[Starts at Squidward's house. He walks up and puts on his hat. Opens his door]
Squidward: Okay, beloved sanctuary. [lifts a tentacle] I'll see you after work. [cuts to "Beloved Sanctuary"] And we'll have a nice, relaxing evening. [cuts to Squidward] Just you and me. [slams door] That is, of course, if I can survive another day [walks across his lawn] with GratingBob ShrillPants.
Patrick:OOH![cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick, who is holding up big rock with his chest
[Patrick throws the rock onto SpongeBob with his body. Patrick and SpongeBob laugh]
Squidward: Hm. [Walks toward the Krusty Krab] Wow. Those two are just so amazingly stupid.
[Patrick is thrown, bending Squidward's neck. SpongeBob jumps on Squidward's broken neck, laughing. Squidward falls. Squidward gets up and fixes his neck]
SpongeBob and Patrick:[both laugh]
[Patrick rolls next to SpongeBob and throws him by the legs]
[Patrick walks up and he and SpongeBob laugh. Cuts to Squidward. SpongeBob throws Patrick and laughs]
SpongeBob: Ahh, Isn't this fun?
Patrick: Yeah! I love playing Buddy Toss! [Squidward walks past them]
SpongeBob: Good morning, Squidward! See you at work!
[cuts to Krusty Krab. Shows Squidward reading a newspaper]
SpongeBob: Ow! [This causes Squidward's newspaper to fly out of his hands]
[SpongeBob squirts mustard into Patrick's eyes and they shrivel]
Squidward:[groans] Okay. I can do this. Just put them out of my mi...
SpongeBob: Ow! [laughs]
French Narrator: One Extremely Annoying Shift Later...
Squidward:[bursts out of The Krusty Krab screaming and runs home. He then locks door using every type of lock. Comes to crossword puzzle] A nine-letter word for annoying: SpongeBob. [writes "SpongeBob" on crossword] Ugh. [Wipes his face] Finally. Some peace and quiet. [Takes off hat. Puts feet into slippers] No more SpongeBob, Just me, myself and home sweet home. [Sits on chair] Ahh. Nothing like a squid's good ol' chair to soothe the pains of a rough day. Just relax and contemplate some me time. [Walks to record player and disc] Perhaps I will dance to some soothing dance records. [Puts disc on player and snaps fingers to the beat as well as dances] Or I could dabble a little on painting! [walks to paint and pallet. Paints. Sighs.] Yup. I sure am looking forward to it. [eel sting. Patrick screams. He and SpongeBob laugh.
Squidward: No, no, no! [walks to window and sees SpongeBob and Patrick playing with an eel] Grrr! [comes outside]
SpongeBob: Something Squidward this way comes.
Squidward: Alright you two, I am trying to have a relaxing evening. What in the world are you doing out here?!
Patrick: Trying to have a relaxing evening.
SpongeBob: We're playing flashlight tag.
Squidward: You're playing flashlight tag with an electric eel?
SpongeBob: We're using the advanced rules.
Squidward: Advanced rules?! That has got to be the most ridiculous thing I have ever- [Patrick picks up the eel and electrocutes Squidward who screeches.]
Patrick: You're it. [Squidward gets a rash then screams and runs away]
SpongeBob: Oh, well played, Patrick!
[Squidward runs home, sobbing hysterically and rams into his house wall, becoming dazed, and the window rings fall at him then the nose gets him. Squidward goes into his house underneath the sand.]
Electric Eel:[Sarcastically] How original.
[cuts to Squidward's house where he is under his chair in a fetal position]
Squidward:[crying] All I really want is to live in a world where I can just relax in peace [sniffs] and quiet. Is that too much to ask? [cries]
[SpongeBob pokes Squidward's head with a stick]
SpongeBob: Squidward, we're playing tag, not hide and seek, you silly!
Patrick: But we like hide and go seeks too, if you want to play that.
Squidward:[still crying] All I really want is to live in a world where I can just relax [sniffs] in peace![sobs and cries]
SpongeBob: Patrick, Squidward is really really sad...
Patrick: You're right. Let's go poke someone else.
SpongeBob:[thinks for a moment] How about instead we do something extra special for him? Then he won't be sad anymore!
Patrick: Oh, I get it! It'll be like the time I was feeling impressed, and you let me eat all Gary's...Uh... I mean, feed Gary for a week.
SpongeBob: Patrick, this has to be extra special, and we should probably vow to do it.
SpongeBob: Yeah, vow.
Patrick: Well, how about instead of vowing, we just do it?
SpongeBob: I like it!
[cuts to later that night]
Squidward:[flossing, then in bed, stretches and yawns] Good night... lamp. [turns lamp off. Then, sawing and hammering noises begin outside and Squidward turns the lamp back on] I guess having a relaxing evening meant saying up all night with power tools! [Checks an alarm clock] Well, it's not that late, even morons have to sleep sometime.
[puts the clock on the counter and it spins around until morning and construction sounds are still there]
Squidward: I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
[runs downstairs grumbling]
Squidward: When I get those two, I am gonna... [opens door] All right, you two, I... [gasps. he walks out his door to a Hawaiian-like beach with tikis, palms, and waterfalls]
Squidward: It's, it's, it's... beautiful![gazes in amazement] It's too good to be true! It's a mirage. I knew it.
[starts walking back to his house.] I guess this is it.[Gary walks by with a coconut and Squidward grabs it] Insanity. [SpongeBob slingshots a Hawaiian shirt in him then Patrick uses a fishing pole to reel down a hat, sunglasses, and lei and drapes it around Squidward's head]
Squidward:[sadly] Next stop, padded room at the cephalopod home! [weeps, then looks around at the beach and drinks some of the coconut] Just go with it, Squiddy.
[walks around a bit, then comes to a waterfall, goes inside, and takes a shower. then he comes back out to see a tiki boat waiting for him. he gets in and floats down a stream, drinking the coconut. then he realizes it is empty and notices a tiki bar ahead and stops]
Squidward: A refill, my good man! What the- [notices Patrick behind the bar blending a smoothie] Patrick?! What are you doing here!?
[Patrick turns around and pours the drink into Squidward's coconut. While he takes out a newspaper and reads it, Squidward drinks the drink]
Squidward: It's delicious! What is it?
Patrick: A smoothie.
Squidward: Remember Squiddy, just go with it.
[tiki song starts as three tikis watch Squidward in the boat]
Tiki #1; Hey fellas, look! It's Squidward!
Tiki #2; Hey, buddy, where ya been!?
Squidward: Hit it boys!
Tikis: Welcome, to Squidward's tiki land! You can relax all day, like a tiki can! Or lay out in the sun, for a tiki tan![song continues as Squidward floats down the stream]
Squidward: Or drink from a coconut that's full of flan!
Tikis: Here in Squidward's Tiki Land! You can play all day, in a Tiki band! Then dance all night on the Tiki Sand!
Squidward: Don't matter to me 'cause... 'cause I'm CRAZY, man!
Tikis: Here in Squidward's Tiki Land!
Squidward: Ahhhh, this is the life!
[Boat bumps onto land where SpongeBob puts out a canvas and paint. Squidward then paints a picture of the wonderful scenery]
SpongeBob: It's beauuuuuuuuuutiful!
[hands Squidward his clarinet and he starts playing]
Squidward: I've never felt this happy in my life! [laughs]
[grabs SpongeBob and Patrick by the hands and start dancing in circles. They are laughing and having a good time until Patrick crashes into one of the tikis and knocks them all over in a domino-like effect. The world catches on fire and burns until it's nothing but a pile of burnt ashes]
Squidward: My world!
[SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward are left looking at a charred pile of rubble]
Patrick: You were right, SpongeBob, we should have used glue instead of earwax.
SpongeBob: Yeah, especially considering neither of us have ears.
Squidward:[crying] You've destroyed my beautiful world!
SpongeBob: Sorry we couldn't make it last, Squidward.
Patrick: Yeah, we really tried to make it last.
Squidward:[sobbing] Yeah, make it last, [bawls uncontrollably]
[sees the tiki boat still in one piece]
Squidward: I know how to make it last!
[Squidward has attached the boat to a swing and has SpongeBob and Patrick stand and take turns getting hit by it]