SpongeBob SquarePants

Bulletin Board (transcript)

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Bulletin Board
Season №: 9
Episode №: 201b
Airdate: October 1, 2016
Previous: "Sandy's Nutmare"
Next: "Food Con Castaways"
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Bulletin Board" from season nine, which aired on October 1, 2016.

  • [The episode begins on another beautiful day at the Krusty Krab. A sweet old lady is knitting a scarf with her yarn while enjoying her meal. Mr. Krabs walks up to her.]
  • Mr. Krabs: And how was your meal today, ma'am?
  • Sweet Old Lady: Oh, delicious. I wish I could tell everyone how great my meal was.
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, you're more than welcome to go to each table and tell them about your satisfactory experience.
  • Sweet Old Lady: I don't really have time to do that. Perhaps I will mention it in my will.
  • [The sweet old lady takes her knitting supplies and drives away on her mobility scooter. Mr. Krabs takes out his whip and prepares to hit her.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, that's the way you want it.
  • SpongeBob: Wait! I have an idea!
  • [SpongeBob runs into Mr. Krabs' office and brings out a cork board. He hangs it on the window.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Hold on a second! That's me cork board! It's for all me... memos.
  • [The court board shows a memo with the words, "Make More Money" and a picture of money on the bottom.]
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, think of it now as a bulletin board for the community. A place where a yearning populous can express themselves freely.
  • [The sweet old lady knits a review about her visit and sticks it on the court board. Then she drives away on her mobility scooter. A customer walks up and reads the review.]
  • Ivy (gray): "My Krusty Krab meal was delicious! I cannot recommend it enough!" Huh. Well, I was just gonna loiter, but now I think I'll get a Krabby Patty.
  • [The customer walks off. Mr. Krabs' eyes became dollar signs and money pops out of his mouth, realizing that it is a fantastic idea. Then he closes his mouth.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Hey, everybody! Our community bulletin board is here! Tell your friends and come on down and use it for the good of me business! Me wallet! Me...[stammers] I mean the community.
  • [The scene changes to customers lining up to put their reviews on the bulletin board. SpongeBob sheds a tear.]
  • SpongeBob: [sighs] Community!
  • [SpongeBob and the customers look at the reviews. As time goes by, more court boards were added as more reviews keep stocking up. One puts a lost sign on it while another puts Old Man Jenkins on it. Customers continue to read the bulletin board of reviews while eating their meal. Squidward and SpongeBob continue serving the meals to the customers.]
  • Pearl: Oh, I really hope people like it! [laughs]
  • [Pearl puts a picture of a unicorn dancing under the rainbow on the bulletin board. Random customers put pictures on the bulletin board as well.]
  • Voice #1: Great!
  • Voice #2: Super good!
  • Voice #3: Number 1 with a star!
  • [Pearl laughs. The scene changes to Mr. Krabs gluing money on the walls of his office.]
  • SpongeBob: See, Mr. Krabs? The community bulletin board is a good thing.
  • Mr. Krabs: Yes. Yes it is. It's bringing me closer to my favorite part of the community. Their money!
  • SpongeBob: Let's see what other nice people are saying.
  • [SpongeBob leaves the office, but moments later, SpongeBob screams very loud. His scream causes the money to fall off the wall and makes Mr. Krabs fall into his sack.]
  • Dave: What are you shrieking about?
  • [SpongeBob steps in front of the bulletin board.]
  • SpongeBob: Nothing! I just love to shriek!
  • [Dave tries to look and see the bulletin board, but SpongeBob, while shrieking, prevents him from looking.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Step aside, boy! You're blocking me money-makin' bulletin board!
  • [Mr. Krabs moves SpongeBob away from the bulletin board and Dave reads the blue paper.]
  • Dave: "When I eat at the Krusty Krab, all I get is a dark, empty feeling inside!" P-Star7. Ouch!
  • [The customers murmur in wonder about the review. Mr. Krabs becomes nervous and goes to remove the review.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [growls] Not on my bulletin board!
  • Surfer Fish: Whoa, whoa, dude! What's with the censorship? The community bulletin board is for everybody. You can't just take somethin' down because you think it's bogus.
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, Surfer Fish is right. The board is sacred and it must be respected.
  • [SpongeBob pushes his nose and a pencil comes out of his head. Then he writes on a small pink paper.]
  • SpongeBob: Dear P-Star7, I'm so sorry you had a less than stellar experience at the Krusty Krab and we promise to do better in future. Signed, Fry-Banshee139. Crisis averted.
  • [SpongeBob puts his note on the bulletin board and his pencil back in his head. But he sees another note.]
  • SpongeBob: Huh? "Crisis averted? More like crisis dumb-blurted." Signed, Guybesideu3?
  • [Spongebob sees Tyler whistling beside him. Then he sees more notes on the board.]
  • SpongeBob: Huh? [gasps] "Dumb-blurted! LOL!"?, "What's the Point"?, "I could make a better patty out of mud"?! Where are all these notes coming from?
  • [Mr. Krabs is going around selling paper and pencils to the customers so they can write notes for the bulletin board.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Pencils, paper! Pencils, paper!
  • Martin: I want to express the worst side of myself!
  • Mr. Krabs: Heh, heh, heh. Why not? And don't forget to feed your hatred with a selection from our menu!
  • Squidward: Huh? [points to menu] Hmm.
  • SpongeBob: If only I could figure out who this P-Star7 is.
  • [Patrick walks in the restaurant.]
  • Patrick: [laughs] Hello!
  • [Patrick notices everyone discussing about P-Star7's message on the bulletin board. He then walks through the crowd.]
  • Nat Peterson: P-Star7 is my new hero.
  • Patrick: Hey, that's me!
  • Harold: Yeah, right.
  • Fred: He really knows how to complain.
  • Patrick: But I wasn't com...
  • [Patrick goes up to the board to put a note on it.] 
  • Unnamed customer: P-Star7 is cool because he's anonymous.
  • Patrick: [hides his note] Oh, yeah. He's cool because He's a nanny-mouse.
  • Bubble Bass: You may not like what P-Star7 has to say, but you have to agree that he keeps it "real". He's a true hero for our troubled times.
  • SpongeBob: [sighs] Well, I'll just have to make my Krabby Patties better so P-Star7 will like 'em.
  • [SpongeBob goes into the kitchen and attempts to make better Krabby Patties. He examines them closely and takes out a compass to see how round it is.]
  • SpongeBob: No, it's not round enough. Uh, maybe just a little off the edge here.
  • [SpongeBob cuts part of the patty with the spatula and takes out a metric ruler to measure it.]
  • SpongeBob: No, now the other side is wobbly. I'll just even it up a little here.
  • [SpongeBob even up the patty with the spatula and takes out a tape measure to measure it.]
  • SpongeBob: Now it's smaller than that one!
  • [SpongeBob takes out his spatula and tries to flatten the Krabby Patty. However, he ended up splattering it all over the place and made the Krabby Patties into a lump of meat.]
  • SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward!
  • Squidward: Yes?
  • SpongeBob: Has P-Star7 responded to my nice note yet?
  • Squidward: Oh, he responded hours ago.
  • SpongeBob: Well, why didn't you tell me?
  • [SpongeBob runs out of the kitchen.]
  • Squidward: Because I don't care.
  • [SpongeBob goes to the bulletin board a finds a note underneath his.]
  • SpongeBob: That's for me! "Fry-Banshee139, more like Cry-Baby139!" Cordially, P-Star7.
  • Bubble Bass: His vituperative hyperbole has certainly diminished your credibility.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, why did you have to say that?
  • Bubble Bass: You're right. I should have put it on the bulletin board instead. [writes his note and puts it on the board] Signed, HandsomeLad42.
  • SpongeBob: You may be handsome, HandsomeLad42, but you're very mean!
  • [SpongeBob runs away. The customers and Mr. Krabs cruelly laugh at SpongeBob's humiliation.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [laughs] Alright, that's a good one. Heh, heh. Hey, you know all this note-writing must be making you folks hungry. We have a short line at the register.
  • [Squidward is sleeping at his register.]
  • Sheldon: I brought a bag lunch.
  • [The customers reveal to Mr. Krabs that they've brought bag lunches.]
  • Mr. Krabs: What? Wait a second. None of you bulletin board browsers are buying me patties!
  • Medley Fishbowl: Why would we buy food from a place that quote [reads note on sock] "Smells like stinky armpits"?
  • Mr. Krabs: What?
  • [Mr. Krabs sniffs his armpit and crumbles to dust. Then he comes back up again.]
  • Mr. Krabs: That's not true!
  • Medley Fishbowl: Hey, it's on the board.
  • Bubble Bass: And the board is never wrong.
  • Mr. Krabs: And does anyone need to buy a pen?
  • [Everyone holds up their pens.]
  • Mr. Krabs: How about some paper?
  • [Everyone holds up their paper and Mr. Krabs facepalms himself in disgust. SpongeBob walks up to Patrick in tears.]
  • Patrick: What's wrong?
  • SpongeBob: It's this P-Star7. He's been saying terrible things about me and the Krusty Krab.
  • Patrick: Oh, I think they were all good things.
  • SpongeBob: Not good. He said that the Krusty Krab made him feel dark and empty inside.
  • Patrick: Well, he probably meant his stomach was dark and empty and he was hungry for more.
  • SpongeBob: No. A master of acid-wit like P-Star7 would never express himself so clumsily. He called me Cry-Baby139.
  • Patrick: [gasp] You were Fry-Banshee?!
  • SpongeBob: Yeah.
  • Patrick: Well, maybe he just thought it was funny. And... and when he said that Krabby Patties taste like old baseball gloves...
  • SpongeBob: He said that?!
  • Patrick: Oh, not yet!
  • [The scene changes to the outside of the Krusty Krab being covered by numerous reviews that are written by P-Star7.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [gasps] Tastes like old baseball gloves, do they?
  • Squidward: [laughs] I don't know who this P-Star7 is, but he's brilliant!
  • Mr. Krabs: He's a diabolical genius! That's what he is!
  • [Patrick is sucking his hand in his mouth.]
  • Patrick: [muffled] No, I'm not.
  • [Patrick puts salt on his hand and continues sucking his hand. SpongeBob is shown wearing a snowsuit, a hat, and earmuffs in the kitchen.]
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, the grill's gone cold.
  • Mr. Krabs: Nobody's orderin', son. It's that cursed cork board! I'm gonna take it down! It's nothing but trouble!
  • SpongeBob: You can't Mr. Krabs! It's for the community! I'll still believe in the power of the bulletin board!
  • [Soon, everyone puts random notes on SpongeBob and Squidward seems to be enjoying it as he cruelly laughs at it.]
  • Sandals: [reads note] "You smell!"
  • [Laughter]
  • Gus: [reads note] "One of your eyes is too big!"
  • [Laughter]
  • Bubble Bass: [reads note while eating] "Close your mouth when you eat!"? [spits out food]
  • [Laughter]
  • Pearl: Oh! [reads note] "This picture looks like it was drawn by a Brine Shrimp!" Oh, Daddy! [cries]
  • [Squidward cruelly laughs at this until he reads P-Star7's note about him.]
  • Squidward: Huh? [reads note] "Squidward Tentacles should never be allowed behind a cash register." P-Star7? Oh, that is it! Why can't any of these yocals understand I'm working here? Ironically!
  • Bubble Bass: Oh, sure you are. P-Star7 has your number alright.
  • Squidward: I'm gonna give you a number, of contusions!
  • [Squidward and Bubble Bass fight each other until SpongeBob breaks them up.]
  • SpongeBob: People, can't you see what's happened? This bulletin board has become a bullying board!
  • [All of the customers gasps in realization.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Okay, that's it! Everybody out!
  • [Everyone leaves the Krusty Krab and SpongeBob puts up the closed sign on the window.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, P-Star7 is bringing out the worst in everybody. I'd like to send him a message.
  • Mr. Krabs: We'll teach him a lesson he'll never forget!
  • SpongeBob: A lesson in polite manners.
  • Squidward: Or we could push him off a cliff.
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, excellent option, Mr. Squidward.
  • SpongeBob: We have to find out who this P-Star7 is! Gentlemen, I propose a stakeout!
  • [The scene changes to the Krusty Krab late at night. SpongeBob, Squidward and Mr. Krabs are in the register boat as they are prepared to catch P-Star7.]
  • SpongeBob: [through walkie-talkie] Pineapple1 to Maddaddy. Come in, Maddaddy.
  • Mr. Krabs: [through walkie-talkie] This is Maddaddy. I read you, Pineapple1. Any movement?
  • [SpongeBob looks around.]
  • SpongeBob: [through walkie-talkie] Negatory. Pineapple1 to Delicate Flower. Come in, Delicate Flower.
  • [Squidward takes the walkie talkie from SpongeBob.]
  • Squidward: [yells loudly] I AM NOT ANSWERING TO DELICATE FLOWER!
  • [Squidward hides his flower tattoo that is on his left arm and gives the walkie-talkie back to SpongeBob. Mr. Krabs looks around.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Shh. Maintain radio silence. Wait a minute. I see something.
  • [A mysterious round figure opens the front door and rolls across the floors. The figure stops under a nearby table and licks up a ketchup stain with his tongue.]
  • SpongeBob: So that's what happens to the ketchup stains.
  • [SpongeBob, Squidward and Mr. Krabs hide in the register boat. The mysterious figure walks up to the bulletin board and sticks another note on it. Mr. Krabs turns on the light and the mysterious figure turns out to be none other than Patrick Star.]
  • SpongeBob: Surprise, P-Star7!
  • SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward: Patrick?!
  • [Patrick smiles nervously.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [screams in anger] I'll tear ya to pieces!
  • [Patrick cowers in fear as he thinks Mr. Krabs is going to hurt him. However, Mr. Krabs moves Patrick away and breaks his cork board into a million pieces. Then he removes all of the random notes off of the entire restaurant and tosses them all outside on the street.]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, you're P-Star7?
  • Patrick: Well, that's what my last note was about, SpongeBob. I was upset that people take everything I say the wrong way.
  • SpongeBob: So, when you said that Krabby Patties reminded you of old baseball gloves, you really meant that they gave you the feeling of your carefree youth.
  • [Patrick is chewing on his baseball glove.]
  • Patrick: Yeah, I think.
  • SpongeBob: You hear that, boardy? It wasn't you. It was never you. We were the monsters all along.
  • [SpongeBob, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs felt sorry about their actions and took pity on Patrick. However, Mr. Krabs resumes his anger.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, I'm still angry and I need somethin' to calm me down! Ooh! [picks up paper] This knittin' circle oughta do the trick. And you all are joining me! Especially you, Delicate Flower.
  • Squidward: [takes coupon] Oh, ratfish!
  • [The scene changes to SpongeBob, Squidward, Patrick, and Mr. Krabs knitting with the sweet old lady at the Shady Shoals Rest Home.]
  • SpongeBob: [through walkie-talkie] Pineapple1 to Knitmama. Can I needle you for a little more yarn? [laughs]
  • Squidward: Oh, brother. [puts the yarn bag over his head] Please bring back P-Star7.
  • [The episode ends with everyone laughing.]

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