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Fiasco! (transcript)

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Transcript Information
Fiasco!
General
Season №: 8
Episode №: 168b
Airdate: April 5, 2012
Chronology
Previous: Restraining SpongeBob
Next: Are You Happy Now?
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Fiasco!" from season eight, which aired on April 5, 2012.

  • Patrick: [walks down the street wearing a tie, green jeans, a hat and carrying a briefcase. He stops and rips off his tie] Uhh. Such a tired day at the office. [looks at his watch] Boy, am I famished, I sure wish I knew the best restaurant in Bikini Bottom. [smell comes and Patrick's stomach has become in a nose shape] From where has this glorious scent come?
  • Squidward: [comes to Patrick] Hark, the odor you seek is before you.
  • Mr. Krabs: [jumps out from Krusty Krab's doors wearing a leotard] At the Krusty Krab, where the tastiest sandwich in the seas is grilled to perfection by our expert fry cook. [raises hand to SpongeBob who comes out sky sliding on rainbow holding a spatula] And served with a smile by our friendly waiter. [Squidward arrives on dolphin with a platter of Krabby Patties and gives plate to Patrick, Patrick pours the Krabby Patties into his mouth, then it reveals that it was all a storyboard planned by SpongeBob for a commercial]
  • SpongeBob: Uhh, Patrick gobbles down the patties. Num num num num num.
  • Mr. Krabs: Wait a minute. Why am I dressed in a leotard?
  • SpongeBob: Well, cause you're the mascot.
  • Mr. Krabs: Nah, I don't think so! [he tears off the storyboard pictures on the wall as SpongeBob looks in horror, some pieces of the shreds flies into SpongeBob's face and he blows it off him] We need a gimmic that's nothing short of a masterpiece.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, I know! Win a date with Squidward Tuesday! [Mr. Krabs stops walking and SpongeBob bumps into him. Mr. Krabs throws SpongeBob out of the kitchen. SpongeBob looks depressed and sighs louder and louder and louder which irritates Squidward.]
  • Squidward: Oh, for dolphins sakes!! Do tell what's troubling you so!
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs doesn't think my ideas are helping.
  • Squidward: Shocking.
  • SpongeBob: I just want to help him find the perfect Krabby Patty gimmic.
  • Squidward: Sounds like you'd better stop bothering me and put on your thinking cap.
  • SpongeBob: Great idea, Squidward! [zooms off]
  • Squidward: That'll keep him out of my hair. [rattling noises are heard and smoke engulfs around Squidward. Squidwards sees SpongeBob wearing a big blue machine of his head saying thinking as SpongeBob thinks really hard for an idea.] Of course, he actually has one. [Squidward leaves his cash register and sees a strange patron squirting ketchup all over the Krabby Patties. He then picks them up and drops them all over the floor] To each, his own.
  • Fiasco: Mustard!
  • Squidward: Yes, your freakishness. [he swipes the mustard from Squidward's hand and squirts it all over the platter. Squidward sighs in disgust as mustard splashes onto his face]
  • Fiasco: [drops the empty mustard condiment as he is finished] Like our own fleating existence, an untimely end has come upon this krabby-valued meal. [he notices something on the platter and scrapes it off before he leaves]
  • Squidward: Good riddance. [just as Squidward was about to spray the table, he he quickly notices what the patron has done on the platter] What's this? Something's familiar about those ketchup swirls. [gasps] Sweet Neptune! Could that have been...
  • Mr. Krabs: Yeah, yeah enough dilly-dallying. Now, help me with the garbage Mr. Squidward. [Mr. Krabs takes the platter and tries to throw it away, but Squidward takes it from him]
  • Squidward: That's not garbage, it's a Fiasco!
  • Mr. Krabs: Ok, let's not overdo it.
  • Squidward: No, no, no, you don't get it! It's the work of Fiasco the artist! [pulls out the Art Wonk magazine] He was featured in last month's Art Wonk magazine!
  • Mr. Krabs: [reads the magazine and sees the picture of Fiasco and his art in it] Heh, you call this art? Looks like a swappy's footlocker.
  • Squidward: It all makes sense now! The dark denim, the dismal statements, the extensive use of red and yellow! This is directly out of his early abstract experiments!
  • SpongeBob: [takes the Fiasco from Squidward] Ohh, what is this?
  • Squidward: [takes it back from SpongeBob] This is an authentic Fiasco!
  • Customers: A Fiasco? [gets up from their tables and looks at the Fiasco in amazement] Ooh!!!
  • Dave: An original Fiasco, you say?
  • Billy (lime fish): He's one of the famous picture-drawing artiste!
  • Nancy-Suzy Fish: Just look at his audacious use of pickle in this piece.
  • Tyler: What's your asking price?
  • Squidward: Oh, it's simply not for sale, not even for a million dollars.
  • Mr. Krabs: Hold it! [takes the Fiasco] I'll take a million for it.
  • Squidward: [takes it back] It's not yours to sell! I found it!
  • Mr. Krabs: Me plate, me buns, me mustard, [tries to take it from Squidward] me Fiasco.
  • Squidward: You tried to throw it away! [pulls it back] It's mine!
  • Farfel Bainbridge: Let's not be hasty. It belongs to neither of you. Farfel Bainbridge: Curator of the Bikini Bottom Art Museum. We curators have a way of sniffing these things out. [takes the Fiasco from Squidward and examines it. He sniffs it for a little bit] [gasps] It's authentic! Aahh! Which makes this a national treasure! [everyone cheers as Farfel places the Fiasco back on the table and puts a glass lid around it] And for preservation, it must be hermetically sealed! [blows his whistle] And guarded by Bikini Bottom's finest! [three police men rip off their costumes]
  • Officer John: Ready for duty, sir!
  • Mr. Krabs: Great idea, Farkle. Gotta protect me valuable property.
  • Farfel Bainbridge: Well, technically, it doesn't belong to you, it belongs to the people of Bikini Bottom. Unfortunately, they'll have to set foot in this grease-trap to get a look at this great piece of art.
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, so now you're a restaurant critic. [goes to a scene where the Krusty Krab has a really long line waiting to see the Fiasco] Step up! Step up for your free glimpse at the Fiasco masterpiece! [Evelyn and Tyler looks at the Fiasco] Alright, you've had your look. Now hold up your end of the bargain!
  • Tyler: Two Krabby Patties, please.
  • Mr. Krabs: Each!
  • Plankton: [while all the customers are lined up, Plankton sneaks up behind a small rock outside of the Chum Bucket] So, what have you got for me today? Huh? [looks through his telescope] No Krabby Patty in sight. [notices the customers looking at the Fiasco] What? What's this? Looks like a chewed-up Krabby Patty. A perfect sample from which to rebirth engineer a whole Krabby Patty! [gets down and paddles to the Krusty Krab with a tiny bag on a unicycle] Thanks, Eugene. You just made my job a whole lot easier.
  • Mr. Krabs: [As Mr. Krabs counts his money and sniffs some of them from his valuable success, he hears a loud scream in the dining room] I know that scream anywhere! It's me profits dying! [opens his office door and sees Plankton making a getaway with the Fiasco in his bag] Stop that thief!
  • Plankton: Don't worry, Krabs! I'm just taking out the trash for ya!
  • Mr. Krabs: STOP THIEF!!! [pushes the alarm button and the bell rings. Cut to the police car driving after Plankton]
  • Plankton: Heh, heh, heh, that was almost too easy. Plankton old boy, you're home-free! [Just then, he hears the sirens of the police cars. As he turns around, he notices the police following him at high pursuit.]
  • Officer John: Stop thief!
  • Plankton: AAAHH!!! [paddles faster] What's with the police?! It's just a bag of garbage! [the police chases Plankton into the streets of Bikini Bottom and passes by the Movie Palace. Plankton manages to take refuge in the movie theater] What's going on?
  • Female movie character: How long do you think we'll be here?
  • Male movie character: I don't know. But my stomach feels all tinglely.
  • Female movie character: Mine does too. [the movie characters slowly begin the kiss, until Officer Rob bursts through the screen]
  • Officer Rob: Hey you! Yeah, you in the chair!
  • Officer John: Don't move! [the cops burst out of the screen and chases Plankton out of the movie theater and into the supermarket]
  • Plankton: [as the cops search all over the market, Plankton hides in a batch of flowers but his eyes gets all watery due to the pollen] ACHOO!!!! [the cops turn around and sees where Plankton is hiding] Blasted pollen allergies! [Plankton notices that the cops are looking at him and quickly runs out of the market as the cops chase him from behind. He somehow manages to take refuge in a floating satellite in outer space, thinking that he is safe.] Ahh, I should be safe in space. [he hears the hatch door open and sees that the cops are still after him only in spacesuits this time]
  • Officer John: Stop thief!
  • Plankton: You gotta be kidding me! [exits out of the satellite as the cops pursue from behind. Sooner or later, Plankton becomes exhausted from being chased around by the cops. He then stumbles upon Patrick's rock] Hello? Hello? Open up! Open up!
  • Patrick: [opens his rock as he is in his purple robe] Do you mind? Some of us have nothing to do tomorrow morning! [slams his rock]
  • Plankton: Wait, what? [looks around and sees SpongeBob's house and bursts in the front door with a wooden spoon in his hand] Hey, keep your hands where I can see em'! [SpongeBob raises his hands in the air] Ok you two, against the wall! [SpongeBob and Gary get off of the chair and sofa and walk up towards the wall] That's it. Nice and slow. [Plankton walks into the house and places the bag on the table revealing the Fiasco he has stolen to SpongeBob. Plankton jumps up onto SpongeBob's chair] You gotta help me! Ever since I left the Krusty Krab, I've had all kinds of heat on me! It's so bizarre! Normally, when I steal something from the Krusty Krab, it's Krabs who chases me not a bunch of cops. So if you know what's going on, start talking or else you're gonna answer with the spoon, see!
  • SpongeBob: Uhh, I can explain. That partially eaten Krabby Patty isn't just garbage, it's a work of art. It's worth a fortune.
  • Plankton: Really?
  • SpongeBob: So you see why Mr. Krabs is trying to get it back.
  • Plankton: Interesting. It appears I've won more than I bargained for.
  • SpongeBob: Plankton, you've stolen a priceless work of art. There's only one thing you can do.
  • Plankton: You mean hold onto it until it's really worth something?
  • SpongeBob: No, you need to turn yourself in.
  • Plankton: Turn myself in? What?! If I go down, we all go down! You're harboring an art thief!
  • SpongeBob: Who's that?
  • Plankton: Me, you imbecile!
  • SpongeBob: What?
  • Plankton: Not only that, you're an accomplice to the crime, yeah.
  • SpongeBob: Really?
  • Plankton: And not only that, but Gary's an accomplice too!
  • Gary: Meow?
  • SpongeBob: Now you've gone too far!
  • Plankton: No, you have! Criminal Accomplice!
  • SpongeBob: I can't believe you're calling me that!
  • Plankton: Believe it, Man Boy!
  • Patrick: [comes in and appears to be eating something] Guys, what did I tell you before? I'm trying to get some shuteye!
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, what are you eating?
  • Patrick: The hors d'oeuvres you left on the table. [an empty plate is shown as it reveals that Patrick is eating the Fiasco that Plankton stole. SpongeBob and Plankton gasp in horror as Patrick swallows the Fiasco and burps] Not bad.
  • SpongeBob: Now Patrick is harboring stolen merchandise in his belly!
  • Plankton: Ohh, he's an accomplice too!
  • Squidward: [bursts through the front door with the cops behind him] Here they are, Officers! These idiots have been causing a ruckus. Interrupting my beauty sleep.
  • Officer John: Well, well, well. If it isn't the art thief himself. Drop the spoon. [Plankton throws the spoon away after realizing he has no place to run anymore] You're all under arrest until we figure this out. [puts handcuffs on Squidward's wrists]
  • Squidward: But what do you mean 'all'? I'm not under arrest! I..I..I..uhh.. These are idiots! They're causing a ruckus! I..I want sleep! [cuts to the Bikini Bottom Police Station]
  • Officer John: [locks Plankton away in jail as SpongeBob, Patrick, Gary, and Mr. Krabs stand there and watch] Thanks for clearing this whole mess up, Mr. Krabs.
  • Mr. Krabs: Of course, Officer. Heh, can't let me fry cook rot in this place. It'll ruin me business! Especially, now that the Fiasco's finato! [begins to cry in tears]
  • SpongeBob: [thinks for a second and comes up with an idea] Mr. Krabs, I think I have the solution. [cuts to the Krusty Krab with a really long line]
  • Mr. Krabs: Thanks very much. Enjoy the show. You sure saved the day boy-yo.
  • SpongeBob: My pleasure, sir. And I think Patrick likes it too.
  • Patrick: [stands behind the x-ray and presents the Fiasco he accidently ate to the customers, which amazes them. As he is showing it to them, he giggles for a little bit] X-rays tickle.
  • Fiasco: Such artistic genius! [throws his paintings on the floor and smashes them to bits] I'll never paint again!
  • Squidward: [reveals that he is still behind bars at the Bikini Bottom Police Station] And don't I get a phone call?!

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