Plankton: Okay, Karen. Which one's better? [holds up two different napkin designs]
Karen: If I had eyes, I'd be rolling them right now.
Plankton:[sarcastically] Oh, thanks for the help. Ya know, details like this can be very important to the customers.
Karen: Customers? What customers?
Plankton: Well, uh..... [looks on screen and sees car in parking lot] ...like those customers, who just pulled up. [zips outside] Well, hello, gentlemen, and welcome to the Chum Bucket! Would you like seating inside or outside?
Pilar: Seating for what?
Plankton:[angrily] For the Chum Bucket! Where you can enjoy a nice helping of chum. [sarcastically] Oh, boy this is so... [pretends to eat it by hiding it behind his head] ...good. The chum is.
Nat: Wait a minute, eating chum? Do people do that?
Plankton: Look, are you gonna eat or not!?!?!
Nat: Yeah. I'll gonna have two Krabby Patties.
Pilar: Oh yeah, two.
Nat: We couldn't find parking over at the Krusty Krab. [cuts to the Krusty Krab, jam-packed with cars. The two customers walk away]
Plankton:[burst out water from his head then drinks it, then sighs calmly] Now what was I saying? Oh right [angrily rips up the menu and stamps on it]. I'm tired of the Krusty Krab taking all of my buisness! We're doomed, Karen! Doomed, I tell you! [cries]
Karen: Well, why don't you do what all good business owners do?
Plankton:[still crying] What would that be?
Karen: Advertise your product, of course. [she gives Plankton part of the towel]
Plankton: Advertising? [stops crying] I can't believe it took me so long to come up with this [Karen sighs]
Plankton:[digging in a box of letters] Now let's see, Q no... P no...Ah, here it is, L! There, it's perfect! CHUM IS METABOLIC FUEL!. You really did it this time ol' Planky. Oh yeah, who's a genius. ♪Have you seen this, seen this, seen my genius, genius, genius, genius.♪ [Patrick begins reading the slogan. While this is happening, Plankton stops dancing and looks down at him]
Patrick: CHUM IS...[sips cup] ME...
Plankton: Hello sir, and welcome to the Chum Bucket! Er, sir?
Patrick Midget in Brain 1: Forget about what that word means! There's a fire breaking out the language lobes!
Patrick Midget in Brain 2: We need to get outta here! [Patrick Midget pushes on a door with signs saying "PULL TO OPEN"]
Patrick Midget in Brain 3: The door's jammed!
Patrick Midget in Brain 2: Push harder! [All start moaning and coughing]
Patrick: ...METAB...BO... [Head starts to smoke]
Plankton: Sir, your head, it's on fire. [Patrick jumps] THE DRINK, USE THE DRINK!
Patrick:[Stares at cup] It's kelp juice, you want some? [Plankton takes drink from Patrick and throws it at his head]. HEY! What kind of friend are you?
Plankton: Friend? I didn't even know y-
Patrick: Go ahead. Say you're sorry.
Plankton: Uh, I'm sorry
Patrick: Okay, I forgive you. And...[shakes Plankton's hand] I'm sorry for yelling. Okay, so can I tell you something honestly?
Patrick: It's about your sign. These words make my head sad.
Patrick's Head:[cries] I don't get it. [cries more]
Patrick: It's okay little fella I don't either.
Plankton: OK, Freakshow, you just wait. In a few minutes this sign will attract more than you can count.
Narrator: A Few Minutes Later.
Patrick: Uhh, what's that number before one?
Patrick: Oh right, congratulations, you have zero customers!
Plankton: Okay so it may take a little longer than a few minutes.
Narrator: A Little Longer Than a Few Minutes Later
Patrick: Wait, what are we doing again? [Plankton gets angry. While he does, Patrick switches the letters around on the sign] There we go! Chum is Fun!
Plankton: What the? This says "Chum is Fum." You've changed my sign to "Chum is Fum?" That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
Patrick: They seem to think it's interesting. [shows a bunch of customers coming into the the Chum Bucket. Chattering amongst the customers]
Plankton: Apparently, dumb sells chum. And I believe I've just found our Advertising Director. [Patrick chews off a bit of a letter "R". Bubble transition to the Krusty Krab]
Mr. Krabs:[screams] Only two customers? Customers are looking kinda scarce. [Chuckles nervously]. Must be low tide or something, eh Squidward?
Squidward: They've all gone to the Chum Bucket.
Mr. Krabs: The Chum Bucket? [He looks through a pair of binoculars and reads the sign above the Chum Bucket door] "Chum...is...Fum?" SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Yes Sir?
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, we have a situation.
SpongeBob: I'm on it. [He runs off].
[SpongeBob pulls a lever which activates a "Situation Alert" button. Mr. Krabs is pulled away to his office via a moving plank. Another plank tilts and SpongeBob slides down it. He uses his hat as a parachute and lands in the middle of a target with two closed vents to his left and right. The target turns SpongeBob to the vent on the right and both vents open. A large metal square shaped hand pushes him down the vent]
SpongeBob:[Taking a switch out of his pocket] Five. [ A door with the Number 5 on it opens]
SpongeBob: Four. [A door with the number 4 on it opens up]
SpongeBob: Three. [A door with the Number 3 on it opens up]
SpongeBob: Two. [A door with the Number 2 on it opens up]
SpongeBob: One. [A door with the Number 1 on it opens up]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, I'm afraid our worst fears have been realized.
SpongeBob: Ah! Goofy Goober is going non-dairy?
Mr. Krabs: No. [Pulling down a screen]
SpongeBob: Ooh. Slide Show.
Mr. Krabs:[Changes slide] A few hours ago, the Chum Bucket was, as it should be, a desolate no-man's land. [Changes slide to a bunch of customers outside the Chum Bucket] There's only one way he could have changed things around so quickly. [Changes slide to Plankton sneaking past SpongeBob] Plankton must have slipped into the Krusty Krab while you weren't looking.
SpongeBob: Hey, that's my legs.
Mr. Krabs:[Changes slide to Plankton stealing the Secret Forumla] He stole the Formuler. [A slide of SpongeBob screaming is displayed]
Mr. Krabs: I thought you'd say that. [Changes slide to him and SpongeBob sneaking to the Chum Bucket] So we need to infultrate the Chum Bucket and steal the formular back.
[SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs are dressed in a brown-ish jacket with a clam on top. Mr. Krabs is on top of SpongeBob while he is struggling to keep his balance]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, how you holding up boy?
SpongeBob: Not so good, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Hold on now. We're almost there.
Narrator: Two Hours Later.
Mr. Krabs: We made it SpongeBob. We're in! [They enter the Chum Bucket. This is chatter among the crowd of customers]
Nat: All I know is: Chum is Fum.
Pilar: You said it. Chum is Fum.
Mr. Krabs: Keep an eye peeled for anything suspiciourous
SpongeBob:[struggling] Like that door? [camera moves to reveal door that has 2 signs covering windows saying "TOP SECRET" "STAY OUT!"]
Mr. Krabs: Eh...BINGO! Giddy up boy, We're almost there. [Opens door]
[Plankton immediately runs up to SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs. Door closes]
Plankton: Excuse me, would you like a free sample?
Mr. Krabs: No, uh [clears throat. masks voice as lady's voice] I'm full thanks!
Plankton: No? How 'bout your little friend? Hi SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Hi! I don't want a free sampl-
Plankton:[Stuffs the Chum in SpongeBob's mouth] Sure you do. LOOK OUT! SHE'S GONNA BLOW!!!
[Disguise expands and camera cuts to the outside of Chum Bucket and shows explosion. Camera cuts back to SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs out of disguise]
SpongeBob: Blegh, Aheh, Agh, Agheh [Pulls out tongue and starts scrubbing]
Mr. Krabs: Huh? Well he obviously didn't steal me formular, but how did he steal all my customers?
Pilar: This Chum Tastes awful.
Nat: Yeah, but the slogan is so catchy that we can't stop eatin' it.
Nat and Pilar: CHUM IS FUM! [They both throw up]
Plankton: Ah hehehehehehe [takes breath] Chum is fum! Ah he he!
Mr. Krabs:[Takes SpongeBob by the tongue] Come on SpongeBob...
[SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs leave scene]
Plankton: I'm gonna see how our advertising guru is doing. [Goes into "top secret room"] What brilliant slogans have you come up with this week Patrick? [Walks in front of Patrick only to find him asleep]
Patrick:[snore. sleepily] Hm, huh?
Plankton:[facepalms] Gah! You're supposed to be coming up with witty catchphrases to keep that rabble out there happy! [jumps up onto easel] Chum is Fum...We kinda got that one already. [Flips poster paper up to reveal CHUM IS FUM]
Patrick: OOH I like that one!
[Plankton flips poster paper up again to reveal CHUM IS FUM again. Plankton flips poster paper up again to reveal multiple CHUM IS FUM on whole sheet. Plankton flips poster paper up again to reveal CHUM IS FUM together in the shape of Patrick. Flips paper up to reveal CHUM. Flips paper up to reveal IS. Flips paper up to reveal FUM]
Plankton: Agh. Oh well, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. [jumps down] Keep up the good work...I guess...
Patrick: You got it boss!
Plankton:[Opens door to the crowd and announcing] HEY EVERYONE! CHUM IS FUM!
[Crowd cheers. Bubble transition to outside of Chum Bucket showing a line up that goes till the outside]
Plankton: Hey Karen, check this out!
Karen: What now?
Plankton: You see, every time I make a sale the sound goes there, Watch! [Opens cash register. *CHA CHING*. sound goes to microphone outside to 3 loud speakers on top of the Chum Bucket]
Karen: How is that gonna help to boost sales?
Plankton: Karen, babe, you don't need help when you have a catchy slogan like mine.
Karen: Don't look now, but I think your catchy slogan days are numbered.
Plankton:[Turns around and looks at the customers]
Nat:[Barfs on floor] Uhh...something's not right.
Pilar: Yeah, I know, I keep sayin' "Chum is Fum" but it...ehh...it's just not workin'.
Nat: I'm outta here. [Throws ChumStick on the floor and leaves]
Pilar:[Also throws away ChumStick and leaves]
[Bubble transition to Patrick sleeping]
Patrick:[Wakes up] Huh?!
Plankton: We're having a board meeting here! We need ideas!
Patrick:[examining graph that the line ends inside the toilet] Hmmmm, Mhmmmm, Uh huuuh. I think I see the problem. Your potty has a shocky thing in it.
Plankton: NO! That's not it you FOOL! We need a new slogan! You need to come up with another genius catchphrase like "Chum is Fum" but different.
Patrick: Oh... Gotcha. Hmmmmmm.
Narrator: 3 Days Later
[Cuts to outside of Chum Bucket with a longer line of customers. zooms in on new sign "FUM IS CHUM"]
Nat: I'm so happy that they changed that old tired slogan, "Chum is Fum".
Pilar: Yeah, that new slogan "Fum is Chum" is way cooler.
Nat: Way cooler!
[Nat and Pilar pick up Chum Bucket Supreme and start eating and barfing into their buckets]
Plankton:[Gives bucket of chum to a customer] Here's your Chum Bucket Supreme, enjoy! Patrick my boy, you really earned that promotion!
Patrick:[Washing dishes] Thanks boss.
Plankton: Nothing can stop me now!
[Shows montage of Plankton's Success. people eating chum, bilboard posted up with new slogan, being on cover of Bikini Bottom restaurant magazine, many cars parked outside of Chum Bucket, local hockey team lining up for chum]
Plankton: You fellas look hungry, here you go! [Throws the chumsticks at the hockey players and they fight for it]
Patrick: Excuse me sir. [hands resignation slip] My resignation. [shows picture of himself in fighter plane shooting bullets]
Plankton: But you're my whole marketing department.
Patrick: I know but I'm "burned out." See? [Turns around to show back of head burned making a hole] Anyway, you can send my check to my home.
Plankton:[rips resignation] Check? You want money for those stupid catchphrases? Anybody can sell to my idiot customers [over loudspeakers] They're buffoons, morons, they'll buy anything I sell them. They're the dumbest of the dumb, [Two people throw away chum] the stupidest of the stupid, [A lady and her baby throw away Chum] they're dummies, dweebs and doodoo dunderheads. I can keep that rabble right where I want 'em! Huh?
Hockey Player: What was that part about doodoo dunderheads, eh?
[Hockey Players beat up Plankton and kick him out of the Chum Bucket]
Hockey Player: Where do you think you're going little man?
Plankton: Is it too late for sorry? [gets squished on tee] D'OH!
Hockey Player:[chuckles] Hey, check out that new sign at the Krusty Krab. Who's hungry, eh?
[Hockey players cheer and run to Krusty Krab as plankton gets squished]
SpongeBob: Well, Mr. K., we're back in business!
Mr. Krabs: Yep. [shouting at Patrick] Keep up the good work boy'o!
Patrick: You got it boss! [Paints "Krabby Patties are Fum" on a banner]