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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Cuddle E. Hugs" from season eleven, which aired on November 8, 2017.
  • [The episode begins at the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob and Squidward are picking up trash and cleaning the tables.]
  • SpongeBob: Ah, I don't know what I love more, Squidward, feeding people Krabby Patties during the day, or cleaning up their mess at night.
  • Squidward: [growls] Are you kidding me? Look at all this garbage those animals left behind. Hm.
  • Patrick: [pops out of the garbage] One man's garbage... [eats an onion]
  • SpongeBob: [gasps and sees gum under the table] So much gum! Ooh, this is gonna be fun. Ooh-wah! [spins the table around and sends gum flying towards Squidward]
  • Squidward: Ow! Hey, watch it— [gets gums stuffed in his mouth]
  • [Squidward chokes on the gum and blows a big bubble. The bubble pops and sends Squidward flying into the wall, splattering garbage everywhere. He slides off the wall and lands on the floor. Suddenly, his nose picks up a foul stench. The stench is coming from a really rotten and aged Krabby Patty.]
  • Squidward: [Scared] Ah! Urchin!
  • SpongeBob: That's no urchin, it's a Krabby Patty.
  • Squidward: [Disgusted] Yuck. A rotten Krabby Patty. [sweeps up the patty and goes to throw it away]
  • SpongeBob: Wait, Squidward! You can't throw out a Krabby Patty. That is just wrong.
  • Squidward: But this one is rotten.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, simple Squidward... [flips Squidward's nose] No Krabby Patty can ever truly be rotten. Here, look... [takes a bite of the rotten patty]
  • Squidward: Ah!
  • SpongeBob: Mmm... [suddenly, without warning, he starts to feel really sick to the stomach and burps the rotten patty, realizing Squidward was right.]
  • Squidward: [cruelly smiles] Oh, that looks delicious. [Places the patty in front of SpongeBob] Why don't you take another bite?
  • SpongeBob: [Nervously]No thanks. Uh, it's so delicious, I think I'll save the rest for later. [puts the rotten patty in his pocket and gags]
  • [SpongeBob runs out to the back of the restaurant and groans from the sickness in his stomach.]
  • SpongeBob: No, Patty, you stay where you are. [groaning]
  • [A mysterious shadow looms in over SpongeBob and a furry, brown arm touches his shoulder.]
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: Are you doing all right there, friend?
  • SpongeBob: Oh, I—I'm all right. [turns around and sees a giant fluffy hamster; gasps] Yoo-hoo! What are you?
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: Why, I'm your new best friend. You can call me Cuddle E. Hugs. [straightens his tie]
  • SpongeBob: New best friend? I like the sound of that.
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: Then bring it in for the real deal!
  • SpongeBob: Whee! [hugs Cuddle E. Hugs] That's what I call a hug. [sighs]
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: Of course it is! Hugs is my last name, after all. [kisses SpongeBob]
  • SpongeBob: So tender.
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: I try. But enough of this. How about you show your new best friend around town?
  • SpongeBob: You got it, Cuddle E. Hugs.
  • [The scene changes to SpongeBob and Cuddle E. Hugs riding a bicycle around Bikini Bottom. Then they play the hand clapping game, patty-cake.]
  • SpongeBob: [laughs] Wow! [laughs] Wow!
  • [Then Cuddle E. Hugs tickles SpongeBob while they are at the park. The Bikini Bottomites, on the other hand, look at SpongeBob very strangely. The scene changes to dusk as SpongeBob brings Cuddle E. Hugs home to his house.]
  • Gary: Meow. Huh?
  • SpongeBob: [laughs] What a great night!
  • [Cuddle E. Hugs squeezes through his door.]
  • Gary: Meow?
  • SpongeBob: Oh, hey, Gary. Say hello to my new best friend, Cuddle E. Hugs.
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: A pleasure.
  • [Gary looks around and sees nothing. It turns out that Cuddle E. Hugs is not real and SpongeBob is actually hallucinating from the rotten Krabby Patty he ate.]
  • Gary: Meow?
  • SpongeBob: Come on, Gary. Bed time.
  • Gary: Meow!
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: Mm! Ooh!
  • SpongeBob: Here's my room. You can take the bed, if you want.
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: Nonsense. We can share it! [jumps on the bed, but shatters it]
  • SpongeBob: [gets hit by some debris] Ow!
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: [laughs] Looks like your friend Cuddle E. Hugs needs to lay off the snacks. But no need to worry, SpongeBob, I got your new bed right here.
  • SpongeBob: Ha! Ha! Whoo-hoo! Hooray! [he gets lifted and placed on Cuddle E. Hugs' belly; the fur is so soft and SpongeBob enjoys it so much] You are the absolute best at snuggles.
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: I didn't get the first name Cuddle for nothing. [both laugh]
  • [The next day, SpongeBob is sleeping on the mattress of his crushed bed. He stretches and yawns.]
  • SpongeBob: How'd you sleep, Cuddle E.? [gasps and sees no sign of Cuddle E. Hugs] Oh, good morning, Gary. Hey, have you seen Cuddle E. Hugs anywhere?
  • Gary: Meow?
  • SpongeBob: Where could he have gone? Aw, what if I never see him again or feel his furry embrace? [sighs] Maybe a bite of Krabby Patty will make me feel better. [takes out the rotten patty and eats it]
  • Gary: [grossed out] Meow...
  • [SpongeBob feels sick from the rotten patty and starts to hallucinate again.]
  • SpongeBob: [groaning] I don't feel so good. I must miss Cuddle more than I thought.
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: And I miss you.
  • SpongeBob: [gasps as he sees Cuddle E. Hugs] You're still here!
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: Of course I am!
  • SpongeBob: Yee-hee! [jumps in Cuddle E. Hugs' arms and hugs him; Cuddle E. Hugs kisses him in the head] Aw. Wow! That kiss was even more tender than the first one.
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: I've been practicing. It's our ability to give tender head kisses that separates us from lower life forms, SpongeBob. [puts SpongeBob down]
  • SpongeBob: Did you hear that, Gary? Come here. [kisses Gary in the eye stalks]
  • [Gary meows disgustedly and wipes SpongeBob's saliva off his eyes.]
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: So, best friend, what should we do today?
  • SpongeBob: You should meet my other friends. They are gonna love you. [opens the door]
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: I already love them! [grunts as he squeezes through the front door]
  • Gary: Meow...
  • [The scene changes to SpongeBob and Cuddle E. Hugs walking down the street. They stop and see Squidward strolling along with a basket of bread and wine.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh—ooh, there's my buddy, Squidward! You're gonna love him. He's funny and nice and very polite. Hey, Squidward! Hi! I said hey, Squidward!
  • Squidward: Please get out of my way, and stop talking to me.
  • SpongeBob: See, Cuddle E.? He said please. I told you he was polite.
  • Squidward: Who are you talking to?
  • SpongeBob: My new best friend. Wanted you to meet him.
  • Squidward: [sighs] I don't have time for your stupid games. Now move it! [kicks SpongeBob aside]
  • SpongeBob: Ah! [Squidward proceeds to stroll along; SpongeBob sits up and chuckles] Sorry about that. I—I don't know what's gotten into him today.
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: No need to be sorry, SpongeBob. I'm your best friend! [he and SpongeBob hug]
  • [Patrick skips along and notices SpongeBob hugging the air.]
  • SpongeBob: Aw, your furry tummy feels like home.
  • Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob, why are you hugging the air?
  • SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, I'm not hugging the air. I'm hugging Cuddle E. Hugs.
  • Patrick: Uh, mm... [looks around and doesn't see anything] Are you playing some kind of trick on me? There's no one there.
  • SpongeBob: Course there's someone here. He's my new best friend.
  • Patrick: [groans sadly] But I'm your best friend.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, yes, you are, but so is Cuddle E. Hugs, and I have enough love in my heart for both of you.
  • [SpongeBob hugs Patrick and his unseen friend, Cuddle E. Hugs. Patrick gets really angry as he felt betrayed and pushes SpongeBob away.]
  • Patrick: No! I want all your love! [growls] Give me it! [goes to fight with Cuddle E. Hugs, but he's only fighting himself] SpongeBob's my best friend! Mine! [flips himself and swings around] Give me his love! [punches the air and gets beaten up] No! No, no! [babbling as he spins around]
  • Sandy: [arrives at the scene] What's up with Patrick? He looks madder than a rattlesnake in a room full of rocking chairs.
  • SpongeBob: I just tried to introduce him to my friend, Cuddle E. Hugs, and he went crazy! In fact, everyone's acting weird. They're all pretending they can't see him.
  • Sandy: Well, where is this new friend of yours?
  • SpongeBob: Oh, not you too, Sandy! He's standing right there!
  • Sandy: Huh? [looks around but doesn't see anything] Well, I'm sorry, SpongeBob, but I don't see anyone.
  • SpongeBob: He's the giant hamster, right there! [sulks down]
  • Sandy: Oh, I get it. He's your [makes a rainbow over her head with her hands] imaginary friend.
  • SpongeBob: But he's not imaginary! He's real!
  • Sandy: Oh, no need to get so fiery, SpongeBob. It's okay to have an imaginary friend. Lots of people do. You two have fun, ya hear? [leaves]
  • SpongeBob: What is going on around here? I was so excited to introduce you to my friends, but now they're all acting strange.
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: I hate to see ya upset, SpongeBob. But take heart. There's a reason your friends can't see me.
  • SpongeBob: There is?
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: Of course! Unlike you, they never ate the magic sandwich.
  • SpongeBob: Magic sandwich? What magic sandwich?
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: Why, the one that's fuzzy as me, of course.
  • SpongeBob: You mean the moldy Krabby Patty I found at work?
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: You say moldy Krabby Patty, I say magic sandwich.
  • SpongeBob: Hmm... Maybe I should share my magic sandwich with my friends. That way, they can see you, and see how awesome you are!
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: Yes! Let them witness my fuzzy tummy.
  • SpongeBob: [laughs] Tummy... [rubs Cuddle E. Hugs' tummy, which makes him giggle] Tummy, tummy, tummy, tummy, tummy.
  • [The scene changes to the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob chops the rotten Krabby Patty into pieces. The knife melts from the horrid stench.]
  • SpongeBob: There! Enough for everyone.
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: Excellent, SpongeBob. [cackles]
  • [SpongeBob and Cuddle E. Hugs laugh. But, unknown to SpongeBob, Cuddle E. Hugs is laughing manically than normal.]
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: [stops laughing] Okay, let's go. [leaves]
  • SpongeBob: Hmm? [takes a piece of rotten patty and puts it in his pocket; he giggles; then he sets up a stand for him to sell the rotten pieces of the patty] Aged Krabby Patties here! Get your artisanal aged Krabby Patties here! [the customers, including Patrick, are not interested and continue to eat] Did I mention they were free?
  • [The customers are now interested. They run up and they each get a piece of the rotten Krabby Patty.]
  • Sandy: Mmm. [screams and groans in sickness]
  • [Patrick eats the piece of the rotten Krabby Patty and then starts to feel sick.]
  • SpongeBob: Do you see him, Patrick? Do you see Cuddle E. Hugs?
  • [And just like what happened to SpongeBob, Patrick, Sandy and the customers begin to hallucinate and they see Cuddle E. Hugs.]
  • Patrick: [gasps] Yes! Oh, he's glorious!
  • Nat Peterson: Yeah, his fur looks silkier than actual silk.
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: [suddenly turns evil as he pretends to be friendly] Yes, make them all see me, SpongeBob! Make them all see, Cuddle E. Hugs!
  • Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, what are you doing giving away free food? Are you cra—
  • [SpongeBob throws a piece of the rotten patty in Mr. Krabs' mouth. He chokes on it and starts to feel sick. And just like everyone else, he hallucinates and see Cuddle E. Hugs too. He giggles and runs over to Cuddle E. Hugs to hug him.]
  • Mr. Krabs: I can't resist the fuzzy.
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: [cackles] Come, everyone, and hug your new best friend!
  • [Patrick, Sandy, and the customers jump onto Cuddle E. Hugs and everyone becomes fascinated by the warm and comfort of his fur. However, Cuddle E. Hugs began to act evil and one by one, he starts devouring everyone.]
  • SpongeBob: No, Cuddle E. Hugs, no!
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: Yes, SpongeBob SquarePants, yes! [eats another one of the customers]
  • Squidward: [arrives at the front door] Sorry, I'm late, I... [sees everyone hallucinating from the rotten Krabby Patty pieces as they pile up each other and run around like crazy] Um...back to bed. [leaves for home]
  • [Cuddle E. Hugs cackles and goes to eat SpongeBob.]
  • SpongeBob: I thought we were friends! [gets thrown in Cuddle E. Hugs' mouth]
  • [The next morning, everyone wakes up, moaning and groaning.]
  • SpongeBob: [groans] What happened?
  • Patrick: [gets up and is very angry] Oh... Well, your friend ate me is what happened! Not cool!
  • [The customers grumble in agreement.]
  • Patrick: Yeah, grumble!
  • SpongeBob: Sorry, everyone.
  • [The customers stomp to the front door. SpongeBob gets flicked off by a strong man and falls in Sandy's arms.]
  • Sandy: You need to imagine your friends more carefully, SpongeBob. [drops SpongeBob and leaves in disgust]
  • [After the customers left in disgust and anger, SpongeBob is left all alone.]
  • SpongeBob: I just don't get it. Why did he act like that last night? I thought we were BFFs. I need to talk to him.
  • [SpongeBob takes out the extra piece of the rotten Krabby Patty and eats it. He feels sick and starts to hallucinate again.]
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: Crazy time last night, right, bro? [elbows SpongeBob]
  • SpongeBob: Don't "bro" me, Cuddle E. Hugs! You embarrassed me last night, and you ate all my friends! Why would you do that?
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: Didn't you ever wonder what the E in my name stands for? It's Eat! I'm always hungry, ya know?
  • SpongeBob: Oh! Well, why didn't you say so? Here, have the last of my patty.
  • [SpongeBob throws the last of the rotten patty in Cuddle E. Hugs' mouth and he starts to feel sick.]
  • Cuddle E. Hugs: [groans] Wait, no! No! [hallucinates as a real hamster in a little girl's bedroom with SpongeBob stuff around] What? Oh, pellets.