[The exterior of The Krusty Krab is shown and a trumpet is heard. The interior is then shown. SpongeBob is shown on a barrel playing a trumpet next to a something that is hidden under a hanging red cloth. Sadie, Francis, Sheldon, Nat, Bill, and Pilar are sitting, eating, and staring at SpongeBob. Frank is walking to his table with his food, staring at SpongeBob. Fred and Frankie Billy are shown.]
Fred: A horn.
Frankie Billy: What will happen next?
[Mr. Krabs walks out of office, the lights turn off, and a spotlight turns on when he stops. Harry, John, Jimmy Gus, Sally, Abigail Marge, Pilar, and Mr. Krabs are staring at SpongeBob, who finishes playing the trumpet. Mr. Krabs is shown to be next to the hidden item. The scene shows a medium shot of Mr. Krabs]
Mr. Krabs: Atten-- [He is interrupted by SpongeBob's squeaked high note on the Trumpet. He growls and he marches to SpongeBob to stop the noise. Off-screen a series of noises occur. He marches back into the spotlight. SpongeBob appears to be stuck in his horn.] Attention, Krusty Krab [grabs rope] patrons. Be[pulls up curtain]hold!
[A jar of sesame seeds is shown on a barrel. The jar has a red lid and a question mark on the front. Fred and Frankie Billy are shown.]
Fred: It's a jar of seeds.
Frankie Billy: Bun seeds?
[The scene returns to Mr. Krabs. With both of his hands, he points to the Jar. Next to the jar there is a sign that reads, "Guess how many seeds in the jar and win a free Krabby Patty!". All of the words are red, except "free", which is green.]
Mr. Krabs: Today only, the Krusty Krab presents our first annual bun seed guessing contest. [quiet gasping can be heard.] Guess how many seeds are in the jar and win a f-- f-- sorry, a f-- f-- I'll try again. A f-- f-- [SpongeBob walks up to Mr. Krabs and slaps him in the back of the neck.] free Krabby Patty!
[Sally, Dennis Rechid, Paco, Debbie Rechid, and Harold "Bill" Reginald are shown. All, except Sally are sitting.]
Sally, Dennis Rechid, Paco, Debbie Rechid, and Harold "Bill" Reginald: Ooh.
[SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs are shown next to the jar.]
Mr. Krabs: Step right up. [Fred walks up.] Guess right and win. [talking to SpongeBob] They'll never guess it.
[Fred is shown.]
Fred: Hmm. Three?
[Fred and Mr. Krabs are shown next to the jar.]
Mr. Krabs: No. Next, please.
[Nat walks up. He looks at the jar up close. He moves to the right side of the jar. He moves to the left side of the jar.]
Mr. Krabs:[shakes head] Nope.
[Nat snaps his "fingers" and then walks away. Dave walks up and sniffs the jar.]
Dave: Billions and billions?
Mr. Krabs: N-n-no.
[Nancy Suzy Fish walks up and puts the jar in her mouth. She then swishes it around a bit and removed it, placing it back where it was.]
Nancy Suzy Fish: Blue.
Mr. Krabs: No.
Dennis Rechid: Mermaid Man?
Mr. Krabs:[He smacks his eyes.] That's not even a number.
[Someone clearing their throat off-screen is heard.]
Voice: I have a guess.
[The scene moves down to show that it is Plankton. He evilly laughs.]
Mr. Krabs: Plankton, you [He points to Plankton.] don't get to guess.
[Mr. Krabs picks of Plankton.]
Plankton: Hey. [Mr. Krabs carries Plankton to the front door.] What? You can't do that. It's not fair.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, I'm sorry, but it's me restaurant and I can do what I please. Besides, I know you'll try to analyze that patty and find out me secret formula.
[Mr. Krabs throws Plankton into mouth as he lets out a scream. He then chews him into the consistency of gum and blows Plankton into a bubble. Mr. Krabs then blows him towards the Chum Bucket, where he makes a big splatter stain on the front door. Plankton's squished form drips to the ground and reforms into normal Plankton.]
Plankton: You'll pay for this, Krabs. I'm calling the Bogus Business Bureau.
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, right. Like they would even take your call.
[Mr. Krabs laughs and walks back into Krusty Krab. Plankton takes out a cell phone and dials the number for the Bogus Business Bureau.]
Bogus Business Bureau Receptionist: Bogus Business Bureau.
Plankton: Hello, yes. I have a complaint.
[The scene shows Mr. Krabs, Squidward, and SpongeBob standing in the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs finishes laughing.]
Mr. Krabs: That Plankton cracks me up. Like the Bogus Business Bureau would care about my dumb contest.
[Mr. Krabs laughs. a helicopter is heard. two creatures break through the ceiling, one demolishing a table and one crushes Squidward into the ground. Squidward gets his head up and a chair crushes Squidward once again. An orange fish with a mustache is sitting on the chair. SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs are shown looking surprised.]
Fish: I am Agent Twirp of the Bogus [He stands up.] Business Bureau. [He walks to Mr. Krabs. It is revealed that he is shorter than SpongeBob.] Are you the proprietor of this... [He clears his throat.] establishment?
Mr. Krabs: Eh, uh, no. He's out of town.
SpongeBob: Don't be modest, Mr. Krabs. [to Agent Twirp] He's responsible for everything at the Krusty Krab.
[Mr. Krabs chuckles and pushes SpongeBob away.]
Mr. Krabs: New trainee.
Agent Twirp: According to article 57 of the Greasy Spoon Code, all fast food contests must be open to all customers, no matter how diminutive or annoying.
[The scene zooms into Agent Twirp's pocket and Plankton pops his head out.]
Plankton: And I'm both of those things. You have to let me guess now, [He jumps to the floor.] Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: I'm won't do it. [crosses arms] And you can't make me.
[Mr. Krabs blows raspberry]
Agent Twirp: If you refuse, I'll [pulls out tape that says "CLOSED"] shut down the Krusty Krab.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, fine.
Plankton: This round goes to Plankton.
[Plankton cackles and runs to the jar.]
SpongeBob: Golly, Mr. Krabs, what if Plankton guesses right and wins a [gasps and says next words in gasping voice] Krabby Patty?
[Mr. Krabs pulls SpongeBob close to him.]
Mr. Krabs: No worries. That nitwit Plankton hasn't got a chance.
Plankton: Hmm. [puts on eye equipment with numerous lenses. The device analyzes the bun seeds inside of the jar. He uses a calculator to calculate the analysis. He takes off the device and rips of the tape that the calculator was making.] There are exactly five hundred thousand... [Mr. Krabs gulps.] Three hundred...
Mr. Krabs: Oh, he's getting close.
Plankton: ...And one.
[Mr. Krabs laughs.]
Mr. Krabs: Wrong! It's five hundred thousand three hundred and none. You are one over the mark. You lose.
[Mr. Krabs laughs.]
Agent Twirp: Hold on. It's not official unless you count them.
[A card is shown with "A lot of boring math later..."]
French Narrator: A lot of boring math later...
[The scene returns to the Krusty Krab.]
Mr. Krabs: 500298, 500299, 500300. [Plankton jumps off the jar and Mr. Krabs looks into it.] I win.
[Mr. Krabs laughs.]
[Plankton blows raspberry]
SpongeBob: Hold on. There's something on the lid. You missed a bun seed, Mr. Krabs. Plankton was right.
[SpongeBob tears in half.]
Agent Twirp: I now command you to give Mr. Plankton his prize.
Plankton: You heard him, Krabs. Give me a Krabby Patty.
Mr. Krabs: I can't.
[Agent Twirp pulls out the "CLOSED" tape again.]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob needs to clean the grill first.
SpongeBob: I cleaned it this morning.
Mr. Krabs: Doesn't your spatula need aligning or something?
SpongeBob: Nope, she's perfectly aligned.
[Mr. Krabs crosses his arms.]
Mr. Krabs: Drat your efficiency. Uh, oh, yeah. [He snaps his "fingers".] I can't serve you your Patty until after the show.
Plankton: What show?
[Mr. Krabs runs to the sign, takes out a pen, and puts the cap in his mouth. He starts writing something on the board behind him.]
Mr. Krabs: The show that comes with a free Krabby Patty. [He shows the sign and it has, "and a show." on it. He spits the cap out of his mouth.] See?
Plankton: Oh, come on. Are you kidding me?
Agent Twirp: It clearly says, "and a show." I'll allow it.
[Mr. Krabs is shown cutting wood. Plankton is shown. Mr. Krabs is shown sewing a purple piece of cloth. He has pins in his mouth.]
Plankton: Is this part of [does finger quotes] "the show?"
[Mr. Krabs is shown in front of a puppet show stage with a paint brush.]
Mr. Krabs: No, this is isn't part of the show.
[He paints part of it.]
Agent Twirp: Mm, such lovely filigree, wouldn't you agree?
[The curtains open. A character that is made of a Krabby Patty as it head, a fry container as its body, fries as its limbs, and fake eyes appears. SpongeBob slides up.]
Mr. Krabs: Once upon a time, there was a happy Patty Laddie.
Patty Laddie: La la la la la la la la.
Mr. Krabs: He was beloved by all the good-hearted people in the world. Alas, there is also a villain in this story, by the name of [A green paper bag is shown with two straw antennas, two fry arms, two fangs, a red eye, and a unibrow.] Pl-- Flankton.
SpongeBob: Boo! Hiss!
[Mr. Krabs takes Flankton away and brings the Patty Laddie back up.]
Mr. Krabs: So, one day, when the lad was minding his own business, Flankton struck and took a huge bite out of the Laddie's face.
[Patty Laddie screams and Mr. Krabs takes ketchup out and sprays it around.]
Plankton: Okay, we get it already.
Mr. Krabs: Unfortunately for Flankton, [The Patty Laddie is shown as an angel.] the Patty didn't sit well with him. And he was so evil, it caused him to bloat something fierce... [Mr. Krabs inflates Flankton.] ...until eventually he popped. [He pops the bag.] The end.
Plankton:[sarcastically, while clapping his hands] Oh, bravo. Bravo. Why does the puppet get to eat a Krabby Patty and I don't? And why aren't you in the kitchen cooking my patty?
Mr. Krabs: Alright, SpongeBob, we can't stall him any longer. Make it a good one, laddie. This may be the last Patty you'll ever cook.
SpongeBob: I'll do my best, sir.
[He starts sobbing. He enters the kitchen and Squidward walks to Mr. Krabs. SpongeBob then looks out the window and cries. This makes Squidward and Mr. Krabs jump in surprise.]
Mr. Krabs:[whispering to Squidward] Psst. I got a plan. You keep that blasted bureaucrat busy.
[Mr. Krabs pushes Squidward towards Agent Twirp.]
Squidward: Uh, excuse me, Mr. Agent, sir. While we're waiting, perhaps I could direct your attention to-- oh, the many code violations you'll find [He pushes Agent Twirp up and starts heading him away from his chair.] if you turn this way. It's a death trap.
[Mr. Krabs enters the kitchen and takes all of the buns and goes into the bathroom. He enters a stall. A customer leaves a stall and walks to the sink. Mr. Krabs is shown inserting the buns into the toilet. The customer is shown washing his hands. Mr. Krabs grunts. The customer stops washing his hands and stairs at the stall. Mr. Krabs gets on the toilet to try to push the patties down.]
Mr. Krabs: There we go. [He flushes the toilet.] Ooh, that takes care of that. [Mr. Krabs leaves the bathroom.] And in three, two, one.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, it's awful. We're all out of buns.
Mr. Krabs: No buns? Drat the luck.
Truck Driver: Got a delivery for the Krusty Krab. Where do you want us to put these buns?
SpongeBob: Huh, good thing I ordered us extra b-- for the contest crowd.
[Mr. Krabs crosses his arms. The scene changes to show SpongeBob in from of the Cash register boat with the Kitchen door open. He takes off his hat and sadly plays trumpet as Squidward and Mr. Krabs bring Plankton the Krabby Patty.]
Plankton: Finally. At long last, the Krabby Patty is mine. Go ahead and wrap that up, son. I'll take it to go.
SpongeBob: One Krabby Patty to go. [SpongeBob puts the Krabby Patty in a "to go" bag.][Off-Screen] Here you are.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, no, you don't. [He takes the bag] You have to eat it on the premises. [He puts the patty on the plate.] Them's the rules.
[Mr. Krabs runs off-screen and runs back with the contest sign. It has, "Must be eaten at the Krusty Krab" on it.]
Plankton: Yeah, that's what it says.
Mr. Krabs: So.
Plankton: Okay, okay. I will. [He eats Krabby Patty whole.] I bid you good day, sir.
[Mr. Krabs picks up Plankton.]
Mr. Krabs: You gotta swallow it here on the premises.
Plankton: Oh, come on.
Agent Twirp: I'll allow it.
Plankton: Fine. [He swallows it whole and pants.] Can I go now?
[Mr. Krabs picks up Plankton and throws him back to the Chum Bucket. He slides into the lab and gets on to a table.]
Plankton: Karen, quick. You gotta cut this Krabby Patty out of me, stat.
Plankton: There's no time. I can feel it digesting.
[Karen lifts her arm revealing that there is a saw attachment.]
Karen: Whatever you say, dear. Hold still. [The exterior of the Chum Bucket is shown] This may pinch a little.
[Plankton screams. The scene changes to shown SpongeBob looking out a Krusty Krab window at the Chum Bucket with a sign and a line of customers.]
SpongeBob: Uh, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: What is it, lad?
SpongeBob: Take a look.
[The scene shows Plankton with a bandage on his stomach and holding a megaphone as a line enters the Krusty Krab.]
Plankton: Keep it moving, nice and orderly. Hey, Eugene, want a free Krabby Patty? Just guess how many customers I can fit into the Chum Bucket.
[Mr. Krabs gasps.]
Abigail Marge: I feel terrible. The Krabby Patty takes like stomach acid.
[She gags and runs off. Henry Bart leaves.]
Henry-Bart: It tastes like aspirin and carrots. [rubs tongue] Ugh, Get it off. Get it off.
[All of the customers scream and run away.]
Plankton: Wait, come back. Oh, come on, Karen. What happened?
Karen: I just did what you asked. [She lifts up a back of Plankton's stomach contents.] I analyzed the contents of your stomach and used them to synthesize a [She lifts up a Krabby Patty that is messed up.] Krabby Patty.
[Mr. Krabs laughs.]
Mr. Krabs: It warms my heart to see that little twerp fail. Okay, boyo, fun time's over. [He hands SpongeBob a plunger.] Now go fish them buns out of the toilet. Oh, yeah [He holds up bun seed jar.] and put these seeds back on 'em.