(removing vandelism) |
No edit summary |
||
(23 intermediate revisions by 15 users not shown) | |||
Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
+ | {{EpisodeTr/28}} |
||
β | {{BTranscript |
||
⚫ | |||
β | |prev =Life of Crime |
||
⚫ | |||
β | |title =Christmas Who? |
||
⚫ | {{L|Patchy|ββ [to the tune of "Jingle Bells"]'' Yo ho ho, yo ho ho, yo ho ho ho ho ho. ββ[he notices he's on air]'' Oh! Hi. ββ[he waves]'' I'm Patchy the Pirate, president of the SpongeBob SquarePants fan club! ββ[He notices a long piece of confetti on his hook and tries to shake it off. He pulls on it and whacks himself in the eye, giving him a black eye. He switches his patch over to the other eye]'' Hey, that's better! ββ [Potty, a puppet bird on strings, flies in]''}} |
||
β | |next =Survival of the Idiots |
||
⚫ | |||
β | |titlecard = Christmas_Who.jpg|300px |
||
⚫ | {{L|Patchy|That's right, Potty! It is Christmas. ββ[he limps over to the fireplace]'' And there ain't nothing better in the seven seas than a Bikini Bottom Christmas. It sure is a magical time of year. ββ[he blows on his pipe, and bubbles emerge]'' Why, I'll bet old SpongeBob is gearing up for Santa Claus right now! ββ[He picks up a picture of SpongeBob. Cut to SpongeBob, holding a remote]''}} |
||
β | |season = 2 |
||
⚫ | |||
β | |episode = 28 |
||
⚫ | {{L|Patchy|Not bad for a creature with no vertebrae. ββ[he puts down Sponge's picture]'' And I'm sure our pal Patrick is doing his share of the decorating. ββ[He picks up a picture of Patrick. Cut to Patrick standing by his house with a dopey smile on his face. Zoom out to reveal a single Xmas ball hanging from the antenna on top of his rock. It snaps off and hits the ground, and Patrick does as well. Now, Patchy is mixing cookie dough]'' I too am also preparing for Christmas. ββ[he lifts up the mixer]'' Hmm, unbaked cookie dough! ββ [he takes a lick]'' Mmm...}} |
||
β | |airdate = [[December 6]], [[2000]] |
||
⚫ | |||
β | |seasonname = two |
||
⚫ | |||
β | }} |
||
⚫ | |||
β | |||
β | ==Act I== |
||
β | ===Overture=== |
||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | {{L|Patchy| |
||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | {{L|Patchy|That's right, Potty! It is Christmas. |
||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | {{L|Patchy|Not bad for a creature with no vertebrae. |
||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
{{L|Patchy|Get out of here!}} |
{{L|Patchy|Get out of here!}} |
||
{{L|Potty|Cookie!}} |
{{L|Potty|Cookie!}} |
||
{{L|Patchy|Potty!}} |
{{L|Patchy|Potty!}} |
||
β | {{L|Potty| |
+ | {{L|Potty|ββ [squawk]'' Give me a lick!}} |
β | {{L|Patchy|Back off, you flying freak! |
+ | {{L|Patchy|Back off, you flying freak! ββ [Potty flies on the counter]''}} |
β | {{L|Potty| |
+ | {{L|Potty|ββ [squawk]'' Clarify please.}} |
β | {{L|Patchy| |
+ | {{L|Patchy|ββ [The Cookie Dough is shaped like SpongeBob and Patrick was shown]'' This here cookie dough is for the children, not for pesky parrots and other animals. ββ[Cut to Hans reaching over and ringing a bell. Patchy looks out the window]'' What's that? Three bells! Well, we all know what three bells means!}} |
β | {{L|Children| |
+ | {{L|Children|ββ [off-screen]'' Free ice cream! ββ [Patchy laughs]''}} |
β | {{L|Patchy|No, you silly livers! |
+ | {{L|Patchy|No, you silly livers! ββ [sternly]'' No!}} |
β | {{L|Potty| |
+ | {{L|Potty|ββ [squawk]'' Man overboard? ββ [Patchy walks over to a desk]''}} |
β | {{L|Patchy|You, I'm ignoring. |
+ | {{L|Patchy|You, I'm ignoring. ββ[he sits down]'' No, it means it's time to open fan letters! ββ [Potty flies over with a letter in his beak]''}} |
β | {{L|Potty| |
+ | {{L|Potty|ββ [squawk]'' Here you go! ββ [Patchy tugs at it]''}} |
β | {{L|Patchy|Thank you, Potty. |
+ | {{L|Patchy|Thank you, Potty. ββ[Potty's not letting go]'' Yeah. OK Potty, thank you! ββ[Potty squawks, still not letting go]'' Come on, give it, you birdbrain! ββ[Potty squawks some more]'' Quiet, infernal bird! ββ[He uses his hook, now with a pair of scissors on the end, to snip Potty's rope. Potty squawks and falls to the ground. Patchy nods]'' Hmm. ββ [he sits back down]'' This letter comes to us from...}} |
β | {{L|Fish Head|''[as |
+ | {{L|Fish Head|ββ ''[as voiceover]'' Name and address withheld! ββ[Patchy tears the envelope open, pieces of it flying all over the place. ββ [He pulls up his eye patch and replaces it with a pair of reading glasses with one eye covered up]''}} |
{{L|Patchy|And he writes, "Dear SpongeBob, I am ten years old, and I was wondering if you like Christmas as much as I do. Sincerely yours..."}} |
{{L|Patchy|And he writes, "Dear SpongeBob, I am ten years old, and I was wondering if you like Christmas as much as I do. Sincerely yours..."}} |
||
β | {{L|Fish Head|''[as |
+ | {{L|Fish Head|ββ ''[as voiceover]'' Name and address withheld! ββ[Patchy gets up and takes off his glasses. Now his eye patch is back on]''}} |
β | {{L|Patchy|A very good question. But you know |
+ | {{L|Patchy|A very good question. But you know they didn't always celebrate Christmas in Bikini Bottom.}} |
β | {{L|Potty| |
+ | {{L|Potty|ββ [squawk]'' They didn't?}} |
β | {{L|Patchy|No sir, my fine feathered little neck pain |
+ | {{L|Patchy|No sir, my fine feathered little neck pain. ββ[He pulls down Potty's strings. Potty, as well as its puppeteer, falls to the ground. Patchy hangs a homemade Sponge ornament on a Xmas tree. Zoom out, showing the entire X-mas tree, which is decorated with many similar Sponge, as well as ornaments featuring Pat and Squid, and a few gift boxes]'' There was a time when no one had even heard of Christmas in Bikini Bottom. ββ[he snaps his fingers]'' Hey! Who wants to hear the story of SpongeBob's very first Christmas? ββ[Cut to Potty, who looks very drowsy and with bloodshot eyes. Patchy turns around]'' Potty?! ββ[he sees an empty bowl of cookie dough, accompanied by a foghorn noise]'' You ate all me cookie dough! ββ[we see Potty is now incredibly fat. The whole lower half of his body, along with their strings, falls off, leaving only his head]''}} |
β | {{L|Potty|Squ-ouch! |
+ | {{L|Potty|Squ-ouch! ββ [Patchy shrugs]''}} |
{{L|Patchy|Oh well! On with the show!}} |
{{L|Patchy|Oh well! On with the show!}} |
||
⚫ | |||
β | [Open on a sky blue screen shows "Nick Motion pictures Presents" which changes to "Christmas". With a Goofy yell of "Yahoohoohooee" and a loud crash. Now it says "Christmas Who?] |
||
⚫ | |||
β | ===Friends love Christmas=== |
||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
{{L|Sandy|What in the name of the Alamo is wrong with you, SpongeBob? Ain't you never seen a Christmas tree before?}} |
{{L|Sandy|What in the name of the Alamo is wrong with you, SpongeBob? Ain't you never seen a Christmas tree before?}} |
||
{{L|SpongeBob|Christmas who?}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|Christmas who?}} |
||
{{L|Sandy|What?! Ya'll never heard of Christmas?}} |
{{L|Sandy|What?! Ya'll never heard of Christmas?}} |
||
{{L|SpongeBob|Is she a friend from Texas?}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|Is she a friend from Texas?}} |
||
β | {{L|Sandy| |
+ | {{L|Sandy|ββ [laughs]'' No. I can't believe you have heard of... ββ [makes an adorable face]'' ...Christmas.}} |
β | {{L|SpongeBob|Tell me more about this... |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Tell me more about this... ββ [imitates Sandy]'' ...Christmas.}} |
{{L|Patchy|And so, Sandy wove the magical tale of gumdrops and pennywhistles. She told of toy-making elves and flying reindeer. But best of all, she told of the one they call, Santa Claus.}} |
{{L|Patchy|And so, Sandy wove the magical tale of gumdrops and pennywhistles. She told of toy-making elves and flying reindeer. But best of all, she told of the one they call, Santa Claus.}} |
||
+ | {{L|ββ [At Krusty Krab]''}} |
||
β | ===Gifts=== |
||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|And everyone pretends to like the fruitcake.}} |
||
β | |||
⚫ | |||
β | |||
β | + | {{L|SpongeBob|But the best part is you can write a letter to this guy, Santa Claus, and tell him what you want, and when he comes he brings it to you.}} |
|
β | Patrick |
+ | {{L|Patrick|Just like a genie.}} |
+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|I dunno about you, lubbers, but any fella who's giving away free stuff, is a friend o' mine.}} |
||
β | Mr Krabs:DID YOU KNOW HOLLYS KIM IS A GENIE HE CAME FROM GENIE LAND IN 1998 AND GOES TO OWNCS MIDDLE SCHOOL WITH OTHER NON-GENIES. HE LIKES TO SAY: I DON'T GET IT AND LOOK!...IT'S MY FINGER!  |
||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|That's the spirit, Mr. Krabs. ββ[grabs a piece of paper]'' Here you go! You can get started on your letter.}} |
||
β | Spongebob: . |
||
+ | {{L|Squidward|I can't believe anybody would celebrate a holiday where a jolly prowler breaks into your house and leaves gifts.}} |
||
⚫ | |||
β | Patrick |
+ | {{L|Patrick|Like a genie.}} |
+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|Pipe down, Squidward. I'm trying to concentrate. This thing is as good as a blank check direct from the First National Bank of Santa Claus.}} |
||
β | Mr Krabs: Pipe down, Squidward: Oh, . |
||
+ | {{L|Squidward|Oh, brother.}} |
||
β | Patrick: . |
||
β | + | {{L|Patrick|Yeah.}} |
|
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Ok, who's next?}} |
||
⚫ | |||
+ | {{L|Patrick|Ooh, ooh, me, me!}} |
||
β | Spongebob:. |
||
⚫ | |||
β | Patrick: There's no words on this paper. |
||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Here you go, Patrick.}} |
||
β | Spongebob: Not yet. |
||
β | Patrick |
+ | {{L|Patrick|There's no words on this paper.}} |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Not yet.}} |
||
⚫ | |||
+ | {{L|Patrick|Yippee! A writing stick.}} |
||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | {{L|SpongeBob|Here, Patrick, watch me. Dear Santa, what do I want for Christmas, you ask? All I want is for you to visit gentle folk in Bikini Bottom. That is my wish. ''[puts the letter in a bottle]'' Patrick, I designed this mechanism specifically to shoot bottles to the surface. The hopes of everyone rests on the success of its maiden voyage. Fire in the hole! ''[bottle shoots up to the surface]''}} |
||
β | Mr Krabs: Ok, boy, my demands, I mean, uhh, my letter, is ready to go. |
||
+ | {{L|Patrick|Santa!}} |
||
⚫ | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Haha. Where's Santa?}} |
||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
β | Spongebob: Really? |
||
β | Mr Krabs |
+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|Ok, boy, my demands, I mean, uhh, my letter, is ready to go.}} |
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Really?}} |
||
⚫ | |||
+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|With saddle bags full of money! ββ [shoots a bottle up to the surface]''}} |
||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
β | |||
⚫ | |||
β | ==Act 2== |
||
⚫ | |||
β | ===Santaβs coming tonight=== |
||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | {{L|Patchy|Is Squidward right? Can there be a Christmas under the sea? Stay tuned! |
||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob & Patrick|βͺIt's shaping up to be a wonderful holiday. Not your normal, average, everyday.βͺ}} |
||
⚫ | |||
+ | {{L|Squidward|βͺSounds like someone felled my old coral tree! SpongeBob, Patrick, why'd you do this to me!?βͺ}} |
||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob & Patrick|βͺThe world feels like it's in loverly! βͺ}} |
||
+ | {{L|Squidward|βͺGo away before I harm you bodily! βͺ}} |
||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob & Patrick|βͺThis Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me! There'll be shopping, decorating, and plenty of snow! Hey, Patrick, who's that under the mistletoe? βͺ}} |
||
+ | {{L|Squidward|βͺWhat? Who, me? Would you look at the time, I should go! βͺ}} |
||
+ | {{L|Plankton|βͺPeople seem a little more brotherly! βͺ}} |
||
+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|βͺHere's a special something to you from me! βͺ}} |
||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob & Patrick|βͺEven all the trash, on Christmas it smells so sweetly! This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me! βͺ}} |
||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|βͺLa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! βͺ}} |
||
+ | {{L|Squidward|βͺWhat do you want? Can't you see that I'm busy!?βͺ}} |
||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob & Patrick|βͺStep outside, we've got something for you to see! βͺ}} |
||
+ | {{L|Squidward|βͺSpongeBob, Patrick, take this stuff down immediately! βͺ}} |
||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob & Patrick|βͺChestnuts roasting and burns in the third degree! βͺ}} |
||
+ | {{L|Citizens|βͺTonight things are as good as they seem to be! βͺ}} |
||
+ | {{L|Patrick|βͺA star on top will complete all the scenery! βͺ}} |
||
+ | {{L|Citizens|βͺThis Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me! This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me! βͺ}} |
||
⚫ | |||
+ | {{L|Citizen|I hope he can read Portuguese.}} |
||
⚫ | |||
{{L|Squidward|SpongeBob, what are you doing?}} |
{{L|Squidward|SpongeBob, what are you doing?}} |
||
{{L|SpongeBob|Don't worry, Squidward. I'll help you get started. ''[writes letter for Squidward]'' Dear Santa Claus...}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|Don't worry, Squidward. I'll help you get started. ''[writes letter for Squidward]'' Dear Santa Claus...}} |
||
Line 111: | Line 116: | ||
{{L|SpongeBob|But, Squidward, when Santa comes, you'll be the only one without a gift.}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|But, Squidward, when Santa comes, you'll be the only one without a gift.}} |
||
{{L|Squidward|SpongeBob, how many times do I have to say it? I don't believe in Santa Claus!!}} |
{{L|Squidward|SpongeBob, how many times do I have to say it? I don't believe in Santa Claus!!}} |
||
β | {{L|SpongeBob| |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|CβMon, Squid, all you have to do is write a letter. What have you got to lose?}} |
{{L|Squidward|My self-respect. My sanity. My lunch. ''[closes door]''}} |
{{L|Squidward|My self-respect. My sanity. My lunch. ''[closes door]''}} |
||
{{L|SpongeBob|Squidward, c'mon. ''[everyone tries to get Squidward outside]''}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|Squidward, c'mon. ''[everyone tries to get Squidward outside]''}} |
||
β | {{L|Citizens| |
+ | {{L|Citizens|CβMon, Squidward. Don't be a party pooper. C'mon out.}} |
β | {{L|Squidward| |
+ | {{L|Squidward|ββ [pokes his head out his window]'' Santa Claus is a big phony! SpongeBob has got you all fooled.}} |
β | {{L|SpongeBob| |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|CβMon, Squidward. C'mon! ''[closes window and gets in bed]''}} |
β | {{L|Squidward|Those idiots are gonna be up all night while I get a full |
+ | {{L|Squidward|Those idiots are gonna be up all night while I get a full nightβs sleep. ββ [tries to sleep but the singing outside wakes him up]''}} |
β | {{L|Citizens|βͺOh, |
+ | {{L|Citizens|βͺOh, Santa's coming tonight, tonight. Santa's coming tonight. Santa's coming tonight, tonight. Santa's coming tonight.βͺ}} |
β | {{L|SpongeBob| |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|CβMon everybody. Let's sing till Santa gets here.}} |
β | {{L|Citizens|βͺOh, |
+ | {{L|Citizens|βͺOh, Santa's coming tonight, tonight. Santaβs coming tonight. Santa's coming tonight, tonight. Santa's coming...βͺ}} |
{{L|''[its morning and they are tired]''}} |
{{L|''[its morning and they are tired]''}} |
||
β | {{L|Citizens| |
+ | {{L|Citizens|βͺSanta's coming tonight, tonight. Santa's coming tonight.βͺ}} |
β | {{L| |
+ | {{L|Fred|Hey! Where's Santa?}} |
β | {{L|SpongeBob|Uh, he should be here any minute. |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Uh, he should be here any minute. βͺSanta's coming tonight, tonight. Santa's coming tonight.βͺ}} |
β | {{L|Citizens|Oh, c'mon. Enough of this. |
+ | {{L|Citizens|Oh, c'mon. Enough of this. ββ [everyone argues]''}} |
β | {{L| |
+ | {{L|Fred|Thanks for the lies, Mr. Fairytale! Let's go waste our time somewhere else.}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|Hey, guys, where's your Christmas Spirit? He's just running late.}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|Hey, guys, where's your Christmas Spirit? He's just running late.}} |
||
β | {{L|Patrick|He probably just stopped for a snack |
+ | {{L|Patrick|He probably just stopped for a snack! Fat guys get hungry right?}} |
β | {{L|SpongeBob|Yeah! |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Yeah! ββ [they wait and wait and then one of the jellyfish jars break on SpongeBob's head]''}} |
β | {{L|Patrick|Never trust a genie. |
+ | {{L|Patrick|Never trust a genie. ββ [Patrick and snowman walk away]''}} |
β | {{L|Squidward| |
+ | {{L|Squidward|ββ [alarm goes off]'' Ahh, morning already? Oh, boy! ββ[speaking in a megaphone]'' Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas. Wait. Oh, I see a great Christmas photo op. could you move in a little? Say Santa Claus.}} |
β | {{L|SpongeBob| |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|ββ [very sad face]'' Santa Claus. ββ [Squidward takes picture]''}} |
β | {{L|Squidward|Aww, our first Christmas. This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas. The first Christmas is this Christmas. |
+ | {{L|Squidward|Aww, our first Christmas. This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas. The first Christmas is this Christmas. ββ[donkey appears on screen making noises]'' Cause it feels like the first Christmas to me. ββ [laughing at Spongebob]''}} |
β | {{L|SpongeBob|You were right, Squidward. This is a stupid holiday. |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|You were right, Squidward. This is a stupid holiday. ββ [takes out a present]'' I still want you to have this.}} |
{{L|Squidward|What? What's this?}} |
{{L|Squidward|What? What's this?}} |
||
β | {{L|SpongeBob|A present. I made it for you so you wouldn't be left out when...Santa came |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|A present. I made it for you so you wouldn't be left out when...Santa came!}} |
{{L|Squidward|Oh, gee, I, uh, you know I...}} |
{{L|Squidward|Oh, gee, I, uh, you know I...}} |
||
{{L|SpongeBob|You're welcome.}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|You're welcome.}} |
||
β | {{L|Squidward|SpongeBob? He made me a present? It's probably a jellyfish net, or an old |
+ | {{L|Squidward|SpongeBob? He made me a present? It's probably a jellyfish net, or an old Krabby patty, or... ''[imitates a hillbilly]'' his favorite underpants. Haha. ''[opens present]'' Why, it looks like a clarinet. ''[smells it]'' It smells like one, too. Handcrafted on driftwood. And it's even got my name on it. ''[finds a button that says "push"]'' What's this? ''[pushes the button and 3 wooden Squidward's with clarinets come out and bob up and down]'' Wow. This is the greatest gift I've ever gotten. Oh, I feel like a...I feel like a...I feel like a... ''[donkey appears on screen and makes noises]'' big jerk. What have I done to poor SpongeBob? Uh, hey, SpongeBob? I...SpongeBob? '' [SpongeBob is on a ladder trying to get his lights down]''}} |
β | {{L|SpongeBob|I guess I won't be needing this. ''[slides down with the lights in hand]'' That's better. ''[a gray cloud comes and rains on SpongeBob]''}} |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|I guess I won't be needing this. ''[slides down with the lights in hand]'' That's better. '' [a gray cloud comes and rains on SpongeBob]''}} |
{{L|Squidward|Poor little guy. All he wanted was to spread a little joy.}} |
{{L|Squidward|Poor little guy. All he wanted was to spread a little joy.}} |
||
{{L|SpongeBob|I better get this stuff off of Squid's house.}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|I better get this stuff off of Squid's house.}} |
||
Line 147: | Line 152: | ||
{{L|Squidward|Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho!}} |
{{L|Squidward|Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho!}} |
||
{{L|SpongeBob|Hello? Yes. Who's there? Huh? Hello? Show yourself. Yoo-hoo. Hello? Who is it? Huh?}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|Hello? Yes. Who's there? Huh? Hello? Show yourself. Yoo-hoo. Hello? Who is it? Huh?}} |
||
β | {{L|Squidward|Up here you dunce. |
+ | {{L|Squidward|Up here you dunce. ββ [looks like Santa Claus]'' I mean, uh, Merry Christmas little boy.}} |
β | {{L|SpongeBob| |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|ββ [gasps]'' Could it be?}} |
β | {{L|Squidward|Yes, it is I, Santa Claus. Ho, ho, ho... |
+ | {{L|Squidward|Yes, it is I, Santa Claus. Ho, ho, ho... ββ [slips off the roof and hits the ground]''}} |
β | {{L|SpongeBob|Hey, you're S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-San... |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Hey, you're S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-San... ββ[deep breath]'' S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-San... ββ [deep breath]'' S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-San...}} |
{{L|Squidward|Hey, uh, kid, take it easy.}} |
{{L|Squidward|Hey, uh, kid, take it easy.}} |
||
β | {{L|SpongeBob|S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-San...ta... |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-San...ta... ββ [faints]''}} |
{{L|Squidward|SpongeBob? SpongeBob? SpongeBob?!}} |
{{L|Squidward|SpongeBob? SpongeBob? SpongeBob?!}} |
||
{{L|SpongeBob|S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-San...}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-San...}} |
||
Line 160: | Line 165: | ||
{{L|SpongeBob|Where's your reindeer? And your flying machine?}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|Where's your reindeer? And your flying machine?}} |
||
{{L|Squidward|Uhh, I loaned them to the Easter bunny.}} |
{{L|Squidward|Uhh, I loaned them to the Easter bunny.}} |
||
β | {{L|SpongeBob|And what about that nose? |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|And what about that nose? ββ[pokes his nose and laughs]'' I knew you were suppose to have a big one but, that things gigantic. ββ [laughs]''}} |
{{L|Squidward|Alright! I'm Santa.}} |
{{L|Squidward|Alright! I'm Santa.}} |
||
β | {{L|SpongeBob| |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|ββ [glues a jump onto Santa]'' Santa! This is the greatest you could've given me. Thank you for bringing Christmas to Bikini Bottom.}} |
{{L|Squidward|I didn't bring Christmas to Bikini Bottom, SpongeBob, you did.}} |
{{L|Squidward|I didn't bring Christmas to Bikini Bottom, SpongeBob, you did.}} |
||
β | {{L|SpongeBob|I did? |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|I did? ββ [faints and falls on Gary's shell]''}} |
{{L|Gary|Meow.}} |
{{L|Gary|Meow.}} |
||
{{L|Squidward|Merry Christmas, SpongeBob. Merry Christmas! Whew! I'm glad that's over.}} |
{{L|Squidward|Merry Christmas, SpongeBob. Merry Christmas! Whew! I'm glad that's over.}} |
||
β | {{L| |
+ | {{L|Shelly|Do you have a present for me, Santa?}} |
{{L|Squidward|Oh, well, uhh, see I'm not really...}} |
{{L|Squidward|Oh, well, uhh, see I'm not really...}} |
||
β | {{L|SpongeBob| |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|ββ [laughs]'' Go ahead, Santa Claus. See, he is real. He made my Christmas wish come true, he won't let you down.}} |
β | {{L|Squidward|Uhh, right, just a second. |
+ | {{L|Squidward|Uhh, right, just a second. ββ[searches in his house for stuff]'' C'mon, let's see. What do little girls like? A book of matches? Or a shaving kit? A copy of my birth certificate? There's got to be something around here. Think. Think. Think. Ha! Perfect! ββ [hands the little girl a wrench]'' Ho, ho, ho!}} |
β | {{L| |
+ | {{L|Shelly|Thanks, Santa. ββ [scratches the wrench like it was a puppy]''}} |
β | {{L|Squidward|That almost felt good. |
+ | {{L|Squidward|That almost felt good. ββ [Squidward then notices a long line of citizens waiting for presents]'' I didn't...who?}} |
β | {{L| |
+ | {{L|Fred|Hey, Santa, where's my present?}} |
β | {{L| |
+ | {{L|Old Man Jenkins|And mine!}} |
β | {{L| |
+ | {{L|Abigail-Marge|And what about me?}} |
β | {{L|Squidward|Let's see what Santa has for all you good people. |
+ | {{L|Squidward|Let's see what Santa has for all you good people. ββ[searches for stuff in his house]'' Think fast, Santa. Gifts for good people. A-ha! A bowl of mashed potatoes for you.}} |
β | {{L| |
+ | {{L|Jennifer-Millie|Thank you, Santa. This is just what I wanted. ββ [puts bowl on her head]'' A new hairstyle.}} |
β | {{L|Squidward| |
+ | {{L|Squidward|ββ [gives the little girl two forks & gives Patrick a clock]'' Here you go, Patrick.}} |
β | {{L|Patrick|Wow. |
+ | {{L|Patrick|Wow. ββ [punches a hole through the clock]'' A wrist watch.}} |
β | {{L|Squidward| |
+ | {{L|Squidward|ββ [gets everything else in his house to the citizens]'' What was I thinking? I gave away all my stuff just 'cause SpongeBob wouldn't be sad. Am I insane? ββ[SpongeBob knocks on the door]'' You might as well take the door. It's all that's left.}} |
β | {{L|SpongeBob|Squidward! You missed him! He was here just like I said! He gave us all presents. He was jolly and he had a beard. His nose was big and he had rosy cheeks. He was friendly and kind. |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Squidward! You missed him! He was here just like I said! He gave us all presents. He was jolly and he had a beard. His nose was big and he had rosy cheeks. He was friendly and kind. ββ[turns SpongeBob towards the door and pushes him so he walks]'' And Santa is...his belly was small but his nose was huge with Christmas joy. He was so nice Squidward...}} |
β | {{L|Squidward|Well, at least it's over. |
+ | {{L|Squidward|Well, at least it's over. ββ[notices a bottle with a letter in it on the ground]'' Huh? What's this?}} |
β | {{L|Santa|Dear Squidward, thanks for all your help! You've been a real good boy this year. Warm regards, Santa Claus. |
+ | {{L|Santa|Dear Squidward, thanks for all your help! You've been a real good boy this year. Warm regards, Santa Claus. ββ[letter disappears into thin air]'' Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho! ββ[in his sleigh flying]'' Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho, ho, ho. ββ [does a crazy dance while saying his "ho ho ho"]''}} |
β | {{L|Squidward|Yup, I'm insane. |
+ | {{L|Squidward|Yup, I'm insane. ββ [plays his wooden clarinet in the ending tone of the episode]''}} |
β | {{L|Santa|Merry Christmas! |
+ | {{L|Santa|Merry Christmas! ββ [back at Patchy's house, a sailboat with a homemade Sponge and Pat moves in front of a picture of the island, which has a bunch of presents on it]''}} |
β | {{L|Patchy|Dee dee, dee dee dee dee. |
+ | {{L|Patchy|Dee dee, dee dee dee dee. ββ[in Sponge's voice]'' Ahoy, Patrick! It's Christmas Island! ββ[in Pat's voice]'' Presents, ahoy! ββ[in Sponge's voice]'' Hooray! ββ[he starts making storm sound effects]'' Oh, a storm! ββ[in Pat's voice]'' Yay! I mean yikes! ββ[he makes more sound effects and begins speaking in his own voice]'' Oh, we're going down! ββ[He keeps making noises. Zoom out to show the boat is on Patchy's head]'' Trim the sails! Hoist the yardarms! Turn on the Weather Channel! ββ [he screams]''}} |
β | {{L|Man on Set| |
+ | {{L|Man on Set|ββ [off-screen]'' Patchy!}} |
⚫ | {{L|Patchy|Oh, hi kids. Boy, that SpongeBob makes me as jolly as a roger. Well, I hope you enjoyed SpongeBob's Christmas tale. And I hope your Christmas is better than sunken treasure. ββ[He takes the boat off his head. Potty flies out, and there is a nest was under him, and in it are a few eggs wrapped in bows. Patchy picks one up]'' Aw... Potty left me a little Christmas present. ββ[He laughs. Then he goes over to the mistletoe]'' Arr, ye old mistletoe. And you know what that means. ββ[he sprays breath freshener in his mouth]'' Ah, time for somebody to kiss Patchy the Pirate! ββ[he makes kissing noises]'' Come on, who's it gonna be? Come on! Kiss the captain! ββ[He laughs. Potty flies over and squawks. Patchy screams]''}} |
||
β | |||
⚫ | |||
β | ===Finale=== |
||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | {{L|Patchy|Oh, hi kids. Boy, that SpongeBob makes me as jolly as a roger. Well, I hope you enjoyed |
||
⚫ | |||
⚫ | |||
{{L|Potty|Kissy, kissy!}} |
{{L|Potty|Kissy, kissy!}} |
||
β | {{L|Narrator|Well, it looks like Patchy's pretty busy at the moment, so I'll say it for him. Good night, and happy holidays. |
+ | {{L|Narrator|Well, it looks like Patchy's pretty busy at the moment, so I'll say it for him. Good night, and happy holidays. ββ [the words "Happy Holidays" are spelled out on screen]''}} |
β | [[Category:Episode transcripts]] |
||
β | [[Category:2000 transcripts]] |
Revision as of 03:15, 22 November 2014
Template:EpisodeTr/28
- [pan over live-action houses]
- Narrator: And now, direct from Encino, America's favorite pirate and president of the SpongeBob SquarePants fan club, Patchy the Pirate. ββ[The exterior of Patchy's house is shown. The name "Patchy" appears. Inside, Patchy is wrapping presents]
- Patchy: ββ [to the tune of "Jingle Bells"] Yo ho ho, yo ho ho, yo ho ho ho ho ho. ββ[he notices he's on air] Oh! Hi. ββ[he waves] I'm Patchy the Pirate, president of the SpongeBob SquarePants fan club! ββ[He notices a long piece of confetti on his hook and tries to shake it off. He pulls on it and whacks himself in the eye, giving him a black eye. He switches his patch over to the other eye] Hey, that's better! ββ [Potty, a puppet bird on strings, flies in]
- Potty: ββ [squawk] Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
- Patchy: That's right, Potty! It is Christmas. ββ[he limps over to the fireplace] And there ain't nothing better in the seven seas than a Bikini Bottom Christmas. It sure is a magical time of year. ββ[he blows on his pipe, and bubbles emerge] Why, I'll bet old SpongeBob is gearing up for Santa Claus right now! ββ[He picks up a picture of SpongeBob. Cut to SpongeBob, holding a remote]
- SpongeBob: I sure am! ββ[He presses a button on the remote. A large chimney rises from the ground next to his house, and a gigantic funnel pops out of it with the words "Welcome Santa" in neon letters] I'm ready! ββ [Patchy laughs]
- Patchy: Not bad for a creature with no vertebrae. ββ[he puts down Sponge's picture] And I'm sure our pal Patrick is doing his share of the decorating. ββ[He picks up a picture of Patrick. Cut to Patrick standing by his house with a dopey smile on his face. Zoom out to reveal a single Xmas ball hanging from the antenna on top of his rock. It snaps off and hits the ground, and Patrick does as well. Now, Patchy is mixing cookie dough] I too am also preparing for Christmas. ββ[he lifts up the mixer] Hmm, unbaked cookie dough! ββ [he takes a lick] Mmm...
- Potty: ββ [squawk] Potty want cookie dough! ββ[he flies over, squawking] Cookie! ββ [Patchy ducks]
- Patchy: Potty! No! ββ [Potty flies back and forth]
- Potty: Cookie! ββ [squawk]
- Patchy: Get out of here!
- Potty: Cookie!
- Patchy: Potty!
- Potty: ββ [squawk] Give me a lick!
- Patchy: Back off, you flying freak! ββ [Potty flies on the counter]
- Potty: ββ [squawk] Clarify please.
- Patchy: ββ [The Cookie Dough is shaped like SpongeBob and Patrick was shown] This here cookie dough is for the children, not for pesky parrots and other animals. ββ[Cut to Hans reaching over and ringing a bell. Patchy looks out the window] What's that? Three bells! Well, we all know what three bells means!
- Children: ββ [off-screen] Free ice cream! ββ [Patchy laughs]
- Patchy: No, you silly livers! ββ [sternly] No!
- Potty: ββ [squawk] Man overboard? ββ [Patchy walks over to a desk]
- Patchy: You, I'm ignoring. ββ[he sits down] No, it means it's time to open fan letters! ββ [Potty flies over with a letter in his beak]
- Potty: ββ [squawk] Here you go! ββ [Patchy tugs at it]
- Patchy: Thank you, Potty. ββ[Potty's not letting go] Yeah. OK Potty, thank you! ββ[Potty squawks, still not letting go] Come on, give it, you birdbrain! ββ[Potty squawks some more] Quiet, infernal bird! ββ[He uses his hook, now with a pair of scissors on the end, to snip Potty's rope. Potty squawks and falls to the ground. Patchy nods] Hmm. ββ [he sits back down] This letter comes to us from...
- Fish Head: ββ [as voiceover] Name and address withheld! ββ[Patchy tears the envelope open, pieces of it flying all over the place. ββ [He pulls up his eye patch and replaces it with a pair of reading glasses with one eye covered up]
- Patchy: And he writes, "Dear SpongeBob, I am ten years old, and I was wondering if you like Christmas as much as I do. Sincerely yours..."
- Fish Head: ββ [as voiceover] Name and address withheld! ββ[Patchy gets up and takes off his glasses. Now his eye patch is back on]
- Patchy: A very good question. But you know they didn't always celebrate Christmas in Bikini Bottom.
- Potty: ββ [squawk] They didn't?
- Patchy: No sir, my fine feathered little neck pain. ββ[He pulls down Potty's strings. Potty, as well as its puppeteer, falls to the ground. Patchy hangs a homemade Sponge ornament on a Xmas tree. Zoom out, showing the entire X-mas tree, which is decorated with many similar Sponge, as well as ornaments featuring Pat and Squid, and a few gift boxes] There was a time when no one had even heard of Christmas in Bikini Bottom. ββ[he snaps his fingers] Hey! Who wants to hear the story of SpongeBob's very first Christmas? ββ[Cut to Potty, who looks very drowsy and with bloodshot eyes. Patchy turns around] Potty?! ββ[he sees an empty bowl of cookie dough, accompanied by a foghorn noise] You ate all me cookie dough! ββ[we see Potty is now incredibly fat. The whole lower half of his body, along with their strings, falls off, leaving only his head]
- Potty: Squ-ouch! ββ [Patchy shrugs]
- Patchy: Oh well! On with the show!
- ββ [We see Sponge waiting on a hill near Sandy's treedome]
- SpongeBob: ββ [laughs] Today, I'm gonna sneak up and get that Sandy with a super sneaky karate move. ββ [practices karate]
- SpongeBob: What diabolical act is she committing now? ββ[Sandy plugs in Christmas lights] Fire! Don't worry, Sandy, I'm coming! Stand back, Sandy, fire! ββ[instead of throwing water on tree...throws it on Sandy] Huh? I guess there's no fire?
- Sandy: What in the name of the Alamo is wrong with you, SpongeBob? Ain't you never seen a Christmas tree before?
- SpongeBob: Christmas who?
- Sandy: What?! Ya'll never heard of Christmas?
- SpongeBob: Is she a friend from Texas?
- Sandy: ββ [laughs] No. I can't believe you have heard of... ββ [makes an adorable face] ...Christmas.
- SpongeBob: Tell me more about this... ββ [imitates Sandy] ...Christmas.
- Patchy: And so, Sandy wove the magical tale of gumdrops and pennywhistles. She told of toy-making elves and flying reindeer. But best of all, she told of the one they call, Santa Claus.
- ββ [At Krusty Krab]
- SpongeBob: And everyone pretends to like the fruitcake.
- Squidward: Yawn.
- SpongeBob: But the best part is you can write a letter to this guy, Santa Claus, and tell him what you want, and when he comes he brings it to you.
- Patrick: Just like a genie.
- Mr. Krabs: I dunno about you, lubbers, but any fella who's giving away free stuff, is a friend o' mine.
- SpongeBob: That's the spirit, Mr. Krabs. ββ[grabs a piece of paper] Here you go! You can get started on your letter.
- Squidward: I can't believe anybody would celebrate a holiday where a jolly prowler breaks into your house and leaves gifts.
- Patrick: Like a genie.
- Mr. Krabs: Pipe down, Squidward. I'm trying to concentrate. This thing is as good as a blank check direct from the First National Bank of Santa Claus.
- Squidward: Oh, brother.
- Patrick: Yeah.
- SpongeBob: Ok, who's next?
- Patrick: Ooh, ooh, me, me!
- Squidward: Ooh.
- SpongeBob: Here you go, Patrick.
- Patrick: There's no words on this paper.
- SpongeBob: Not yet.
- Patrick: Yippee! A writing stick.
- SpongeBob: C'mon, Squidward. Write a letter.
- Squidward: SpongeBob, grow up will ya? No one's going to give me a gift just because I write them a stupid letter. ββ [Patrick's letter tears in half]
- Patrick: SpongeBob, I ripped my paper. Could I have another one?
- SpongeBob: Sure, buddy. Here you go. Okie dokie, Squid... ββ [Patrick rips his again] ...ward.
- Patrick: Uhh, SpongeBob... ββ[hands him another piece] Thanks. ββ[sits down and starts writing with the paper on top of the pencil] Dear Sant... ββ[paper rips] Doh! Not again.
- SpongeBob: Here, Patrick, watch me. Dear Santa, what do I want for Christmas, you ask? All I want is for you to visit gentle folk in Bikini Bottom. That is my wish. [puts the letter in a bottle] Patrick, I designed this mechanism specifically to shoot bottles to the surface. The hopes of everyone rests on the success of its maiden voyage. Fire in the hole! [bottle shoots up to the surface]
- Patrick: Santa!
- SpongeBob: Haha. Where's Santa?
- SpongeBob: Santa doesn't come till Christmas Eve.
- Mr. Krabs: Ok, boy, my demands, I mean, uhh, my letter, is ready to go.
- SpongeBob: Great, Mr. Krabs. What did you wish for?
- Mr. Krabs: A pony.
- SpongeBob: Really?
- Mr. Krabs: With saddle bags full of money! ββ [shoots a bottle up to the surface]
- Patrick: Here you go, SpongeBob.
- SpongeBob: What did you wish for, Patrick?
- Patrick: Another piece of paper. ββ [bottle shoots up to the surface]
- SpongeBob: And what did you wish for, little girl?
- Susie: Front teeth.
- Cowboy: I could use a new hat.
- Jennifer-Millie: I need a new hairstyle.
- Lonnie: How about a glass of water for my teeth. ββ [lots of bottles get shot up to the surface]
- Squidward: Excuse me, coming through, out of the way.
- SpongeBob: Great, Squidward, you finished. What's your wish?
- Squidward: My wish is that the people of Bikini Bottom will stop paying any attention to the inane dribble that is constantly streaming out of this dunderhead's mouth.
- SpongeBob: Gee, Squidward, maybe Santa will bring me a dictionary so I can understand what you just said. Ok, everybody, we've got a lot to do now that we've summoned Santa Claus. We must ready ourselves for his arrival.
- Everyone: Hooray!
- SpongeBob & Patrick: βͺIt's shaping up to be a wonderful holiday. Not your normal, average, everyday.βͺ
- Squidward: βͺSounds like someone felled my old coral tree! SpongeBob, Patrick, why'd you do this to me!?βͺ
- SpongeBob & Patrick: βͺThe world feels like it's in loverly! βͺ
- Squidward: βͺGo away before I harm you bodily! βͺ
- SpongeBob & Patrick: βͺThis Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me! There'll be shopping, decorating, and plenty of snow! Hey, Patrick, who's that under the mistletoe? βͺ
- Squidward: βͺWhat? Who, me? Would you look at the time, I should go! βͺ
- Plankton: βͺPeople seem a little more brotherly! βͺ
- Mr. Krabs: βͺHere's a special something to you from me! βͺ
- SpongeBob & Patrick: βͺEven all the trash, on Christmas it smells so sweetly! This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me! βͺ
- SpongeBob: βͺLa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! βͺ
- Squidward: βͺWhat do you want? Can't you see that I'm busy!?βͺ
- SpongeBob & Patrick: βͺStep outside, we've got something for you to see! βͺ
- Squidward: βͺSpongeBob, Patrick, take this stuff down immediately! βͺ
- SpongeBob & Patrick: βͺChestnuts roasting and burns in the third degree! βͺ
- Citizens: βͺTonight things are as good as they seem to be! βͺ
- Patrick: βͺA star on top will complete all the scenery! βͺ
- Citizens: βͺThis Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me! This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me! βͺ
- Patchy: Is Squidward right? Can there be a Christmas under the sea? Stay tuned! ββ[shaking, putting his hand and hook upon his ears. later] It's about time you got back! Now I can finish me story! So, SpongeBob was sending the last of the letters to Santa...
- Citizen: I hope he can read Portuguese.
- SpongeBob: Ahh, that's the last letter. Huh? Wait! Squidward hasn't written his letter yet! ββ[runs to Squidward with a pencil, bottles, and paper in hand] Squidward! Hurry! Squidward, Squidward! Hurry! [runs into Squidward's house and upstairs to have him write his letter]
- Squidward: SpongeBob, what are you doing?
- SpongeBob: Don't worry, Squidward. I'll help you get started. [writes letter for Squidward] Dear Santa Claus...
- Squidward: SpongeBob, forget it.
- SpongeBob: Right, too formal. Hi Santa...
- Squidward: SpongeBob, no.
- SpongeBob: Howdy, Claus?
- Squidward: [pushes SpongeBob out his door] I'm not writing a letter to a figment of your imagination.
- SpongeBob: But, Squidward, when Santa comes, you'll be the only one without a gift.
- Squidward: SpongeBob, how many times do I have to say it? I don't believe in Santa Claus!!
- SpongeBob: CβMon, Squid, all you have to do is write a letter. What have you got to lose?
- Squidward: My self-respect. My sanity. My lunch. [closes door]
- SpongeBob: Squidward, c'mon. [everyone tries to get Squidward outside]
- Citizens: CβMon, Squidward. Don't be a party pooper. C'mon out.
- Squidward: ββ [pokes his head out his window] Santa Claus is a big phony! SpongeBob has got you all fooled.
- SpongeBob: CβMon, Squidward. C'mon! [closes window and gets in bed]
- Squidward: Those idiots are gonna be up all night while I get a full nightβs sleep. ββ [tries to sleep but the singing outside wakes him up]
- Citizens: βͺOh, Santa's coming tonight, tonight. Santa's coming tonight. Santa's coming tonight, tonight. Santa's coming tonight.βͺ
- SpongeBob: CβMon everybody. Let's sing till Santa gets here.
- Citizens: βͺOh, Santa's coming tonight, tonight. Santaβs coming tonight. Santa's coming tonight, tonight. Santa's coming...βͺ
- [its morning and they are tired]
- Citizens: βͺSanta's coming tonight, tonight. Santa's coming tonight.βͺ
- Fred: Hey! Where's Santa?
- SpongeBob: Uh, he should be here any minute. βͺSanta's coming tonight, tonight. Santa's coming tonight.βͺ
- Citizens: Oh, c'mon. Enough of this. ββ [everyone argues]
- Fred: Thanks for the lies, Mr. Fairytale! Let's go waste our time somewhere else.
- SpongeBob: Hey, guys, where's your Christmas Spirit? He's just running late.
- Patrick: He probably just stopped for a snack! Fat guys get hungry right?
- SpongeBob: Yeah! ββ [they wait and wait and then one of the jellyfish jars break on SpongeBob's head]
- Patrick: Never trust a genie. ββ [Patrick and snowman walk away]
- Squidward: ββ [alarm goes off] Ahh, morning already? Oh, boy! ββ[speaking in a megaphone] Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas. Wait. Oh, I see a great Christmas photo op. could you move in a little? Say Santa Claus.
- SpongeBob: ββ [very sad face] Santa Claus. ββ [Squidward takes picture]
- Squidward: Aww, our first Christmas. This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas. The first Christmas is this Christmas. ββ[donkey appears on screen making noises] Cause it feels like the first Christmas to me. ββ [laughing at Spongebob]
- SpongeBob: You were right, Squidward. This is a stupid holiday. ββ [takes out a present] I still want you to have this.
- Squidward: What? What's this?
- SpongeBob: A present. I made it for you so you wouldn't be left out when...Santa came!
- Squidward: Oh, gee, I, uh, you know I...
- SpongeBob: You're welcome.
- Squidward: SpongeBob? He made me a present? It's probably a jellyfish net, or an old Krabby patty, or... [imitates a hillbilly] his favorite underpants. Haha. [opens present] Why, it looks like a clarinet. [smells it] It smells like one, too. Handcrafted on driftwood. And it's even got my name on it. [finds a button that says "push"] What's this? [pushes the button and 3 wooden Squidward's with clarinets come out and bob up and down] Wow. This is the greatest gift I've ever gotten. Oh, I feel like a...I feel like a...I feel like a... [donkey appears on screen and makes noises] big jerk. What have I done to poor SpongeBob? Uh, hey, SpongeBob? I...SpongeBob? [SpongeBob is on a ladder trying to get his lights down]
- SpongeBob: I guess I won't be needing this. [slides down with the lights in hand] That's better. [a gray cloud comes and rains on SpongeBob]
- Squidward: Poor little guy. All he wanted was to spread a little joy.
- SpongeBob: I better get this stuff off of Squid's house.
- Squidward: Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho!
- SpongeBob: Huh? Hello? Who's there? Huh? Hello?
- Squidward: Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho!
- SpongeBob: Hello? Yes. Who's there? Huh? Hello? Show yourself. Yoo-hoo. Hello? Who is it? Huh?
- Squidward: Up here you dunce. ββ [looks like Santa Claus] I mean, uh, Merry Christmas little boy.
- SpongeBob: ββ [gasps] Could it be?
- Squidward: Yes, it is I, Santa Claus. Ho, ho, ho... ββ [slips off the roof and hits the ground]
- SpongeBob: Hey, you're S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-San... ββ[deep breath] S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-San... ββ [deep breath] S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-San...
- Squidward: Hey, uh, kid, take it easy.
- SpongeBob: S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-San...ta... ββ [faints]
- Squidward: SpongeBob? SpongeBob? SpongeBob?!
- SpongeBob: S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-San...
- Squidward: Don't do that again.
- SpongeBob: Oh, I knew you'd make it, Santa. Hey, Santa, where's your big, round belly.
- Squidward: Well, that, um, is a result of, uh, undersea pressure on my body.
- SpongeBob: Where's your reindeer? And your flying machine?
- Squidward: Uhh, I loaned them to the Easter bunny.
- SpongeBob: And what about that nose? ββ[pokes his nose and laughs] I knew you were suppose to have a big one but, that things gigantic. ββ [laughs]
- Squidward: Alright! I'm Santa.
- SpongeBob: ββ [glues a jump onto Santa] Santa! This is the greatest you could've given me. Thank you for bringing Christmas to Bikini Bottom.
- Squidward: I didn't bring Christmas to Bikini Bottom, SpongeBob, you did.
- SpongeBob: I did? ββ [faints and falls on Gary's shell]
- Gary: Meow.
- Squidward: Merry Christmas, SpongeBob. Merry Christmas! Whew! I'm glad that's over.
- Shelly: Do you have a present for me, Santa?
- Squidward: Oh, well, uhh, see I'm not really...
- SpongeBob: ββ [laughs] Go ahead, Santa Claus. See, he is real. He made my Christmas wish come true, he won't let you down.
- Squidward: Uhh, right, just a second. ββ[searches in his house for stuff] C'mon, let's see. What do little girls like? A book of matches? Or a shaving kit? A copy of my birth certificate? There's got to be something around here. Think. Think. Think. Ha! Perfect! ββ [hands the little girl a wrench] Ho, ho, ho!
- Shelly: Thanks, Santa. ββ [scratches the wrench like it was a puppy]
- Squidward: That almost felt good. ββ [Squidward then notices a long line of citizens waiting for presents] I didn't...who?
- Fred: Hey, Santa, where's my present?
- Old Man Jenkins: And mine!
- Abigail-Marge: And what about me?
- Squidward: Let's see what Santa has for all you good people. ββ[searches for stuff in his house] Think fast, Santa. Gifts for good people. A-ha! A bowl of mashed potatoes for you.
- Jennifer-Millie: Thank you, Santa. This is just what I wanted. ββ [puts bowl on her head] A new hairstyle.
- Squidward: ββ [gives the little girl two forks & gives Patrick a clock] Here you go, Patrick.
- Patrick: Wow. ββ [punches a hole through the clock] A wrist watch.
- Squidward: ββ [gets everything else in his house to the citizens] What was I thinking? I gave away all my stuff just 'cause SpongeBob wouldn't be sad. Am I insane? ββ[SpongeBob knocks on the door] You might as well take the door. It's all that's left.
- SpongeBob: Squidward! You missed him! He was here just like I said! He gave us all presents. He was jolly and he had a beard. His nose was big and he had rosy cheeks. He was friendly and kind. ββ[turns SpongeBob towards the door and pushes him so he walks] And Santa is...his belly was small but his nose was huge with Christmas joy. He was so nice Squidward...
- Squidward: Well, at least it's over. ββ[notices a bottle with a letter in it on the ground] Huh? What's this?
- Santa: Dear Squidward, thanks for all your help! You've been a real good boy this year. Warm regards, Santa Claus. ββ[letter disappears into thin air] Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho! ββ[in his sleigh flying] Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho, ho, ho. ββ [does a crazy dance while saying his "ho ho ho"]
- Squidward: Yup, I'm insane. ββ [plays his wooden clarinet in the ending tone of the episode]
- Santa: Merry Christmas! ββ [back at Patchy's house, a sailboat with a homemade Sponge and Pat moves in front of a picture of the island, which has a bunch of presents on it]
- Patchy: Dee dee, dee dee dee dee. ββ[in Sponge's voice] Ahoy, Patrick! It's Christmas Island! ββ[in Pat's voice] Presents, ahoy! ββ[in Sponge's voice] Hooray! ββ[he starts making storm sound effects] Oh, a storm! ββ[in Pat's voice] Yay! I mean yikes! ββ[he makes more sound effects and begins speaking in his own voice] Oh, we're going down! ββ[He keeps making noises. Zoom out to show the boat is on Patchy's head] Trim the sails! Hoist the yardarms! Turn on the Weather Channel! ββ [he screams]
- Man on Set: ββ [off-screen] Patchy!
- Patchy: Oh, hi kids. Boy, that SpongeBob makes me as jolly as a roger. Well, I hope you enjoyed SpongeBob's Christmas tale. And I hope your Christmas is better than sunken treasure. ββ[He takes the boat off his head. Potty flies out, and there is a nest was under him, and in it are a few eggs wrapped in bows. Patchy picks one up] Aw... Potty left me a little Christmas present. ββ[He laughs. Then he goes over to the mistletoe] Arr, ye old mistletoe. And you know what that means. ββ[he sprays breath freshener in his mouth] Ah, time for somebody to kiss Patchy the Pirate! ββ[he makes kissing noises] Come on, who's it gonna be? Come on! Kiss the captain! ββ[He laughs. Potty flies over and squawks. Patchy screams]
- Potty: Give us a kiss! ββ [Patchy goes to avoid him]
- Patchy: No! No, not you! ββ[Potty keeps flying around squawking] No, not you Potty! Get out of here! No, Potty! I don't wanna kiss you! No, we talked about this! Potty! No!
- Potty: Kissy, kissy!
- Narrator: Well, it looks like Patchy's pretty busy at the moment, so I'll say it for him. Good night, and happy holidays. ββ [the words "Happy Holidays" are spelled out on screen]