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Free Samples
Season №: 8
Episode №: 170a
Airdate: April 6, 2012
Previous: "Planet of the Jellyfish"
Next: "Home Sweet Rubble"
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Free Samples" from season eight, which aired on April 6, 2012.

  • [Plankton laughs, squirts out chum onto a plate, smells the chum and laughs again. Karen comes out of the door]
  • Karen: What do I owe the excessive volume of this giggling?
  • Plankton: You may thank my new and original idea, darling. [Karen is confused] Free samples! [Karen is still confused]
  • Karen: New and original, my exhaust fan.
  • Plankton: Okay, so I didn't invent the concept, but I have improved upon it by removing the only obstacle to chum's success!
  • Karen: You mean the smell? [Karen starts laughing] Smell.
  • Plankton: No. I mean getting the public to try some! Once everyone gets a taste of my delicious chum, they will tear this place apart to get some. Plus it's free, and who can resist free! [scene cuts in Chum Bucket, Plankton is sitting on a bench near the store with free samples] Step right up for your free samples of delicious chum!
  • Nat: Hey, what did he just say it was?
  • Plankton: I just said they're free!
  • Nat: Oh... I thought he said freaks. In that case... [everyone goes in line] So glad I actually left my house today.
  • [everyone gets some chum]
  • Plankton: That's the spirit, people. Step on up, but please take your time and be orderly. I wanna savor this whole putting Krabs out of business. Business.
  • Sally: What is it?
  • Shubie: Oh, who cares silly-big-milly? It's free!
  • Sally: Oh, it's going to be so good cause it's free!
  • [everyone starts putting the chum in their mouths then gets surprised]
  • Plankton: Eat up. [Plankton laughs, and Shubie holds her stomach, Nancy and the Lifeguard turn green, Nancy's hair stands on end, everyone is nauseous] I have no idea that chum was this rotten. I better not be here when all this agony turns to anger. [Plankton runs]
  • Nat: Hey, he's making a run for it! We can't let him get away with this! Let's get up and... [Nat was nauseous again, and he spoke in a deep voice]..get him.
  • [everyone, still sick, chases Plankton. Patrick comes up to the stand]
  • Patrick: "Free samples". [Patrick eats one of the chum and enjoys it] Yum! [Patrick eats more chum]
  • [everyone was by the Chum Bucket. Lifeguard pounds on the door]
  • Lifeguard: Hey, you!, I know you're in there!
  • Plankton: It's not fair! If Krabs gave away free samples he wouldn't get this treatment!
  • Karen: If Krabs gave away free samples, he probably won't poison people thus tarnishing the good name of his restaurant.
  • Plankton: Yeah, I suppose you right, Karen. [Plankton got an idea] Free Krabby Patties! Step up, step up, you'll never get this chance again, folks!
  • Harold: Free Krabby Patties?!
  • [everyone runs to the stand again]
  • Nat: Hey, what's all the hubble?
  • Nazz: Oh, didn't ya hear? Someone's giving away free Krabby Patties!
  • Plankton: That's it. [laughs]
  • Lifeguard: Hey, wait a minute. Aren't you the same guy who was giving away those rotten chum samples before?
  • Plankton: [sweated nervously] Oh, that wasn't me that was... uh... my... brother-in-law, yeah, er, Flankton.
  • Lifeguard: Oh, okay.
  • [everyone eats the chum, Lifeguard's eyes popped out and his arms fall out, everyone else falls on the Lifeguard. Plankton comes out of the sewer]
  • Plankton: Krabby Patties, anyone?
  • [other people eats the chum, as a fish hurls]
  • SpongeBob: [singing] I'm off to work, off to work, getting ready for flipping. [SpongeBob sees people by the Krusty Krab] Those customers can't get enough Krabby Patties. Settle down folks: I'm here; I shall have your Krabby Patties before you shortly.
  • Nat: You!
  • Lifeguard: You made those awful Krabby Patties which made my eyeballs fall out!
  • [SpongeBob got scared and slides into the Krusty Krab]
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs!
  • Mr. Krabs: Over here boy. [Mr. Krabs was hiding by the table]
  • SpongeBob: What is going on out there?
  • Mr. Krabs: The whole town has turned against me! And I have no idea why. [Lifeguard throws a brick with a note through the window] "Because the Krabby Patty is terrible". [gasps] Krabby Patty? Terrible? How do those words even go together?
  • SpongeBob: I don't know, but we have do something to turn this situation around.
  • Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you're right. We have to do everything in our power to bring those customers back. We'll triple the prices.
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, if you want to get customers in here, shouldn't we lower the prices?
  • Mr. Krabs: Fine. [Mr. Krabs lowers the price from $2.99 to $2.98] How about that? [one of the customers throw rocks] I'M RUINED! [Mr. Krabs starts crying]
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, if you want your customers back, we're gonna need to take more extreme measures.
  • Mr. Krabs: I'm all ears.
  • SpongeBob: We simply give Krabby Patties away for fr- [Mr. Krabs grabs SpongeBob's lips]
  • Mr. Krabs: Don't you say it, boy.
  • SpongeBob: It's the only way, Mr. Krabs. [SpongeBob was holding a stand] Alright, sir, it's time.
  • Mr. Krabs: Time? But it's too soon. [Mr. Krabs jumped to the stand] I'm not ready to let them go free.
  • SpongeBob: But you said to go ahead with the plan no matter how hard you fight me.
  • Mr. Krabs: I don't remember saying anything like that.
  • SpongeBob: I do. [SpongeBob pulled the sheet off, Mr. Krabs screams] Free Krabby Patties! Get your totally and completely free upcharge Krabby Patties!
  • Mr. Krabs: NO! [Mr. Krabs tries to run but his claws are in chains]
  • SpongeBob: It's for your own good, Eugene. Free Krabby Patties, come and get your free Krabby Patties! [the word "patties" echoed]
  • Mr. Krabs: Uh, for a second. I thought we have to give away a ton of Krabby Patties, but it looks like free ain't even enough to jump start me business. Wait, free ain't even enough, my business is doomed! [starts crying again]
  • Plankton: I can't really believe how well this is turning out for me today. [laughs]
  • SpongeBob: Hmm, looks, it's time to pull out the big guns. [SpongeBob opens the small doors and plays the calliope] No one can resist the sweet sounds of a calliope.
  • Shubie: Hey look, Billy, a calliope.
  • SpongeBob: Squidward, here's your cup like we rehearsed.
  • Squidward: I can't feel my legs.
  • SpongeBob: Here let me help you, Squidward [SpongeBob pulls Squidward's nose, Squidward goes in front of Billy]
  • Baby Billy: Look, mama, a monkey! [Billy throws a penny at Squidward] Dance, monkey, dance! Dance, monkey!
  • [Squidward takes off his suit]
  • Squidward: I quit!
  • SpongeBob: Wait, Squidward, don't leave. We can't give up yet.
  • [Plankton laughs]
  • Plankton: Sweet and delicious victory, you are mine!
  • [SpongeBob pulls up Mr. Krabs]
  • SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs, we'll fix this.
  • Mr. Krabs: Not this time boy, it's all over for the good old Krusty Krab, it's probably best if you start looking forward for a new job, boy, maybe in the different way like.
  • SpongeBob: You mean, different. [SpongeBob gets an idea] That's it!
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, that was better than I expected. Well only one more thing left to do now. I have to leave back with me mom.
  • Narrator: Five minutes later.
  • SpongeBob: Krabby Patties, brand new Krabby Patty recipe, all new, all different, all deliciousness, try them for free!
  • Nazz: You can't be serious.
  • Lifeguard: I'm so hungry, I don't care, I gotta eat something.
  • Nazz: No, wait!
  • Nat: Let him go, it's too late.
  • SpongeBob: All new free Krabby Patties!
  • Lifeguard: Hey, buddy, I'll try one, what do I got to lose. [everyone gasps, Lifeguard eats half of the Krabby Patty] Dear Neptune Gill Sacks, this is the best thing I every put in my mouth! Yay!
  • Nazz: Did he just say it was good?
  • [Lifeguard finishes the other half of the Krabby Patty]
  • Lifeguard: Woohoo! [Lifeguard dances]
  • Nat: Wow, Frank never dances, it must be good!
  • [everyone eats the Krabby Patties, Henry-Bart's eyes turn into a thumbs up, money comes out of his skin]
  • Henry-Bart: I'm getting something this amazing for free! How much will this buy? [Henry-Bart throws money on SpongeBob]
  • Frank: Yum yum yum yum yum yum. YUM! YUM! [Frank goes like a rocket] Hey, buddy boy, take my wallet, I gotta have more! [Frank goes in the stand and takes two Krabby Patties]
  • [Nat and the Fish's heads turn into arms and gives a high-five]
  • Nat and Nazz: Now that's what I'm talking about!
  • [Nat and Nazz's head turns back to normal, they gets a briefcase from their pockets]
  • Nat: These are my savings! Just give us more Krabby Patties! [Nat and Nazz dump the money on SpongeBob]
  • [Plankton with a cellphone]
  • Plankton: Don't worry, Karen, i'll be here at lunch time. My mission here is accomplished. [laughs, and then a dollar bill lands on Plankton] What the...?! [gasps]
  • SpongeBob: It's working!
  • Plankton: No, wait! What's going on? You hate Krabby Patties remember? [a dump trunk dumped money] Uh-oh. [the money landed on Plankton]
  • [a helicopter dumps a bag full of money on SpongeBob. Mr. Krabs is just walking and then a dollar lands on his nose. His eyes pop out and he screams so loudly, Plankton comes out of the money, and Mr. Krabs jumps on the money and laughs]
  • SpongeBob: We did it, Mr. Krabs! We saved the Krusty Krab! All I did was sell the old Krabby Patties, and call them new!
  • Mr. Krabs: Do you mind, I'm trying to make a money angel here.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, money angels, can I make one?
  • Mr. Krabs: Sure thing, SpongeBob. Hop in! [Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob laugh. Plankton screams because Mr. Krabs is sitting on him] Did you hear what?
  • SpongeBob: Hear what?
  • Mr. Krabs: Good point. [Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob continue laughing]

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