[The episode starts off with SpongeBob working at the Krusty Krab. Food items shaped into a picnic are put on the grill. SpongeBob starts speaking in their voices.]
Herb (SpongeBob): Sure is a nice day for a picnic.
Loretta (SpongeBob): Oh Herb! It's like a second honeymoon!
Herb (SpongeBob): Just look at Timmy and Sally throwing the old disc around!
Timmy (SpongeBob): C'mon and throw it, sis!
Sally (SpongeBob): I just wanna say I'm gonna be real sad when you go off to college.
[Sally plops onto the grill.]
Timmy (SpongeBob): Oh Sally, don't be such a goop! (SpongeBob appears, tears in his eyes) You know... I'll always be your big brother! [sniffles]
[SpongeBob starts crying and his tears start dropping on the grill.]
Loretta (SpongeBob): Is it starting to rain?
Herb (SpongeBob): Nothing can spoil this perfect day!
Sally (SpongeBob): What's the matter big brother got something in your eye?
Timmy (SpongeBob): Yeah... that's it... that must be it...
Sally (SpongeBob): Ha haw, who's the goof now because here it comes!
[SpongeBob makes Sally throw the disc/pickle.]
Squidward: Oh, what now? Too much weeing. What is...
[The pickle lands in Squidward's face, causing Squidward not to see.]
Squidward:[screams] PICKLE JUICE! Oh, my eye!
[Squidward tries to grab something to make him see again, but instead picks up the hot sauce and squirts it in his eye. This causes his eye to catch fire.]
Mr. Krabs: I smell something burning.
Squidward: Yeah. Probably my eye.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, stop your drama, Squidward.
[Mr. Krabs blows the extinguisher in his face.]
Squidward: You missed a spot.
[Mr. Krabs flashes it in his face three times. He walks into the kitchen and sees what SpongeBob is doing. He then blows the extinguisher on Herb, Loretta, Timmy, and Sally.]
Mr. Krabs: What in the name of Neptune's tail fin is going on in here, boy?
SpongeBob: Oh, I'm playing picnic with my wonderful little food friends Herb and Loretta! These are their kids Timmy and Sally.
Mr. Krabs: Mmm-hmm. Sounds to me like you're wasting me precious ingredients! Listen SpongeBob, just because there's no customers doesn't mean you can't do something productive.
SpongeBob: Like what, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Well, I mean you could, OH! You can dust the pickles! Or uh, alphabetize the buns! Ehhh, you could, uh... water down the ketchup!
SpongeBob: At this point it would be ketchuping up the water.
Mr. Krabs: Whatever. Now if these little fellers could work... maybe you'll be on to something... hey, you couldn't make me a little tiny army of unpaid workers, could ya?
SpongeBob: Well, I could try. [scoops off the burnt patties and puts a new one on] Here's a little worker. We'll call him Pete.
Mr. Krabs: Ohhohohohoo! Hi Pete!
[Pete droops a bit.]
Mr. Krabs: Hey, what's wrong with Pete? He's not working!
SpongeBob: Maybe Pete is just tired.
Mr. Krabs: Well now, that shouldn't interfere with Pete's work.
SpongeBob: Well, I don't know Mr. Krabs. [sprays ketchup on the productivity chart] I guess it might affect his productivity-
Mr. Krabs:[gasps] No! Not his productivity!
SpongeBob: Hey, maybe if Pete can go on a picnic like the Patty family, he might be rested and happy and more productive than ever!
Mr. Krabs:[gasps] No! Not leaving the workplace for pleasure!
SpongeBob: Hey! Maybe Pete's boss could have a company picnic and Pete could have a great time and relax and come back and work twice as hard!
Mr. Krabs: Company picnic?
[Pete comes back up.]
SpongeBob: See, look! He's already perking up!
Mr. Krabs: Gee, SpongeBob. Do you think if I threw a picnic your productivity would increase?
Squidward:[opens door] What's going on in here?
Mr. Krabs: Just in time, Mr. Squidward! You're about to go on the greatest company picnic ever!
[Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob high-five each other and then the screen moves to the window and shows an eye that then goes back to The Chum Bucket.]
Plankton: A company picnic, eh? That gives me an idea.
[The scene changes to Jellyfish Fields and shows SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward sitting on toilet paper.]
Squidward: This is the greatest company picnic ever?
Mr. Krabs: Yes, yes it is.
SpongeBob: Pace yourself Squidward, the fun is just getting started.
Squidward: Is this toilet paper we're sitting on?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, don't think of it as just toilet paper, it has thousands of uses.
[SpongeBob puts on a hat made out of toilet paper.]
SpongeBob: Here's one!
Squidward: Well, I guess things will pick up once the food gets here.
Mr. Krabs: Right you are! Here's the food! [points to a pile of condiment packs.]
Squidward:[picks up packet of mustard] What?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, you're confused? Let me show you a little hack. [bites a pack of mustard and opens it with his mouth.] See? You open it with your teeth. [puts mustard on a round piece of toilet paper.] There, isn't that fun? And afterwards, you can toss it around like a, you know, one of those things you toss around.
[Squidward holds the disk-shaped paper.]
Mr. Krabs: Here let me show ya. Go out for a long one, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Going long!
Mr. Krabs: Ho, ho. This is so much fun.
[SpongeBob runs out far.]
SpongeBob: Is this far enough?
Mr. Krabs: I can't hear what you're sayin'! So... here it comes!
[Mr. Krabs throws disk-shaped paper but ends up flying in Squidward's face, covering him with mustard.]
Mr. Krabs:[looks out] Hmm. Heh, I don't see it anywhere.
[The disk-shaped paper with mustard slides off of Squidward's face.]
Squidward: I'm going home.
Mr. Krabs:[grabs Squidward] Oh no you're not. [sets him down] You're going to sit right there and enjoy yourself until your productivity increases!
[SpongeBob comes back and sees Squidward's face smeared with mustard.]
SpongeBob: Oh boy! Facing painting! Great idea, Mr. Krabs. [licks some mustard from Squidward's face] Ahh. Here, let me try!
[SpongeBob grabs a pack of ketchup and opens it with his teeth. He turns around and does his make-over with the ketchup. He turns around again with the face of Barnacle Boy.]
SpongeBob: Hi, I'm Barnacle Boy.
[Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob laugh.]
Mr. Krabs: Well, we sure had our fun and games today. But just maybe we've learned a little something too. About each other and ourselves. I guess you'd have to say, "This was the greatest..."
Squidward: Do not say it!
Mr. Krabs: "The greatest comp..."
Mr. Krabs:[a rainbow appears] "The greatest company picnic ever!"
[Suddenly, they hear loud music and a van is driving up towards them.]
Mr. Krabs: Well, looks like we've got company.
SpongeBob: Well, Mr. Krabs, it is a company picnic. [laughs]
Squidward: Well, this is more like it. You've been holding out on us, Mr. Krabs. You old devil.
Mr. Krabs:[laughs nervously] I have? Wait. Oh yeah.
[The van drives past them and backs up.]
Mr. Krabs:[reads the license plate on the van] "Chumpany Picnic"? That's not how you spell "Company Picnic"!
Plankton:[honks the horn] Guess who?
Mr. Krabs: Plankton!
[Plankton hops out of the van.]
Mr. Krabs: Just what do ya think you're doin', Plankton?
Plankton: Uh, what do you mean? I'm having my company picnic. This is our spot.
Mr. Krabs: Oh yeah! Well, it's my spot now!
Plankton: Come now. Can't we all just share? Nothing should spoil this perfect day.
Mr. Krabs: You don't even have any employees!
Plankton: Sure I do.
[Two robots that resemble SpongeBob and Squidward pop out of the van.]
Plankton: Those are my new hired, Simmy and Tally. Just look at them tossing the disk around.
[Simmy throws the disk at Tally, but bounces back. They do it two times.]
SpongeBob: A real disk?
Mr. Krabs: Ha! Go on, SpongeBob! Show this upstart how we chuck the old mustard plate around!
SpongeBob: Well. Eh.
Plankton: You're all welcome to join us of course. There's plenty of fun for all.
SpongeBob: Aw, no thanks, Plankton. We're having a great time at our own company picnic.
[Squidward is wrapped up in toilet paper and is being chased by jellyfish. Simmy and Tally placed a huge trunk in the middle of the ground.]
SpongeBob: Hey, Plankton. What are Simmy and Tally up too?
Plankton: Oh, just setting up the rest of the activities.
[As Plankton talks, Simmy and Tally set up numerous things people see at a carnival.]
Plankton: The cotton candy machine, hot roasted peanuts, games of chance, bottles you can knock over to win a prize, the world's most exciting roller coaster, a deep fryer for delicacies...
Plankton: And of course, the dunking booth!
[Tally throws the ball and Simmy gets dunked in the dunking booth. Simmy short-circuits and explodes. Plankton becomes worried.]
Plankton:[turns SpongeBob around] Have you seen the calliope?
[Tally plays the calliope.]
Mr. Krabs: Now, look here, Plankton! Me loyal employees would never be takin' in by such a shallow display...
Squidward: One side, Goopy!
[Squidward runs past Mr. Krabs, which makes him spin around until his shell falls off. Seeing that he is naked, Mr. Krabs is embarrassed. Squidward gobbles up the cotton candy and roasted peanuts in a crazy frenzy.]
[Mr. Krabs struggles to get his shell back on.]
Mr. Krabs: Is this backwards? [grunts] Oh, that's not it either.
Plankton: You were saying, Krabs? [laughs]
SpongeBob:[angry] Mr. Krabs is right, Plankton. We're having lots of fun. Come on, Mr. Krabs.
[Mr. Krabs manages to get his shell back on.]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, would you mind helpin' me with my zipper?
[SpongeBob zips Mr. Krabs' shell and they both leave. They sit back down to their picnic area. Then they see Squidward having fun on the world's most exciting roller coaster.]
SpongeBob: Who needs them? Right, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Huh? Yeah, yeah. Sure.
Squidward:[offscreen] Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! [laughs]
SpongeBob:[holds up some condiments] You want me to paint your face?
Mr. Krabs: Well, I don't know.
[SpongeBob sprays mayonnaise on Mr. Krabs' face.]
SpongeBob: Alright. I'm making you into, um, a ghost.
[SpongeBob makes a beard out of the mayonnaise on Mr. Krabs' face. However, the mayonnaise smelled terrible.]
Mr. Krabs:[sniffs] Ooh. I think this mayo has gone bad.
SpongeBob:[eerily] Ooh. The ghost of mayonnaise bad! That really scares people.
Mr. Krabs: Yeah. [laughs nervously]
[Tally holds a huge amount of cotton candy over Simmy.]
Simmy: Whoa! Stop! That is almost too much cotton candy!
[Tally drops the cotton candy on Simmy. Simmy short-circuits and explodes. Mr. Krabs wipes the mayonnaise off his face.]
Mr. Krabs: You wanna join in all that fun over there with Mr. Squidward, don't ya?
SpongeBob: No. Course not.
Mr. Krabs: Are you sure you don't want to?
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I am staying right here at the Krusty Krab picnic!
Mr. Krabs: You sure?
SpongeBob: 100% sure, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: Ok, then. I'm outta here! See ya! Yahoo!
[Mr. Krabs runs back to Plankton's company picnic and plays the games of chance wheel. As the wheel spins, his eyes spin. The wheel stops and Mr. Krabs wins a stuffed walrus from Tally. Then he played the game of knocking the bottles with the ball and wins a second stuffed walrus from Tally.]
Mr. Krabs:[gasps] You can never have too many!
Mr. Krabs: Hey, Squiddie-bird!
[Squidward jumps off the roller coaster and runs with Mr. Krabs.]
SpongeBob: Whoo! [picks up the mustard plate but drops it] Having lots of fun over here. I've got a plate! It's made of paper!
[Squidward and Mr. Krabs are having the time of their lives at Plankton's company picnic.]
SpongeBob: It's a paper plate. Whoo! [throws plate and drops it]
[SpongeBob hears Squidward, Mr. Krabs, and Plankton laughing together as they are having a fun time. SpongeBob thinks for a bit and realizes that the Krusty Krab company picnic isn't as fun as it seemed.]
SpongeBob: Well, if it's good enough for Mr. Krabs, it's good enough for me.
[SpongeBob decides to go and join the fun. Squidward and Mr. Krabs are laughing together.]
Squidward: I have to say, Mr. Plankton. If this is how you treat your employees...
Plankton: Say no more, my friend. [holds out contract] If you'd care to work for me, just sign this contract with this delicious candied pen.
Mr. Krabs: Ooh! [grabs the pen and contract] Me first! Me first!
Plankton: Oh, don't bother to read it. Not on such a fun day.
Mr. Krabs: That's such great advice!
[Squidward sucks on the pen.]
Plankton: This is working far better than I planned! With Krabs as my employee, I can order him to give me the Krabby Patty formula and the Krusty Krab will be no more! [laughs evilly]
[An angry SpongeBob appears next to Plankton, meaning that he heard everything Plankton said.]
SpongeBob: Ahem! Hello, Plankton!
Plankton: Uh oh.
[SpongeBob sees Mr. Krabs, who is about to sign Plankton's contract.]
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, don't sign it!
[SpongeBob pounces on Mr. Krabs and prevents him from signing the contract. However, his actions sends the pen flying.]
Mr. Krabs: My candied pen!
[The pen is hurling towards Simmy. SpongeBob, in slow motion, runs to Simmy.]
SpongeBob:[in slow motion] Simmy, look out! There's a candied pen heading straight for your eye due to my act of swatting it away when I'm first considering the trajectory! Oh, I wish I could give my words out faster, but everything's in slow motion!
[The pen is about to hit Simmy.]
SpongeBob:[in slow motion] No!!!
[However, instead of hitting Simmy, it went through the robot. The pen lands on the ground and rolls to a projector. SpongeBob bangs on the projector, revealing that Simmy and Tally was just a trash can and a ball wash post.]
SpongeBob: Simmy and Tally are holograms? Then that means...
[The projector reveals that the world's most exciting roller coaster was actually a rotting corpse of a sea monster.]
Squidward: I was riding that? What about those delicacies I was eating?
[The projector reveals that the food Squidward ate was just rotten chum. The projector also revealed that the pen he was sucking on was a caterpillar. Squidward freaks out and rubs his tongue in disgust. The projector reveals that the van Plankton drove on was an old broken down van. Mr. Krabs gasps in wonder what the stuffed walruses were. But nothing happens.]
Mr. Krabs: Whew! That was a cl...
[The projector reveals that the stuffed walruses were actually fish skeletons. Mr. Krabs screams in terror and the skeletons crumble to dust.]
Mr. Krabs: You saved me, boy. How did you do it?
SpongeBob: I guess my mind was all sharp from the relaxing fun I had at your company picnic, Mr. Krabs.
[Plankton walks up to them.]
[Mr. Krabs picks up Plankton.]
Plankton: Uh oh.
[Mr. Krabs puts Plankton on the disk-shaped paper with mustard and throws him out in the distance. Once it landed, there was an explosion.]
SpongeBob:[jumps up as a rainbow appears and jellyfish fly around] The greatest company picnic ever!
Mr. Krabs: Alright, enough relaxin'. Back to work! [laughs as he leaves]
[The episode ends with SpongeBob still being in the air and an angry Squidward gets stung in the head by a jellyfish.]