Template:EpisodeTr/42a
- [Scene starts with Squidward coming out of his with a bicycle]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [Giggling]
- SpongeBob: Wey wook.. wit's Widward!! [Hey look... it's Squidward!!]
- Squidward: Wha-?
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [laughter]
- SpongeBob: Widward's woing wo work. [Squidward's going to work]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [laughter]
- Patrick: Where...woe's we work? Wat we Wusty Wab? [Where does he work? At the Krusty Krab]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [laughter]
- Squidward: What's that supposed to mean? Some kind of stupid secret code?
- SpongeBob: We can't tell you because you're not a member of the club.
- Squidward: Oh yeah? What does it take to be a member? Besides being a moron... he-he-he...moron...as a requirement...he-he-he.
- SpongeBob: Sorry Squidward.. but you couldn't even get in if you tried!!
- Squidward: Well I'll have you know.. that I am a member of over 20 exclusive clubs all over the sea bottom.
- Patrick: What'd he say?
- SpongeBob: I dunno, something about his nose?
- Patrick: Squidward, you and your nose will definitely not fit in!
- Squidward: Oh what do two you zeros know about fitting in?
- [Climbs vine]
- Squidward: Why...you should be begging me to join!
- SpongeBob and Patrick: No, no, no! Stop, Squid, you can't join! You can't fit in!
- [Squidward gets stuck in the treehouse]
- Squidward: Well this is stupid... there's no room up here!!
- Patrick: That's what we've been trying to tell you!!
- SpongeBob: Squidward, we've been stuck up here for three days..
- Patrick: We told you you would fit in..
- Squidward: [sneers]
- SpongeBob: Well...since you're here Squidward...well give you the new member initiation. Are you ready Patrick?
- Patrick: Ready!
- [SpongeBob and Patrick starts singing]
- Welcome to our club, Welcome to our club.
- Welcome Squidward
- Welcome Squidward
- Welcome Squidward
- Welcome Squidward!
- Squidward: Shut your half-wit pieholes!! I do not now, nor will I ever, want to be a member of your stupid club!!
- [Gets to floor then vine snaps]
- Squidward: AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Nancy: Whoa!
- Frank: Make a wish, honey.
- [Treehouse falls into kelp forest]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Whoo!! Whoo!! Whoo!! Again!! Again!! WHOLOOLOOLOOLOOLOOLOO!!
- Squidward: Oh, no. That didn't just happen. Please tell me that didn't happen!!
- Patrick: What happened?
- [Squidward moves away]
- Squidward: Where are we? We're lost. There's no way out!! Stuck.. in the middle of nowhere.. with SpongeBob and Patrick!!
- [SpongeBob and Patrick wave at Squidward crying]
- Squidward: Why does every 11 minutes of my life be filled with misery? WHHHYY?
- SpongeBob: Oh cheer up Squid. It could be worse.
- Patrick: Yeah. You could be bald and have a big nose.
- [Zooms in on Squidward's head]
- Squidward: Well.. this is the end..
- SpongeBob: No it's not Squidward!!
- Patrick: [building coffins] It's not?
- SpongeBob: Come on guys, well be fine!! [patting Squidward's head] As long as we stick together, remember, we're a club!! WHOOOLOOOLOOOOLLOOOOLOOOO!! And besides...we have THIS!!
- [SpongeBob pulls out the Magic Conch Shell]
- Squidward: What's that?
- Patrick: OOOOO!! The Magic Conch Shell!! Ask it something!! Ask it something!!
- SpongeBob: Magic Conch Shell...will I ever get married?
- Magic Conch: Maybe someday.
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Oooohhhh...
- Squidward: You've got to be kidding!! That is just a STUPID toy!! How can that possibly help us?
- SpongeBob: [gasp] Squidward, you must never question the wisdom of the Magic Conch. The club always takes its advice before we do anything.
- Patrick: The shell knows all!!
- SpongeBob: Oh, Magic Conch...what do we have to do to get out of the Kelp Forest?
- Magic Conch: Nothing.
- Patrick: THE SHELL HAS SPOKEN!!
- Squidward: Nothing?! We can't just sit here and do NOTHING!!
- [SpongeBob and Patrick sit down.. doing nothing]
- Squidward: [gets mad] I can't believe you two are gonna take advice.. from a TOY!!
- [SpongeBob and Patrick still do nothing]
- Squidward: Alright. Alright. Alright!! I don't need your help. I'm gonna find my way back to sanity. But don't you two sad clowns come crying to me when your circus tent comes crashing down!!
- [Walking away in kelp forest]
- Squidward: Sad clowns.. Haha. Haha. Sad. Haha. Haha. Clowns. Haha. Haha.
- [Squidward runs fast and scared]
- Squidward: What was that? I was already here!! Which way do I go? Ohh I'm lost!! Ohh...I'm HOPELESSLY LOST!! Ill never get out of here!!
- [Sees light]
- Squidward: Huh? Huh? Hhahahahahahaahhaa!! I'm FREE!! Take that SpongeBob and Patrick!! Ahahaha!! Ahahaha!!
- [Fist pumps in air. Sees SpongeBob and Patrick]
- Squidward: Ohh...there's no way out of here.
- [Stick is thrown at Patrick's head.. Squidward has surrounded himself with sticks and a fire]
- Squidward: How's it going over there at Club Shell-For-Brains? Mmm mmm mmm. I am hungry. I wonder what's on the menu for Club SQUIDWARD tonight?
- [Steps on bug]
- Squidward: Aahhhhh...
- [Throws bug onto pan then walks over to SpongeBob]
- Squidward: Oooohh.. Doesn't that smell good SpongeBob? You haven't eaten in days..
- [Walks over to Patrick]
- Squidward: How about you Patrick? A big boy's gotta eat.. Well you can't have any..
- [Walks Away]
- Squidward: And do you know why SpongeBob? Because your club president is a shell!!
- [Shakes butt at SpongeBob]
- Squidward: If you had listened to me.. you'd have food.. shelter.. and a roaring fire.. But instead.. you listen to a talking clam..
- [Moves back to Club Squidward]
- Squidward: That tells you NOTHING!! As if the answers of all your answers will fall right out of the sky!! Hahaha!! Fall right out of the sky!!
- [Airplane falling out of the sky]
- Scooter: Dude!! We're falling right out the sky!! We gotta drop the load!!
- [Presses "Drop the Load" button. Drops picnic supplies [food] to where SpongeBob and Patrick are]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Praise the Magic Conch!!
- [Squidward stares and the bug gets up and hits him with the stick. SpongeBob and Patrick eat]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Ahahahaha!!
- Squidward: Hey uhh SpongeBob.. that sure is a lot of food you got there..
- SpongeBob: It's a gift from the Magic Conch..
- Squidward: Everything sure looks delicious. Oohh!! Smoked Sausages!! My favorite!!
- [Reaches for them but Patrick sucks them in and eats them]
- Squidward: Hey, uhh, SpongeBob, you know I was just kidding before earlier and I mean I'm still part of the club and I mean the club has to stick together, and uhh, uhh...
- SpongeBob: Squidward...
- Squidward: Yes, SpongeBob?
- SpongeBob: Once a member, always a member!!
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [clink glasses] To the club!! WHOOLOOOLOOOLOOLOOOOLOOO!!
- Squidward: Yeah.. Whooloolooloo.. Now if you'll excuse me...
- [Runs to table with all the food]
- Squidward: What should I eat first? The spaghetti, the turkey, the soup, the canned meat?
- SpongeBob: Why don't you ask.. The Magic Conch Squidward?
- Squidward: Oh, yeah, like that'll happen. Right after I consult the Magic Toenail.
- [SpongeBob and Patrick pull table away]
- SpongeBob: [gasp] Squidward, are you questioning the authority of the Magic Conch? The Conch is the one who gave us this banquet.. This copyrighted conch is the quarterstone of our organization!!
- Patrick: Maybe he's not a brother.
- [SpongeBob looks at Patrick wide-eyed]
- Squidward: Hehehe...you guys have it all wrong!! I love this little piece of plastic.
- [picks up Magic Conch]
- Squidward: Hello there. Uhh, Magic Conch, I was wondering...should I have the spaghetti or the turkey?
- Magic Conch: Neither.
- Squidward: Oh. Well what about the soup?
- Magic Conch: I don't think so.
- Squidward: Can I have anything to eat?
- Magic Conch: No.
- Squidward: No?! What do you mean No? I'm starving here!!
- Patrick: [takes Magic Conch] Here, lemme try. Magic Conch...can Squidward have some of this yummy-delicious-super terrific sandwich?
- Magic Conch: No.
- Patrick: Hmm.. can I have some of this yummy-delicious super terrific sandwich?
- Magic Conch: Yes.
- Patrick: Walright!! [Vacuums in sandwich and burps loudly] Sorry Squidward.
- Squidward: Give me that. [takes Magic Conch] Could I have something to eat?
- Magic Conch: No.
- Squidward: Could I have something to eat?
- Magic Conch: No.
- Squidward: Could I have something to eat?
- Magic Conch: No.
- Squidward: Can't you say anything else but no?
- Magic Conch: Try asking again.
- Squidward: Can I have something to eat?
- Magic Conch: [in a very insulting, sarcastic-like tone] No.
- [Squidward fumes...getting mad]
- SpongeBob: Squidward, are you alright?
- [Squidward still getting mad]
- Patrick: Maybe we could ask the shell if he's okay!
- Rescuer: Hello? Anyone there? Hello? HELLO? Do you folks need some help?
- [Cuts through kelp...seeing SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward]
- Squidward: I'm SAVED!!
- [Runs over to Rescuer]
- Squidward: You don't know how happy I am to see you.. I've been stranded out here for weeks.. with these two barnacle heads.. and their Magic Conch Shell!!
- Rescuer: Magic...Conch...Shell? [pulls out Magic Conch] YOU MEAN LIKE THIS? [with two big teeth]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: The Magic Conch!! A club member!!
- SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescuer: WHOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOO!!
- Squidward: [in surprise] Abra.
- Rescuer: My conch told me to come and save you guys!!
- SpongeBob, Patrick and Rescuer: Hooray for the magic conches!!
- Rescuer: Alright Magic Conch.. What do we do now?
- Magic Conch: Nothing.
- SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescuer: All hail the Magic Conch!!
- [SpongeBob, Patrick, and the Rescuer sit down doing nothing. Squidward moves behind them]
- Squidward: ALL HAIL THE MAGIC CONCH!!
- [Sits down with SpongeBob, Patrick, and the Rescuer]