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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Goo Goo Gas" from season five, which aired on July 19, 2009.
  • [It is a normal day at the Krusty Krab. Or so everyone thinks. Plankton is disguised as a peppershaker. He steals a Krabby Patty from a customer.]
  • Plankton: Ha! [runs out of the Krusty Krab. However, Mr. Krabs picks him up from behind]
  • Mr. Krabs: Hold it right there, Plankton.
  • Plankton: Krabs!
  • Mr. Krabs: I'll take that. [Gets the Krabby Patty from him]
  • Plankton: How'd you know it was me?
  • Mr. Krabs: Next time, wear a disguise without your initial on it.
  • Plankton: Hmmm... perhaps a peppershaker was a bit obvious.
  • Mr. Krabs: You think? SpongeBob! [SpongeBob runs onto the scene]
  • SpongeBob: Wooo-ooo! [Krabs puts Plankton in his mouth]
  • Announcer: [off-screen] 3, 2, 1…, launch! [SpongeBob launches Plankton out of his hat and through the Chum Bucket roof]
  • Plankton: AAHH!
  • [Cut to the park. Plankton is on a bench]
  • Plankton: Never! Never! I'll never get Krabs' formula! Mr. Krabs is too powerful. If only there were a way to render him helpless!
  • Sadie: [with her baby] Oh, look at you, you're so small, tiny and helpless.
  • Plankton: Hey, I resent that! Huh?
  • Sadie: [she takes the bottle from her baby] Why, you're so tiny and helpless, I could take your formula whenever I wanted to and you couldn't do a thing about it. [the baby starts crying, Sadie puts the bottle back into her baby's mouth and moves on]
  • Plankton: Something about that woman reminds me of my mother. That's it! Finally, victory will be mine! I'll turn Eugene Krabs into a powerless… baby.
  • [Cut to Mr. Krabs walking up to his restaurant]
  • Mr. Krabs: [A penny catches his eye] Ooh, a penny. [He sees a trail of pennies] A trail of pennies! [They lead him into a phone booth outside. We see some green gas appear around Krabs.]
  • Plankton: I've done it! Nothing can stop me now! My goo goo gas will transform Krabs into a tiny helpless infant! [He opens the phone booth, and grabs the key.] The key to the Krusty Krab. This is easier than I hoped. [Looks at baby Krabs] He's a little bigger than I imagined. [baby Krabs takes the key and swings it up and down, then puts Plankton into his mouth and starts biting him] Whoa! No, no! Ow, ow, ow! Oof! Whoa! [baby Krabs then sucks on Plankton, and releases him. He runs for the front doors of the Krusty Krab, with Krabs following behind him, but he can't reach.]
  • SpongeBob: Hey, a baby! What are you doing out here all alone, baby? I'll take charge of you until your mommy shows up! [baby Krabs giggles] Oh, aren't you just too cute. [tickles baby Krabs] Coochie coochie coo! [they both laugh]
  • Plankton: Hello! If you're done making a total fool out of yourself, I could use some help with this lock.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, sure thing, Plankton. [places baby Krabs on top of him] Here you go, little guy. [places the key inside the door]
  • Plankton: Yes, my plan is working perfectly! Now that I've turned Krabs into a helpless baby, the Krabby Patty formula will be mine! [laughs, then notices SpongeBob staring at him] Hello.
  • SpongeBob: [looking at Plankton after hearing what he just said] Police! Police!
  • Plankton: [getting arrested] Fools, you'll never hold me! Your primitive shackles are no match for my genius. [the cuffs are too wide, and he easily escapes, dropping to the ground before running away, with the police on pursuit] That was easy. I'm free! Free!
  • [Squidward walks up to the Krusty Krab, looking glum as always]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward. Thank Neptune you're here. I found this baby all alone. But he wasn't really alone, he was with Plankton! And he's not a baby! [SpongeBob shows Squidward baby Krabs] It's Mr. Krabs! Plankton turned him into an infant so he could steal the Krabby Patty formula! [baby Krabs burps in Squidward's face] What do we do, Squidward?
  • Squidward: I don't know about you, but I'm going on my coffee break. A very long coffee break. [walks away]
  • Plankton: [back at the Chum Bucket, talking to Karen] …and then that blasted sponge called the cops! That's just not cricket. [pouts] Now I'll never be a tyrannical overlord.
  • Karen: Do I have to tell you how to do everything? Next time, spray SpongeBob, too.
  • Plankton: Not sure I follow you.
  • Karen: Listen carefully. Spray...
  • Plankton: Yes.
  • Karen: ...Sponge....
  • Plankton: Uh-huh.
  • Karen: ....Bob.....
  • Plankton: Right.
  • Karen: ....Too!
  • Plankton: Now you're just talking gibberish. What I really need is to spray Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob.
  • Karen: That's just what I…
  • Plankton: I don't wanna hear anymore of your loony schemes, Karen. I've got work to do!
  • [Back at the Krusty Krab, baby Krabs starts to cry.]
  • SpongeBob: Aw, what's wrong, Mr. Baby Krabs? Are you thirsty? [gives him some milk and he stops crying] That's it, drink up! [baby Krabs spit out the and he continues to cry] Okay, maybe you're hungry? How about a nice soft Krabby Patty? [baby Krabs slaps it away and continues to cry] Yikes. Not even a Krabby Patty helps. [reaches into his pocket]How about a stack of 20s? [shows a stack of $20 bills; Krabs takes it and chews on it]
  • Plankton: Hands in the air!
  • SpongeBob: Plankton!
  • Plankton: [pops up at the scene, with a gas tank behind his back] That's right, SpongeBob, I'm back! And you won't stop me this time. [starts to spray. Mr. Krabs turns back into an adult, wearing a diaper, and SpongeBob turns into a baby] What? SpongeBob's a baby, but Krabs is back to normal? [sprays again. Mr. Krabs returns to his baby form as SpongeBob returns to normal, but is still wearing a rectangular diaper and is barefoot] It seems the second dose acts as an antidote! [sprays only SpongeBob, and he is turned back into a baby again] One squirt equals baby, two squirts equals adult! [sprays both of them once, and they come back to normal. They're still wearing their diapers] Or is it three squirts for baby and four squirts for adult? [tries to spray them, but nothing comes out] Barnacles, I've run out of gas!
  • Mr. Krabs: Ahem!
  • Plankton: Krabs! Nice diaper. [Mr. Krabs is about to throw him] Hold on, hold on! I think I... [throws him like a slingshot pellet; cut to Plankton flying in the air] Yes, I've got it!
  • Mr. Krabs: [checking the mailbox] Better be something other than bills this time. [Plankton comes out] Plankton!
  • Plankton: Peek-a-boo!
  • Mr. Krabs: [running back in the Krusty Krab] I can't tolerate your stinky gas!
  • Dennis: [farts]
  • Miss Shell: That makes two of us.
  • Dennis: I don't do it on purpose!
  • Mr. Krabs: You'll never catch me, Plankton! Never! Ooh…a nother penny! Come to papa! Now, what were we doing?
  • Plankton: This! [sprays him] What's the matter, baby? Are you gonna cry? [Mr. Krabs has turned into a senior citizen] What the heck happened to you? This isn't baby gas! It's senior citizen spray!
  • Mr. Krabs: Eh? What was that, sonny?
  • Plankton: Out of my way, Methuselah! You're old and useless. [SpongeBob comes out of nowhere]
  • SpongeBob: Hold it right there! Old people are out greatest natural resource! I salute you, elder citizenry!
  • Plankton: I'm getting old listening to this. Let's try this again! [sprays the gas on SpongeBob, turning him into a senior citizen]
  • SpongeBob: I remember when a quarter used to cost a nickel.
  • Plankton: This baby gas is worthless! [throws the spray fan away] At least you're way too old to stop me from stealing a Krabby Patty!
  • SpongeBob: What was that, sonny?
  • Plankton: It'll take more time to explain than you have left. [walks away; runs back out with a Krabby Patty]
  • SpongeBob: What?
  • Mr. Krabs: [sniffs]He's got the Krabby Patty! Catch him!
  • SpongeBob: Catch who?
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, Gesundheit.
  • Plankton: Victory is mine! [the bottom of the walkers cause Plankton to jump]
  • SpongeBob: Come back here, you little whippersnapper!
  • Mr. Krabs: You kids get off my lawn! I'll catch up with you, boy!
  • SpongeBob: I'm catching up with my knitting.
  • Mr. Krabs: [hatches an idea] That's it! Knit, little nitwit!
  • Plankton: That was almost too easy. [Plankton is caught in a net] What? No! I demand you geezers release me!
  • Mr. Krabs: Right after the party. The piñata party. [A group of senior citizens show up]
  • Plankton: What?
  • Senior Citizens: [beating Plankton with their canes and walkers] That's for calling us old.
  • Plankton: Hey, quit it!
  • Senior Citizens: I want candy!
  • Plankton: No!
  • [Cut to the Chum Bucket, with Plankton in his lab, writing something on a chalk board.]
  • Plankton: One squirt equals baby, carry over the two plus the square root of SpongeBob. Of course! The final ingredient that I've been lacking! It's so simple yet so evil! And I know just the place to get it.
  • [Cut to Barg'n Mart]
  • Plankton: Excuse me, what aisle did you get that from?
  • Shubie: You mean the Kelp-O?
  • Plankton: No, that thing! The ugly drippy smelly thing.
  • Shubie: Are you talking about my baby? creep! [Chases Plankton with her cart. She ends up squashing him by running him over.]
  • Plankton: Ow, ow, ow! [moans] Baby powder? This could be just what I need! Hey, buddy, is this made of real or artificial babies? [Shubie squishes Plankton again with her cart.] Ow, ow, ow, ow! [Cut to the Chum Bucket] That powdered baby did the trick! Now my baby gas can't possibly fail!
  • Karen: Just like all your other plans that "couldn't possibly fail"?
  • Plankton: What is it now, Karen?
  • Karen: I'm saying you should test your gas before you run over there all willy nilly!
  • Plankton: That's an excellent idea. And I know just the guinea pig! [Grabs the pack and points it at Karen]
  • Karen: [gasps] Plankton, don't you dare! [sprays her and a calculator falls to the ground]
  • Plankton: Karen! Speak to me! [the calculator types in "hello" as 07734 upside down] It worked!
  • [Cut to the Krusty Krab, where the old Mr. Krabs is drinking a soda]
  • Plankton: Everyone say your ABCs! [sprays two people, who start crying] Now when you turn into babies, [sprays two more people] you stay babies! Hey, Krabs, catch! [throws a gas bomb which turns Mr. Krabs into a baby, who starts crying. SpongeBob comes out of the kitchen]
  • SpongeBob: What's wrong, little feller? [A gas bomb was thrown at him and explodes, turning him into a baby. They both cry]
  • [Cut to an aerial view of the Krusty Krab where everyone is turning into babies. Patrick is seen turning into a baby. Squidward opens the bathroom door and sees what's going on, then walks away. A gas bomb explodes in the bathroom turning Squidward into a crying baby.]
  • Plankton: My moment of triumph! [slips on some drool] What the...? [SpongeBob, Krabs, and Squidward are drooling over Plankton] Oh, gross! I command you to stop drooling on me!
  • Baby Mr. Krabs: Goo!
  • Plankton: [he yelps. Baby Mr. Krabs grabs Plankton.] Put me down! [baby Mr. Krabs just shakes him playfully like a rattle] Ow! [shakes him again] Stop it! I'm an adult! [SpongeBob grabs him and starts sucking on him like a pacifier. Spits him out into Patrick's diaper. Patrick farts and Plankton runs away from him, screaming] Huh? I don't believe it! [Plankton sees Krabs sucking on the secret formula bottle] The Krabby Patty formula! He's teething on it! Give it here, you big stupid baby! [baby Krabs smashes Plankton with the bottle] Ow. [he squishes him four more times as Baby Thaddeus laughs. As baby Mr. Krabs crawls away, Plankton emerges, groaning in pain] I've got it! Just like taking candy from a baby! Get it, Krabs? I'm taking candy from you! [baby SpongeBob starts playing with the gas tank by repeatedly banging it against the ground] Hey! What are you doing? [the gas tank rises into the air like a rocket ship and releases gas everywhere, which sprays onto Plankton] Uh-oh. [he shrinks until he is no longer seen as he is in another dimension with amoebas floating around him] Ahem! [he covers himself] Mama's evil little genius needs a diaper!