SpongeBob SquarePants

Food Con Castaways (transcript)

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Food Con Castaways
Season №: 9
Episode №: 202a
Airdate: July 13, 2016
Previous: "Bulletin Board"
Next: "Snail Mail"
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Food Con Castaways" from season nine, which aired on July 13, 2016.

  • [The episode begins at the Krusty Krab where Squidward is blowing a bunch of paper from straws onto a large stack.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [bursts through the front door] Rev your excitement engines, Mr. Squidward! [shaking Squidward] Do you not know what tomorrow is?
  • Squidward: Another monotonous day I spend walking in slow motion towards an empty horizon?
  • Mr. Krabs: No, that's today! Tomorrow is Food Con!
  • SpongeBob: [appears from the blown paper straw stack] Whoo! Food Con! Wait, what's a Food Con?
  • Squidward: Additionally, who cares?
  • Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward! Food Con is the biggest convention of food fans in the entire ocean! [cue an imaginary sequence with Mr. Krabs and others are at Food Con] The best chefs and cooks gather together and compete for the top prize: The Golden Cornucopia! [an image is shown with the Mayor giving Mr. Krabs the Golden Cornucopia]
  • SpongeBob: Oh boy! The Krabby Patty is a sure bet to win the Golden Cornucopia!
  • Mr. Krabs: You darn tootin' it is! And you two will be me right claw men! Eh, could use some extra muscle to set up the booth. [he looks over to see Patrick trying to eat a Krabby Patty and ends up lifting the table to eat it] Perfect! Let's hit the road!
  • [The scene changes to outside the Krusty Krab.]
  • Mr. Krabs: As you can see gentlemen, I have spared no expense on our transportation! [camera pans over to a nice, looking boat]
  • SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward: Whoa!
  • [The nicer boat suddenly drives away and smaller, run-down boat with a trailer on the back is shown.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Ta da!
  • SpongeBob: Woo!
  • Patrick: What a ride!
  • Squidward: [groans]
  • Mr. Krabs: [opens the trailer revealing it is full of Krabby Patties] And I brought plenty of free samples to sell!
  • SpongeBob: This is the best day ever!
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Road trip!
  • [They both play the air guitar as Squidward gets covered in exhaust from Mr. Krabs' boat. The scene changes to Mr. Krabs driving out of Bikini Bottom in his boat. Squidward is knitting a seatbelt warmer while SpongeBob and Patrick are laughing and playing in the back seat.]
  • SpongeBob: [holds his left eye] I spy with my little eye...
  • Patrick: Mr. Krabs!
  • SpongeBob: Yes!
  • Patrick: [laughs] I spy with my little eye... [opens his left eye and pulls out a smaller eyeball]
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs?
  • Patrick: Oh ho! Yes! Yes!
  • [SpongeBob pops his eyes out of his body.]
  • SpongeBob: I spy with my little eye...
  • Patrick: Mr. Krabs?
  • SpongeBob: Oh, how did you know?
  • Mr. Krabs: [irritated] Enough!! You both are barnacles on me brain!
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: [points to a billboard] Whoa! Look at that!
  • SpongeBob: The world's second biggest lump is only 50 miles away! We gotta see it!
  • Squidward and Mr. Krabs: No.
  • Patrick: The world's least exciting sweater! My parents fell in love there! We gotta go!
  • Squidward and Mr. Krabs: No.
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Cool toilet!
  • Squidward and Mr. Krabs: No.
  • Mr. Krabs: We are not stoppin' 'til we get to Food Con!
  • [The scene changes to Mr. Krabs driving next to a truck.]
  • SpongeBob: Hey!
  • [SpongeBob motions the truck driver to pull down his lever and honk his horn. The truck driver did so but wakes Squidward up from his nap.]
  • Patrick: Hey!
  • [Patrick motions to another truck driver to pull down his lever and honk his horn. The truck driver did so but wakes Squidward up from his nap again.]
  • Squidward: Grr!! For the last time, we get it! Trucks have horns!
  • SpongeBob: Come on, Squidward! Give it a try!
  • Squidward: If I do, will you promise to stop?
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Yes!
  • Squidward: Alright. Hey!
  • [Squidward motions to another truck driver to pull down his lever and honk his horn. But instead of honking his horn, the truck driver pulls his lever and his truck exhaust blows some smoke in Squidward's face.]
  • Squidward: Typical.
  • Patrick: You did it wrong, Squidward.
  • Squidward: [annoyed] I did it exactly the way you did it!
  • Mr. Krabs: [extremely irritated] Everybody pipe down!!! I don't wanna hear another peep from anyone until we get to Food Con!
  • SpongeBob: Peep!
  • Mr. Krabs: Not a peep!
  • SpongeBob: Peep!
  • Mr. Krabs: Not a peep!
  • SpongeBob: Peep! [points ahead]
  • Everyone: PEEP'S CLIFF!!! [screams]
  • [Mr. Krabs drives his boat over Peep's Cliff and ends up falling into a river. The river drifts the boat over the waterfall and through the pipe of a flowing dam. The pipe spits the boat out and sends it flying around a tornado. The boat flies past two airplanes as everyone in the boat continues to scream. The boat lands safely on a dessert wasteland.]
  • Everyone: Whew!
  • [The boat drives slowly until it bumps into a flower. The boat comes apart and the air bag blows up in Mr. Krabs' face. Mr. Krabs moans in disgust.]
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs? [grabs Mr. Krabs' eyes] Blink if you're alive.
  • [Mr. Krabs blinks his eyes.]
  • SpongeBob: Whew! Thank Neptune, we're ok!
  • Squidward: Well, at least we have plenty of food while we're stuck out here.
  • [Squidward opens the trailer but much to his horror finds it completely empty. Patrick is shown sitting on top of a pile of food wrappers, meaning that Patrick ate all of the free samples during the trip.]
  • Patrick: [burps] It was an accident that it fell into my mouth!
  • [Squidward, SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs freak out at Patrick's gluttonous behavior. SpongeBob searches through the wrappers to find some extra food and finds the last remaining Krabby Patty.]
  • SpongeBob: Don't worry, guys. We can still win Food Con. There's one patty left.
  • Mr. Krabs: We gotta get movin'! The judgin' starts tomorrow! Now, since you boys caused the accident, you'll be haulin' the trailer.
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick lift the trailer.]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Yeah! Haulin' the trailer!
  • [The trailer crushes SpongeBob and Patrick underneath. The scene changes to them pulling the trailer with a rope on the road while Squidward and Mr. Krabs sit on it.]
  • French Narrator: And so, SpongeBob and Patrick begin their narrowing task. [a wild snail howls] Tell it to the wagon, not just by ropes, but by their own foolish mistakes. Onward, they trench.
  • [As they travel, a tentacle from a giant octopus grabs a sunken ship and pulls it down a trench. The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick pulling the trailer up a snowy mountain. Mr. Krabs, blinded by his own selfishness and greed, whips them to make them go faster while Squidward freezes.]
  • French Narrator: Pushed by Mr. Krabs, whose desires blind him to the pain he influenced. In short, this whole trip is beginning to look like a whoopsie.
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick stop at a forest where they collapse from exhaustion and are worn out from pulling the trailer.]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, are you ok? [falls flat on his face]
  • Patrick: 100%.
  • [Patrick's feet pop like balloons and Patrick falls flat on his back.]
  • Squidward: Mr. Krabs, we've got to stop for the night if you want SpongeBob and Patrick to live! I'm not saying that's what I want, I'm just telling you the facts.
  • [The scene changes to SpongeBob, Squidward, Patrick, and Mr. Krabs sitting around the campfire and set up a campsite for them to spend the night. As they sit together, strange sounds begin to scare them. A howling sound frightens them.]
  • SpongeBob: We must guard this last patty with our very lives! It's the only way to win Food Con! And who knows what scary, hungry things are out there in the woods waiting to gobble it up!
  • [Various eyes appear behind SpongeBob and he puts the patty on a stump.]
  • SpongeBob: Positions everyone!
  • [SpongeBob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward position themselves to protect the Krabby Patty at all costs. Suddenly, they hear something growling in the bushes. They get scared by the growling sound until a small snail pops out and meows.]
  • SpongeBob: Aww. Hey, little fella.
  • [SpongeBob thought the snail was harmless and friendly. But to his surprise, the snail transforms into a monster and roars at them. Everyone screams and the snail monster grabs the Krabby Patty.]
  • Everyone: The patty!
  • [The snail monster begins to fly away with the Krabby Patty.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, what are we gonna do?!
  • Mr. Krabs: Don't eat my patty!
  • [Mr. Krabs grabs Squidward and throws him in the air. Squidward ends up in the snail monster's claws and the monster eats Squidward. However, the monster spits Squidward out and rubs his tongue, meaning that he didn't like the taste of Squidward. Squidward falls flat on his face in the ground and SpongeBob catches the Krabby Patty.]
  • SpongeBob: Squidward, you've saved the Krabby Patty!
  • Squidward: Whoopee.
  • [Soon, Patrick, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs begin to grow hungry and their stomach are growling like crazy. They all look at the Krabby Patty.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Maybe I could just eat a pickle.
  • Squidward: Maybe I could just eat the corner of the lettuce.
  • Patrick: I don't wanna be a hog. I'll just eat what's leftover.
  • [They try to get the Krabby Patty but they are blocked by SpongeBob.]
  • SpongeBob: No, we can't do that! I know we're all hungry, but we must stay focused! Remember Food Con! Remember the cornucopia!
  • Mr. Krabs: [whispers to Squidward] He says "Food Con". But all I hear is "food".
  • [The scene changes to SpongeBob guarding the patty from the others and the fire is doused. SpongeBob is becoming very tired.]
  • Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob. You look tired. You want me to guard the patty for a bit?
  • SpongeBob: [yawns] Thanks, Patrick. That'll be great.
  • [Patrick takes the Krabby Patty and SpongeBob goes to sleep. However, SpongeBob immediately wakes up when he realizes what Patrick's going to do. He stops Patrick from eating the Krabby Patty.]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, no!
  • Patrick: I can't believe you thought I would eat it!
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, I'm sorry I doubted you. I'm just hungry and tired and I feel like I'm all alone doing the right thing and I...
  • [SpongeBob sees Patrick trying to eat the patty with his foot and stops him from doing so.]
  • SpongeBob: Hey!
  • Patrick: But I'm hungry!
  • [SpongeBob punches Patrick's foot and pushes his mouth back up to his head.]
  • Patrick: Ow! [laughs nervously]
  • [The scene changes to Squidward, Patrick and Mr. Krabs grinning evilly at each other.]
  • Squidward: I'll lure him to sleep with a lovely lullaby.
  • Mr. Krabs: Ooh, good idea. Music soothes the savage beast.
  • [Squidward attempts to play music on his clarinet to put SpongeBob to sleep, but his plan utterly fails when the snail monster grabs him and carries him off.]
  • Squidward: What the? [screams]
  • Mr. Krabs: Did I say "soothe"? I guess I meant enrages.
  • [Squidward continues to scream until the snail monster drops him to the ground. Squidward falls flat on his face and his clarinet breaks.]
  • Squidward: Everybody's a critic.
  • [The scene changes to SpongeBob guarding the patty and Mr. Krabs comes up with a safe he made himself.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Hey there, boy-oh! I've taken the liberty of creatin' a safe to secure our precious patty.
  • SpongeBob: Great idea, Mr. Krabs!
  • Mr. Krabs: [opens his safe] Just put in right in here. I'll even step away while you do it.
  • [As SpongeBob puts the Krabby Patty in the safe, Mr. Krabs uses the extra hole in his safe as an opening for the patty to enter his mouth.]
  • SpongeBob: Pew, it smells really bad in there.
  • Mr. Krabs: Ok, just do it already!
  • [SpongeBob closes the safe on Mr. Krabs' mouth.]
  • SpongeBob: No!
  • [Mr. Krabs throws the safe away.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Enough of this! I am your boss and I order you to give me that patty!
  • SpongeBob: No, Mr. Krabs! I will not! But I will give you these.
  • [SpongeBob presents them with some patties he made out of the leaves, dirt, rocks, sticks, worms and mud.]
  • SpongeBob: Nature Patties!
  • Patrick: Oh boy!
  • Squidward: How delightful!
  • Mr. Krabs: Dig in, boys!
  • [Squidward, Patrick and Mr. Krabs taken a bite of the Nature Patties, but they find it very disgusting.]
  • Squidward: Oh! It's like eating the inside of a lawn mower!
  • Mr. Krabs: I think mine is mostly stones!
  • SpongeBob: [swings above them] Out here, we call them forest tomatoes.
  • [Mr. Krabs and Squidward spit the Nature Patties out and glare at SpongeBob. Patrick, however, seems to enjoy it and swallows it.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Enough of this! [tries to grab the patty but is halted by SpongeBob]
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, remember Food Con!
  • Mr. Krabs: You can't win Food Con if you starve to death! Now, give me that Krabby Patty boy-oh!
  • SpongeBob: No! I'm doing this for your own good! I'm protecting you all from yourselves!
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, in that case, you leave me no choice. Get him!!!
  • SpongeBob: Yeow!!
  • [Squidward, Patrick and Mr. Krabs chase SpongeBob all over the forest in a barbaric rage.]
  • Patrick: Hunger!
  • [Squidward, Patrick and Mr. Krabs continue to chase SpongeBob until SpongeBob hides behind a tree and loses sight of them. SpongeBob's stomach growls in hunger and begins to hallucinate.]
  • Krabby Patty: Hey! Psst! It's me! The patty!
  • SpongeBob: Oh, hi.
  • Krabby Patty: It's just me and you out here, now. So, just do it. Eat me.
  • SpongeBob: What about Food Con?
  • Krabby Patty: [floats above SpongeBob] Oh, forget Food Con. You're starving and I'm right here. [licks SpongeBob]
  • SpongeBob: Maybe you're right.
  • Krabby Patty: Of course, I'm right. I'm a talking sandwich.
  • SpongeBob: [grabs the patty] Yes, a sandwich has no reason to lie.
  • [SpongeBob slowly but surely attempts to eat the Krabby Patty but suddenly snaps out of his hallucination.]
  • SpongeBob: [gasps] No! I made a vow! I will not eat you!
  • Mr. Krabs: [offscreen] Shh! Shh! I hear him over there! He's arguing with the patty! Get him!
  • [Mr. Krabs jumps out but misses. Squidward jumps out but also misses. Patrick tries to jump out but trips over the stump. SpongeBob walks over Patrick and continues to run from his barbaric friends.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Don't let him get away!
  • [SpongeBob runs through the bushes until he reaches his way out of the forest. He bumps into a line of people wearing food costumes standing in front of Food Con.]
  • SpongeBob: What? [gasps] Food Con!
  • [SpongeBob looks at Food Con in awe until his friends, who are still in a barbaric rage, find him.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Get him!
  • SpongeBob: Guys, we're here!
  • [Squidward, Patrick and Mr. Krabs chase SpongeBob through the line.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Hungry, hungry, hungry, hungry!
  • SpongeBob: You're all not eating the patty!
  • [Squidward, Patrick and Mr. Krabs continue to chase SpongeBob until they reached inside the building. They accidently bump into a man in a soda suit, causing him to spill soda on the ground and makes SpongeBob slip. Squidward, Patrick and Mr. Krabs all pounce on SpongeBob and the mayor is on the stage announcing the winners.]
  • Mayor: And I hereby award the Golden Cornucopia too...
  • [SpongeBob squeezes out of Squidward, Patrick, and Mr. Krabs and makes it to the stage with the patty.]
  • SpongeBob: Please! Try a delicious Krabby Patty!
  • Mayor: What's this? A late entry? Hmm...
  • [As the mayor looks at the patty it is revealed that the real Krabby Patty had been switched by one of SpongeBob's Nature Patties.]
  • SpongeBob: [slow motion] Nature Patty?!
  • [SpongeBob looks at his friends and sees Patrick holding the real Krabby Patty.]
  • Patrick: [slow motion] Mmm! Krabby Patty!
  • [Patrick selfishly eats the Krabby Patty out of greed and SpongeBob becomes extremely worried. SpongeBob gasps in horror as the mayor eats the Nature Patty.]
  • Mayor: Oh, this is the most complex... organic... irresistible flavor I have ever had the pleasure of tasting!
  • [The mayor eats the Nature Patty as SpongeBob appears speechless at the amazing but unexpected results.]
  • Mayor: The winner is... the Krabby Patty!
  • [The mayor presents SpongeBob the Golden Cornucopia.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, excuse me, sir. That's not the real Krabby...
  • [Mr. Krabs shuts SpongeBob's mouth and grabs the Golden Cornucopia.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Put your truth in, boy! We won!
  • [The crowd cheers.]
  • Patrick: The Krabby Patty won! It won! [eats a clam]
  • Squidward: Yes!
  • [The truck exhaust blows smoke in Squidward's face and Squidward throws away his hot dog.]
  • Squidward: [groans]
  • [The episode ends.]

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