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Encyclopedia SpongeBobia
(New page: (SpongeBob and Patrick are standing in front of the pineapple as the mailman comes walking by and puts a package into SpongeBob's mailbox) SpongeBob & Patrick: It's here! (takes out the p...)
 
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{{EpisodeTr/70a}}
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(SpongeBob and Patrick are standing in front of the pineapple as the mailman comes walking by and puts a package into SpongeBob's mailbox)
 
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|Curse this cursed, ghostly fog. I can barely see past me own nose. ''[gas is sprayed in his eyes then the ship is split in half after it runs into a cliff. The Flying Dutchman falls down the cliff and through a basketball hoop before hitting the ground. The ship falls onto of him into pieces then he crawls out]'' Me ship. ''[his ship turns into dust then gets out his cell phone]'' Hello, Roadside Assistance? I've got a bit of a flat! My location where I'll be staying? Business or residence? ''[sees SpongeBob go into his house]'' Residence. ''[SpongeBob is walking through his house as The Flying Dutchman comes up and scares him through the floor]'' Argh!}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|The Flying Dutchman! ''[melts into a puddle inside his pants]'' What are you doing in my house?}}
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SpongeBob & Patrick: It's here! (takes out the package and opens it)
 
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|I'm stuck here while my ship is being repaired. Until then, I'm here to haunt ya! ''[laughs maniacally. SpongeBob screams and runs to Squidward's house]''}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|Squidward! Squidward! ''[knocks on the door]'' Squidward! Help! ''[Squidward opens the door and SpongeBob continues to knock but on Squidward's face]''}}
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SpongeBob: Behold, Patrick! The official Goofy Goober Back Scratcher! And it only cost me 52 box-tops.
 
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{{L|Squidward|Ow. Ow. Ow. Ooh! Ee! Ow. Ee! Ooh!}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|Squidward, you have to help me! There's a gh-gh-gh, a ghost in my house!}}
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Patrick: Wow.
 
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{{L|Squidward|''[muffled and grabs SpongeBob's arm]'' SpongeBob, how many times do I have to tell you, I don't believe in ghosts, and I never liked you. ''[closes door]''}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! ''[Patrick opens up his rock]'' You gotta help me! The Flying Dutch... ''[Patrick closes his rock]'' ...man. ''[Gary meows loudly]'' Gary! ''[opens his door and gasps]'' Don't you dare hurt my little Gary!}}
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SpongeBob: (scratches his back with the item) Ooh. Mm-hmm. Oh... Oh! Whoo! Oh, yeah, that's it!
 
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|Aw, I just wanted to pet the little guy. There, there. Dutchie's not gonna hurt ya. I love me a good snail. ''[eats Gary. SpongeBob screams like a man and rips off the sides of his head]''}}
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{{L|Gary|Meow.}}
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Patrick: Let me try! (uses the item to scratch his back)
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|Gary!}}
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|Nothing better than giving a good scare! Argh! ''[laughs]''}}
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SpongeBob: Uh, Patrick, that's not the back scratcher. That's my arm.
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|It's okay, Gary. ''[fire surrounds the Flying Dutchman and SpongeBob]''}}
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|Don't get too comfortable! ''[cut to SpongeBob walking up to his house, which is set on fire. SpongeBob does not get scared. Cut to bedtime]''}}
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Patrick: Oh, sorry. (reattaches his arm)
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|Goodnight, Gary. ''[his nose starts to itch so a tentacle scratches it. SpongeBob pulls off his covers to reveal him as an octopus. He screams while the Flying Dutchman laughs. Cut to SpongeBob opening up the refrigerator to a monster popping out and scaring him. Both laugh. Cut to SpongeBob looking in the mirror when in the reflection only, a monster eats him. He sighs and walks off. Cut to him eating cereal, which are eyeballs. He sighs and walks off again]''}}
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|Hmm? ''[SpongeBob walks up and opens a drawer then sighs and takes out the skeleton in it. As he's walking out, a monster pops out from underneath the floor and tries to scare SpongeBob but it doesn't. The monster turns into other monsters, and even Sherlock Holmes, but still nothing is working]'' Hmm?}}
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SpongeBob: You know, we shouldn't keep this all to ourselves. We should let Squidward try it out.
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|Umm, Dutchie, is this gonna be much longer?}}
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|Why aren't you freakin' out, lad?}}
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Patrick: Yeah!
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|Well, you've been here a while, and, uhh, I've seen all your tricks.}}
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|What are you trying to say?}}
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SpongeBob: Onward... to Squidward's house.
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|Eh.}}
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|I know when I'm washed up. I've been doing the same material for years. Scaring is a young man's game. It's time to give up the ghost. No pun intended.}}
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Squidward: Go away!
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|Oh, no, no. I meant that I'm just used to it, that's all.}}
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|Don't lie to me.}}
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SpongeBob: To Sandy's house. (cut to Sandy's treedome) Hey, Sandy, you gotta see this. (bunch of inventions are torn up inside the treedome) Sandy? What's going on here? Sandy, are you ok? (Sandy shudders) What's wrong, Sandy?
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|You just gotta scare someone other than me.}}
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|Hmm... ''[scene cuts to Mattress Discount]''}}
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Sandy: They're coming. They're coming. The chimps are coming.
 
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{{L|Fish|Mind if I test it out? ''[hops onto the mattress]'' Yeah, this does feel comfortable. ''[doorbell rings]''}}
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{{L|Mattress Salesman|Would you excuse me for a moment? ''[fish on the mattress falls asleep as the Flying Dutchman tries to scare him. Nothing is working]''}}
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SpongeBob: Who?
 
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|Ah, forget it. ''[Mattress Salesman comes back]''}}
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{{L|Mattress Salesman|So, what do you think? ''[fish screams. Scene cuts to The Flying Dutchman trying to scare a little girl jumping rope. The jump rope hits him back]''}}
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Sandy: My bosses. They're coming for an inspection. I've worked day and night for a week, but none of my inventions are any good. If I don't have a real impressive invention by this afternoon, they'll cut my funding, and I'll have to leave Bikini Bottom.
 
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|It's official. I'm not scary anymore.}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|Just what kinda talk is that? You're just off your game, that's all.}}
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SpongeBob: Oh, come on, Sandy. I'll bet you invented lots of useful things. This helmet looks impressive. (puts on the helmet with a peanut label on the forehead) What's it do?
 
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|Maybe I just need a break. Take some time off, you know?}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|Sure, relax a little.}}
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Sandy: It lets you talk to nuts. What use is that?
 
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|Maybe stay with a friend for a while. On a comfy couch in a pineapple. Just for a little while longer? 'Til I get back on my feet?}}
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{{L|Narrator|6 Months Later...}}
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SpongeBob: (takes out a nut) SpongeBob to Peanut. Come in, Peanut. (shortwave radio beeping)
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|''[walks into his house]'' Hey, champ! How's it... ''[screams]''}}
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{{L|Red Ghost|Turn it up...}}
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Patrick: What's it saying?
 
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{{L|Purple Ghost|Turn the knob up.}}
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{{L|Yellow Ghost|Whoo!}}
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SpongeBob: It's saying... "It's dark in here." Got anything else, Sandy?
 
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|Who'd guess we have so much in common? You like teddy bears; I like teddy bears. You like ponies; I like ponies!}}
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{{L|Nancy|Is that a wedding ring?}}
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Sandy: There's my nuttachino machine. It makes a hot, frothy cup of any nut you choose. (puts the nut into the machine. The nuts screams which makes SpongeBob sad) And lastly, my fully automated nutcracker. (turns it on. The nutcracker tries to crack open a nut but it can't and gives up) Oh! I can't even make a simple nutcracker.
 
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|Oh, this? Oh, it's nothing. ''[takes it off and throws it away, landing on SpongeBob's nose]''}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|What is going on around here?}}
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SpongeBob: So, it's got a few bugs. Patrick and I'll help you fix it. Right Patrick? Patrick? (Patrick is using the backscratcher) Everything'll be fine.
 
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|Come on, SpongeBob, don't be a stick in the mud!}}
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{{L|Purple Ghost|Look out below! ''[riding on a motorcycle down the stairs and crashing into SpongeBob's wall]'' How was that?}}
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Sandy: Oh, it's no use, SpongeBob. I just have to face facts. I'm leaving Bikini Bottom because... I'm a failure.
 
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|Even better the third time.}}
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SpongeBob: We can't let Sandy leave, Patrick.
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{{L|SpongeBob|Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no! EVERYONE, GET OUT!!!}}
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|Alrighty, boys, party's over. ''[to Nancy]'' Time to scoot honey. ''[everyone leaves]''}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|Dutchie! Do you wanna spend eternity on this couch?}}
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Patrick: What'll we do?
 
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|Well, it is comfy.}}
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SpongeBob: They're looking for an invention, right?
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{{L|SpongeBob|Look in the mirror. You're a ghost of your former self!}}
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|Ah, you're right, SpongeBob. I'm pathetic.}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|Yes, you are. But we're going to raise you up from your squalled conditions through the use of visual aids. Watch now. ''[SpongeBob puts a tape into the VCR]''}}
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Patrick: Right.
 
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|What in barnacles is it?}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|A journey into self-awareness. ''[on the tape is a fish that uses a square hammer on a gong. An eagle flies through some mountains and says "Welcome stranger!" . Then some fish, wearing robes and roller skating, skate in a straight line]''}}
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SpongeBob: So, let's start inventing!
 
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{{L|Fish|The power within. The power within. ''[last fish holds a medallion up]''}}
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{{L|Fish #2|''[whispering]'' The power within. The power within. The power within. The power within. ''[the man multiples into a blue, red, and green being of himself]'' The power within. The power within. ''[picks up some dirt]'' The power within! Yeah.}}
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Patrick: Yeah! (cut to later where SpongeBob and Patrick are carrying a table. Patrick falls over the table)
 
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|That was beautiful!}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|Now get off of that couch and into your clothes, Dutchman! It's time to get serious. ''[cut to later that night where an elderly fish lady is walking by some seaweed, where SpongeBob and The Flying Dutchman are hiding behind]'' Let's start you off easy. You think you can take that old lady down there?}}
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SpongeBob: It's time to get serious, Patrick.
 
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|What are you kidding me? Scaring her is too easy.}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|Now that's The Flying Dutchman I know. Let's see you put those words into action.}}
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Patrick: Right! (crashes) I made an invention. It's a stick you can draw or write stuff with.
 
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|No problemo, compadre. ''[thunder claps while the Dutchman screams at the old lady]'' Yargh!}}
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{{L|Old Lady|Lonnie is that you?}}
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SpongeBob: That's a pencil, Patrick. It's already been invented. (more crashing)
 
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|What? No! 'Tis I, the ominous Flying Dutchman! ''[screams]''}}
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{{L|Old Lady|Lonnie, there's this great new product called toothpaste. I think you should try it. ''[cut to SpongeBob flying on the Flying Dutchman's back. They spot a gym]''}}
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Patrick: Ooh, ooh, this is a good one. It's a glass ball that lights up so you can see in the dark.
 
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|Let's hit it. ''[The Flying Dutchman, goes through the wall but SpongeBob does not, smashing into the wall. Inside, Larry the Lobster is lifting weights. Then he looks into the mirror]''}}
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{{L|Larry|Dude, look at your pecks! You're phenomenal! Truly a hard body. Look at those guns. ''[Flying Dutchman attempts to scare him. Larry gasps]''}}
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SpongeBob: Light bulb, already invented. (grunting and crashing are heard)
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|''[chuckles]'' Now he's got him.}}
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{{L|Larry|My altissimo dorsi has gone flabby! I gotta get to a rolling machine. ''[leaves]''}}
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Patrick: SpongeBob, I know this one will work. I've invented a parallel universe.
 
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|Ah. It's no use, SpongeBob. I can't seem to scare anyone. Maybe people just don't believe in ghosts anymore.}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|Wait a minute! I think you gave me the answer to all your problems! ''[whispers into The Flying Dutchman's ears]'' ...goblins...guilt trip... ''[scene cuts to Squidward's house where Squidward slips into his bunny slippers and walks to the mirror. When he picks up his powder, it floats by itself and applies itself onto Squidward. Green fog begins to appear and a voice is heard in the fog]''}}
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SpongeBob: That's a mirror, Patrick. It's already been invented.
 
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{{L|Mrs. Tentacles|Squidward! Squidward!}}
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{{L|Squidward|What's going on?}}
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Patrick: Somebody keeps stealing my ideas!
 
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{{L|Mrs. Tentacles|Why haven't you called me?}}
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{{L|Squidward|Mother?}}
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Mirror SpongeBob: (strange accent) Well, I thought it was a pretty good idea.
 
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{{L|Mrs. Tentacles|Why haven't you called your mother?}}
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{{L|Squidward|''[screams]'' Uh, Squiddums loves his mama.}}
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SpongeBob: (his invention crashes) Ooh... I give up. I'll never invent anything. (acoustic guitar plays. It's Sandy)
 
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{{L|Mrs. Tentacles|Why don't you call me then? Why don't you call me? Why don't you call me? ''[her face melts turning into a clarinet that plays music. The clarinet goes into one of Squidward's ears and out the other, literally]''}}
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|''[through the clarinet]'' I heard you don't believe in ghosts!}}
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Music: "So Long Bikini Bottom"
 
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{{L|Squidward|Ghosts?}}
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|As in the Flying Dutchman! ''[tosses Squidward against the wall]''}}
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So long, Bikini Bottom
 
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{{L|Squidward|There's no such thing as ghosts. No such thing.}}
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I can't leave without a good-bye
 
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|No such thing as ghosts? No such thing as ghosts?! You don't believe in ghosts?! ''[floor turns into liquid. Another ghost pops up and eats Squidward sending him into a light that spits him back into his house. A giant SpongeBob is sitting there breathing in and out really hard]''}}
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But please don't think bad of me
 
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{{L|Squidward|SpongeBob? ''[SpongeBob's eyes twist around his head and spiders crawl out and reveal the Flying Dutchman. Flying Dutchman does a trick to think that he is pulling his finger off]''}}
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If'n I start to cry
 
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|Ooh, scary!}}
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{{L|Squidward|No! No! That's impossible! ''[runs out of his house]'' Ghosts! Ghosts!}}
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So long, Bikini Bottom
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|''[runs out of the closet]'' Dutchie, it worked! You got your scare back!}}
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There's so many things I'll miss
 
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|And me confidence, too. Now I feel like I can scare the living criminy out of anybody! All thanks to you, my boy.}}
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From your smoggy, crowded city
 
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{{L|SpongeBob|And, maybe your ship will be repaired soon.}}
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To your stingin' jellyfish
 
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{{L|Flying Dutchman|Actually, I have a confession, SpongeBob. My ship's been done for three months now. Well, it was nice roomin' with ya. ''[flies back up to his ship]'' Oh yeah, I almost forgot! I left you a little something something for all your trouble. Now, it's time for me to ruin more souls. ''[ships sails off. SpongeBob opens the package. A hand grabs him and pulls him in. SpongeBob laughs]''}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|Good Ol' Dutchie!}}
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This town is filled with many things
 
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[[Category:Episode transcripts]]
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That I've come to love
 
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From the birds that fly upon the ground
 
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To the flowers up above
 
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Farewell, Bikini Bottom
 
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Now I really hate to go
 
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'Cause the things I'll miss the most of all
 
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Are the friends I've come to know
 
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SpongeBob: (both cry) I'm ashamed of myself, Patrick. I gave up too quickly. We'll build Sandy's bosses an invention so amazing, they'll give Sandy funding forever. (later, SpongeBob and Patrick are experimenting and building an invention) We've done it, Patrick! We've created the greatest invention the world has ever seen! Patrick, they're here.
 
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Patrick: Who?
 
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SpongeBob: Sandy's bosses. (Patrick is clueless) The reason we spent all afternoon inventing.
 
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Patrick: I have no idea what you're talking about. (both exit the treedome to greet her bosses)
 
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Chimp #1: Good day, gentlemen. Allow me to introduce ourselves. I am Professor Percy. This is Dr. Marmalade.
 
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Dr. Marmalade: At your service.
 
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Professor Percy: And this is Lord Reginald.
 
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Lord Reginald: Charmed.
 
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Patrick: You guys talk funny. Say more words!
 
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Professor Percy: We are the board of directors of Tree Dome Enterprises Limited, and we are here to ascertain if Miss Cheek's inventions are up to snuff.
 
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SpongeBob: Why everyone in town has benefited from Sandy's scientific knowledge. Before Sandy showed up, I used to be a scrawny weakling.
 
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Patrick: And I used to be dumb. (goofy laughter)
 
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Professor Percy: Quite. And whom do I have the pleasure of addressing.
 
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SpongeBob: My name is SpongeBob.
 
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Patrick: And I am Professor Patrick.
 
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SpongeBob: Professor?
 
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Patrick: Doctor Professor Patrick. Don't mind him. You know how interns are.
 
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Professor Percy: Where is Miss Cheeks?
 
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SpongeBob: She should be back any moment.
 
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Patrick: I thought she ran away because she couldn't invent anything.
 
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SpongeBob: Patrick.
 
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Patrick: That's Mr. Doctor Professor Patrick to you!
 
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SpongeBob: Don't you think it's time to show them Sandy's invention, Mr. Doctor Professor Patrick?
 
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Patrick: Good idea.
 
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SpongeBob: Well?
 
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Patrick: Hey, you're the unpaid intern. You do the work. (cut to later where everyone is standing in front of the invention)
 
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SpongeBob: Gentlemen, I can say without exaggeration that this is the most important invention in the history of the Universe! I give you... (reveals the invention) The Automatic Back Scratcher, Hair Comber, Nose Picker, and Ukulele Tuner 9000! (everything is put together with gum and band aids)
 
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Professor Percy: This is where our research money went?
 
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SpongeBob: Uh-huh. Isn't it great?
 
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Lord Reginald: An automatic back scratcher, hair comber, nose picker, ukulele tuner. Yes, well I've heard that claim before.
 
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Professor Percy: Yes, how do we know this contraption works?
 
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Dr. Marmalade: Let's see a demonstration.
 
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Patrick: Step right up. (points to Lord Reginald) You look like you've been neglecting your personal hygiene.
 
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Lord Reginald: Me? (Patrick straps him in the contraption) Are you sure this is safe?
 
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Patrick: As sure as I'm a doctor professor.
 
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SpongeBob: Patrick, don't you think we should test it?
 
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Patrick: Ok. (turns invention on. The contraption comes down over Lord Reginald)
 
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SpongeBob: That's not exactly what I had in mind.
 
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Professor Percy: Lord Reginald, are you all right? (inside the invention, Lord Reginald is getting his hair trimmed)
 
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Lord Reginald: Oh, I say, this is splendid. (not getting back scratched) Oh, absolutely splendid. What's this? (nose is getting picked) Oh, marvelous. This machine has evacuated my nostrils of unwanted residue in a manner most pleasant.
 
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SpongeBob: Good work, Mr. Doctor Professor Patrick.
 
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Patrick: Thank you, lowly assistant.
 
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Lord Reginald: Oh, I say, now it's feeding me delicious pudding.
 
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SpongeBob: Pudding? I don't remember that part of the invention.
 
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Lord Reginald: Now it's tuning my ukulele. (one sour note of the ukelele and the invention gets out-of-control. Lord Reginald is hit on the head with the ukulele) Ouch! Oo! I say, was that necessary? (is slapped in the back of his head) You, sir, are impertinent. (a pair of scissors, fire, a saw, and more gadgets surround him) Oh, dear. (screams)
 
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Dr. Marmalade: Lord Reginald, are you all right? (shrieks and explosions are heard) I'm sorry, was that a yes?
 
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Professor Percy: Mr. Doctor Professor Patrick, what is the meaning of this?
 
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Patrick: It's ok. The horrible screaming means that it's working.
 
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SpongeBob: Oh, I really wish Sandy were here. (back to Sandy where a bus has just pulled up)
 
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Bus Driver: All aboard.
 
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Sandy: Will this bus take you somewhere when you've got nowhere else to go?
 
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Bus Driver: It sure does. We make stops in Quittersville, Failuretown, and Loserburg. (Sandy heres the screaming)
 
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Sandy: What in tar nation? (enters her treedome) What's with all the monkey business? (gasps)
 
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SpongeBob: Sandy!
 
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Sandy: SpongeBob! What the heck is going on here? (invention spits Lord Reginald out)
 
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Lord Reginald: Ouch.
 
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Patrick: It works! It works!
 
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Professor Percy: Lord Reginald, are you all right?
 
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Lord Reginald: I seem to have ruptured my pomposity.
 
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Professor Percy: We shall commence closure of this establishment immediately.
 
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Dr. Marmalade: Frankly, I'm beginning to question the economic benefits of underwater treedomes. Doesn't make much sense once you get right down to it.
 
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SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Sandy. We were trying to keep you in Bikini Bottom, but all we did was ruin your chances to stay.
 
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Sandy: I was about to be fired anyway. Thanks for trying to help SpongeBob. You, too, Patrick.
 
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Patrick: That's Mr. Doctor Professor Patrick.
 
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Sandy: Don't push it.
 
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Patrick: Sorry.
 
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Professor Percy: We are departing, Dr. Marmalade.
 
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Dr. Marmalade: My word, all of this excitement has drastically reduced my potassium levels. (takes out a banana. The nutcracker turns back on and peels the banana) Good gracious. Can it be?
 
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Professor Percy: Try it again. (Lord Reginald gets a banana out and the nutcracker peels it)
 
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Lord Reginald: Oh! It is! It is! It's the banana peeler we have been searching 117 years for. (excited chattering from the chimps)
 
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SpongeBob: Wow, Sandy, they're going bananas for your nutcracker.
 
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Sandy: Yeah. (cut to later when the chimps are about to leave)
 
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Professor Percy: Well, Miss Cheeks, I must say you have exceeded expectations.
 
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Lord Reginald: It may be the extreme head trauma I've suffered, but I am going to offer you a 20-year contract with a substantial pay raise.
 
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Sandy: I accept
 
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.
 
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SpongeBob & Patrick: Hooray!
 
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Professor Percy: I expect great things out of you, Miss Cheeks. Great things.
 
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Lord Reginald: Perhaps you could put your talents toward that automatic poop-throwing machine that's eluded us for so long.
 
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Dr. Marmalade: Now, now, one miracle at a time.
 
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All: Goodbye.
 
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Sandy: Well, the only thing left is to figure out what to do with this infernal contraption.
 
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Patrick: My turn. (sits on his invention) Whoo-hoo! (machine turns on and he screams) All right!
 

Revision as of 18:57, 4 August 2014

Template:EpisodeTr/70a

  • Flying Dutchman: Curse this cursed, ghostly fog. I can barely see past me own nose. [gas is sprayed in his eyes then the ship is split in half after it runs into a cliff. The Flying Dutchman falls down the cliff and through a basketball hoop before hitting the ground. The ship falls onto of him into pieces then he crawls out] Me ship. [his ship turns into dust then gets out his cell phone] Hello, Roadside Assistance? I've got a bit of a flat! My location where I'll be staying? Business or residence? [sees SpongeBob go into his house] Residence. [SpongeBob is walking through his house as The Flying Dutchman comes up and scares him through the floor] Argh!
  • SpongeBob: The Flying Dutchman! [melts into a puddle inside his pants] What are you doing in my house?
  • Flying Dutchman: I'm stuck here while my ship is being repaired. Until then, I'm here to haunt ya! [laughs maniacally. SpongeBob screams and runs to Squidward's house]
  • SpongeBob: Squidward! Squidward! [knocks on the door] Squidward! Help! [Squidward opens the door and SpongeBob continues to knock but on Squidward's face]
  • Squidward: Ow. Ow. Ow. Ooh! Ee! Ow. Ee! Ooh!
  • SpongeBob: Squidward, you have to help me! There's a gh-gh-gh, a ghost in my house!
  • Squidward: [muffled and grabs SpongeBob's arm] SpongeBob, how many times do I have to tell you, I don't believe in ghosts, and I never liked you. [closes door]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! [Patrick opens up his rock] You gotta help me! The Flying Dutch... [Patrick closes his rock] ...man. [Gary meows loudly] Gary! [opens his door and gasps] Don't you dare hurt my little Gary!
  • Flying Dutchman: Aw, I just wanted to pet the little guy. There, there. Dutchie's not gonna hurt ya. I love me a good snail. [eats Gary. SpongeBob screams like a man and rips off the sides of his head]
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: Gary!
  • Flying Dutchman: Nothing better than giving a good scare! Argh! [laughs]
  • SpongeBob: It's okay, Gary. [fire surrounds the Flying Dutchman and SpongeBob]
  • Flying Dutchman: Don't get too comfortable! [cut to SpongeBob walking up to his house, which is set on fire. SpongeBob does not get scared. Cut to bedtime]
  • SpongeBob: Goodnight, Gary. [his nose starts to itch so a tentacle scratches it. SpongeBob pulls off his covers to reveal him as an octopus. He screams while the Flying Dutchman laughs. Cut to SpongeBob opening up the refrigerator to a monster popping out and scaring him. Both laugh. Cut to SpongeBob looking in the mirror when in the reflection only, a monster eats him. He sighs and walks off. Cut to him eating cereal, which are eyeballs. He sighs and walks off again]
  • Flying Dutchman: Hmm? [SpongeBob walks up and opens a drawer then sighs and takes out the skeleton in it. As he's walking out, a monster pops out from underneath the floor and tries to scare SpongeBob but it doesn't. The monster turns into other monsters, and even Sherlock Holmes, but still nothing is working] Hmm?
  • SpongeBob: Umm, Dutchie, is this gonna be much longer?
  • Flying Dutchman: Why aren't you freakin' out, lad?
  • SpongeBob: Well, you've been here a while, and, uhh, I've seen all your tricks.
  • Flying Dutchman: What are you trying to say?
  • SpongeBob: Eh.
  • Flying Dutchman: I know when I'm washed up. I've been doing the same material for years. Scaring is a young man's game. It's time to give up the ghost. No pun intended.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, no, no. I meant that I'm just used to it, that's all.
  • Flying Dutchman: Don't lie to me.
  • SpongeBob: You just gotta scare someone other than me.
  • Flying Dutchman: Hmm... [scene cuts to Mattress Discount]
  • Fish: Mind if I test it out? [hops onto the mattress] Yeah, this does feel comfortable. [doorbell rings]
  • Mattress Salesman: Would you excuse me for a moment? [fish on the mattress falls asleep as the Flying Dutchman tries to scare him. Nothing is working]
  • Flying Dutchman: Ah, forget it. [Mattress Salesman comes back]
  • Mattress Salesman: So, what do you think? [fish screams. Scene cuts to The Flying Dutchman trying to scare a little girl jumping rope. The jump rope hits him back]
  • Flying Dutchman: It's official. I'm not scary anymore.
  • SpongeBob: Just what kinda talk is that? You're just off your game, that's all.
  • Flying Dutchman: Maybe I just need a break. Take some time off, you know?
  • SpongeBob: Sure, relax a little.
  • Flying Dutchman: Maybe stay with a friend for a while. On a comfy couch in a pineapple. Just for a little while longer? 'Til I get back on my feet?
  • Narrator: 6 Months Later...
  • SpongeBob: [walks into his house] Hey, champ! How's it... [screams]
  • Red Ghost: Turn it up...
  • Purple Ghost: Turn the knob up.
  • Yellow Ghost: Whoo!
  • Flying Dutchman: Who'd guess we have so much in common? You like teddy bears; I like teddy bears. You like ponies; I like ponies!
  • Nancy: Is that a wedding ring?
  • Flying Dutchman: Oh, this? Oh, it's nothing. [takes it off and throws it away, landing on SpongeBob's nose]
  • SpongeBob: What is going on around here?
  • Flying Dutchman: Come on, SpongeBob, don't be a stick in the mud!
  • Purple Ghost: Look out below! [riding on a motorcycle down the stairs and crashing into SpongeBob's wall] How was that?
  • Flying Dutchman: Even better the third time.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no! EVERYONE, GET OUT!!!
  • Flying Dutchman: Alrighty, boys, party's over. [to Nancy] Time to scoot honey. [everyone leaves]
  • SpongeBob: Dutchie! Do you wanna spend eternity on this couch?
  • Flying Dutchman: Well, it is comfy.
  • SpongeBob: Look in the mirror. You're a ghost of your former self!
  • Flying Dutchman: Ah, you're right, SpongeBob. I'm pathetic.
  • SpongeBob: Yes, you are. But we're going to raise you up from your squalled conditions through the use of visual aids. Watch now. [SpongeBob puts a tape into the VCR]
  • Flying Dutchman: What in barnacles is it?
  • SpongeBob: A journey into self-awareness. [on the tape is a fish that uses a square hammer on a gong. An eagle flies through some mountains and says "Welcome stranger!" . Then some fish, wearing robes and roller skating, skate in a straight line]
  • Fish: The power within. The power within. [last fish holds a medallion up]
  • Fish #2: [whispering] The power within. The power within. The power within. The power within. [the man multiples into a blue, red, and green being of himself] The power within. The power within. [picks up some dirt] The power within! Yeah.
  • Flying Dutchman: That was beautiful!
  • SpongeBob: Now get off of that couch and into your clothes, Dutchman! It's time to get serious. [cut to later that night where an elderly fish lady is walking by some seaweed, where SpongeBob and The Flying Dutchman are hiding behind] Let's start you off easy. You think you can take that old lady down there?
  • Flying Dutchman: What are you kidding me? Scaring her is too easy.
  • SpongeBob: Now that's The Flying Dutchman I know. Let's see you put those words into action.
  • Flying Dutchman: No problemo, compadre. [thunder claps while the Dutchman screams at the old lady] Yargh!
  • Old Lady: Lonnie is that you?
  • Flying Dutchman: What? No! 'Tis I, the ominous Flying Dutchman! [screams]
  • Old Lady: Lonnie, there's this great new product called toothpaste. I think you should try it. [cut to SpongeBob flying on the Flying Dutchman's back. They spot a gym]
  • Flying Dutchman: Let's hit it. [The Flying Dutchman, goes through the wall but SpongeBob does not, smashing into the wall. Inside, Larry the Lobster is lifting weights. Then he looks into the mirror]
  • Larry: Dude, look at your pecks! You're phenomenal! Truly a hard body. Look at those guns. [Flying Dutchman attempts to scare him. Larry gasps]
  • SpongeBob: [chuckles] Now he's got him.
  • Larry: My altissimo dorsi has gone flabby! I gotta get to a rolling machine. [leaves]
  • Flying Dutchman: Ah. It's no use, SpongeBob. I can't seem to scare anyone. Maybe people just don't believe in ghosts anymore.
  • SpongeBob: Wait a minute! I think you gave me the answer to all your problems! [whispers into The Flying Dutchman's ears] ...goblins...guilt trip... [scene cuts to Squidward's house where Squidward slips into his bunny slippers and walks to the mirror. When he picks up his powder, it floats by itself and applies itself onto Squidward. Green fog begins to appear and a voice is heard in the fog]
  • Mrs. Tentacles: Squidward! Squidward!
  • Squidward: What's going on?
  • Mrs. Tentacles: Why haven't you called me?
  • Squidward: Mother?
  • Mrs. Tentacles: Why haven't you called your mother?
  • Squidward: [screams] Uh, Squiddums loves his mama.
  • Mrs. Tentacles: Why don't you call me then? Why don't you call me? Why don't you call me? [her face melts turning into a clarinet that plays music. The clarinet goes into one of Squidward's ears and out the other, literally]
  • Flying Dutchman: [through the clarinet] I heard you don't believe in ghosts!
  • Squidward: Ghosts?
  • Flying Dutchman: As in the Flying Dutchman! [tosses Squidward against the wall]
  • Squidward: There's no such thing as ghosts. No such thing.
  • Flying Dutchman: No such thing as ghosts? No such thing as ghosts?! You don't believe in ghosts?! [floor turns into liquid. Another ghost pops up and eats Squidward sending him into a light that spits him back into his house. A giant SpongeBob is sitting there breathing in and out really hard]
  • Squidward: SpongeBob? [SpongeBob's eyes twist around his head and spiders crawl out and reveal the Flying Dutchman. Flying Dutchman does a trick to think that he is pulling his finger off]
  • Flying Dutchman: Ooh, scary!
  • Squidward: No! No! That's impossible! [runs out of his house] Ghosts! Ghosts!
  • SpongeBob: [runs out of the closet] Dutchie, it worked! You got your scare back!
  • Flying Dutchman: And me confidence, too. Now I feel like I can scare the living criminy out of anybody! All thanks to you, my boy.
  • SpongeBob: And, maybe your ship will be repaired soon.
  • Flying Dutchman: Actually, I have a confession, SpongeBob. My ship's been done for three months now. Well, it was nice roomin' with ya. [flies back up to his ship] Oh yeah, I almost forgot! I left you a little something something for all your trouble. Now, it's time for me to ruin more souls. [ships sails off. SpongeBob opens the package. A hand grabs him and pulls him in. SpongeBob laughs]
  • SpongeBob: Good Ol' Dutchie!