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"Demolition Doofus" (transcript)

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Transcript Information
Demolition Doofus
General
Season №: 8
Episode №: 173b
Airdate: July 21, 2012
Chronology
Previous: "Squiditis"
Next: "Treats!"
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Demolition Doofus" from season eight, which aired on July 21, 2012.

  • [episode begins with Squidward hoeing his garden, SpongeBob's clock rings]
  • Squidward: [sighs] Let the madness begin.
  • SpongeBob: It's [he comes out on his unicycle] driving test day!
  • Squidward: SpongeBob!
  • SpongeBob: Don't wish me luck, Squidward, I don't need it. [Spongebob rides on unicycle, then folds it in suitcase and sits in a boat to Mrs. Puff] What do you say, Mrs. Puff? Let's get this party started. [SpongeBob crashes between in boats, and Mrs. Puff swelled] I'm sorry, Mrs. Puff, I know what I did wrong. [SpongeBob again crashes between in boats, and Mrs. Puff more swelled] Don't worry, Mrs. Puff, I got it this time.
  • Mrs. Puff: No, SpongeBob, not again. [SpongeBob again crashes in boat, and his boat goes up] Oh no! We're airborne!
  • SpongeBob: Yeah. It's a good thing too. One more crash and you would've popped for sure. Here, let me take that wheel.
  • Mrs. Puff: No, SpongeBob! Don't touch that! Oh, dear!
  • [boat crashes into a tower, and an explosion occurs]
  • [Ms. Puff wakes up in the hospital].
  • SpongeBob: Hey Mrs. Puff. How are you feeling?
  • Mrs. Puff: [deflated] Oh my. What happened to me?
  • Purple Doctorfish: I'm afraid you had a serious accident. [Pulls down a slode showing the inside of a pufferfish] It seems when you crashed, you ruptured your inflation sack [Pokes the pufferfish and pops it making it deflate].
  • Mrs. Puff: Oh no! Will I ever be my old self again?
  • Purple Doctorfish: [Flips over paper on clipboard] Umm no idea. I'm afraid you'll never puff again.
  • Mrs. Puff: Gasp!
  • SpongeBob: Hm, from now on I guess we'll have to call you Mrs. Pop! (Laughs)
  • Mrs. Puff: [Growls and the images of SpongeBob in her eyes explode then leaps at SpongeBob holding holding his nose].
  • SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff! What are you doing!?
  • Mrs. Puff: This is all your fault!
  • SpongeBob: I'm sorry! Stop Mrs. Puff! [Laughs] That tickles!
  • Mrs. Puff: Why can't you just crash your way out of my life? Oh. Ohh.[Falls down].
  • Purple Doctorfish: [Holding a needle] There! That should help her relax.
  • SpongeBob: Sheesh! I don't know what she is so upset about! [Puts arm around Purple Doctorfish] I think she looks better this way! If I always say, it's duh doy.[Also falls out].
  • Purple Doctorfish: [Holding a second needle] Yes everyone needs to relax.
  • [Bubble transition back to the hospital].
  • SpongeBob: (Holding flowers then knocks on Mrs. Puff's room door and opens it) Hello Mrs. Puff. Are we feeling any better?
  • Mrs. Puff: [Growls].
  • SpongeBob: I see you got the flowers I sent
  • Mrs. Puff: Yes. I'm alligeric to them and you!
  • SpongeBob: Ah this room is so dark and depressing! [Walks over to the window] You need sunlight! [Opens the window causing the sunlight to burst in also causing the flowers in the room to bloom].
  • Mrs. Puff: Ah Ah Choo!!! [Inflates but quickly deflates] Ouch.
  • SpongeBob: [Pushing a wheelchair] Come on Mrs. Puff! You need to get out of this stuffy, old room!
  • Mrs. Puff: I'm not leaving this bed! [Gets lifted off the bed and onto the wheelchair] Woah!!!
  • SpongeBob: Up and at 'em! [Pushing Mrs. Puff down the hall] Y'know what will make you feel better Mrs. Puff? A nice peaceful stroll! [Whistles but then the alarm goes off noticing doctors pushing people on wheelchairs].
  • Male Doctor: Clear the way! Injured coming through!
  • [Another doctor pushes a guy on a bed and the head Doctor get's stopped by SpongeBob]
  • SpongeBob: Excuse me! Doctor! What's up with those guys?
  • Purple Doctorfish: Oh, it's nothing serious. Just a caluty from this weeks Demolition Derby! Come check out the carnage! It's actually quite entertaining.
  • [Spongebob pushes Mrs. Puff to the window and notices a bunch of guys crashing into each other].
  • Purple Doctorfish: Pretty gruesome huh? You gotta hand it to those guys! Risking their lives for our amusement!
  • Mrs. Puff: [thinking] Risking their lives for our amusement? [Has a thought bubble of SpongeBob getting crashed by four guys then dying. Still talking in thoughts] I could finally be rid of SpongeBob! [Spoken] Forever! Ha ha! And I mean that in the worst possible way! [Laughs evily].
  • SpongeBob: What's so funny?
  • Mrs. Puff: I just thought of a way that you could earn extra credit!
  • SpongeBob: Hooray!
  • Mrs. Puff: [Evil look] Yes hooray indeed!
  • [Bubble transition to the Demolition Derby].
  • Mrs. Puff: [Laughing and comes out of the office with SpongeBob and a fish] So what do you say Captain Lutefisk? Will you enter him in the derby? For old times sake?
  • Captain Lutefisk: Well Puff old girl! I wouldn't be I am today without your driving school. [Walks over to SpongeBob] But I don't know. He looks kinda soft. [Pushes down on SpongeBob's head].
  • Mrs. Puff: Looks can be deceiving! Observe! Here SpongeBob [Takes out a steering wheel] Hold this. [Gives SpongeBob the steering wheel and he suddenly starts to "drive" off and crashes].
  • Captain Lutefisk: Woah-aoh-aoh! That kid's a natural! [SpongeBob returns and stops "driving"] But he's going to need a scarier identity. Derby's all about image! *Snaps* [Takes off shoe then sock and uses a pair of sissors and starts cutting up the sock and puts it on SpongeBob's head].
  • SpongeBob: Look out extra credit! Here I come!
  • Mrs. Puff: Heh heh yes! "Extra credit!" [Laughs evily].
  • [Bubble transition to a crowd cheering in a stadium].
  • Captain Lutefisk: Welcome to the Bikini Bottom Demolition Derby! Allow me to introduce our contestants! [Camera switches to a giant, musclar purple in a shark-like boat] First off, fegin of crossing guards everywhere: The Kruncher! [Crowd cheers for The Kruncher] And from the darkest depths of the brivin' blue: Divin' Bell Dale! [Divin' Bell Dale pounds his chest] And of course, you know and admire: Blow Torch! [Blow Torch breathes out fire] And the funniest driver of all: The Cackling Cruiser! (The Cackling Crusier laughs) Now with introductions out of the way...[Notices SpongeBob drive up between the Kruncher and Blow Torch]...Oh! I almost forgot! (Laughs) Le Squish!
  • The Kruncher: Hey, Le Squish looks pretty "tough." [Looks down at SpongeBob] Maybe we should give up now.
  • [The Kruncher and Blow Torch laugh alongside the crowd which then Mrs. Puff shows up laughing maniacally].
  • Captain Lutefisk: Ok drivers! Start yer engines! And let the destruction begin! [Waves flag].
  • [The Kruncher, Blow Torch, Divin' Bell Dale, and The Cackling Cruiser all drive off. Then The Kruncher then readies to crash into SpongeBob].
  • Mrs. Puff: I can't look! Wait, yes I can!
  • SpongeBob: [Notices the Kruncher driving at him] AHHHHHH!!!!!! [The Kruncher ends of driving into SpongeBob's mouth which causes him to stop in mid air].
  • The Kruncher: What the hay? [Gets send crashing into the wall by SpongeBob].
  • Mrs. Puff: What? This is not going well.
  • SpongeBob: Huh? [Notices Divin' Bell Dale driving toward him] Oh dear. I think I'm in that fellow's way. [Turns the key as Dale gets closer] Engauge turn signals.[Turns on turn signals as Dale gets even closer] Adjust mirrors.[Adjusts mirros as Dale is even closer now] Hands at ten and two, and finally floor it. [Laughs and the back wheels on his boat spin fast causing dirt to fly at Dale's helment which blinds him].
  • The Kruncher: [Drives out of hole in the wall] Oh what happened? [Notices Dale swerving around and he eventually crashes into him].
  • Mrs. Puff: What is wrong with you guys? Squash the squish! [Notices Blow Torch ramming SpongeBob into the air] Yes!
  • Blow Torch: [Laughs and snorts].
  • [SpongeBob flies out and back into the water and one of his back wheels land on Blow Torch's face. Spongebob then pushes the gas pedal causing him to literally run off Blow Torch's face].
  • Captain Lutefisk: Oh! Ooh! Le Squish turns it around with a rare face trend maneuver!
  • Mrs. Puff: [Cries].
  • SpongeBob: [Notices all of the drivers surround him] Mrs. Puff! What should I.
  • Mrs. Puff: Why are you still alive?
  • SpongeBob: Put it in drive? Thanks Mrs. Puff, You're the best!
  • [SpongeBob tires to put it in drive the The Cackling Cruiser crashes into him from behind but he bounces off the wall and back into the Cruiser causing him to crash into the wall and his wheels fall off. SpongeBob goes flying over The Kruncher who then crashes into The Cackling Cruiser. SpongeBob then avoids Blow Torch, Divin' Bell Dale, and some unknown driver which they all end up driving into a fish on a boat. All of the wreckage start flying by Mrs. Puff and the crowd which they look in awe].
  • Mrs. Puff: Curse you, SpongeBob!
  • SpongeBob: [Still driving] What's that Mrs. Puff? [About the drive into Blow Torch].
  • Blow Torch: [Laughs] I got you this time! [SpongeBob ends up driving up the front on his boat and then Blow Torch crashes. SpongeBob goes flying back in the other direction].
  • Mrs. Puff: This is it! Ha ha! Yes! Huh?
  • [SpongeBob ends up on top of the wreckage still intact. The crowd then cheers for him].
  • Mrs. Puff: If you want someone demolished, I guess you have to demolish them yourself! [Pushes down a random fish and appears in a giant monster boat wearing a helment and jump suit] Not so fast! There's one more challenger! I'm The Huff! [Drives toward SpongeBob then at the crowd which she starts to drive away from the derby. She then notices the crowd on her windshield] You're blocking my view! [Turns on the windshield wipers and knocks the people off her windshield. Then she continues to pursue SpongeBob laughing evily as they drive back to her driving school. They start driving around the course] Hah hah hah! Huh? [She and SpongeBob drive right into the classroom destroying it in the process].
  • SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff! It's you! [Mrs. Puff then inflates] And you're all "puffy" again! Now everything's back to normal!
  • [The entire building then collaspes on them].
  • Mrs. Puff: Yes perfectly normal.

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