[the episode begins with Gary snoring and meowing]
SpongeBob: Wake up, Gary.
Gary:[wakes up] Meow?
SpongeBob: We're moving today!
SpongeBob: Yes, that's right! We're leaving home. We're going to become peasants! [puts on a hat and mustache]
SpongeBob:[He takes away Gary's bowl] No more food. [gives Gary a plate with clams on it] Sorry, Gary. Peasants only eat mashed-up clamshells. [sprinkles some salt on the shells. Gary starts crying] April Fools! [takes off the outfit and puts Gary's food bowl back onto the floor] There ya go, pal!
Gary: Meow. [eats]
SpongeBob:[goes into the kitchen] Whew, I'm thirsty! [takes a big glass of lemonade out of the fridge][deep voice] This is an extreme thirst! [sets the lemonade down on the floor; bubble transition to him putting all the lemonade into a lot of small glasses with umbrellas]
SpongeBob:[normal voice] Whew, I'm exhausted. I sure can't wait to drink all of these drinks! April Fools! [holds up a mirror] To me! [laughs obnoxiously and walks outside and towards work. Squidward sees him]
Squidward: What's he so happy about? [walks by the calendar and notices it's April Fools Day. He panics] April 1st? [screams] April Fools Day is SpongeBob's favorite holiday! [puts a heating pad on his head and dials the number for the Krusty Krab] Mr. Krabs, I can't come in today. I caught something terrible.
Mr. Krabs:[over phone] What'd you catch?
Squidward: I caught sight of the calendar.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, hold on Squidward, there's someone here to see you. He says he's from the Barnacle Bay Art Museum and he wants to honor you as artist of the month.
[Squidward runs to the Krusty Krab with an artist uniform on]
Squidward: I have arrived. [SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs laugh] What's so funny? Where's the art dealer?
[SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs laugh more]
Mr. Krabs: You just missed him.
SpongeBob: Yeah, but he told us to tell you...
Squidward: Tell me what?
SpongeBob:[whispers into Squidward's ear] He told me to tell you... April Fools.
Squidward:[lays his hat on the table] Well, it's been nice working here. [he walks off] Thanks for everything, Mr. Krabs.
SpongeBob: Squidward, wait!
Squidward: Just send my last check to the P.O. box, Mr. Krabs!
SpongeBob: Wait, Squidward! [grabs Squidward's legs] It was just a joke! No more jokes on you today, I promise!
Squidward: You do?
SpongeBob: Sure, there are lots of other willing participants. Right, Mr. Krabs?
[Mr. Krabs sits on a whoopee cushion and it "farts." SpongeBob laughs]
Squidward: Well, as long as it's not me.
[bubble transition to SpongeBob carrying a tray of burger patties when an old lady comes by]
Cora: Excuse me, could you tell me where the forks are?
SpongeBob: They're right here, lady! [leads her to the utensils]
Cora:[picks up a spoon] But this is a spoon.
SpongeBob: April Fools! [laughs; Squidward stares at SpongeBob and he runs away. Bubble transition to SpongeBob behind the register. A customer comes up to him] Welcome to the Krusty Krab. How may I help you?
Nat:[raises up his left arm] Yeah, give me two large fries and a Jumbo Krabby Patty.
SpongeBob:[points at something] Hey, what's that?
[Nat turns around. SpongeBob turns around and has a smiley face on his back]
Nat: Well, I didn't see anything. [notices that SpongeBob is gone] Hey, where'd that other guy go?
[SpongeBob turns around]
SpongeBob: April Fools! I'm right here!
Nat:[laughs] Hey, that was pretty good.
[SpongeBob laughs obnoxiously. Squidward notices SpongeBob behind the register]
Squidward: What are you doing behind the counter?
[Bubble transition to SpongeBob wiping the floor. Tom comes by with a cup of soda]
Tom: Excuse me, can I get a couple of ice cubes in here, please?
SpongeBob: Sure! A couple of ice cubes coming up! [fills the cup with ice and comes back whistling] Here you go.
Tom: Thanks. [he takes a sip of his drink. SpongeBob titters and Tom looks at him but SpongeBob stops before Tom turns around] Huh? [SpongeBob is silent, so Tom takes another sip of his drink. SpongeBob starts giggling again and then Tom turns around and looks at him, but SpongeBob stops before he turns around] Huh? [SpongeBob is silent, so Tom finishes his drink] Ah.
SpongeBob:[laughs loudly and obnoxiously] April Fools! [Tom grabs SpongeBob by the collar, suddenly panicked]
Tom: What did you do to my drink?!
SpongeBob: I... [giggles] I... [giggles]
Tom: You what?!?!
SpongeBob: You asked for a couple of ice cubes in your drink, and I only put in one! [laughs]
Tom: I guess that is pretty funny. [laughs as he walks off]
SpongeBob:[laughs so hard his tongue pops off] Hey, your shoes untied. [tongue looks down] April Fools! You're not wearing shoes! [laughs and hugs his tongue, which smiles. Then they laugh into the microphone. Everyone hears it. In the kitchen, Squidward tries to mute the sound with tissues but he can still hear it] April Fools! [Squidward drops a plate]
Squidward: That does it! SpongeBob and his stupid pranks! I'm going to show him what a real prank is all about! [bubble transition to him squirting some mustard inside a rope circle then he chuckles and shows SpongeBob the mess]
SpongeBob: Oh boy! Something for me to clean up! [starts cleaning it and Squidward is standing next to a rope which he is about to cut]
Squidward: April Fools! [laughs as he cuts the rope which grabs SpongeBob]
SpongeBob: Whooooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!! [the rope sends him into a bag of flour. Squidward is laughing through all of this. Then SpongeBob is taken around a bar] Whoa! Blblblblblblblblblblblbl... [screams as he is sent into a wall]
All except Squidward: Oh, no.
[Squidwards eyes pop out as he laughs. SpongeBob screams and flies into Bubble Bass's rear]
SpongeBob: Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! [we see Squidward cheerleading, laughing, and jumping into the air. Then SpongeBob smashes into the ceiling]
Squidward:[runs and holds out his arms to catch SpongeBob] I'll catch you, SpongeBob! [he giggles to himself. SpongeBob screams and almost lands in Squidward's arms, but before he does, Squidward sets out a garbage can in front of him, and SpongeBob falls into the goop in the garbage can] Whoops. [dumps SpongeBob, who is now the shape of the can, out of the garbage can] April Fools, you little sausage! [he laughs. SpongeBob cries hysterically and runs out of the Krusty Krab] SpongeBob! I was just kidding! Cmon, cmon. You all know I was just kidding… Right?
Martin: Aww, man, poor kid.
Shubie: That guy has definitely got some issues to work out. [Everyone looks angry at Squidward and leaves]
Tom: April Fools, jerk.
Squidward: Wait, don't go!
Man: Hey, you stink!
Squidward: Wait, wait, it was a joke! Uh huh... [looks around at the mess he has made of SpongeBob and winces. Then he looks at Bubble Bass who have a hole in his bottom due to the "prank" and Squidward gets angry with himself] Why is it whenever I'm having fun, it's wrong? I didn't mean to make him cry. I guess this means I'd better tell SpongeBob I'm sor-eaach. [makes silly face] Huh? I guess this means I'd better apolo- [throat goes haywire] gii! This is gonna be tougher than I thought. [bubble transition to Squidward going to SpongeBob's pineapple. He knocks on SpongeBob's door] SpongeBob? Uh, SpongeBob, come out! I've got something to tell you! SpongeBob? [notices a Krusty Krab hat and goes over there to talk to the man who is wearing it] Uhh, I was thinking about today and uh… and it just seems that I may owe you some sort of… This isn't something I normally do so, listen carefully SpongeBob, because I am about to tell you that I am... [notices that the guy with the hat on is Patrick] Patrick? What are you doing here?
Squidward: Why are you wearing that hat?
Patrick: Hmm, I don't know. [takes off the hat]
Squidward:[growls] Where's SpongeBob?
Patrick: He's in the house. He's impressed.
Squidward: With what?
Patrick: I don't know, but it must have been pretty good to make him cry like that.
Squidward:[shivers then goes back to SpongeBob's house] SpongeBob, SpongeBob, let me in there! [tries to turn the handle but SpongeBob's arm comes from under the door and pulls it inside. Squidward grabs his clarinet] SpongeBob, you'd better let me in there! I don't want to have to use this! [plays clarinet horribly. SpongeBob opens the door]
SpongeBob: What do you want?
Squidward: SpongeBob, I just wanted to say that I'm sorr-yyyy. [sticks out tongue while talking]
Squidward: I'm trying to say I'm [turns into a donkey and starts braying] hee-haw-hee-haw!
Squidward: I'm just trying to say that I'm... [head explodes] There's gotta be an easier way to do this. [bubble transition to Squidward writing a note. He puts it in a bottle and rolls it to SpongeBob where he picks it up] Well, aren't you going to open it?
SpongeBob: I can't, I don't have a bottle opener. [Squidward hands SpongeBob a can and Squidward drives to the other side of the road]
Squidward: SpongeBob, I'm... [whispers into the can. Puts the can up to his ear but hears some sort of noise. Patrick is flossing his teeth with the cord. Squidward throws the binoculars down on the ground] SpongeBob, all I am trying to say is that I am... [waves tentacles in the air and bubbles form. Puts a big bubble on his head and then talks] ...sorry. [pops the bubble] There you go.
SpongeBob: But I couldn't... [Squidward slams the door in his face]
Squidward: I don't care! I said it! My conscience is clear! [Starts to walk away, when an image of Patrick appears in the air]
Patrick: It must have been pretty good to make him cry like that. [Squidward nervously continues walking and runs into a ghost image of a guy at the Krusty Krab]
Tom: April Fools...jerk. [Squidward frantically starts running again, but this time his mother appears]
Mama Tentacles:[man voice] You stink!
Squidward: Mother? [runs back to SpongeBob's house to apologize] All right, all right! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I admit it, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you, in fact SpongeBob, I like you! I like living next door, I like hearing your foghorn alarm in the morning and your high-pitched giggling at night! I also like Gary, Patrick, Sandy, Mr. Krabs, and all the other people I'm forced to be in contact with! And, and, and... [SpongeBob opens the door slightly]
SpongeBob: Squidward! Is all that true?
Squidward: Yes, SpongeBob. Yes, it's all true.
SpongeBob: Even the part about the lima beans and the car chase?
Squidward: What the...? Yes, whatever! But you have to promise not to tell anybody.
SpongeBob: I promise.
Squidward: Really? [SpongeBob opens the door all the way, revealing the citizens of Bikini Bottom inside]
All: April Fools!
Squidward:[twitches eye] April Fools! You're right, April Fools! I just fooled you all! [laughs hysterically while going back into his house]