelling his head. The same thing happens to SpongeBob. They both laugh at each other because of how funny they look. The scene changes to them skipping down the road. Then the scene changes to them brushing their teeth near a mirror at a mirror store, which puzzles several bystanders. Then the scene changes to them at the outlet store. They both slip into a large pair of pants. Then they wobble out of the store.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, oh.
  • Patrick: No, no, just—
  • SpongeBob: Whoa. [grunts]
  • [The scene changes to the Barg'N-Mart where SpongeBob and Patrick are wobbling in the freezer aisle. As they wobble, they knock over a few things until they lose their balance and fall over.]
  • Patrick: It's harder to walk, but worth it.
  • [They stand back up.]
  • SpongeBob: Ahh, the perfect end to a perfect day: buying ourselves the perfect ice cream.
  • [SpongeBob's opens the freezer door.]
  • Patrick: So many flavors.
  • [A huge stack of ice cream is shown with various flavors. At the top, a mountain climber appears and yodels. SpongeBob and Patrick jump into the freezer.]
  • Both: Whoo-hoo!
  • SpongeBob: Hmm, what brand should we buy, Hogen Duep?
  • Patrick: No, that's too fancy.
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick search through the pile until they find one carton of ice cream with the flavor rocky road.]
  • Both: Rocky road!
  • Patrick: With real rocks!
  • SpongeBob: Rocky road, unlike our friendship, which is a smooth avenue and will never have any bumps.
  • [Moments later, Mr. Krabs comes by with a shopping cart and unintentionally shuts the freezer door on SpongeBob and Patrick.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Bump. [notices SpongeBob and Patrick trapped in the freezer] When did food get so ugly?
  • [Mr. Krabs opens the freezer door and takes out one of the frozen dinner boxes while SpongeBob and Patrick are stuck to the door.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [reading] "Lonely Krab Dinner for One: Now 30% lonelier." Eee, can't believe what they're charging for this frozen debris, and I can't believe they're selling so much of it. But it sure is convenient.
  • [Mr. Krabs takes out a few frozen dinner boxes and puts them in his cart. SpongeBob and Patrick slide off the door. SpongeBob slides over to the shopping cart, takes one of the boxes, and looks at it.]
  • SpongeBob: Can you imagine if they had frozen Krabby Patties at the supermarket? Oh, that would be so convenient, everyone in the world could enjoy them.
  • [Mr. Krabs' nose ignites like a dynamite and his eyes pops into confetti, which resulted in giving him an idea.]
  • Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, that's a million dollar idea that I just had that you just said before me.
  • [The scene changes to the Krusty Krab being recorded for a commercial. Mr. Krabs is at the front doors where he is in between two tables. One table had a plate of Krabby Patties and the other had a box labled: Frozen Krabby Patties. During the commercial, SpongeBob peeks through the window.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Hello, welcome to my commercial. Would you like the convenience of a Krabby Patty at home, without the hassle of going to the Krusty Krab? Well, now you can. [takes a patty] Have delicious Krabby Patties any time you want. [stuffs patty in the box] They're in your grocer's freezer section. Buy them. I want your money! Did you get that, Pearly-girl?
  • Pearl: Yes, Daddy, and stop babying me!
  • [Pearl turns off the camera. The video is shown to a local business executive named Don Grouper. The TV turns off and the picture of Don closes.]
  • Mr. Krabs: So, Mr. Grouper, what do you think?
  • Don Grouper: Call me Don.
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, well, okay, Don. Will this make me rich?
  • [Don thinks for a few seconds. As some sort of Easter egg, his thinking face is the same as his picture.]
  • Don Grouper: Mr. Krabs, if you wanna sell zero Krabby Patties and wind up in the poor house, then I say go with your commercial.
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh.
  • Don Grouper: But if you really want to be rich, keep your mouth shut, and listen to us, sir. [tooth sparkle]
  • Mr. Krabs: Ooh. Okay.
  • [Don pushes the button on the remote, opens the floor and reveals four more executives.]
  • Don Grouper: Let me introduce you to the team here at GGK. That's Barry Goby, Rob Koi, and Limia with her team from creative. Everyone, this is Mr. Krabs and a yellow box.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, uh, actually, my name is Spon-
  • Don Grouper: Let's say we give a look-see at what we've cooked up for you.
  • [Don pushes the button on the remote, which shuts the blinds on the windows and turns on a hologram of a Krabby Patty.]
  • Don Grouper: The Krabby Patty, a mainstay of dining in Bikini Bottom for a very long time, [SpongeBob tries to touch the hologram, but Mr. Krabs stops him.] like an old friend, but not too old, because research shows us old is gross.
  • Limia: Yes, oh, it's absolutely...
  • Barry Goby: Oh, of course...
  • Rob Koi: Just gross.
  • Barry Goby: Yeah, no, it's disgusting.
  • Old Executive: Well, I don't think old is gross.
  • [Don pushes the button on the remote and opens a trapdoor for the old executive to fall through. The old executive is replaced by a baby executive. The baby spits out its pacifier, takes out her phone and texts it.]
  • Baby Executive: Goo-goo, social networking, ah, ah!
  • Don Grouper: Exactly. Now, here are some of the slogans we've been kicking around.
  • [Don pushes the button on the remote and shows Martin walking with a Krabby Patty.]
  • Don Grouper: "Krabby Patties: Like a friend, but edible." [shows another one with a delivery man] "Krabby Patties: The shut-in's favorite patty." [shows another with two Krabby Patties on a cliff] And finally, "Krabby Patties: Shove 'em in your mouth-hole!" [mouth-hole burps]
  • SpongeBob: Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, I have a slogan!
  • [The executives stare at SpongeBob.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, uh, "Krabby Patties: Taste so nice that they... taste nice."
  • [Don is silent. The other executives nod their heads in disagreement. The baby executive blows a raspberry.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Let's just leave it to the professionals, boy-o.
  • Don Grouper: The thing is, Frozen Krabby Patties are a convenience for everyone, and we need a campaign that says exactly that. We need a regular guy to represent all consumers.
  • SpongeBob: Me!
  • Don Grouper: Someone everyone can relate to...
  • SpongeBob: Oh, me, me!
  • Don Grouper: With a face that says, "I love Krabby Patties."
  • [As Don thinks, SpongeBob winks his eyes. One eye has the letter I on it. The other has a heart on it. SpongeBob then reveals a Krabby Patty on his tongue.]
  • Don Grouper: We find that face, and we have our campaign.
  • Mr. Krabs: And I've got the perfect guy for the job.
  • [SpongeBob happily grins. Then a frozen Krabby Patty box is shown being put in the microwave by Patrick. Patrick is sitting on a recliner chair, opens the microwave, takes out the Krabby Patty from the box, and eats it.]
  • Patrick: Krabby Patties: They taste so nice, that they taste nice.
  • [The filmmaker claps the clapperboard and the scene is finished. Patrick gets of the chair.]
  • SpongeBob: Hey, that was my slogan.
  • [Don walks over to SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs with Patrick.]
  • Don Grouper: Great stuff, huh? This guy is gonna be a star!
  • Patrick: I'm already a star.
  • Don Grouper: That's the attitude.
  • Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob, now that I'm finished doing whatever it is I'm doing, you wanna go play?
  • SpongeBob: [gasps]
  • Limia: Sorry, yellow box, Patrick has to make a personal appearance at the mall.
  • SpongeBob: I—oh...
  • [SpongeBob sadly walks away.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Don, will this commercial really help me make money?
  • Don Grouper: You need to call your bank, Krabs, because they are gonna have to build an extra vault to hold all the extra money.
  • [Mr. Krabs faints into Don's arms.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [in Southern accent] Ooh, I do declare, Mr. Grouper, I believe I have a case of the vapors.
  • Don Grouper: I told you, call me Don. [tooth sparkle]
  • Mr. Krabs: Don.
  • Don Grouper: Of course, you could double, maybe even triple or quadruple that money, if you... No, forget it.
  • Mr. Krabs: What? Forget what? What? What?! What are you saying?
  • Don Grouper: Well, we ran some numbers and realized that you could make a lot more money if you... changed the formula.
  • Mr. Krabs: How much "a lot more"?
  • Don Grouper: A lot "a lot more."
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, then let's fill her up with filler!
  • [SpongeBob walks back in, having heard what Don just said.]
  • SpongeBob: [shocked] Mr. Krabs, are you changing the secret Krabby Patty formula?
  • Mr. Krabs: Heh, no, I-I can— well, it's just a little tweak, me boy.
  • SpongeBob: But what is "filler"?
  • Don Grouper: [walks over to SpongeBob and squishes his head to avoid more questions.] Whoa, hey, this little yellow box sure is full of questions. What do you say we go see where the money's made?
  • Mr. Krabs: Ho-ho, that sounds great!
  • [The scene changes to the Krusty Krab with a large factory built behind it. Don is driving a cart while SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs ride in it.]
  • Don Grouper: Take a look around. It's your dream come true. Through the wonders of automation, this factory can make as many Krabby Patties in one minute as you used to make in a week. Take a whiff of the future, Krabs. Does it smell like money?
  • Mr. Krabs: [sniffs] Oh, yeah.
  • [During the tour, one of the workers ended up on the conveyor belt and is burned and frozen in the process.]
  • SpongeBob: Hey, why does that barrel say "sand"?
  • [SpongeBob point to a filler where workers are suspiciously filling it with sand.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, it's imported. It's spelled "sand" but it's pronounced, "filler."
  • Don Grouper: Hey, let's check in on our taste test area.
  • [Don drives to cart towards the test lab in a fast motion. He stops and SpongeBob flies into the window of the lab. SpongeBob slides off the window. Mr. Krabs and Don looks into the window where a taste test of the frozen Krabby Patty is being performed.]
  • Fish Guy: Hmm. This tastes kind of bad.
  • Limia: [holds up a dinner box with Patrick on it.] Would you buy it, though?
  • Fish Guy: Well, yeah, for the convenience... and the face of that stupid guy [chuckles] Though I have noticed a bit of a side effect. Hmm-hmm.
  • [The fish guy points to his behind as it appears to have gotten bigger. Limia calls for security and the guards carry the fish guy out,]
  • Limia: [laugh] He loves it.
  • [Two executives drive up, one of which resembles the vacation salesman from That's No Lady.]
  • Executive: Great news, Krabs. Sales are going all the way up to the surface of the ocean. Here's your first check.
  • [The executive gives Mr. Krabs a check. His check revealed to be 100 million dollars.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Huh?
  • [Mr. Krabs opens the check further and reveals more zeroes at the end, meaning he has made a lot of money. He gasps and looks at the back and sees even more zeroes. His pupils scream. Mr. Krabs faints in Don's arms again.]
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs?
  • Mr. Krabs: I'm rich, boy-o, rich!
  • SpongeBob: Great, can we go back to the Krusty Krab now?
  • Mr. Krabs: Yes, yes, we can.
  • SpongeBob: Hooray, finally!
  • [The scene changes to the Krusty Krab with a Patrick robot on the roof. SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs enter the restaurant as workers are building inside. SpongeBob runs into the kitchen, takes out his spatula and prepares to make Krabby Patties. Mr. Krabs enters the kitchen.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Whatcha doing, boy?
  • SpongeBob: Making Krabby Patties.
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, no, you've made your last Krabby Patty.
  • [Nat comes in and brings a robotic SpongeBob.]
  • SpongeBob: You mean my last one for the morning rush?
  • Mr. Krabs: No, ever.
  • [Nat moves SpongeBob away from his position with a forklift.]
  • SpongeBob: You mean my last one for today-ever?
  • Mr. Krabs: No, I mean forever and ever. You're fired.
  • SpongeBob: [confused] Fired?
  • [Nat takes the spatula.]
  • Mr. Krabs: But I'm ready to re-hire you.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, please, re-hire me Mr. Krabs. I'll do anything.
  • Mr. Krabs: Then follow me.
  • [Mr. Krabs leads SpongeBob out of the kitchen. The robotic SpongeBob looks at SpongeBob with red eyes as he leaves. He shows animatronic robots of Patrick, Squidward, and various customers in the restaurant. The Krusty Krab has somehow turned into a museum under Don Grouper's orders.]
  • Robot Patrick: This tastes nice.
  • [A robotic Plankton is at the safe and is hammered by a robot Mr. Krabs.]
  • Robot Plankton: Ow, curses, foiled again, ow.
  • SpongeBob: You turned the Krusty Krab into some kind of museum?
  • Mr. Krabs: That's right, me boy. It's all history now, but you, you have the most important job of all. [carries SpongeBob to the gift shop.] You give tours and sell tchotchkes in the gift shop.
  • SpongeBob: Yeah, but what if someone wants a Krabby Patty?
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, we've got plenty of Krabby Patties right here in the freezer.
  • [Mr. Krabs takes out a frozen Krabby Patty, puts it in the microwave, and heats it up.]
  • Patrick Microwave: Ding.
  • [Mr. Krabs takes out the heated up Krabby Patty.]
  • Mr. Krabs: You see? Customers at the museum can cook the patties themselves, like this.
  • [Mr. Krabs eats the Krabby Patty. However, he does not appear to be enjoying it because of the taste.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Yeah, it's so convenient, see? [chuckles]
  • [Squidward walks in.]
  • Squidward: And what about me?
  • [Mr. Krabs swallows the patty and puts it in his pocket.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Don't worry, Squidward. You're fired.
  • Squidward: Well, do I get re-hired for a new job at the museum too?
  • Mr. Krabs: Heh! No, you're just fired.
  • Squidward: What? No, you don't fire me—I quit! I got my resignation letter all prepared. [reads resignation letter] "Dear Mr. Krabs—"
  • Mr. Krabs: Do you have a ticket, sir? Can't be in a museum without a ticket.
  • Squidward: What the—what?! [continues reading as he is being carried out by a delivery man] "I-I-I tender my resignation from this greasy establishment. Too long have I toiled under your iron claw. Now I am free—free to live my dreams of being a ballet dancer, ha-ha, and the first chair clarinet in the Bikini Bottom Orchestra, ha-ha, and I am going to finally publish my mystery/thriller novel: 'Dial D for Doily!"
  • [Mr. Krabs places a Krabby Patty shaped hat on SpongeBob's head and opens the front door to let customers in.]
  • SpongeBob: Ahem, [reads card] "hello, and welcome to the Krusty Krab Museum, the original home of the Krabby Patty, now available in the frozen food section of your local supermarket."
  • [The robotic Squidward behind SpongeBob explodes.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, and don't forget to buy souvenirs at the gift shop.
  • Mr. Krabs: Atta boy, embrace the future!
  • [Mr. Krabs leaves. The robotic Squidward's head lands on the floor. As time passes by, customers with larger butts continue to by Frozen Krabby Patties. Mr. Krabs goes to the bank and gives the bank loaner a check. The loaner gives Mr. Krabs a huge sack of money, which resulted in Mr. Krabs fainting. The loaner pushes the bag off of the counter. Patrick is at the Barg'N-Mart signing autographs to his fans. SpongeBob attempts to get Patrick's attention. But due to the popularity, he is being ignored as Patrick is busy signing autographs to his fans. Mr. Krabs is in his swimsuit and goes into a pool of money. He swims all around the pool. Then he pulls down a lever and money pours down on him. The scene then changes to a local hotel where it is built at the spot where Patrick's house used to be. SpongeBob goes into the hotel.]
  • Elevator Operator: Going up?
  • [SpongeBob goes into the elevator.]
  • SpongeBob: I'm going to a party—a party to celebrate my friend's upcoming 400th commercial.
  • Elevator Operator: Uh-huh.
  • SpongeBob: I brought ice cream. Me and my best friend are gonna share the ice cream. Who knows? Maybe we'll even get a chance to share pants. [laughs] Again.
  • Elevator Operator: [grossed out] You should get out. Now.
  • [SpongeBob leaves the elevator and goes into a room filled with rich people at Patrick's party.]
  • SpongeBob: Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, pardon me, excuse me.
  • Colonel Sandab: Uh, Patrick, did you order something through the mail? 'Cause a yellow box just arrived for you.
  • Patrick: SpongeBob!
  • SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick.
  • Patrick: Oh, I'm sure glad you made it to my party.
  • Colonel Sandab: Uh, excuse me, yellow box, are you feeling a little overheated? Because I do—I say, I do believe that you are melting. [laughs]
  • [The snotty rich people laugh at SpongeBob as the ice cream melts.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, yeah, I guess I should get this in a freezer. Patrick, where's the kitchen?
  • Patrick: Oh, I don't know.
  • Limia: It's just past the solid gold gym. Take a right at the zoo.
  • SpongeBob: I'll come with you, SpongeBob.
  • Limia: He can find the kitchen by himself. The press needs some photos of you with your new mascot friends.
  • SpongeBob: [sadly] Aww.
  • Patrick: [sadly] Aww.
  • [SpongeBob sulks to the kitchen freezer and opens it. In it is a huge stack of HOGAN DUEP ice cream. A yodel is heard in the background. SpongeBob looks sadly at the freezer. He didn't bother to put the ice cream he brought to the party in the freezer, so he places it on the countertop. He sulks away as Patrick is getting photos from the press.]
  • Press: This way, Mr. Star! Hey, Patrick, over here! Over here, right here! Who are you wearing?
  • French Narrator: The next day...
  • [The scene changes to SpongeBob sulking at the front door of the Krusty Krab Museum. He sighs and puts on the Krabby Patty hat. He walks into the former restaurant and trips over Squidward's foot.]
  • SpongeBob: Whoa, oof!
  • Squidward: Ow.
  • SpongeBob: [his body is face-down but his face come out and sees Squidward] Squidward? What are you doing here? I thought you were off following your dreams.
  • Squidward: I was. They turned out to be nightmares. Apparently, you need more than 17 years behind a cash register to be qualified for dreams. [holds out paper that reveals that Squidward has been a cashier for exactly 17 years.] I never thought I would say this, but I'm begging you, SpongeBob, let me come back and work at the Krusty Krab Museum.
  • SpongeBob: I guess you could help out the animatronic Squidward. There's something about him that seems a little off.
  • Robot Squidward: I love my job. Thanks for coming!
  • Squidward: Totally out of character.
  • [Squidward takes the Krusty Krab hat, pushes the robotic Squidward out of the register boat, and takes over.]
  • Squidward: [mechanical-esque] I hate everyone. [regular] Huh, much better.
  • French Narrator: Later...
  • [The scene changes to the filmmakers at the Krusty Krab Museum setting up for a commercial.]
  • Patrick: [reads script] "Tastes so nice that they—"
  • Squidward: They taste like lice!
  • Patrick: Oh, now I gotta start over! Ooh, someone fix that broken robot.
  • Squidward: Huh?
  • [Nat grabs Squidward and flips him over. Then he takes out a drill and proceeds to painfully drill Squidward in the behind.]
  • Squidward: What are you doing with this—ow!
  • Patrick: [reads script] "Tastes so nice that they taste nice."
  • SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, rehearsing your big 400th commercial, huh?
  • Limia: Excuse me, yellow box, Mr. Star is not to be disturbed. He's very, very busy right now.
  • SpongeBob: Yeah, sure. I get it.
  • [SpongeBob sulks away.]
  • Patrick: But he's my friend.
  • Limia: You're a star. You have no friends.
  • [Limia walks away and Don comes to check on Patrick.]
  • Patrick: [sighs] What am I doing again?
  • Don Grouper: Stand over here and say your line. And...action.
  • [Don gives Patrick a Krabby Patty before he leaves for the filming to begin. Patrick is standing next to a table of Frozen Krabby Patties with the number 400 sign. Patrick eats the patty but doesn't appeared to be thrilled with it.]
  • Patrick: Tastes so nice, it... uh... [Patrick throws down the Krabby Patty and starts looking and acting depressed.] blah, blah, blahblahbli-blah...
  • [Patrick becomes depressed as the 400 sign lights up. Confetti is then released.]
  • Don Grouper: And..cut! Alright, you guys can fix that in post. Okay? that's a wrap. Let's pack it up.
  • [Limia walks up with a contract for Patrick to sign.]
  • Limia: Okay, and here. And here. Okay, and then sign here. And again here.
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, there's something weird about these Frozen Krabby Patties.
  • [SpongeBob notices a filmmaker eating one of the Frozen Krabby Patty. After he eats it, he goes to remove the headlight and his behind becomes larger.]
  • Filmmaker 2: Looks like you've been hitting the patties pretty hard there.
  • Filmmaker 1: Speak for yourself.
  • [The other filmmaker's behind is larger than the other.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, nothing's been the same since those frozen patties came out. [continues as filmmaker is carrying SpongeBob] I miss the old Krusty Krab. I miss Patrick—oof!
  • [The filmmaker places SpongeBob in a box that comically contains yellow boxes.]
  • Limia: Come on, Mr. Star. You've got an 11:00 eyeball waxing.
  • Patrick: [sighs] See you later, SpongeBob.
  • [Patrick sulks away.]
  • SpongeBob: [sadly] Aww.
  • [Patrick and Limia walk up to a limo where they are driven away, while a bicyclist follows them with a sign that says "Eat Frozen Krabby Patties." Meanwhile, Plankton sneaks by, hoping that he will finally get the secret formula.]
  • Plankton: Finally, now is my chance to strike.
  • [Plankton runs into the museum.]
  • SpongeBob: Welcome to the original Krusty—
  • [Plankton runs up to the safe where the robotic Plankton and Mr. Krabs are being operated.]
  • Robot Plankton: Curses, foiled again. Curses, foiled again.
  • Plankton: Pfft, never happened.
  • [Plankton jumps into the safe, grabs the formula, and kicks the robotic Plankton.]
  • Plankton: Now to make my escape.
  • [Plankton make his escape as he laughs. Ironically, robotic Mr. Krabs's hammer does not hit Plankton. However, he stops to notice that SpongeBob is not in the mood for chasing him.]
  • Plankton: Aren't you gonna try and stop me?
  • SpongeBob: That'll be $1.99, please.
  • Plankton: What do you mean, $1.99? You're not gonna step on me? I've got the secret formula, you know.
  • SpongeBob: Anyone can have a secret formula. We sell them in the gift shop.
  • [SpongeBob takes one of the bottles and pulls out a blank paper.]
  • SpongeBob: See? They're all just fakes. [rips up the paper] Everything here is a fake!
  • Plankton: Eh, forget it. What's the world coming to? [smashes bottle] All right, just give me one Frozen Krabby Patty to go.
  • Patrick Microwave: Ding.
  • [SpongeBob takes the patty out of the microwave and gives it to Plankton.]
  • Plankton: [laughs] Yes, you fools!
  • [Plankton runs off.]
  • Squidward: Shouldn't we chase after him? He didn't pay.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, what's the point? These Frozen Krabby Patties have ruined my life, Squidward. And it was all my idea. Who am I to fight the future?
  • [SpongeBob takes a bite of the Frozen Krabby Patty and doesn't like the taste of it. Then suddenly, without warning, he throws up sand and it forms into a sandcastle. SpongeBob then coughs up a toy shovel.]
  • SpongeBob: Sand?! It tastes like sand! Not good sand, either.
  • Squidward: Of course it does. What do you think Krabs uses as filler?
  • SpongeBob: Krabby Patties aren't made with sand! They're made with love.
  • [SpongeBob runs to the kitchen, retrieves his spatula, and kicks away the robot SpongeBob. He opens his body and takes out the real Krabby Patty formula. He opens the bottle, takes out the formula and reads it. His eyes glimmer with happiness.]
  • SpongeBob: Mm! I am going to show the world what a fresh, [puts Krusty Krab hat on] not frozen Krabby Patty tastes like, and the first one is for my best friend, Patrick.
  • [SpongeBob cooks the patty on the grill. As he cooks, depressed citizens with large butts smell the scent of the Krabby Patty being handmade by SpongeBob. Meanwhile, Patrick is getting interviews from the press with Don and Limia.]
  • Press: Over here. Right here, Patrick. Right here, right here. One, more, Patrick.
  • Agent: Patrick, baby, sweetheart, have you thought about that feature film I pitched youse?
  • [Patrick sadly looks at the picture of himself with SpongeBob until a camera man flashes in Patrick's eyes. Patrick is finally fed up with his popularity.]
  • Patrick: That's it. I can't take it anymore. Everybody out!
  • [Don, Limia, and the press leaves Patrick's hotel.]
  • Patrick: I wish things could go back to the way they were. Mm... [rubs his picture with his hand] I just wanna be able to share one pair of pants with my best friend without it being in the papers.
  • [Meanwhile, SpongeBob has finished his handmade Krabby Patty.]
  • SpongeBob: Freshly grilled Krabby Patty, you and I are going to save the world. And save a friendship.
  • [Patrick sulks at the balcony when he sees SpongeBob running up to him.]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick!
  • Patrick: SpongeBob! [Patrick leaves the hotel and runs to SpongeBob.]
  • SpongeBob: [through a bullhorn] Patrick, the frozen patties are made with sand!
  • Patrick: SpongeBob, what?
  • SpongeBob: [through a cellphone] Patrick, the Frozen Krabby Patties are made with sand!
  • Patrick: [through a telephone] I thought they tasted familiar!
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick crash into each other.]
  • Patrick: SpongeBob?
  • [SpongeBob pulls himself off of Patrick and lands with a big hole in his face. He regenerates his face.]
  • SpongeBob: Missed you.
  • Patrick: I missed you too.
  • SpongeBob: [takes out the Krabby Patty he made himself] I got something for you, from one friend to another.
  • Patrick: No, no, I don't wanna eat another one of those things!
  • [SpongeBob stuffs his handmade Krabby Patty into Patrick's mouth. As he eats it, he begins to feel a sense of happiness. He flies around the air with joy.]
  • Patrick: Mm! Now that's a real Krabby Patty! Oh, as delicious as our real friendship.
  • SpongeBob: Now that we've saved our friendship, we have to save the reputation of the Krabby Patty.
  • Patrick: But I have to speak at a shareholders meeting tonight. How am I gonna say nice things about frozen patties now that I know they're filled with sand? [kicks sand in SpongeBob's face]
  • [SpongeBob wipes the sand off his face.]
  • SpongeBob: Well, Patrick, you're just gonna have to listen to your heart... and your stomach.
  • [The scene changes to the shareholder meeting. Don and Mr. Krabs are on stage speaking to the audience.]
  • Don Grouper: Thank you, everyone, for coming to this gala event celebrating the meteoric success of Frozen Krabby Patties. In honor of this momentous occasion, we are going to premiere our 400th commercial.
  • Mr. Krabs: And here to say a few words is the face of the Frozen Krabby Patty, our own Patrick Star. Come on up, Patrick!
  • [The audience cheers and Patrick walks up to the speaker.]
  • Patrick: Good evening, ladies and... the other ones. I know you're all excited to see the 400th commercial, but before we see it, I just want to say...
  • [Patrick looks at SpongeBob, who gives him a thumbs up. Then he turns to the audience.]
  • Patrick: That...[looks at Don and Mr. Krabs] that...Frozen Krabby Patties are...
  • SpongeBob: Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
  • Patrick: ...Made with sand!
  • [The audience gasps in shock.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [shocked] Oh, no!
  • [Mr. Krabs faints in Don's arms again.]
  • Don Grouper: That was cute when you were rich. [drops Mr. Krabs] I'm out of here.
  • [Don leaves the stage as the audience vomit out sand. In doing so, their butts shrink down to their normal size. The scene changes to a graph of the Frozen Krabby Patty sales going down.]
  • Perch Perkins: And in shocking news today, it has been revealed that Frozen Krabby Patties are made with sand.
  • [As everyone is watching the news, various people vomit out sand and their butts shrink back to normal. One of which vomits out palm trees. Another vomits out patty-shaped sand. Another vomits out sand shaped like a rectangular box. Another vomits sand through his eye sockets. Another vomits out sand with a snail in it. Then their butts begins to shrivel up afterwards. Not wanting to take this anymore, the customers decided once and for all to throw away all of the frozen patties they bought. Mr. Krabs is seen near a trashcan, depressed. The Krusty Factory is being closed down and pushed away by construction workers.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, it's gone. Everything I spent me life building is all gone. I'm ruined. [sobs] What?
  • [Mr. Krabs peeks into the Krusty Krab and sees customers eating the handmade Krabby Patties and are enjoying them.]
  • Harold: Now that's the taste I remember.
  • Mr. Krabs: That's strange.
  • [Mr. Krabs walks into the restaurant and sees all of the automatic robots being thrown out.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward, what is going on in here?
  • Squidward: Uh, [mechanical-esque] I am Animatronic Squidward. I cannot answer questions.
  • Mr. Krabs: Squidward!
  • Squidward: [regular] It was SpongeBob's idea. Him and Patrick are behind this. They forced me to help.
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick are in the kitchen making Krabby Patties, sharing the same pants they wore in the beginning. Mr. Krabs walks in.]
  • Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, did you do all this?
  • SpongeBob: Absolutely! Well, Patrick helped.
  • Patrick: A friend always helps. It's called "frelping," and I was very frelpful.
  • Mr. Krabs: But how did you get these customers to eat Krabby Patties? They know they're filled with sand.
  • SpongeBob: The frozen ones are, but these are made fresh.
  • Mr. Krabs: [gasps] Fresh?
  • SpongeBob: Go on, have a bite.
  • Mr. Krabs: No, no I—
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, just a nibble.
  • [SpongeBob spreads the patty on Mr. Krabs' face. Mr. Krabs takes a taste of the juice.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Here!
  • [Mr. Krabs nibbles on the fresh patty.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Ooh, hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo, ooh, the flavor. [rubs his face] The sweet, greasy nectar of the gods. How much are you charging for these patties, boy-o?
  • SpongeBob: Nothing, we're not selling them.
  • Patrick: Yeah, we just give them away.
  • Mr. Krabs: [freaks out] Agh, SpongeBob, me boy, you've done a good thing here, lad, but you could use a little frelp, I think. [jumps into the pants] How about we partner up, and I become your boss and pay you minimum wage while I work you mercilessly? What do you say?
  • SpongeBob: Yeah! The Krusty Krab is back in business!
  • Mr. Krabs: Great, now get back to work! [laughs]

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