The cover shows a picture of Squidward posing on a white chair while wearing a black beret. The picture's background is light blue and the chair is on a black floor. The cover has a light yellow border and the magazine's title in purple cursive writing.
Next to Squidward, there is a black burst effect with a yellow outline that has the word "WOW!" in pink. Above it, the word "Exclusive!" is seen in pink writing. A green banner is seen on the cover's bottom-right corner, and has the words "Special Edition" in dark green, along with a light-green burst effect with a pink outline. Near the bottom left corner of the cover, a barcode can be seen.
Role in episode
In Squidward's daydream of living in the junky house, he imagines himself posing on the cover of Cool Calamari, while telling SpongeBob all the "stressful" things the latter would have to deal with if he were to live in the house.