No edit summary |
No edit summary |
||
(39 intermediate revisions by 7 users not shown) | |||
Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
{{EpisodeTr/42a}} |
{{EpisodeTr/42a}} |
||
− | {{L|''[ |
+ | {{L|''[scene starts with Squidward humming]''}} |
+ | {{L|Squidward|There's my hat... and there's that, and here we go. ''[starts riding his bicycle to work and passes a tall tree with a treehouse on top of it with SpongeBob and Patrick in it]''}} |
||
⚫ | |||
− | {{L|SpongeBob |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|''[giggling]''}} |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Wey, wook. It's Widward! ''[Hey, look. It's Squidward!]''}} |
||
− | {{L|Squidward| |
+ | {{L|Squidward|What?}} |
{{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|''[laughter]''}} |
{{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|''[laughter]''}} |
||
− | {{L|SpongeBob|Widward's woing |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Widward's woing to work. ''[Squidward's going to work]''}} |
{{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|''[laughter]''}} |
{{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|''[laughter]''}} |
||
⚫ | |||
− | {{L|Patrick|Where |
+ | {{L|Patrick|Where does he work? Wat the Wusty Wab? ''[At the Krusty Krab?]''}} |
{{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|''[laughter]''}} |
{{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|''[laughter]''}} |
||
− | {{L|Squidward|What's that supposed to |
+ | {{L|Squidward|What's that supposed to be-- some kind of stupid secret code?}} |
− | {{L|SpongeBob|We can't tell you |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|We can't tell you 'cause you're not a member of the club.}} |
− | {{L|Squidward|Oh yeah? What does it take to be a member |
+ | {{L|Squidward|Oh, yeah? What does it take to be a member, besides being a moron? ''[laughs]'' Moron... ''[laughs again]'' as a requirement. ''[laughs again]''}} |
− | {{L|SpongeBob|Sorry Squidward |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Sorry, Squidward, but you couldn't get in even if you tried!}} |
− | {{L|Squidward|Well I'll have you know |
+ | {{L|Squidward|Huh? Well, I'll have you know that I am a member of over 20 different exclusive clubs all across the sea bottom!}} |
− | {{L|Patrick|What |
+ | {{L|Patrick|What did he say?}} |
− | {{L|SpongeBob|I |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|I don't know. Something about his nose?}} |
{{L|Patrick|Squidward, you and your nose will definitely not fit in!}} |
{{L|Patrick|Squidward, you and your nose will definitely not fit in!}} |
||
− | {{L|Squidward|Oh what do |
+ | {{L|Squidward|Oh, what do you two zeros know about fitting in? ''[takes off his hat and starts to climb the tree]'' Why, you should be begging me to join!}} |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|Squidward! Squidward, no, no, no! Stop! No, no, no, stop, please, please! Stop, Squidward! You can't join! You can't join! Can't join! You can't get in!}} |
||
− | {{L|''[Climbs vine]''}} |
||
− | {{L|Squidward |
+ | {{L|''[Squidward gets stuck inside the treehouse]''}} |
⚫ | |||
− | {{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|No, no, no! Stop, Squid, you can't join! You can't fit in!}} |
||
+ | {{L|Patrick|That's what we've been trying to tell you!}} |
||
− | {{L|''[Squidward gets stuck in the treehouse]''}} |
||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
− | {{L|Patrick| |
+ | {{L|Patrick|We told you you wouldn't fit in.}} |
⚫ | |||
− | {{L|Patrick|We told you you would fit in..}} |
||
{{L|Squidward|''[sneers]''}} |
{{L|Squidward|''[sneers]''}} |
||
− | {{L|SpongeBob|Well |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Well, since you're here, Squidward, we'll give you the new member initiation. Are you ready, Patrick?}} |
{{L|Patrick|Ready!}} |
{{L|Patrick|Ready!}} |
||
− | {{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick |
+ | {{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick start singing]'' |
− | ::Welcome to our club |
+ | ::Welcome to our club |
+ | ::Welcome to our club |
||
::Welcome Squidward |
::Welcome Squidward |
||
::Welcome Squidward |
::Welcome Squidward |
||
::Welcome Squidward |
::Welcome Squidward |
||
− | ::Welcome Squidward |
+ | ::Welcome Squidward |
⚫ | |||
− | {{L|Squidward|Shut your half-wit pieholes!! I do not now, nor will I ever, want to be a member of your stupid club!!}} |
||
+ | {{L|Squidward|Shut your half-wit pieholes! ''[grabs a tree beside the tree holding up the treehouse and pulls it while the other tree is going down]'' I do not ''now,'' nor will I ''ever,'' want to be a member of your stupid club! ''[gets to the floor but the tree snaps and the tree holding up the treehouse flings back very fast and the treehouse flies off it. He starts screaming]''}} |
||
− | {{L|''[Gets to floor then vine snaps]''}} |
||
− | {{L|Squidward|AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!}} |
||
{{L|Nancy|Whoa!}} |
{{L|Nancy|Whoa!}} |
||
{{L|Frank|Make a wish, honey.}} |
{{L|Frank|Make a wish, honey.}} |
||
− | {{L|''[ |
+ | {{L|''[Squidward continues screaming. The treehouse falls into the Kelp Forest]''}} |
− | {{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|Whoo!! Whoo!! Whoo!! Again!! Again |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Again! Oh, yeah! Again! ''[they do the victory screech from "[[The Algae's Always Greener]]"''}} |
− | {{L|Squidward|Oh, no. That didn't just happen. Please tell me that didn't happen |
+ | {{L|Squidward|Oh, no. That didn't just happen. Please tell me that didn't happen!}} |
{{L|Patrick|What happened?}} |
{{L|Patrick|What happened?}} |
||
− | {{L|''[Squidward |
+ | {{L|''[SpongeBob shrugs. Squidward runs around the treehouse]''}} |
− | {{L|Squidward|Where are we? We're lost |
+ | {{L|Squidward|Where are we? We're lost! There's no way out! Stuck... in the middle of nowhere... with SpongeBob and Patrick!}} |
− | {{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick wave at Squidward crying]''}} |
+ | {{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick wave at Squidward who starts crying]''}} |
− | {{L|Squidward| |
+ | {{L|Squidward|Oh, why must every 11 minutes of my life be filled with misery? Why-y-y-y?!}} |
− | {{L|SpongeBob|Oh cheer up Squid. It could be worse.}} |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Oh, cheer up, Squid. It could be worse.}} |
{{L|Patrick|Yeah. You could be bald and have a big nose.}} |
{{L|Patrick|Yeah. You could be bald and have a big nose.}} |
||
− | {{L|''[ |
+ | {{L|''[camera zooms in on Squidward's head which deflates]''}} |
− | {{L|Squidward|Well.. this is the end. |
+ | {{L|Squidward|Well... this is the end. ''[head falls on the ground]''}} |
− | {{L|SpongeBob|No it's not Squidward |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|No, it's not, Squidward.}} |
{{L|Patrick|''[building coffins]'' It's not?}} |
{{L|Patrick|''[building coffins]'' It's not?}} |
||
− | {{L|SpongeBob|Come on guys, |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Come on, guys, we're gonna be fine! ''[patting Squidward's head]'' As long as we stick together. Remember, we're a club!}} |
− | {{L|''[ |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|''[they do the victory screech again]''}} |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|And besides, we have ''this! [pulls out a conch shell]''}} |
||
{{L|Squidward|What's that?}} |
{{L|Squidward|What's that?}} |
||
− | {{L|Patrick| |
+ | {{L|Patrick|Ohhh! The Magic Conch Shell! Ask it something! Ask it something!}} |
− | {{L|SpongeBob|Magic Conch Shell |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Magic Conch Shell, will I ever get married? ''[pulls the string attached to the Magic Conch]''}} |
{{L|Magic Conch|Maybe someday.}} |
{{L|Magic Conch|Maybe someday.}} |
||
− | {{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|Oooohhhh |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|''[giggling]'' Oooohhhh!}} |
− | {{L|Squidward|You've got to be kidding |
+ | {{L|Squidward|You've got to be kidding! That is just a stupid toy! How can that possibly help us?}} |
− | {{L|SpongeBob|''[ |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|''[gasps]'' Squidward, we must never question the wisdom of the Magic Conch. The club always takes its advice before we do anything.}} |
− | {{L|Patrick|The shell knows all |
+ | {{L|Patrick|The shell knows all!}} |
− | {{L|SpongeBob|Oh, Magic Conch |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Oh, Magic Conch Shell, what do we need to do to get out of the Kelp Forest?}} |
{{L|Magic Conch|Nothing.}} |
{{L|Magic Conch|Nothing.}} |
||
− | {{L|Patrick| |
+ | {{L|Patrick|The shell has spoken!!}} |
− | {{L|Squidward|Nothing?! We can't just sit here and do |
+ | {{L|Squidward|Nothing?! We can't just sit here and do ''nothing!''}} |
− | {{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick |
+ | {{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick are sitting down doing nothing]''}} |
− | {{L|Squidward|''[ |
+ | {{L|Squidward|''[growls]'' I can't believe you two are gonna take advice from a toy!}} |
{{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick still do nothing]''}} |
{{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick still do nothing]''}} |
||
+ | {{L|Squidward|''[growls again]'' All right, all right, all right! I don't need your help. I'm gonna find my way back to sanity! ''[starts walking away in the Kelp Forest]'' But don't you two sad clowns come crying to me when your circus tent comes crashing down! Sad clowns... ''[laughs]'' sad... ''[laughs again]'' clowns. ''[laughs again. He begins to run fast and scared while panting]'' What was that? I was already here! Which way do I go? Oh, I'm lost! ''[trips and falls]'' Ohh... I'm hopelessly lost! I'll never get out of here! ''[sees light]'' Huh? ''[laughing. He goes toward the light]'' I'm ''free!!'' Take that, SpongeBob and Patrick! ''[pumps fists in the air and starts laughing triumphantly but sees SpongeBob and Patrick]'' Huh? Ohhh... ''[falls on the ground]'' there's no way out of here. ''[scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick still doing nothing. A stick is thrown at Patrick's head. Squidward is putting a pan over a fire]'' How's it going over there at Club Shell-for-Brains? Mmm-mmm-mmm. I am hungry. I wonder what's on the menu for Club Squidward tonight? ''[steps on a bug]'' Ah... ''[puts the bug on the pan and walks over to SpongeBob and waves the pan over his nose]'' Doesn't that smell good, SpongeBob? You haven't eaten in days. ''[walks over to Patrick]'' How about you, Patrick? A big boy's gotta eat. Well, you can't have any. ''[walks away from Patrick]'' And do you know why, SpongeBob? Because your club president is a shell! ''[shakes his butt in SpongeBob's face]'' If you had listened to me you'd have food, shelter, and a roaring fire. But instead you listened to a talking clam... ''[moves back to Club Squidward]'' that tells you nothing! As if the answers to all your problems will fall right out of the sky! ''[laughs]'' Fall right out of the sky! ''[camera switches to an airplane falling out of the sky]''}} |
||
− | {{L|Squidward|Alright. Alright. Alright!! I don't need your help. I'm gonna find my way back to sanity. But don't you two sad clowns come crying to me when your circus tent comes crashing down!!}} |
||
⚫ | |||
− | {{L|''[Walking away in kelp forest]''}} |
||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|Praise the Magic Conch! ''[victory screech. Squidward stares shockingly and the bug gets up and hits him with the stick. SpongeBob and Patrick eat. SpongeBob eats two hamburgers and drinks a can of soda, Patrick eats a turkey in one bite and drinks ketchup. They laugh]''}} |
||
− | {{L|Squidward|Sad clowns.. Haha. Haha. Sad. Haha. Haha. Clowns. Haha. Haha.}} |
||
− | {{L| |
+ | {{L|Squidward|Uh, hey, uh, SpongeBob... that sure is a lot of food you got there.}} |
⚫ | |||
− | {{L|Squidward|What was that? I was already here!! Which way do I go? Ohh I'm lost!! Ohh...I'm HOPELESSLY LOST!! Ill never get out of here!!}} |
||
+ | {{L|Squidward|Everything sure looks delicious. ''[gasps]'' Oh! Smoked sausages! My favorite! ''[smells them but Patrick sucks them in and Squidward's nose too. He pulls his nose out]'' Uh, hey, uh, ''[laughs]'' SpongeBob, I... you know I was just kidding around earlier and-and-and I-I-I mean I'm... I'm still part of the club, right? And... and-and-and-and-and after all, the-the club's gotta stick together, and I-I mean... you know, I-I, um... ''[stammers]''}} |
||
− | {{L|''[Sees light]''}} |
||
⚫ | |||
− | {{L|Squidward|Huh? Huh? Hhahahahahahaahhaa!! I'm FREE!! Take that SpongeBob and Patrick!! Ahahaha!! Ahahaha!!}} |
||
⚫ | |||
− | {{L|''[Fist pumps in air. Sees SpongeBob and Patrick]''}} |
||
− | {{L| |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Once a member, always a member!}} |
⚫ | |||
− | {{L|''[Stick is thrown at Patrick's head.. Squidward has surrounded himself with sticks and a fire]''}} |
||
+ | {{L|Squidward|Yeah. ''[mimics the victory screech]'' Now, uh, if you'll excuse me... ''[runs to the table with all the food]'' All right... What shall I eat first? The spaghetti, the turkey, the soup, the canned meat?}} |
||
− | {{L|Squidward|How's it going over there at Club Shell-For-Brains? Mmm mmm mmm. I am hungry. I wonder what's on the menu for Club SQUIDWARD tonight?}} |
||
⚫ | |||
− | {{L|''[Steps on bug]''}} |
||
⚫ | |||
− | {{L|''[Throws bug onto pan then walks over to SpongeBob]''}} |
||
− | {{L|Squidward|Oooohh.. Doesn't that smell good SpongeBob? You haven't eaten in days..}} |
||
− | {{L|''[Walks over to Patrick]''}} |
||
− | {{L|Squidward|How about you Patrick? A big boy's gotta eat.. Well you can't have any..}} |
||
− | {{L|''[Walks Away]''}} |
||
− | {{L|Squidward|And do you know why SpongeBob? Because your club president is a shell!!}} |
||
− | {{L|''[Shakes butt at SpongeBob]''}} |
||
− | {{L|Squidward|If you had listened to me.. you'd have food.. shelter.. and a roaring fire.. But instead.. you listen to a talking clam..}} |
||
− | {{L|''[Moves back to Club Squidward]''}} |
||
− | {{L|Squidward|That tells you NOTHING!! As if the answers of all your answers will fall right out of the sky!! Hahaha!! Fall right out of the sky!!}} |
||
− | {{L|''[Airplane falling out of the sky]''}} |
||
− | {{L|Scooter|Dude!! We're falling right out the sky!! We gotta drop the load!!}} |
||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
− | {{L|''[Squidward stares and the bug gets up and hits him with the stick. SpongeBob and Patrick eat]''}} |
||
⚫ | |||
− | {{L|Squidward|Hey uhh SpongeBob.. that sure is a lot of food you got there..}} |
||
⚫ | |||
− | {{L|Squidward|Everything sure looks delicious. Oohh!! Smoked Sausages!! My favorite!!}} |
||
− | {{L|''[Reaches for them but Patrick sucks them in and eats them]''}} |
||
− | {{L|Squidward|Hey, uhh, SpongeBob, you know I was just kidding before earlier and I mean I'm still part of the club and I mean the club has to stick together, and uhh, uhh...}} |
||
⚫ | |||
− | {{L|Squidward|Yes, SpongeBob?}} |
||
− | {{L|SpongeBob|Once a member, always a member!!}} |
||
⚫ | |||
− | {{L|Squidward|Yeah.. Whooloolooloo.. Now if you'll excuse me...}} |
||
− | {{L|''[Runs to table with all the food]''}} |
||
− | {{L|Squidward|What should I eat first? The spaghetti, the turkey, the soup, the canned meat?}} |
||
⚫ | |||
{{L|Squidward|Oh, yeah, like that'll happen. Right after I consult the Magic Toenail.}} |
{{L|Squidward|Oh, yeah, like that'll happen. Right after I consult the Magic Toenail.}} |
||
− | {{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick pull table away]''}} |
+ | {{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick pull the table away and block it]''}} |
− | {{L|SpongeBob|''[ |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|''[gasps]'' Squidward, are you questioning the authority of the Magic Conch? The conch is the one who gave us this banquet. This copyrighted conch is the cornerstone of our organization.}} |
− | {{L|Patrick|Maybe he's not a brother.}} |
+ | {{L|Patrick|''[whispering]'' Maybe he's not a brother.}} |
− | {{L|''[SpongeBob looks at |
+ | {{L|''[SpongeBob looks at Squidward wide-eyed]''}} |
− | {{L|Squidward| |
+ | {{L|Squidward|''[chuckles]'' Hey, y-you guys have it all wrong. I-I love this, uh, piece of plastic. ''[takes the Magic Conch from SpongeBob]'' Uh, hello there. Magic Conch, uh, I was wondering... uh, should I have the spaghetti or the turkey?}} |
− | {{L|''[picks up Magic Conch]''}} |
||
− | {{L|Squidward|Hello there. Uhh, Magic Conch, I was wondering...should I have the spaghetti or the turkey?}} |
||
{{L|Magic Conch|Neither.}} |
{{L|Magic Conch|Neither.}} |
||
− | {{L|Squidward|Oh. |
+ | {{L|Squidward|Oh. Then how about the soup?}} |
{{L|Magic Conch|I don't think so.}} |
{{L|Magic Conch|I don't think so.}} |
||
− | {{L|Squidward| |
+ | {{L|Squidward|Could I have anything to eat?}} |
{{L|Magic Conch|No.}} |
{{L|Magic Conch|No.}} |
||
− | {{L|Squidward|No?! What do you mean |
+ | {{L|Squidward|No?! What do you mean "no"? I'm starving here!}} |
− | {{L|Patrick|''[takes Magic Conch]'' Here, |
+ | {{L|Patrick|''[takes Magic Conch]'' Here, let me try. Magic Conch, could Squidward have some of this yummy, delicious, super-terrific sandwich?}} |
{{L|Magic Conch|No.}} |
{{L|Magic Conch|No.}} |
||
− | {{L|Patrick|Hmm.. |
+ | {{L|Patrick|Hmm... Could ''I'' have this yummy, delicious, super-terrific sandwich?}} |
{{L|Magic Conch|Yes.}} |
{{L|Magic Conch|Yes.}} |
||
− | {{L|Patrick| |
+ | {{L|Patrick|All right! ''[vacuums in the sandwich and burps]'' Sorry, Squidward.}} |
− | {{L|Squidward|Give me that |
+ | {{L|Squidward|Give me that! ''[takes Magic Conch]'' Could I have something to eat?}} |
{{L|Magic Conch|No.}} |
{{L|Magic Conch|No.}} |
||
{{L|Squidward|Could I have something to eat?}} |
{{L|Squidward|Could I have something to eat?}} |
||
Line 142: | Line 111: | ||
{{L|Squidward|Can I have something to eat?}} |
{{L|Squidward|Can I have something to eat?}} |
||
{{L|Magic Conch|''[in a very insulting, sarcastic-like tone]'' No.}} |
{{L|Magic Conch|''[in a very insulting, sarcastic-like tone]'' No.}} |
||
− | {{L|''[Squidward |
+ | {{L|''[Squidward starts getting enraged]''}} |
− | {{L|SpongeBob|Squidward, are you |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Squidward, are you all right?}} |
− | {{L|''[Squidward |
+ | {{L|''[Squidward shakes his head uncontrollably]''}} |
− | {{L|Patrick|Maybe we |
+ | {{L|Patrick|Maybe we should ask the shell if he's okay.}} |
− | {{L|Rescuer|Hello? Anyone there? Hello? |
+ | {{L|Rescuer|Hello? Anyone there? Hello? Hello?! ''[cuts through the kelp. He gasps and sees SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward dirty]'' Do you folks need some help?}} |
⚫ | |||
− | {{L|''[Cuts through kelp...seeing SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward]''}} |
||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
− | {{L|''[Runs over to Rescuer]''}} |
||
+ | {{L|Rescuer|''[victory screech]''}} |
||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
− | {{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|The Magic Conch!! A club member!!}} |
||
+ | {{L|Rescuer|My conch told me to come save you guys.}} |
||
− | {{L|SpongeBob, Patrick |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob, Patrick and Rescuer|Hooray for the magic conches!}} |
⚫ | |||
− | {{L|Rescuer| |
+ | {{L|Rescuer|All right, Magic Conch... what do we do now?}} |
− | {{L|SpongeBob, Patrick and Rescuer|Hooray for the magic conches!!}} |
||
− | {{L|Rescuer|Alright Magic Conch.. What do we do now?}} |
||
{{L|Magic Conch|Nothing.}} |
{{L|Magic Conch|Nothing.}} |
||
− | {{L|SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescuer|All hail the Magic Conch! |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescuer|All hail the Magic Conch! ''[they sit down doing nothing. Squidward, still dumbstruck, moves in between them]''}} |
− | {{L| |
+ | {{L|Squidward|All hail the Magic Conch!! ''[sits down with SpongeBob, Patrick, and the rescuer]''}} |
− | {{L|Squidward|ALL HAIL THE MAGIC CONCH!!}} |
||
− | {{L|''[Sits down with SpongeBob, Patrick, and the Rescuer]''}} |
||
− | |||
− | [[Category:Episode transcripts]] |
Revision as of 04:49, 31 January 2014
Template:EpisodeTr/42a
- [scene starts with Squidward humming]
- Squidward: There's my hat... and there's that, and here we go. [starts riding his bicycle to work and passes a tall tree with a treehouse on top of it with SpongeBob and Patrick in it]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [giggling]
- SpongeBob: Wey, wook. It's Widward! [Hey, look. It's Squidward!]
- Squidward: What?
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [laughter]
- SpongeBob: Widward's woing to work. [Squidward's going to work]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [laughter]
- Squidward: [growls]
- Patrick: Where does he work? Wat the Wusty Wab? [At the Krusty Krab?]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [laughter]
- Squidward: What's that supposed to be-- some kind of stupid secret code?
- SpongeBob: We can't tell you 'cause you're not a member of the club.
- Squidward: Oh, yeah? What does it take to be a member, besides being a moron? [laughs] Moron... [laughs again] as a requirement. [laughs again]
- SpongeBob: Sorry, Squidward, but you couldn't get in even if you tried!
- Squidward: Huh? Well, I'll have you know that I am a member of over 20 different exclusive clubs all across the sea bottom!
- Patrick: What did he say?
- SpongeBob: I don't know. Something about his nose?
- Patrick: Squidward, you and your nose will definitely not fit in!
- Squidward: Oh, what do you two zeros know about fitting in? [takes off his hat and starts to climb the tree] Why, you should be begging me to join!
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Squidward! Squidward, no, no, no! Stop! No, no, no, stop, please, please! Stop, Squidward! You can't join! You can't join! Can't join! You can't get in!
- [Squidward gets stuck inside the treehouse]
- Squidward: Well, this is stupid. There's no room up here!
- Patrick: That's what we've been trying to tell you!
- SpongeBob: We've been stuck up here for three days.
- Patrick: We told you you wouldn't fit in.
- Squidward: [sneers]
- SpongeBob: Well, since you're here, Squidward, we'll give you the new member initiation. Are you ready, Patrick?
- Patrick: Ready!
- [SpongeBob and Patrick start singing]
- Welcome to our club
- Welcome to our club
- Welcome Squidward
- Welcome Squidward
- Welcome Squidward
- Welcome Squidward
- Welcome Squidward...
- Squidward: Shut your half-wit pieholes! [grabs a tree beside the tree holding up the treehouse and pulls it while the other tree is going down] I do not now, nor will I ever, want to be a member of your stupid club! [gets to the floor but the tree snaps and the tree holding up the treehouse flings back very fast and the treehouse flies off it. He starts screaming]
- Nancy: Whoa!
- Frank: Make a wish, honey.
- [Squidward continues screaming. The treehouse falls into the Kelp Forest]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Again! Oh, yeah! Again! [they do the victory screech from "The Algae's Always Greener"
- Squidward: Oh, no. That didn't just happen. Please tell me that didn't happen!
- Patrick: What happened?
- [SpongeBob shrugs. Squidward runs around the treehouse]
- Squidward: Where are we? We're lost! There's no way out! Stuck... in the middle of nowhere... with SpongeBob and Patrick!
- [SpongeBob and Patrick wave at Squidward who starts crying]
- Squidward: Oh, why must every 11 minutes of my life be filled with misery? Why-y-y-y?!
- SpongeBob: Oh, cheer up, Squid. It could be worse.
- Patrick: Yeah. You could be bald and have a big nose.
- [camera zooms in on Squidward's head which deflates]
- Squidward: Well... this is the end. [head falls on the ground]
- SpongeBob: No, it's not, Squidward.
- Patrick: [building coffins] It's not?
- SpongeBob: Come on, guys, we're gonna be fine! [patting Squidward's head] As long as we stick together. Remember, we're a club!
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [they do the victory screech again]
- SpongeBob: And besides, we have this! [pulls out a conch shell]
- Squidward: What's that?
- Patrick: Ohhh! The Magic Conch Shell! Ask it something! Ask it something!
- SpongeBob: Magic Conch Shell, will I ever get married? [pulls the string attached to the Magic Conch]
- Magic Conch: Maybe someday.
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [giggling] Oooohhhh!
- Squidward: You've got to be kidding! That is just a stupid toy! How can that possibly help us?
- SpongeBob: [gasps] Squidward, we must never question the wisdom of the Magic Conch. The club always takes its advice before we do anything.
- Patrick: The shell knows all!
- SpongeBob: Oh, Magic Conch Shell, what do we need to do to get out of the Kelp Forest?
- Magic Conch: Nothing.
- Patrick: The shell has spoken!!
- Squidward: Nothing?! We can't just sit here and do nothing!
- [SpongeBob and Patrick are sitting down doing nothing]
- Squidward: [growls] I can't believe you two are gonna take advice from a toy!
- [SpongeBob and Patrick still do nothing]
- Squidward: [growls again] All right, all right, all right! I don't need your help. I'm gonna find my way back to sanity! [starts walking away in the Kelp Forest] But don't you two sad clowns come crying to me when your circus tent comes crashing down! Sad clowns... [laughs] sad... [laughs again] clowns. [laughs again. He begins to run fast and scared while panting] What was that? I was already here! Which way do I go? Oh, I'm lost! [trips and falls] Ohh... I'm hopelessly lost! I'll never get out of here! [sees light] Huh? [laughing. He goes toward the light] I'm free!! Take that, SpongeBob and Patrick! [pumps fists in the air and starts laughing triumphantly but sees SpongeBob and Patrick] Huh? Ohhh... [falls on the ground] there's no way out of here. [scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick still doing nothing. A stick is thrown at Patrick's head. Squidward is putting a pan over a fire] How's it going over there at Club Shell-for-Brains? Mmm-mmm-mmm. I am hungry. I wonder what's on the menu for Club Squidward tonight? [steps on a bug] Ah... [puts the bug on the pan and walks over to SpongeBob and waves the pan over his nose] Doesn't that smell good, SpongeBob? You haven't eaten in days. [walks over to Patrick] How about you, Patrick? A big boy's gotta eat. Well, you can't have any. [walks away from Patrick] And do you know why, SpongeBob? Because your club president is a shell! [shakes his butt in SpongeBob's face] If you had listened to me you'd have food, shelter, and a roaring fire. But instead you listened to a talking clam... [moves back to Club Squidward] that tells you nothing! As if the answers to all your problems will fall right out of the sky! [laughs] Fall right out of the sky! [camera switches to an airplane falling out of the sky]
- Scooter: Dude, we're falling right out the sky!! We gotta drop the load! [presses the "Drop the Load" button. The airplane drops picnic supplies [food, blanket, table, plates, etc.] to where SpongeBob and Patrick are]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Praise the Magic Conch! [victory screech. Squidward stares shockingly and the bug gets up and hits him with the stick. SpongeBob and Patrick eat. SpongeBob eats two hamburgers and drinks a can of soda, Patrick eats a turkey in one bite and drinks ketchup. They laugh]
- Squidward: Uh, hey, uh, SpongeBob... that sure is a lot of food you got there.
- SpongeBob: It's a gift from the Magic Conch.
- Squidward: Everything sure looks delicious. [gasps] Oh! Smoked sausages! My favorite! [smells them but Patrick sucks them in and Squidward's nose too. He pulls his nose out] Uh, hey, uh, [laughs] SpongeBob, I... you know I was just kidding around earlier and-and-and I-I-I mean I'm... I'm still part of the club, right? And... and-and-and-and-and after all, the-the club's gotta stick together, and I-I mean... you know, I-I, um... [stammers]
- SpongeBob: Squidward?
- Squidward: Yeah?
- SpongeBob: Once a member, always a member!
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [clink glasses] To the club! [victory screech]
- Squidward: Yeah. [mimics the victory screech] Now, uh, if you'll excuse me... [runs to the table with all the food] All right... What shall I eat first? The spaghetti, the turkey, the soup, the canned meat?
- SpongeBob: Why don't you ask... the Magic Conch, Squidward?
- Squidward: Oh, yeah, like that'll happen. Right after I consult the Magic Toenail.
- [SpongeBob and Patrick pull the table away and block it]
- SpongeBob: [gasps] Squidward, are you questioning the authority of the Magic Conch? The conch is the one who gave us this banquet. This copyrighted conch is the cornerstone of our organization.
- Patrick: [whispering] Maybe he's not a brother.
- [SpongeBob looks at Squidward wide-eyed]
- Squidward: [chuckles] Hey, y-you guys have it all wrong. I-I love this, uh, piece of plastic. [takes the Magic Conch from SpongeBob] Uh, hello there. Magic Conch, uh, I was wondering... uh, should I have the spaghetti or the turkey?
- Magic Conch: Neither.
- Squidward: Oh. Then how about the soup?
- Magic Conch: I don't think so.
- Squidward: Could I have anything to eat?
- Magic Conch: No.
- Squidward: No?! What do you mean "no"? I'm starving here!
- Patrick: [takes Magic Conch] Here, let me try. Magic Conch, could Squidward have some of this yummy, delicious, super-terrific sandwich?
- Magic Conch: No.
- Patrick: Hmm... Could I have this yummy, delicious, super-terrific sandwich?
- Magic Conch: Yes.
- Patrick: All right! [vacuums in the sandwich and burps] Sorry, Squidward.
- Squidward: Give me that! [takes Magic Conch] Could I have something to eat?
- Magic Conch: No.
- Squidward: Could I have something to eat?
- Magic Conch: No.
- Squidward: Could I have something to eat?
- Magic Conch: No.
- Squidward: Can't you say anything else but no?
- Magic Conch: Try asking again.
- Squidward: Can I have something to eat?
- Magic Conch: [in a very insulting, sarcastic-like tone] No.
- [Squidward starts getting enraged]
- SpongeBob: Squidward, are you all right?
- [Squidward shakes his head uncontrollably]
- Patrick: Maybe we should ask the shell if he's okay.
- Rescuer: Hello? Anyone there? Hello? Hello?! [cuts through the kelp. He gasps and sees SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward dirty] Do you folks need some help?
- Squidward: [gasps] I'm saved! [runs over to the rescuer] You don't know how happy I am to see you. I have been stranded out here for weeks with-with-with these two barnacle heads and their Magic Conch Shell!
- Rescuer: Magic... Conch Shell? [pulls out a Magic Conch Shell] You mean like this?! [says this with two big teeth]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: The Magic Conch! A club member!
- Rescuer: [victory screech]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [victory screech]
- Squidward: [dumbstruck] A brother?
- Rescuer: My conch told me to come save you guys.
- SpongeBob, Patrick and Rescuer: Hooray for the magic conches!
- Rescuer: All right, Magic Conch... what do we do now?
- Magic Conch: Nothing.
- SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescuer: All hail the Magic Conch! [they sit down doing nothing. Squidward, still dumbstruck, moves in between them]
- Squidward: All hail the Magic Conch!! [sits down with SpongeBob, Patrick, and the rescuer]