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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Fools in April" from season one, which aired on April 1, 2000.
  • [the episode begins with Gary snoring and meowing]
  • SpongeBob: Wake up, Gary.
  • Gary: [wakes up] Meow?
  • SpongeBob: We're moving today!
  • Gary: [quizzically] Meow?
  • SpongeBob: That's right! We're leaving home. We're going to become peasants! [puts on a hat and fake beard]
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: [He takes away Gary's bowl] No more food. [gives Gary a plate with clams on it] Sorry, Gary. Peasants only eat mashed-up clamshells. [SpongeBob puts salt in the shells, and Gary starts crying] April Fools! [takes off the outfit and puts Gary's food bowl back onto the floor] There ya go, pal!
  • Gary: Meow. [eats]
  • SpongeBob: [goes into the kitchen] Whew, I'm thirsty! [takes a big glass of lemonade out of the fridge] [deep voice] This is an extreme thirst! [sets the lemonade down on the floor; bubble transition to him putting all the lemonade into a lot of small glasses with umbrellas]
  • SpongeBob: [normal voice] Whew, I'm exhausted. I sure can't wait to drink all of these drinks! April Fools! [holds up a mirror] To me! [laughs obnoxiously and walks outside and towards work. Squidward sees him]
  • Squidward: What's he so happy about? [walks by the calendar and notices it's April Fools Day. He panics] April 1st? [screams] April Fools Day is SpongeBob's favorite holiday! [puts a heating pad on his head and dials the number for the Krusty Krab] Mr. Krabs, I can't come in today. I caught something terrible.
  • Mr. Krabs: [over phone] What'd you catch?
  • Squidward: I caught sight of the calendar.
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, hold on, Squidward, there's someone here to see you. He says he's from the Barnacle Bay Art Museum and he wants to honor you as artist of the month.
  • [Squidward runs to the Krusty Krab with an artist uniform on]
  • Squidward: I have arrived. [SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs laugh] What's so funny? Where's the art dealer?
  • [SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs laugh more]
  • Mr. Krabs: You just missed him.
  • SpongeBob: Yeah, but he told us to tell you...
  • Squidward: Tell me what?
  • SpongeBob: [whispers into Squidward's ear] He told me to tell you... April Fools.
  • Squidward: [lays his hat on the table] Well, it's been nice working here. [he walks off] Thanks for everything, Mr. Krabs.
  • SpongeBob: Squidward, wait!
  • Squidward: Just send my last check to the P.O. box, Mr. Krabs!
  • SpongeBob: Wait, Squidward! [grabs Squidward's legs] It was just a joke! No more jokes on you today, I promise!
  • Squidward: You do?
  • SpongeBob: Sure, there are lots of other willing participants. Right, Mr. Krabs?
  • [Mr. Krabs sits on a whoopee cushion and it "farts." SpongeBob laughs]
  • Squidward: Well, as long as it's not me.
  • [bubble transition to SpongeBob carrying a tray of burger patties when an old lady comes by]
  • Cora: Excuse me, could you tell me where the forks are?
  • SpongeBob: They're right here, lady! [leads her to the utensils]
  • Cora: [picks up a spoon] But this is a spoon.
  • SpongeBob: April Fools! [laughs; Squidward stares at SpongeBob and he runs away; bubble transition to SpongeBob behind the register; a customer comes up to him] Welcome to the Krusty Krab. How may I help you?
  • Nat: [raises up his left arm] Yeah, give me two large fries and a Jumbo Krabby Patty.
  • SpongeBob: [points at something] Hey, what's that?
  • [Nat turns around; SpongeBob turns around and has a smiley face on his back]
  • Nat: Well, I didn't see anything. [notices that SpongeBob is gone] Hey, where'd that other guy go?
  • [SpongeBob turns around]
  • SpongeBob: April Fools! I'm right here!
  • Nat: [laughs] Hey, that was pretty good.
  • [SpongeBob laughs obnoxiously; Squidward notices SpongeBob behind the register]
  • Squidward: What are you doing behind the counter?
  • [Bubble transition to SpongeBob wiping the floor; Tom comes by with a cup of soda]
  • Tom: Excuse me, can I get a couple of ice cubes in here, please?
  • SpongeBob: Sure! A couple of ice cubes coming up! [fills the cup with ice and comes back whistling] Here you go.
  • Tom: Thanks. [he takes a sip of his drink; SpongeBob titters and Tom looks at him, but SpongeBob stops before Tom turns around] Huh? [SpongeBob is silent, so Tom takes another sip of his drink; SpongeBob starts giggling again and then Tom turns around and looks at him, but SpongeBob stops before he turns around] Huh? [SpongeBob is silent, so Tom finishes his drink] Ah.
  • SpongeBob: [laughs loudly and obnoxiously] April Fools! [Tom grabs SpongeBob by the collar, suddenly panicked]
  • Tom: What did you do to my drink?!
  • SpongeBob: I... [giggles] I... [giggles]
  • Tom: You what?!?!
  • SpongeBob: You asked for a couple of ice cubes in your drink, and I only put in one! [laughs]
  • Tom: I guess that is pretty funny. [laughs as he walks off]
  • SpongeBob: [laughs so hard his tongue pops off] Hey, your shoes untied. [tongue looks down] April Fools! You're not wearing shoes! [laughs and hugs his tongue, which smiles. Then they laugh into the microphone; everyone hears it; in the kitchen, Squidward tries to mute the sound with tissues, but he can still hear it] April Fools! [Squidward drops a plate]
  • Squidward: That does it! SpongeBob and his stupid pranks! I'm going to show him what a real prank is all about! [bubble transition to him squirting some mustard inside a rope circle then he chuckles and shows SpongeBob the mess]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, boy! Something for me to clean up! [starts cleaning it and Squidward is standing next to a rope which he is about to cut]
  • Squidward: April Fools! [laughs as he cuts the rope which grabs SpongeBob]
  • SpongeBob: Whooaahh!! [the rope sends him into a bag of flour. Squidward is laughing through all of this. Then SpongeBob is taken around a bar] Whoa! Blblblblblblblblblblblbl... [screams as he is sent into a wall]
  • All except Squidward: Oh, no.
  • [Squidwards eyes pop out as he laughs. SpongeBob screams and flies into Bubble Bass's rear]
  • SpongeBob: Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! [we see Squidward cheerleading, laughing, and jumping into the air. Then SpongeBob smashes into the ceiling]
  • Squidward: [runs and holds out his arms to catch SpongeBob] I'll catch you, SpongeBob! [he giggles to himself. SpongeBob screams and almost lands in Squidward's arms, but before he does, Squidward sets out a garbage can in front of him, and SpongeBob falls into the goop in the garbage can] Oops. [dumps SpongeBob, who is now the shape of the can, out of the garbage can] April Fools, you little sausage! [he laughs; SpongeBob cries hysterically and runs out of the Krusty Krab] SpongeBob! I was just kidding! C'mon, c'mon. You all know I was just kidding… Right?
  • Martin: Aww, man, poor kid.
  • Shubie: That guy has definitely got some issues to work out. [Everyone looks angry at Squidward and leaves]
  • Tom: April Fools, jerk.
  • Squidward: Wait, don't go!
  • Man: Hey, you stink!
  • Squidward: Wait, wait, it was a joke! Uh huh... [looks around at the mess he has made and winces, then he looks at Bubble Bass, who has a hole in his bottom due to the "prank" and Squidward felt ashamed for himself] Why is it whenever I'm having fun, it's wrong? I didn't mean to make him cry. I guess this means I'd better tell SpongeBob I'm sor-eaach. [makes silly face] Huh? I guess this means I'd better apolo- [throat goes haywire] gii! This is gonna be tougher than I thought. [bubble transition to Squidward going to SpongeBob's pineapple; he knocks on SpongeBob's door] SpongeBob? Uh, SpongeBob, come out! I've got something to tell you! SpongeBob? [notices a Krusty Krab hat and goes over there to talk to the man who is wearing it] Uhh, I was thinking about today and uh… and it just seems that I may owe you some sort of… This isn't something I normally do, so, listen carefully SpongeBob, because I am about to tell you that I am... [notices that the guy with the hat on is Patrick] Patrick? What are you doing here?
  • Patrick: Digging.
  • Squidward: Why are you wearing that hat?
  • Patrick: Hmm, I don't know. [takes off the hat]
  • Squidward: [growls] Where's SpongeBob?
  • Patrick: He's in the house. He's impressed.
  • Squidward: With what?
  • Patrick: I don't know, but it must've been pretty good to make him cry like that.
  • Squidward: [shivers then goes back to SpongeBob's house] SpongeBob, SpongeBob, let me in there! [tries to turn the handle, but SpongeBob's arm comes from under the door and pulls it inside; Squidward grabs his clarinet] SpongeBob, you'd better let me in there! I don't want to have to use this! [plays clarinet horribly. SpongeBob opens the door]
  • SpongeBob: What do you want?
  • Squidward: SpongeBob, I just wanted to say that I'm sorr-yyyy. [sticks out tongue while talking]
  • SpongeBob: What?
  • Squidward: I'm trying to say I'm [turns into a donkey and starts braying] hee-haw-hee-haw!
  • SpongeBob: What?
  • Squidward: I'm just trying to say that I'm... [head explodes] There's gotta be an easier way to do this. [bubble transition to Squidward writing a note; he puts it in a bottle and rolls it to SpongeBob where he picks it up] Well, aren't you going to open it?
  • SpongeBob: I can't. I don't have a bottle opener.
  • Squidward: Doh! [Squidward hands SpongeBob a can and Squidward drives to the other side of the road] SpongeBob, I'm... [whispers into the can, then puts the can up to his ear but hears some sort of noise; Patrick is flossing his teeth with the cord; Squidward growls and throws the binoculars down on the ground] SpongeBob, all I am trying to say is that I am... [waves tentacles in the air and bubbles form, puts a big bubble on his head and then talks] ...sorry. [pops the bubble] There you go.
  • SpongeBob: But I couldn't... [Squidward slams the door in his face]
  • Squidward: I don't care! I said it! My conscience is clear! [Starts to walk away, when an image of Patrick appears in the air]
  • Patrick: It must've been pretty good to make him cry like that. [Squidward nervously continues walking and runs into a ghost image of a guy at the Krusty Krab]
  • Tom: April Fools...jerk. [Squidward frantically starts running again, but this time his mother appears]
  • Mama Tentacles: [male voice] You stink!
  • Squidward: Mother? [runs back to SpongeBob's house to apologize] All right, all right! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I admit it, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you, in fact, SpongeBob, I like you! I like living next door, I like hearing your foghorn alarm in the morning and your high-pitched giggling at night! I also like Gary, Patrick, Sandy, Mr. Krabs, and all the other people I'm forced to be in contact with! And, and, and... [SpongeBob opens the door slightly]
  • SpongeBob: Squidward! Is all that true?
  • Squidward: Yes, SpongeBob. Yes, it's all true.
  • SpongeBob: Even the part about the lima beans and the car chase?
  • Squidward: What the...? Yes, whatever! But you have to promise not to tell anybody.
  • SpongeBob: I promise.
  • Squidward: Really? [SpongeBob opens the door all the way, revealing the citizens of Bikini Bottom inside]
  • Everyone: April Fools!
  • Squidward: [twitches eye] April Fools! You're right, April Fools! I just fooled you all! [laughs hysterically while going back into his house]
  • SpongeBob: What would we do without Squidward?