Plankton: Oh, brother. Just look at this place. Might as well be a mausoleum. Abysmal. Oh, well. at least it's structurally sound. [door falls on him] Forget this! I'm sick of not having any business.
Karen: Then why don't you fix this rust bucket up? Look around. Chipping paint, bad plumbing, dust bunnies-- [dust bunny blows away] it's no wonder you don't have any customers.
Plankton: Okay, I get it. I get it. It's time to give this place a complete overhaul. [cut to outside The Chum Bucket where Plankton is dragging a blue paint bucket] Whoa! Whoa! [almost falls in the bucket. Grabs the paintbrush but has difficulty painting the building] I shouldn't have to subject myself to such menial labor. [falls down with the wooden side of the paintbrush in his mouth. Then spits it out and coughs] Ah! This is a job for an imbecile! [Patrick and SpongeBob are laughing while playing leapfrog] Or two imbeciles. [laughs] Excuse me, gentlemen. I am sorry to bother you, but I'm having a bit of trouble with my abode. You see, I would like to paint The Chum Bucket to please my wife. But alas, I am too small and feeble.
SpongeBob: Aw. well, we can help you. right, Patrick?
Patrick: Uh-huh. I came prepared too. [holds up a watermelon and sticks his head in it] Alright, lets do it. [cut to later]
Plankton: Okay, boys. Karen wants this place to really sparkle. I was thinking it could use a little more pizzazz.
SpongeBob and Patrick: Pizzazz, yeah.
Plankton: Oh, I know. Why don't you paint the entire Chum Bucket?
SpongeBob and Patrick: Whoa, really?
Plankton: Oh, yes. I need you artistic vision. You, wouldn't want to disappoint my Karen, now would you?
SpongeBob and Patrick: Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. We like to work.
Squidward: What the--? SpongeBob, what atrocity is this?
SpongeBob: Oh. hi, Squidward. Looky, Mr. Plankton's having us paint. He calls it pizzazz. [sparkle dust lands on Squidward]
Squidward: Pizzazz, huh? What would you know about that?
Patrick: Plankton says he needs our artistic vision.
SpongeBob: Let's show him [they paint each other vigorously]
Squidward: You buffoons wouldn't know artistic vision if it hit you over the head. Now, where's the paintbrush? [takes a blue paintbrush] Ill show you what artistic vision is all about. Start with light brush strokes. [paints a little on The Chum Bucket]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Oh. [they lightly paint each other]
Squidward: Yeah. Perfect. [keeps on painting] Simpletons.
Plankton: Amazing. I didn't have to trick the tall one. [chuckles] My plan is falling right into place. With those three boobs preoccupied, stealing the formula will be a snap!
SpongeBob: Mr. Plankton? All this hard work is making us thirsty. Do you think we can get-- [clears his throat] --a drink?
Plankton: Let me show you something, SpongeBob. [opens doors] I sure wish I could offer you a cold drink for all your hard work. But alas, my pipes are rusted shut. [SpongeBob breaks the stiff liquid]
SpongeBob: I see what you mean.
Plankton: Yes. If only there was some way I could—Where'd he go?
SpongeBob:[lollygags outside] La-la-la-la-la-la-la. [Plankton laughs as SpongeBob goes into The Krusty Krab basement and takes out some pipes, which cause a leak]
Plankton:[walks up to The Krusty Krab doors] Secret formula, here I come. [opens the door and a bunch of water streams out. Plankton screams]
Plankton: Perfect. Huh? [Squidward is painting himself on The Chum Bucket. Plankton climbs up the ladder and jumps on Squidward's head] No! No! No! It's all wrong! Don't you know a thing about art? Gimme that brush! [takes brush and paints something] Yes, yes, and yes. Voila![bluegrass music plays as he paints a log cabin]
Squidward: A log cabin?
Plankton: Yeah, I think they're so cozy. Now that's what you call art. [jumps off of Squidward's head]
Squidward: Everyone's a critic.
Plankton: I can't wait to see Krabs' face when he discovers that I've absconded with The Krabby Patty secret formula.
SpongeBob: Hey, Plankton? What do you think of the new window? We got it from The Krusty Krab.
Plankton: SpongeBob, how do you expect me to see out of a window that high?
SpongeBob: I guess I hadn't thought about that.
Patrick: I did. [a round window is near the ground] Look, Plankton. It's the perfect height for your kind.
Plankton: See, SpongeBob. Patrick's using the old noggin. He knows I'll actually want to see out the window. [notices the window is showing a blank wall]
Patrick: Wait, you wanted to see out the window? Weird. [Plankton unscrews a bolt from the window and puts it in between his teeth and grunts. Then breaks the bolt]
Plankton: Cant you two do anything right? I give you one simple task after another and—Just forget it. It was foolish of me to think this plan would ever work when nothing else in my life is panned out. Telemarketing—life guarding—creative writing—all such bitter failures. [cries]
SpongeBob:[picks up Plankton] Oh. It's okay, little green—creature. Patrick and I are going to keep working on The Chum Bucket. until it's the most pizzazziest restaurant in Bikini Bottom.
SpongeBob: And how. Come on, fellows. let's do some interior decorating.
Plankton: Well, that ought to keep them busy for a while. [cut to later, SpongeBob and Patrick are taking apart the arch on the side of The Krusty Krab]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Hup, hup, hup, hup. [they throw the arch up and it comes back down on their bodies. They carry it over to The Chum Bucket while Plankton goes to The Krusty Krab]
Plankton: I just need to sneak past Krabs, and I'm home-free. [SpongeBob and Patrick take the doors of The Krusty Krab apart and carry them back. Plankton walks inside. but when he hides behind a table, SpongeBob and Patrick take that with them. Then Plankton hides in the boat behind the cash register] Where could that stingy crab be? [SpongeBob and Patrick take the boat with them. Plankton laughs as he is hiding behind the grill but SpongeBob and Patrick take the grill to The Chum Bucket. Then Plankton goes into Mr. Krabs office] Still don't see him. [SpongeBob and Patrick take Mr. Krabs' desk. Plankton gasps] The safe! I'm in the clear, baby! [squeezes inside the safe then has a lantern and sees the secret formula] It's beautiful. [tears up] No, no tears. Not yet. [takes a deep breath] There's work to be done. [unscrews the bottle top] Ha-ha! At long last! [black and white crowd applauds] And the secret formula is—one bottle of molting lotion, take passport photo, get new safe [travel size]. This isn't the secret formula! It's a to do list! [screams and tears it up. Turns into a little green hulk and bursts out of the safe. When he comes out, there is nothing but the safe left] Huh? What happened to The Krusty Krab? Huh? What happened to The Chum Bucket? [The Chum Bucket turned into a replica of The Krusty Krab] Curses! This isn't what I meant by renovation.
SpongeBob: I know. Isn't it great? It looks just like The Krusty Krab.
Mr. Krabs: It looks more like Plankton, trying to steal me restaurant. [steps out of a taxi with suitcases in hand and a hat on his head]
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! You've returned from your vacation. [the word "Exposition!" appears above SpongeBob's head]
Mr. Krabs: And it's time for The Krusty Krab to return from its vacation. [He scuttles to the back of the building and as he grunts with effort, he pushes The Krusty Krab over to its original spot. Then flips it over to have the doors face the street]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Hooray!/Yay!
Mr. Krabs:[takes the safe out from his throat. It was covered with saliva. He takes out the formula for the patties] And I bet you tried to steal this, too.
Plankton:[chuckles sheepishly] Well, steal is such a strong word. [Mr. Krabs grabs him on the side of his eye. He screams in pain]
Mr. Krabs: You don't really think I'd leave me secret formula behind when I go on vacation. do you?
Mr. Krabs and Plankton: Now stay away from me....
Plankton: ...restaurant, bug. I think we've been through this one before. Allow me to do the honors. [throws himself back at The Chum Bucket but doesn't scream like he always does. He lets out a monotone scream][screaming][lands on the ground with a thud]
Karen: Oh. excellent job, genius. You really fixed the place up.
Plankton: Don't nag me, Karen. I've had a long day. [cut to later at The Krusty Krab where it's redecorated]
Mr. Krabs: Yup, Squidward. you really outdid yourself for the new decor. Where did you get the fountain?
Squidward: That, I sculpted out the concrete foundation of The Chum Bucket.
Mr. Krabs: And these metal decorations?
Squidward: Those were all fabricated from The Chum Bucket walls.
Mr. Krabs: And the computer? [SpongeBob is playing solitaire]
Squidward: Oh, that's Plankton's wife.
Mr. Krabs: Well, it looks great, lad. And it didn't cost me a dime.
Customer #1: Wow, $25 for a Krabby Patty? Rip off, dude. Not cool.
Mr. Krabs: But you're paying for enhanced ambiance—dude.
Customer #1: Well, that's true—it is pretty classy in here. Give me four!