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− | {{ |
+ | {{EpisodeTr/52a}} |
− | + | {{L|''[SpongeBob is sitting inside of his mailbox humming. He checks his watch. The mailman opens the mailbox]''}} |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|HI MAILMAN!}} |
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+ | {{L|''[The mailman yells in fear and runs off]''}} |
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− | SpongeBob: Hi Mailman! |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|OK,''[gets out of the mailbox]'' see you tomorrow!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Patrick walks up]''}} |
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− | (The mailman yells in fear and runs off) |
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+ | {{L|Patrick|Hey, the mail's here! What did you get?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Let's see... ''[Looks through the mail]'' Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Hey! A magazine!}} |
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− | SpongeBob: O.K, see you tomorrow! |
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+ | {{L|''[SpongeBob looks at the magazine]''}} |
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− | |||
− | + | {{L|SpongeBob|That's funny, I don't remember subscribing to Fancy Living Digest.}} |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|''[They look inside the magazine]'' WHOOOOOOOOOAAAAH!!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Look at all these glossy depictions of a higher standard of living!}} |
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− | Patrick: Hey, the mail's here! What did you get? |
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+ | {{L|''[A picture of a rich person's swimming pool is shown]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|This guy's so rich, he has a swimming pool in his swimming pool!}} |
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− | SpongeBob: Let's see... (Looks through the mail) Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Hey! A magazine! |
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+ | {{L|''[A picture is shown of an old, rich person surrounded with bags of money]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Patrick|''[Points at the man's feet]'' This guy's got shoes!}} |
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− | (SpongeBob looks at the magazine) |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|Give me that! ''[Takes the magazine]'' Stealing my mail, eh? You're lucky I don't report you to the authorities!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Hey Squidward, how do the people in that magazine get all that money?}} |
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− | SpongeBob: That's funny, I don't remember subscribing to Fancy Living Digest. |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|They're entrepreneurs. They sell things to people.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|What kind of things?}} |
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− | SpongeBob and Patrick: (They look inside the magazine) WHOOOOOOOOOAAAAH!! |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|How should I know? Things people wanna buy! ''[walks off]'' Now keep your paws off my mail.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|That's it, Patrick! We gotta becomes entrepreneurs!}} |
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− | SpongeBob: Look at all these glossy depictions of a higher standard of living! |
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+ | {{L|Patrick|Is that gonna hurt?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Quick Patrick, without thinking, if you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?}} |
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− | (A picture of a rich person's swimming pool is shown) |
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+ | {{L|Patrick|Uh... ''[sweats]'' More time for thinking.}} |
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− | |||
− | SpongeBob |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|No, something real, an item, something you would pay for.}} |
+ | {{L|Patrick|A chocolate bar?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|That's a great idea, Pat! We'll become traveling chocolate bar salesmen!}} |
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− | (A picture is shown of an old, rich person surrounded with bags of money) |
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+ | {{L|''[The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick exiting the Barg'n-Mart carrying many chocolate bars]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob&Patrick|Fancy living, here we come!Lalalalala}} |
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− | Patrick: (Points at the man's feet) This guy's got shoes! |
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+ | {{L|Patrick|Make way for a couple of entrepreneurs! ''[He pronounces it "ontre-prenyouers". SpongeBob and Patrick walk up to a house]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|O.K. Patrick, this is it! The first step on our road to living fancy! Just follow my lead.}} |
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− | Squidward: Give me that! (Takes the magazine) Stealing my mail, eh? You're lucky I don't report you to the authorities! |
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+ | {{L|''[SpongeBob runs up and knocks on the door, Tom the fish opens the door]''}} |
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− | |||
− | SpongeBob |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Good afternoon sir, could we interest you in some ''[holds up chocolate bar]'' chocolate?}} |
+ | {{L|Tom|Chocolate? Did you say, Chocolate?!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Patrick|Yes sir. With or without nuts?}} |
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− | Squidward: They're entrepreneurs. They sell things to people. |
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+ | {{L|Tom|Chocolate?! CHOCOLATE?!?!?! CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!! CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick slowly back away then run off. Tom chases them while madly screaming: "CHOCOLAAATE!!!". The scene cuts to SpongeBob ringing the doorbell of another house]'' O.K, the first guy didn't count. This is our REAL first step! ''[A Con man opens the door]'' Good Morning, sir! Would you like to buy some chocolate?}} |
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− | SpongeBob: What kind of things? |
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+ | {{L|Con man|Chocolate bars, eh?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Yes sir, we ARE chocolate bar salesmen!}} |
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− | Squidward: How should I know? Things people wanna buy! (walks off) Now keep your paws off my mail. |
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+ | {{L|Con man|Ha! A couple of mediocre salesmen if you ask me. That's no way to carry your merchandise!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Patrick is shown holding many chocolate bars in his pants]''}} |
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− | SpongeBob: That's it, Patrick! We gotta becomes entrepreneurs! |
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+ | {{L|Con man|No, no no no, WRONG. You guys wanna be good salesmen, right?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|Oh, most certainly, sir!}} |
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− | Patrick: Is that gonna hurt? |
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+ | {{L|Con man|Well, ''[chuckles]'' no self respecting candy bar salesman would be caught dead without one of these! ''[He holds up a bright-orange bag]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Woooooooow... what is it?}} |
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− | SpongeBob: Quick Patrick, without thinking, if you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be? |
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+ | {{L|Con man|It's a candy bar bag, you knuckle-head! It's specially designed to cradle each candy bar in velvet-lined comfort!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[SpongeBob tries to touch it]''}} |
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− | Patrick: Uh... (sweats) More time for thinking. |
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+ | {{L|Con man|''[pulls bag away]'' BUT, I'm wasting my time. ''[Walks inside]'' You don't need these bags.}} |
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− | |||
− | SpongeBob |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|We need 'em! We need 'em!}} |
+ | {{L|''[The Con man grins, the scene changes to the Con man counting money. SpongeBob and Patrick are walking away with armfuls of bags]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Con man|So long, boys! Happy hunting! ''[Laughs when the two aren't looking]'' Suckers... ''[walks back inside]''}} |
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− | Patrick: A chocolate bar? |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob and Patrick|''[singing as they run off]'' Fancy livin', here we come! La la la la, la!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Let's try next door!}} |
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− | SpongeBob: That's a great idea, Pat! We'll become traveling chocolate bar salesmen! |
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+ | {{L|''[SpongeBob walks up and rings the doorbell with his foot, the same Con man comes out]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Con man|Yes?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Huh? Say, weren't you the same guy who sold us these candy bar bags?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Con man|I... don't recall. But it looks to me like you fellas have got a lot of bags there. You two lady killers are too smart to be without one of my patented Candy Bar Bag Carrying Bags. ''[Holds up two large maroon bags]''}} |
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− | (The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick exiting the Barg'n-Mart carrying many chocolate bars) |
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+ | {{L|Patrick|We'll take twenty.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Scene changes to SpongeBob knocking on the door of a different house, Sadie comes out]''}} |
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− | SpongeBob: Fancy living, here we come! |
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+ | {{L|Sadie|Oh, what can I do for you two nice young men?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|We're selling chocolate bars. Would you like to buy one?}} |
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− | Patrick: Make way for a couple of entrepreneurs! (He pronounces it "ontre-prenyouers") |
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+ | {{L|Sadie|That sounds heavenly! I'll take one.}} |
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− | |||
− | + | {{L|SpongeBob|One chocolate bar, coming up!}} |
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+ | {{L|''[SpongeBob attempts to pull out a chocolate bar, but keeps pulling more bags, while Patrick is zipping and unzipping his pants]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Sadie|[Sadie looks at her watch] I don't have time for this.}} |
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− | SpongeBob: O.K. Patrick, this is it! The first step on our road to living fancy! Just follow my lead. |
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+ | {{L|''[Sadie goes back inside, and then SpongeBob pulls out a chocolate bar]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|I... got it! One chocolate bar for the nice- ''[Sees something off camera; it is revealed to be Tom, still screaming]''}} |
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− | (SpongeBob runs up and knocks on the door, a fish opens the door) |
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+ | {{L|Tom|CHOCOLAAAAATE! CHOCOLAAAATE! CHOCOLAAAATE!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|-lady. ''[Tom chases SpongeBob and Patrick again while screaming: "CHOCOLAAAATE!". The scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick sitting in a diner]'' We're not doing so well, Patrick. We need a new approach, a new tactic.}} |
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− | SpongeBob: Good afternoon sir, could we interest you in some (holds up chocolate bar) chocolate? |
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+ | {{L|Patrick|Hm... I got it! Let's get naked!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|No, let's save that for when we're selling real estate... There must be SOMETHING. What was the reason we bought those bags?}} |
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− | Tom: Chocolate? Did you say, ''Chocolate?!'' |
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+ | {{L|Patrick|He said we were mediocre...}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|That's it! He made us feel special!}} |
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− | Patrick: Yes sir. With or without nuts? |
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+ | {{L|Patrick|Yeah, he did... I'm going back to buy more bags!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Patrick runs to the door]''}} |
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− | Tom: Chocolate?! CHOCOLATE?!?!?! '''''CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!''''' '''''CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!!''''' |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|NO, wait Patrick!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Patrick freezes in place]''}} |
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− | ''(SpongeBob and Patrick slowly back away then run off. Tom chases them while madly screaming "CHOCOLAAATE!!!")'' |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Why don't we try being nice?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Patrick|Oh, okay.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick walking up to a customer's door]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Remember Patrick, flatter the customer. Make him feel good.}} |
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− | (The scene cuts to SpongeBob ringing the doorbell of another house) |
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+ | {{L|''[Patrick knocks on the door, a customer opens the door]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Blue Fish with purple stripes|Hello?}} |
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− | SpongeBob: O.K, the first guy didn't count. This is our REAL first step! |
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+ | {{L|Patrick|I love you.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[A harp is heard playing, the customer stares at SpongeBob and Patrick for a few seconds, then he slams his door shut, a tuba is heard playing after the slamming]''}} |
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− | (A Con man opens the door.) |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|I think you laid it on a teensy bit thick there, old pal. Let me try.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[SpongeBob rings the doorbell, the customer opens the door]''}} |
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− | SpongeBob: Good Morning, sir! Would you like to buy some chocolate? |
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+ | {{L|Blue Fish with purple stripes|Please, G-Go away.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Um, ''[clears throat]'' H-H-How you doin'?}} |
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− | Con man: Chocolate bars, eh? |
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+ | {{L|Blue Fish with purple stripes|How am I doing?}} |
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− | |||
− | SpongeBob |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Wanna buy some chocolate?}} |
+ | {{L|Patrick|We got him now!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Blue Fish with purple stripes|Sorry, chocolate has sugar and sugar turns to bubbling fat. Isn't that right, lover boy?}} |
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− | Con man: Ha! A couple of mediocre salesmen if you ask me. That's no way to carry your merchandise! |
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+ | {{L|''[Patrick's belly is bubbling]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Patrick|Hee hee, it tickles!}} |
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− | (Patrick is shown holding many chocolate bars in his pants) |
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+ | {{L|Blue Fish with purple stripes|As you can see, me and chocolate no longer hang.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[The customer holds up a picture of an obese self at age 13]''}} |
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− | Con man: No, no no no, WRONG. You guys wanna be good salesmen, right? |
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+ | {{L|Blue Fish with purple stripes|You can keep that for 5 bucks.}} |
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− | |||
− | + | {{L|Patrick|I'll take 10!}} |
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+ | {{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob with a sad look on his face walking, a sad song plays]''}} |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|We haven't sold one chocolate bar. I got a feeling that were too easily distracted.}} |
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− | Con man: Well, (chuckles) no self respecting candy bar salesman would be caught dead without one of these! (He holds up a bright-orange bag) |
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+ | {{L|''[Cut to Patrick staring at the pictures]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Patrick|Huh?}} |
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− | SpongeBob: Woooooooow... what is it? |
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+ | {{L|''[Far cut]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|''[raising his fist]'' Let's make a pact right now that we will stay focused on selling at the next house.}} |
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− | Con man: It's a candy bar bag, you knuckle-head! It's specially designed to cradle each candy bar in velvet-lined comfort! |
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+ | {{L|Patrick|''[Removing pictures from his face]'' Huh?}} |
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− | |||
− | + | {{L|SpongeBob|''[Holding out his hand]'' Let's shake on it.}} |
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+ | {{L|Patrick|''[Looking at SpongeBob confused]'' Did you say something?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to the other customer's house, SpongeBob and Patrick are seen entering the view]''}} |
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− | Con man: (pulls bag away) BUT, I'm wasting my time. (Walks inside) You don't need these bags. |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Remember Patrick, focus.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to the door, SpongeBob knocks on it, customer answers]''}} |
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− | SpongeBob and Patrick: We need 'em! We need 'em! |
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+ | {{L|Purple Fish|Yes?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Good afternoon, sir, wanna buy some chocolate?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Patrick somehow moves up to the customer with his eyes going in and out back and forth]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Purple Fish|Why is Tubby here staring at me?}} |
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− | (The Con man grins, the scene changes to the Con man counting money. SpongeBob and Patrick are walking away with armfuls of bags) |
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+ | {{L|''[Cut to Patrick's eyes]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Patrick|Focusing.}} |
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− | Con man: So long, boys! Happy hunting! (Laughs when the two aren't looking) Suckers... (walks back inside) |
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+ | {{L|''[Cut to the inside of the customer's house]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Purple Fish|Back off, Jack!}} |
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− | SpongeBob and Patrick (singing as they run off): Fancy livin', here we come! La la la la, la! |
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+ | {{L|''[The customer slams the door on Patrick's eyes, Patrick is heard saying "Oof!" from the other side of the door]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Patrick|''[Moving eyes around]'' Nice place you got in here.}} |
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− | SpongeBob: Let's try next door! |
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+ | {{L|''[Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|I can't understand what were doing wrong.}} |
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− | (SpongeBob walks up and rings the doorbell with his foot, the same Con man comes out) |
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+ | {{L|Patrick|I can't understand anything}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|There's something to this selling game were just not getting. Other people do it, I mean look at that!}} |
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− | Con man: Yes? |
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+ | {{L|''[Cut to the sign]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Patrick|''[reading the sign]'' Eat Barnacle Chips, they're delicious.}} |
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− | SpongeBob: Huh? Say, weren't you the same guy who sold us these candy bar bags? |
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+ | {{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|They are most certainly not delicious!}} |
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− | Con man: I... don't recall. But it looks to me like you fellas have got a lot of bags there. You two lady killers are too smart to be without one of my patented Candy Bar Bag Carrying Bags. (Holds up two large maroon bags) |
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+ | {{L|Patrick|''[smiling]'' Not the way I use them!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob]''}} |
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− | Patrick: We'll take twenty. |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Yet they sell millions of bags a day!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to Patrick]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Patrick|Well, maybe if they didn't stretch the truth, they wouldn't sell as many.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick]''}} |
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− | (Scene changes to SpongeBob knocking on the door of a different house, Sadie comes out) |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|''[Happily]'' That's it, Patrick! We've gotta stretch the truth!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Tom|CHOCOLATE!!!!!!}} |
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− | Sadie: Oh, what can I do for you two nice young men? |
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+ | {{L|''[SpongeBob and Patrick run off, cut to Mary's house]''}} |
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− | |||
− | SpongeBob |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|We'll work as a team. Let me get this customer warmed up and you come in for the kill!}} |
+ | {{L|Patrick|The kill!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[SpongeBob uses the doorbell, Mary answers]''}} |
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− | Sadie (captions on TV call it Woman and Credits on TV call it Lady Fish.) : That sounds heavenly! I'll take one. |
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+ | {{L|Mary|Yes?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick]''}} |
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− | SpongeBob: One chocolate bar, coming up! |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Hello, young lady.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[SpongeBob winks at Patrick, Patrick then chuckles]''}} |
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− | (SpongeBob attempts to pull out a chocolate bar, but keeps pulling more bags, while Patrick is zipping and unzipping his pants) |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|We're selling chocolate. ''[Getting a closer look at Mary]'' Is your mother home?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to Mary]''}} |
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− | Sadie: I don't have time for this. |
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+ | {{L|Mary|Mom!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Mother|''[Entering from the right side of the house]'' What, what, what's all the yelling?}} |
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− | (Sadie goes back inside, and then SpongeBob pulls out a chocolate bar) |
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+ | {{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick who have stunned looks on their faces. Cut back to Mary's mother]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Mother|You just can't wait for me to die, can you?}} |
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− | SpongeBob: I... got it! One chocolate bar for the nice- |
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+ | {{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Mary|They're selling chocolate.}} |
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− | Tom: '''CHOCOLAAAAATE! CHOCOLAAAATE! CHOCOLAAAATE!''' |
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+ | {{L|Mother|Chocolate?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Mary|Yeah!}} |
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− | SpongeBob: -lady. |
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+ | {{L|''[Cut to Mary and Mom]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Mother|What, what are they selling?}} |
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− | (Tom chases SpongeBob and Patrick again while screaming '''CHOCOLAAAATE!''') |
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+ | {{L|Mary|Chocolates!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Mother|What?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Mary|CHOCOLATES!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Mother|I can't hear you!}} |
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− | (The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick sitting in a diner) |
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+ | {{L|Mary|THEY'RE SELLING CHOCOLATES!!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Mother|They're selling chocolate?}} |
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− | SpongeBob: We're not doing so well, Patrick. We need a new approach, a new tactic. |
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+ | {{L|Mary|YEAH!!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to a close-up of Mary's mother smiling]''}} |
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− | Patrick: Hm... I got it! Let's get naked! |
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+ | {{L|Mother|Chocolate. I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Cut back to view Mary and her mom]''}} |
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− | SpongeBob: No, let's save that for when we're selling real estate... There must be SOMETHING. What was the reason we bought those bags? |
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+ | {{L|Mother|I always hated it!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob sweating]''}} |
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− | Patrick: He said we were mediocre... |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Oh, but this chocolate's not for eating. It's for...}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Patrick comes from the top left]''}} |
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− | SpongeBob: That's it! He made us feel special! |
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+ | {{L|Patrick|You rub it on your skin and it makes you live forever.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to Mary and her mom, Mary is heard saying no constantly]''}} |
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− | Patrick: Yeah, he did... I'm going back to buy more bags! |
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+ | {{L|Mother|Live forever you say? I'll take one. ''[Mary slaps her face. Cut to the outside, Mary pays SpongeBob a dollar]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Mother|''[From inside house]'' Come on, you lazy Mary! ''[Cut to Mary]'' Start rubbing me with that chocolate!}} |
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− | (Patrick runs to the door) |
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+ | {{L|Mary|''[looking at SpongeBob and Patrick angrily]'' I hate you. ''[Slams door. Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|If we keep exaggerating the truth, we'll be fancy living in no time!}} |
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− | SpongeBob: NO, wait Patrick! |
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+ | {{L|Patrick|''[Raising fist]'' Hooray for lying!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Bubbles come up and cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, Patrick is seen with a look that was about to make him laugh]''}} |
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− | (Patrick freezes in place) |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|It'll make your hair grow.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to Fred]''}} |
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− | SpongeBob: Why don't we try being nice? |
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+ | {{L|Fred|Great! My wife's trying to grow a beard!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, Patrick has a sad face this time]''}} |
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− | Patrick: Oh, okay. |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|It'll make you sound smart.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to the customer holding money]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Customer|''[southern accent]'' I'll take 20!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to Patrick]''}} |
||
− | (Scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick walking up to a customer's door) |
||
+ | {{L|Patrick|It'll keep your face from getting any uglier.}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to the two Patricks]''}} |
||
− | SpongeBob: Remember Patrick, flatter the customer. Make him feel good. |
||
+ | {{L|Patrick 2|Just in time.}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick over and over]''}} |
||
− | (Patrick knocks on the door, a customer opens the door) |
||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|They'll make you fly!}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|Patrick|You'll fall in love!}} |
||
− | Blue Fish with purple stripes: Hello? |
||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|They'll bring world peace!}} |
||
− | |||
− | Patrick |
+ | {{L|Patrick|You'll walk through walls!}} |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|''[ecoing]'' You'll rule the world!!}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to a door, SpongeBob and Patrick are wrapped in casts. Cut close to Patrick]''}} |
||
− | (A harp is heard playing, the customer stares at SpongeBob and Patrick for a few seconds, then he slams his door shut, a tuba is heard playing after the slamming.) |
||
+ | {{L|Patrick|This'll be the best lie yet!}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob]''}} |
||
− | SpongeBob: I think you laid it on a teensy bit thick there, old pal. Let me try. |
||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Yeah, this guy will feel sorry for us, he'll have to buy all of our chocolate!}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Customer opens door]''}} |
||
− | (SpongeBob rings the doorbell, the customer opens the door) |
||
+ | {{L|Customer|What can I do for you boys?}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob]''}} |
||
− | Blue Fish with purple stripes: Please, G-Go away. |
||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Hello, sir. Would you like to buy a chocolate bar? We need an operation.}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|Customer|Really?}} |
||
− | SpongeBob: Um, *clears throat* H-H-How you doin'? |
||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to the customer, who apparently is in a cast covering his entire body]''}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|Customer|Small world. What's the matter with you guys?}} |
||
− | Blue Fish with purple stripes: How am I doing? |
||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, who are completely stunned]''}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|''[nervously]'' Um, we've got some head trauma and internal bleeding.}} |
||
− | SpongeBob: Wanna buy some chocolate? |
||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to the customer]''}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|Customer|Well, some guys have all the luck.}} |
||
− | Patrick: We got him now! |
||
+ | {{L|''[A violin begins]''}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|Customer|I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning, I break my legs, and every afternoon, I break my arms.}} |
||
− | Blue Fish with purple stripes: Sorry, chocolate has sugar and sugar turns to bubbling fat. Isn't that right, lover boy? |
||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, they both have faces meaning that they were about to cry]''}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|Customer|At night, ''[A tear runs down SpongeBob's cheek]'' I lay awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.}} |
||
− | (Patrick's belly is bubbling) |
||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to the customer, the wires snap]''}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|Customer|''[About to fall]'' Oh, no...}} |
||
− | Patrick: Hee hee, it tickles! |
||
+ | {{L|''[A glass breaking sound is heard while the customer grunts while hitting the steps]''}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|Customer|''[On the last step]'' Ow...}} |
||
− | Blue Fish with purple stripes: As you can see, me and chocolate no longer hang. |
||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick]''}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Come on, Patrick, let's help him!}} |
||
− | (The customer holds up a picture of an obese self at age 13) |
||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to the inside of SpongeBob's house. SpongeBob and Patrick enter from the left]''}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Careful, put him down gently.}} |
||
− | Blue Fish with purple stripes: You can keep that for 5 bucks. |
||
+ | {{L|''[Patrick drops the customer's head, a glass breaking sound is heard, cut close to the customer]''}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|Customer|''[In pain]'' Ow...!}} |
||
− | Patrick: I'll take 10! |
||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob]''}} |
||
− | |||
− | + | {{L|SpongeBob|Poor, poor man. Is there anything, anything we can do to help you?}} |
|
+ | {{L|''[Cut to the customer]''}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|Customer|Well, there is one thing...as you can imagine, my medical bills are extremely high, but luckily, I am able to keep myself alive by selling...chocolate bars. ''[gestures his head over to a massive stack of chocolate bar boxes. Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene. Cut to the customer looking out his window as SpongeBob and Patrick walk by]''}} |
||
− | SpongeBob: We haven't sold one chocolate bar. I got a feeling that were too easily distracted. |
||
+ | {{L|Customer|Such nice boys, ''[far cut to the customer]'' it does my heart good to con a couple of Class A suckeroonies like those two! HA HA HA!!!}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to a close-up of the customer laughing while looking at his cash, zipping his costume off to reveal himself as the Con Artist from earlier. Cut to the street]''}} |
||
− | (Cut to Patrick staring at the pictures) |
||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|''[grunting]'' Don't get me wrong, Patrick. It's great that we helped that guy out, but there's no one left in town to sell chocolate bars to.}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|''[SpongeBob makes another grunting noise, he trips up on a rock and falls, cut to SpongeBob with a box flat on his face]''}} |
||
− | Patrick: Huh? |
||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Let's admit it, Patrick. We're failures.}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|Patrick|''[Walking in from the left]'' I can live with that. ''[Places box on SpongeBob's box and sits on it, making a small squeaking sound]''}} |
||
− | (Far cut) |
||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Let's change our names to Why and Bother.}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|''[Tom appears behind the box]''}} |
||
− | SpongeBob: (raising his fist) Let's make a pack right now that we will stay focused on selling at the next house. |
||
+ | {{L|Tom|CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!! ''[Screams and knocks SpongeBob, Patrick and the boxes over. Cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick. SpongeBob and Patrick babble]''}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|No! Don't hurt us. Please don't hurt me. No no. Pleaseeee.}} |
||
− | Patrick: (Removing pictures from his face) Huh?<br /> |
||
+ | {{L|Patrick|No! Don't hurt us, Tom. Please Spare Me! ''[Cuts to Tom laughing manically]''}} |
||
− | SpongeBob: (Holding out his hand) Let's shake on it. |
||
+ | {{L|Tom|Finally! I've been trying to catch you boys all day! Now that I got you right where I want you... ''[turns back to normal]''}} I'd like to buy all your chocolate. ''[Holds up a large amount of cash. Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick looking shocked, chocolate bars fall out of Patrick's shorts, along with a Hershey's kiss. Cut back to the three, SpongeBob and Patrick melt]''}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Thank you for your patronage.}} |
||
− | Patrick: (Looking at SpongeBob confused) Did you say something? |
||
+ | {{L|''[Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene, Patrick is pushing a wheelbarrow]''}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|Patrick|Are we living the fancy life yet, SpongeBob?}} |
||
− | (Cut to the other customer's house, SpongeBob and Patrick are seen entering the view) |
||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to the money in the barrel, SpongeBob pops out]''}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Not yet, pally! First, we got to spend all the money.}} |
||
− | SpongeBob: Remember Patrick, focus. |
||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to the two]''}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|Patrick|But what are we going to spend it on?}} |
||
− | (Cut to the door, SpongeBob knocks on it, customer answers) |
||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob thinking. Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene, a boat in a bottle with "Fancy!" on top is seen. Cut to the inside of the boat]''}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|Squidward|''[Walking in from the left]'' Good evening, sir. Table for one, please.}} |
||
− | Purple Fish: Yes? |
||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to the server]''}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|Server|Sorry, but the whole restaurant has been rented to a private party.}} |
||
− | SpongeBob: Good afternoon, sir, wanna buy some chocolate? |
||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to Squidward shocked]''}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|Squidward|But it's my only night to be fancy! Oh, who could afford to rent out the whole restraunt?}} |
||
− | (Patrick somehow moves up to the customer with his eyes going in and out back and forth) |
||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to the Server and Squidward]''}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|Server|Oh, a couple of rich entrepreneurs and their ''[leaning over to Squidward]'' dates.}} |
||
− | Purple Fish: Why is Tubby here staring at me? |
||
+ | {{L|''[Cut to SpongeBob, Patrick, Mary, and Mary's mother, Mary is seen holding a glass]''}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|So, how long have you two ladies known each other?}} |
||
− | (Cut to Patrick's eyes) |
||
+ | {{L|''[Pause]''}} |
||
− | |||
+ | {{L|Mother|What? What did he say?}} |
||
− | Patrick: Focusing. |
||
+ | [[Category:Episode transcripts]] |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to the inside of the customer's house) |
||
− | |||
− | [[Purple Fish]]: Back off, Jack! |
||
− | |||
− | (The customer slams the door on Patrick's eyes, Patrick is heard saying "Oof!" from the other side of the door) |
||
− | |||
− | Patrick: (Moving eyes around) Nice place you got in here. |
||
− | |||
− | (Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene) |
||
− | |||
− | SpongeBob: I can't understand what were doing wrong. |
||
− | |||
− | Patrick: I can't understand anything |
||
− | |||
− | SpongeBob: There's something to this selling game were just not getting. Other people do it, I mean look at that! |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to the sign) |
||
− | |||
− | Patrick: (reading the sign) Eat Barnacle Chips, they're delicious. |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick) |
||
− | |||
− | SpongeBob: They are most certainly not delicious! |
||
− | |||
− | Patrick: (smiling) Not the way I use them! |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to SpongeBob)<br /> |
||
− | SpongeBob: Yet they sell millions of bags a day! |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to Patrick)<br /> |
||
− | Patrick: Well, maybe if they didn't stretch the truth, they wouldn't sell as many. |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick) |
||
− | |||
− | SpongeBob: (Happily) That's it, Patrick! We've gotta stretch the truth! |
||
− | |||
− | Tom (subtitles on TV call it Man.) : '''CHOCOLATE!!!!!!''' |
||
− | |||
− | (SpongeBob and Patrick run off, cut to Mary's house) |
||
− | |||
− | SpongeBob: We'll work as a team. Let me get this customer warmed up and you come in for the kill! |
||
− | |||
− | Patrick: The kill! |
||
− | |||
− | (SpongeBob uses the doorbell, Mary answers) |
||
− | |||
− | Mary: Yes? |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick) |
||
− | |||
− | SpongeBob: Hello, young lady. |
||
− | |||
− | (SpongeBob winks at Patrick, Patrick then chuckles) |
||
− | |||
− | SpongeBob: We're selling chocolate. (Getting a closer look at Mary) Is your mother home? |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to Mary)<br /> |
||
− | Mary: Mom! |
||
− | |||
− | Mother: (Entering from the right side of the house) What, what, what's all the yelling?<br /> |
||
− | (Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick who have stunned looks on their faces) |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut back to Mary's mother) |
||
− | |||
− | Mother: You just can't wait for me to die, can you?<br /> |
||
− | (Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick) |
||
− | |||
− | Mary: They're selling chocolate. |
||
− | |||
− | Mother: Chocolate?<br /> |
||
− | Mary: Yeah! |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to Mary and Mom) |
||
− | |||
− | Mother: What, what are they selling?<br /> |
||
− | Mary: Chocolates! |
||
− | |||
− | Mother: What? |
||
− | |||
− | Mary: '''CHOCOLATES!''' |
||
− | |||
− | Mother: I can't hear you! |
||
− | |||
− | Mary: '''THEY'RE SELLING CHOCOLATES!!''' |
||
− | |||
− | Mother: They're selling chocolate? |
||
− | |||
− | Mary: '''YEAH!!''' |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to a close-up of Mary's mother smiling) |
||
− | |||
− | Mother: Chocolate. I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate. |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut back to view Mary and her mom) |
||
− | |||
− | Mother: I always hated it! |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to SpongeBob sweating) |
||
− | |||
− | SpongeBob: Oh, but this chocolate's not for eating. It's for... |
||
− | |||
− | (Patrick comes from the top left) |
||
− | |||
− | Patrick: You rub it on your skin and it makes you live forever. |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to Mary and her mom, Mary is heard saying no constantly) |
||
− | |||
− | Mother: Live forever you say? I'll take one. (Mary slaps her face) |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to the outside, Mary pays SpongeBob a dollar) |
||
− | |||
− | Mother (From inside house): Come on, you lazy Mary! (Cut to Mary) Start rubbing me with that chocolate! |
||
− | |||
− | Mary (looking at SpongeBob and Patrick angrily): I hate you. (Slams door) |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick) |
||
− | |||
− | SpongeBob: If we keep exaggerating the truth, we'll be fancy living in no time!<br /> |
||
− | Patrick: (Raising fist) Hooray for lying! |
||
− | |||
− | (Bubbles come up and cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, Patrick is seen with a look that was about to make him laugh) |
||
− | |||
− | SpongeBob: It'll make your hair grow. |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to Fred) |
||
− | |||
− | Fred: Great! My wife's trying to grow a beard! |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, Patrick has a sad face this time)<br /> |
||
− | SpongeBob: It'll make you sound smart. |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to the customer holding money) |
||
− | |||
− | Customer (southern accent): I'll take 20! |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to Patrick) |
||
− | |||
− | Patrick: It'll keep your face from getting any uglier. |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to the two Patricks) |
||
− | |||
− | Patrick 2: Just in time. |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick over and over)<br /> |
||
− | SpongeBob: They'll make you fly! |
||
− | |||
− | Patrick: You'll fall in love! |
||
− | |||
− | SpongeBob: They'll bring world peace! |
||
− | |||
− | Patrick: You'll walk through walls! |
||
− | |||
− | SpongeBob: (ecoing) You'll rule the world!! |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to a door, SpongeBob and Patrick are wrapped in casts) |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut close to Patrick) |
||
− | |||
− | Patrick: This'll be the best lie yet! |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to SpongeBob) |
||
− | |||
− | SpongeBob: Yeah, this guy will feel sorry for us, he'll have to buy all of our chocolate! |
||
− | |||
− | (Customer opens door) |
||
− | |||
− | Customer: What can I do for you boys? |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to SpongeBob) |
||
− | |||
− | SpongeBob: Hello, sir. Would you like to buy a chocolate bar? We need an operation. |
||
− | |||
− | Customer: Really? |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to the customer, who apparently is in a cast covering his entire body) |
||
− | |||
− | Customer: Small world. What's the matter with you guys? |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, who are completely stunned)<br /> |
||
− | SpongeBob: (nervously)Um, we've got some head trauma and eternal bleeding. |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to the customer)<br /> |
||
− | Customer: Well, some guys have all the luck. |
||
− | |||
− | (A violin begins)<br /> |
||
− | Customer: I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning, I break my legs, and every afternoon, I break my arms. |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, they both have faces meaning that they were about to cry) |
||
− | |||
− | Customer: At night, (A tear runs down SpongeBob's cheek) I lay awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep. |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to the customer, the wires snap) |
||
− | |||
− | Customer: (About to fall) Oh, no... |
||
− | |||
− | (A glass breaking sound is heard while the customer grunts while hitting the steps) |
||
− | |||
− | Customer: (On the last step) Ow... |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick) |
||
− | |||
− | SpongeBob: Come on, Patrick, let's help him! |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to the inside of SpongeBob's house) |
||
− | |||
− | (SpongeBob and Patrick enter from the left) |
||
− | |||
− | SpongeBob: Careful, put him down gently. |
||
− | |||
− | (Patrick drops the customer's head, a glass breaking sound is heard, cut close to the customer) |
||
− | |||
− | Customer: (In pain) Ow...! |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to SpongeBob)<br /> |
||
− | SpongeBob: Poor, poor man. Is there anything, anything we can do to help you? |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to the customer) |
||
− | |||
− | Customer: Well, there is one thing...as you can imagine, my medical bills are extremely high, but luckily, I am able to keep myself alive by selling...chocolate bars.(jestures his head over to a massive stack of chocolate bar boxes) |
||
− | |||
− | (Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene) |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to the customer looking out his window as SpongeBob and Patrick walk by) |
||
− | |||
− | Customer: Such nice boys, (far cut to the customer) it does my heart good to con a couple of Class A suckeroonies like those two! HA HA HA!!! |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to a close-up of the customer laughing while looking at his cash, zipping his coustume off to reveal himself as the Con Artist from earlier) |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to the street)<br /> |
||
− | SpongeBob (grunting): Don't get me wrong, Patrick. It's great that we helped that guy out, but there's no one left in town to sell chocolate bars to. |
||
− | |||
− | (SpongeBob makes another grunting noise, he trips up on a rock and falls, cut to SpongeBob with a box flat on his face) |
||
− | |||
− | SpongeBob: Let's admit it, Patrick. We're failures. |
||
− | |||
− | Patrick (Walking in from the left): I can live with that. (Places box on SpongeBob's box and sits on it, making a small squeaking sound) |
||
− | |||
− | SpongeBob: Let's change our names to Why and Bother? |
||
− | |||
− | (Tom appears behind the box) |
||
− | |||
− | Tom: '''CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!''' (Screams and knocks SpongeBob, Patrick and the boxes over) |
||
− | |||
− | (Cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick) |
||
− | |||
− | (SpongeBob and Patrick babble) |
||
− | |||
− | SpongeBob: No! Don't hurt us. Please don't hurt me. No no. Pleaseeee. |
||
− | |||
− | Patrick: No! Don't hurt us, Tom. Please Spare Me! |
||
− | |||
− | (Cuts to Tom laughing manically) |
||
− | |||
− | Tom: Finally! I've been trying to catch you boys all day! Now that I got you right where I want you...I'd like to buy all your chocolate. (Holds up a large amount of cash) |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick looking shocked, chocolate bars fall out of Patrick's shorts, along with a Hershey's kiss) |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut back to the three, SpongeBob and Patrick melt) |
||
− | |||
− | SpongeBob: Thank you for your patronage. |
||
− | |||
− | (Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene, Patrick is pushing a wheelbarrow) |
||
− | |||
− | Patrick: Are we living the fancy life yet, SpongeBob? |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to the money in the barrel, SpongeBob pops out) |
||
− | |||
− | SpongeBob: Not yet, pally! First, we got to spend all the money. |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to the two) |
||
− | |||
− | Patrick: But what are we going to spend it on? |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to SpongeBob thinking) |
||
− | |||
− | (Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene, a boat in a bottle with "Fancy!" on top is seen) |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to the inside of the boat) |
||
− | |||
− | Squidward (Walking in from the left): Good evening, sir. Table for one, please. |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to the server) |
||
− | |||
− | Server: Sorry, but the whole restraunt has been rented to a private party. |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to Squidward shocked) |
||
− | |||
− | Squidward: But it's my only night to be fancy! Oh, who could afford to rent out the whole restraunt? |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to the Server and Squidward) |
||
− | |||
− | Server: Oh, a couple of rich entrepuners and their (leaning over to Squidward) dates. |
||
− | |||
− | (Cut to SpongeBob, Patrick, Mary, and Mary's mother, Mary is seen holding a glass) |
||
− | |||
− | SpongeBob: So, how long have you two ladies known each other? |
||
− | |||
− | (Pause) |
||
− | |||
− | Mother: What? What did he say? |
||
− | |||
− | (Fade to black) |
||
− | [[Category:Transcripts]] |
Revision as of 09:11, 19 July 2014
Template:EpisodeTr/52a
- [SpongeBob is sitting inside of his mailbox humming. He checks his watch. The mailman opens the mailbox]
- SpongeBob: HI MAILMAN!
- [The mailman yells in fear and runs off]
- SpongeBob: OK,[gets out of the mailbox] see you tomorrow!
- [Patrick walks up]
- Patrick: Hey, the mail's here! What did you get?
- SpongeBob: Let's see... [Looks through the mail] Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary, Hey! A magazine!
- [SpongeBob looks at the magazine]
- SpongeBob: That's funny, I don't remember subscribing to Fancy Living Digest.
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [They look inside the magazine] WHOOOOOOOOOAAAAH!!
- SpongeBob: Look at all these glossy depictions of a higher standard of living!
- [A picture of a rich person's swimming pool is shown]
- SpongeBob: This guy's so rich, he has a swimming pool in his swimming pool!
- [A picture is shown of an old, rich person surrounded with bags of money]
- Patrick: [Points at the man's feet] This guy's got shoes!
- Squidward: Give me that! [Takes the magazine] Stealing my mail, eh? You're lucky I don't report you to the authorities!
- SpongeBob: Hey Squidward, how do the people in that magazine get all that money?
- Squidward: They're entrepreneurs. They sell things to people.
- SpongeBob: What kind of things?
- Squidward: How should I know? Things people wanna buy! [walks off] Now keep your paws off my mail.
- SpongeBob: That's it, Patrick! We gotta becomes entrepreneurs!
- Patrick: Is that gonna hurt?
- SpongeBob: Quick Patrick, without thinking, if you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?
- Patrick: Uh... [sweats] More time for thinking.
- SpongeBob: No, something real, an item, something you would pay for.
- Patrick: A chocolate bar?
- SpongeBob: That's a great idea, Pat! We'll become traveling chocolate bar salesmen!
- [The scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick exiting the Barg'n-Mart carrying many chocolate bars]
- SpongeBob&Patrick: Fancy living, here we come!Lalalalala
- Patrick: Make way for a couple of entrepreneurs! [He pronounces it "ontre-prenyouers". SpongeBob and Patrick walk up to a house]
- SpongeBob: O.K. Patrick, this is it! The first step on our road to living fancy! Just follow my lead.
- [SpongeBob runs up and knocks on the door, Tom the fish opens the door]
- SpongeBob: Good afternoon sir, could we interest you in some [holds up chocolate bar] chocolate?
- Tom: Chocolate? Did you say, Chocolate?!
- Patrick: Yes sir. With or without nuts?
- Tom: Chocolate?! CHOCOLATE?!?!?! CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!! CHOCOLAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!!
- [SpongeBob and Patrick slowly back away then run off. Tom chases them while madly screaming: "CHOCOLAAATE!!!". The scene cuts to SpongeBob ringing the doorbell of another house] O.K, the first guy didn't count. This is our REAL first step! [A Con man opens the door] Good Morning, sir! Would you like to buy some chocolate?
- Con man: Chocolate bars, eh?
- SpongeBob: Yes sir, we ARE chocolate bar salesmen!
- Con man: Ha! A couple of mediocre salesmen if you ask me. That's no way to carry your merchandise!
- [Patrick is shown holding many chocolate bars in his pants]
- Con man: No, no no no, WRONG. You guys wanna be good salesmen, right?
- SpongeBob and Patrick: Oh, most certainly, sir!
- Con man: Well, [chuckles] no self respecting candy bar salesman would be caught dead without one of these! [He holds up a bright-orange bag]
- SpongeBob: Woooooooow... what is it?
- Con man: It's a candy bar bag, you knuckle-head! It's specially designed to cradle each candy bar in velvet-lined comfort!
- [SpongeBob tries to touch it]
- Con man: [pulls bag away] BUT, I'm wasting my time. [Walks inside] You don't need these bags.
- SpongeBob and Patrick: We need 'em! We need 'em!
- [The Con man grins, the scene changes to the Con man counting money. SpongeBob and Patrick are walking away with armfuls of bags]
- Con man: So long, boys! Happy hunting! [Laughs when the two aren't looking] Suckers... [walks back inside]
- SpongeBob and Patrick: [singing as they run off] Fancy livin', here we come! La la la la, la!
- SpongeBob: Let's try next door!
- [SpongeBob walks up and rings the doorbell with his foot, the same Con man comes out]
- Con man: Yes?
- SpongeBob: Huh? Say, weren't you the same guy who sold us these candy bar bags?
- Con man: I... don't recall. But it looks to me like you fellas have got a lot of bags there. You two lady killers are too smart to be without one of my patented Candy Bar Bag Carrying Bags. [Holds up two large maroon bags]
- Patrick: We'll take twenty.
- [Scene changes to SpongeBob knocking on the door of a different house, Sadie comes out]
- Sadie: Oh, what can I do for you two nice young men?
- SpongeBob: We're selling chocolate bars. Would you like to buy one?
- Sadie: That sounds heavenly! I'll take one.
- SpongeBob: One chocolate bar, coming up!
- [SpongeBob attempts to pull out a chocolate bar, but keeps pulling more bags, while Patrick is zipping and unzipping his pants]
- Sadie: [Sadie looks at her watch] I don't have time for this.
- [Sadie goes back inside, and then SpongeBob pulls out a chocolate bar]
- SpongeBob: I... got it! One chocolate bar for the nice- [Sees something off camera; it is revealed to be Tom, still screaming]
- Tom: CHOCOLAAAAATE! CHOCOLAAAATE! CHOCOLAAAATE!
- SpongeBob: -lady. [Tom chases SpongeBob and Patrick again while screaming: "CHOCOLAAAATE!". The scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick sitting in a diner] We're not doing so well, Patrick. We need a new approach, a new tactic.
- Patrick: Hm... I got it! Let's get naked!
- SpongeBob: No, let's save that for when we're selling real estate... There must be SOMETHING. What was the reason we bought those bags?
- Patrick: He said we were mediocre...
- SpongeBob: That's it! He made us feel special!
- Patrick: Yeah, he did... I'm going back to buy more bags!
- [Patrick runs to the door]
- SpongeBob: NO, wait Patrick!
- [Patrick freezes in place]
- SpongeBob: Why don't we try being nice?
- Patrick: Oh, okay.
- [Scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick walking up to a customer's door]
- SpongeBob: Remember Patrick, flatter the customer. Make him feel good.
- [Patrick knocks on the door, a customer opens the door]
- Blue Fish with purple stripes: Hello?
- Patrick: I love you.
- [A harp is heard playing, the customer stares at SpongeBob and Patrick for a few seconds, then he slams his door shut, a tuba is heard playing after the slamming]
- SpongeBob: I think you laid it on a teensy bit thick there, old pal. Let me try.
- [SpongeBob rings the doorbell, the customer opens the door]
- Blue Fish with purple stripes: Please, G-Go away.
- SpongeBob: Um, [clears throat] H-H-How you doin'?
- Blue Fish with purple stripes: How am I doing?
- SpongeBob: Wanna buy some chocolate?
- Patrick: We got him now!
- Blue Fish with purple stripes: Sorry, chocolate has sugar and sugar turns to bubbling fat. Isn't that right, lover boy?
- [Patrick's belly is bubbling]
- Patrick: Hee hee, it tickles!
- Blue Fish with purple stripes: As you can see, me and chocolate no longer hang.
- [The customer holds up a picture of an obese self at age 13]
- Blue Fish with purple stripes: You can keep that for 5 bucks.
- Patrick: I'll take 10!
- [Cut to SpongeBob with a sad look on his face walking, a sad song plays]
- SpongeBob: We haven't sold one chocolate bar. I got a feeling that were too easily distracted.
- [Cut to Patrick staring at the pictures]
- Patrick: Huh?
- [Far cut]
- SpongeBob: [raising his fist] Let's make a pact right now that we will stay focused on selling at the next house.
- Patrick: [Removing pictures from his face] Huh?
- SpongeBob: [Holding out his hand] Let's shake on it.
- Patrick: [Looking at SpongeBob confused] Did you say something?
- [Cut to the other customer's house, SpongeBob and Patrick are seen entering the view]
- SpongeBob: Remember Patrick, focus.
- [Cut to the door, SpongeBob knocks on it, customer answers]
- Purple Fish: Yes?
- SpongeBob: Good afternoon, sir, wanna buy some chocolate?
- [Patrick somehow moves up to the customer with his eyes going in and out back and forth]
- Purple Fish: Why is Tubby here staring at me?
- [Cut to Patrick's eyes]
- Patrick: Focusing.
- [Cut to the inside of the customer's house]
- Purple Fish: Back off, Jack!
- [The customer slams the door on Patrick's eyes, Patrick is heard saying "Oof!" from the other side of the door]
- Patrick: [Moving eyes around] Nice place you got in here.
- [Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene]
- SpongeBob: I can't understand what were doing wrong.
- Patrick: I can't understand anything
- SpongeBob: There's something to this selling game were just not getting. Other people do it, I mean look at that!
- [Cut to the sign]
- Patrick: [reading the sign] Eat Barnacle Chips, they're delicious.
- [Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick]
- SpongeBob: They are most certainly not delicious!
- Patrick: [smiling] Not the way I use them!
- [Cut to SpongeBob]
- SpongeBob: Yet they sell millions of bags a day!
- [Cut to Patrick]
- Patrick: Well, maybe if they didn't stretch the truth, they wouldn't sell as many.
- [Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick]
- SpongeBob: [Happily] That's it, Patrick! We've gotta stretch the truth!
- Tom: CHOCOLATE!!!!!!
- [SpongeBob and Patrick run off, cut to Mary's house]
- SpongeBob: We'll work as a team. Let me get this customer warmed up and you come in for the kill!
- Patrick: The kill!
- [SpongeBob uses the doorbell, Mary answers]
- Mary: Yes?
- [Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick]
- SpongeBob: Hello, young lady.
- [SpongeBob winks at Patrick, Patrick then chuckles]
- SpongeBob: We're selling chocolate. [Getting a closer look at Mary] Is your mother home?
- [Cut to Mary]
- Mary: Mom!
- Mother: [Entering from the right side of the house] What, what, what's all the yelling?
- [Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick who have stunned looks on their faces. Cut back to Mary's mother]
- Mother: You just can't wait for me to die, can you?
- [Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick]
- Mary: They're selling chocolate.
- Mother: Chocolate?
- Mary: Yeah!
- [Cut to Mary and Mom]
- Mother: What, what are they selling?
- Mary: Chocolates!
- Mother: What?
- Mary: CHOCOLATES!
- Mother: I can't hear you!
- Mary: THEY'RE SELLING CHOCOLATES!!
- Mother: They're selling chocolate?
- Mary: YEAH!!
- [Cut to a close-up of Mary's mother smiling]
- Mother: Chocolate. I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate.
- [Cut back to view Mary and her mom]
- Mother: I always hated it!
- [Cut to SpongeBob sweating]
- SpongeBob: Oh, but this chocolate's not for eating. It's for...
- [Patrick comes from the top left]
- Patrick: You rub it on your skin and it makes you live forever.
- [Cut to Mary and her mom, Mary is heard saying no constantly]
- Mother: Live forever you say? I'll take one. [Mary slaps her face. Cut to the outside, Mary pays SpongeBob a dollar]
- Mother: [From inside house] Come on, you lazy Mary! [Cut to Mary] Start rubbing me with that chocolate!
- Mary: [looking at SpongeBob and Patrick angrily] I hate you. [Slams door. Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick]
- SpongeBob: If we keep exaggerating the truth, we'll be fancy living in no time!
- Patrick: [Raising fist] Hooray for lying!
- [Bubbles come up and cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, Patrick is seen with a look that was about to make him laugh]
- SpongeBob: It'll make your hair grow.
- [Cut to Fred]
- Fred: Great! My wife's trying to grow a beard!
- [Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, Patrick has a sad face this time]
- SpongeBob: It'll make you sound smart.
- [Cut to the customer holding money]
- Customer: [southern accent] I'll take 20!
- [Cut to Patrick]
- Patrick: It'll keep your face from getting any uglier.
- [Cut to the two Patricks]
- Patrick 2: Just in time.
- [Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick over and over]
- SpongeBob: They'll make you fly!
- Patrick: You'll fall in love!
- SpongeBob: They'll bring world peace!
- Patrick: You'll walk through walls!
- SpongeBob: [ecoing] You'll rule the world!!
- [Cut to a door, SpongeBob and Patrick are wrapped in casts. Cut close to Patrick]
- Patrick: This'll be the best lie yet!
- [Cut to SpongeBob]
- SpongeBob: Yeah, this guy will feel sorry for us, he'll have to buy all of our chocolate!
- [Customer opens door]
- Customer: What can I do for you boys?
- [Cut to SpongeBob]
- SpongeBob: Hello, sir. Would you like to buy a chocolate bar? We need an operation.
- Customer: Really?
- [Cut to the customer, who apparently is in a cast covering his entire body]
- Customer: Small world. What's the matter with you guys?
- [Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, who are completely stunned]
- SpongeBob: [nervously] Um, we've got some head trauma and internal bleeding.
- [Cut to the customer]
- Customer: Well, some guys have all the luck.
- [A violin begins]
- Customer: I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning, I break my legs, and every afternoon, I break my arms.
- [Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick, they both have faces meaning that they were about to cry]
- Customer: At night, [A tear runs down SpongeBob's cheek] I lay awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.
- [Cut to the customer, the wires snap]
- Customer: [About to fall] Oh, no...
- [A glass breaking sound is heard while the customer grunts while hitting the steps]
- Customer: [On the last step] Ow...
- [Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick]
- SpongeBob: Come on, Patrick, let's help him!
- [Cut to the inside of SpongeBob's house. SpongeBob and Patrick enter from the left]
- SpongeBob: Careful, put him down gently.
- [Patrick drops the customer's head, a glass breaking sound is heard, cut close to the customer]
- Customer: [In pain] Ow...!
- [Cut to SpongeBob]
- SpongeBob: Poor, poor man. Is there anything, anything we can do to help you?
- [Cut to the customer]
- Customer: Well, there is one thing...as you can imagine, my medical bills are extremely high, but luckily, I am able to keep myself alive by selling...chocolate bars. [gestures his head over to a massive stack of chocolate bar boxes. Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene. Cut to the customer looking out his window as SpongeBob and Patrick walk by]
- Customer: Such nice boys, [far cut to the customer] it does my heart good to con a couple of Class A suckeroonies like those two! HA HA HA!!!
- [Cut to a close-up of the customer laughing while looking at his cash, zipping his costume off to reveal himself as the Con Artist from earlier. Cut to the street]
- SpongeBob: [grunting] Don't get me wrong, Patrick. It's great that we helped that guy out, but there's no one left in town to sell chocolate bars to.
- [SpongeBob makes another grunting noise, he trips up on a rock and falls, cut to SpongeBob with a box flat on his face]
- SpongeBob: Let's admit it, Patrick. We're failures.
- Patrick: [Walking in from the left] I can live with that. [Places box on SpongeBob's box and sits on it, making a small squeaking sound]
- SpongeBob: Let's change our names to Why and Bother.
- [Tom appears behind the box]
- Tom: CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!! [Screams and knocks SpongeBob, Patrick and the boxes over. Cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick. SpongeBob and Patrick babble]
- SpongeBob: No! Don't hurt us. Please don't hurt me. No no. Pleaseeee.
- Patrick: No! Don't hurt us, Tom. Please Spare Me! [Cuts to Tom laughing manically]
- Tom: Finally! I've been trying to catch you boys all day! Now that I got you right where I want you... [turns back to normal] I'd like to buy all your chocolate. [Holds up a large amount of cash. Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick looking shocked, chocolate bars fall out of Patrick's shorts, along with a Hershey's kiss. Cut back to the three, SpongeBob and Patrick melt]}}
- SpongeBob: Thank you for your patronage.
- [Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene, Patrick is pushing a wheelbarrow]
- Patrick: Are we living the fancy life yet, SpongeBob?
- [Cut to the money in the barrel, SpongeBob pops out]
- SpongeBob: Not yet, pally! First, we got to spend all the money.
- [Cut to the two]
- Patrick: But what are we going to spend it on?
- [Cut to SpongeBob thinking. Bubbles come up and cut to the next scene, a boat in a bottle with "Fancy!" on top is seen. Cut to the inside of the boat]
- Squidward: [Walking in from the left] Good evening, sir. Table for one, please.
- [Cut to the server]
- Server: Sorry, but the whole restaurant has been rented to a private party.
- [Cut to Squidward shocked]
- Squidward: But it's my only night to be fancy! Oh, who could afford to rent out the whole restraunt?
- [Cut to the Server and Squidward]
- Server: Oh, a couple of rich entrepreneurs and their [leaning over to Squidward] dates.
- [Cut to SpongeBob, Patrick, Mary, and Mary's mother, Mary is seen holding a glass]
- SpongeBob: So, how long have you two ladies known each other?
- [Pause]
- Mother: What? What did he say?