[Starts at Squidward's house. He walks up and puts on his hat. Opens his door]
Squidward: Okay, beloved sanctuary. [lifts a tentacle] I'll see you after work. [cuts to "Beloved Sanctuary"] And we'll have a nice, relaxing evening. [cuts to Squidward] Just you and me. [slams door] That is, Of course, if I can survive another day [walks across his lawn] with GratingBob ShrillPants.
Patrick:[cuts to Patrick and SpongeBob]OOH!
[Patrick throws a big rock onto SpongeBob with his body. Patrick and SpongeBob laugh]
Squidward: Hm. [Walks towards Krusty Krab] Wow. Those two are just so amazingly stupid.
[Patrick is thrown, bending Squidward's neck. SpongeBob jumps on Squidward's broken neck, laughing. Squidward falls. Squidward gets up and fixes his neck]
SpongeBob and Patrick:[both laugh]
[Patrick rolls next to SpongeBob and throws him by the legs]
[Patrick walks up and he and SpongeBob laugh. Cuts to Squidward. SpongeBob throws Patrick and laughs]
SpongeBob: Ahh. Isn't this fun?
Patrick: Yeah! I love playing Buddy Toss! [Squidward walks past them]
SpongeBob: Good morning, Squidward! See you at work!
[cuts to Krusty Krab. Shows Squidward reading a newspaper]
SpongeBob:OWW![This causes Squidward's newspaper to fly out of his hands]
[SpongeBob squirts mustard into Patrick's eyes]
Squidward:[groans] OK. I can do this. Just put them out of my mi...
[Shows a card saying, "One extremely annoying shift later"... Squidward bursts out of Krusty Krab]
Squidward:[screams and runs into his house. Locks door using every type of lock. Comes to crossword puzzle] A nine-letter word for annoying: SpongeBob. [writes "SpongeBob" on crossword] Ugh. [Wipes his face] Finally. Some peace and quiet. [Takes off hat. Puts feet into slippers] No more SpongeBob, Just me, myself and home sweet home. [Sits on chair] Ahh. Nothing like a squid's good ol' chair to soothe the pains of a rough day. Just relax and contemplate some me time. [Walks to record player and disc] Perhaps I will dance to some soothing dance records. [Puts disc on player and snaps fingers to the beat as well as dances] Or I could dabble a little on painting! [walks to paint and pallet. Paints. Sighs.] Yup. I sure am looking forward to it. [eel sting]
Squidward: No, no, no! [walks to window] Alright, I am trying to have a relaxing evening. What are you two doing?
Patrick: Trying to have a relaxing evening.
SpongeBob: We're playing flashlight tag.
Squidward: You're playing flashlight tag with an electric eel?
Patrick: We're using the advanced rules.
Squidward: Advanced rules.
[Squidward gets a rash then screams and comes sobbing hysterically.]
He bonks himself on the wall, becoming dazed, and the window rings fall at him then the nose gets him]
Electric Eel:[Sarcastically] How original.
[cuts to Squidward's house where he is under his chair in a fetal position]
Squidward:[crying] All I want to do is live in a world where I can just relax in peace [sniffs] and quiet. Is that too much to ask? [cries]
[SpongeBob pokes Squidward's head with a stick]
SpongeBob: Squidward, we're playing tag! Not hide and seek, you silly!
Patrick: But we can play hide and seek too.
Squidward:[still crying] All I want to do is live in a world where I can live in peace![sobs and cries]
SpongeBob: Patrick, Squidward is really sad...
Patrick: Yeah, let's go poke someone else.
SpongeBob: No, Patrick, we should do something very special for him, then he wont feel sad anymore!
Patrick: Oh, like that time when I was feeling depressed, and you let me eat all... I mean feed Gary for a week.
SpongeBob: No Patrick, I mean do something extra special, and I think we should vow to it
SpongeBob: Yeah vow
Patrick: Well, how about instead of vowing, we just do it?
SpongeBob: That's a great idea!
[cuts to later that night]
Squidward:[in bed] Good night... lamp. [turns lamp off. Then, sawing and hammering noises begin outside and Squidward turns the lamp back on] I guess having a relaxing evening meant saying up all night with power tools! Well, it's not that late, even morons need to sleep sometime.}}
[clock spins around until morning and construction sounds are still there]
Squidward: I can't take it anymore!
[runs downstairs grumbling]
Squidward: When I get those two, I am gonna...! [opens door] All right, you two, I... [gasps. he walks out his door to a Hawaiian-like beach with tikis, palms, and waterfalls]
Squidward: It's, it's, it's... beautiful![gazes in amazement] it's a mirage! I knew it!
[starts walking back to his house. SpongeBob slingshots a Hawaiian shirt in him and Gary walks by with a coconut and Squidward grabs it. then Patrick uses a fishing pole to reel down a hat, sunglasses, and lei and drapes it around Squidward's head]
Squidward:[sadly] Next stop, padded room at the cephalopod home! [weeps, then looks around at the beach and drinks some of the coconut] Just go with it, Squiddy.
[walks around a bit, then comes to a waterfall, goes inside, and takes a shower. then he comes back out to see a tiki boat waiting for him. he gets in and floats down a stream, drinking the coconut. then he realizes it is empty and notices a tiki bar ahead and stops]
Squidward; A refill, my good man! huh?[notices Patrick behind the bar blending a smoothie] Patrick?! what are you doing here!?
[Patrick turns around and pours the drink into Squidward's coconut. While he takes out a newspaper and reads it, Squidward drinks the drink]
Squidward : It's delicious! what is it?
Patrick: A smoothie
Squidward: Remember, just go with it.
[tiki song starts as three tikis watch Squidward in the boat]
Tiki #1; Hey fellas, look! it's Squidward!
Tiki #2; Hey, buddy, where ya been!?
Squidward: Hit it boys!
Tikis: Welcome, to Squidward's tiki land![song continues as Squidward floats down the stream]
Squidward: Ahhhh, this is the life!
[Boat bumps onto land where SpongeBob puts out a canvas and paint. Squidward then paints a picture of the wonderful scenery]
SpongeBob: It's beauuuuuuuuuutiful!
[hands Squidward his clarinet and he starts playing]
Squidward: I've never felt this happy in my life! [laughs]
[grabs SpongeBob and Patrick by the hands and start dancing in circles. they are laughing and having a good time until Patrick crashes into one of the tikis and knocks them all over in a domino-like effect. the world catches on fire and burns until it's nothing but a pile of burnt ashes]
Squidward: My world!
[SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward are left looking at a charred pile of rubble]
Patrick: SpongeBob, I told you we should have used glue instead of earwax
SpongeBob: Yeah, and considering neither of us have ears
Squidward:[crying] You've destroyed my beautiful world!
SpongeBob: Sorry we couldn't make it last, Squidward
Patrick: Yeah, we really tried to make it last
Squidward:[sobbing] yeah, make it last, [bawls uncontrollably]
[sees the tiki boat still in one piece]
Squidward: I know how to make it last!
[Squidward has attached the boat to a swing and has SpongeBob and Patrick stand and take turns getting hit by it]