[Episode starts at SpongeBob's house, and SpongeBob is brushing Gary's shell]
SpongeBob: 97, 98, 99, 100. Okay, Gary, let's do the other side now. Gary, can you hear that? [Gary is confused, then SpongeBob walks outside, and over to Squidward] Oh Squidward, it's you. I thought I heard something.
Squidward: SpongeBob, I've been sitting here motionless for 45 minutes. What could you possibly have heard me doing?
Squidward: SpongeBob, I will give you $5 if you let me enjoy the rest of my morning, in peace.
SpongeBob:[Half of his head flips open while he talks] Okay! [Squidward takes out his wallet]
Squidward: Hey, I could have sworn I had $5 in here.
SpongeBob: I have it, Squidward, you gave it to me to leave you alone yesterday. [Squidward gets up] Squidward, you can have the $5 back. Mr. Krabs says--
Squidward: I don't care, what Mr. Krabs said! I just want. [bangs on the table, and the liquid in his cup spills on him]
SpongeBob: Coffee rain!
Squidward: It's hot chocolate. [walks away]
SpongeBob: Chocolate rain! [Squidward is still walking] Squidward! [Squidward runs screaming] Squidward, wait! [scene then shows both of them running for a while, then Squidward gets to his boat. Tries to open it but can't]
Squidward: It's locked!
SpongeBob: Squidward! Squidward! [Squidward screams, then jumps in the boat, then tries to start it but it won't start]
Squidward: Huh?[realizes the key isn't there] The key! Oh, where did I put that stupid...
SpongeBob:[as he is yelling, Squidward is searching] Squidward! Squidward!
Squidward: Oh, why can't I just find?[SpongeBob makes it to the boat]
SpongeBob: You left your keys on the table back there. [Squidward starts the boat] Hey, Squidward?
SpongeBob: Didn't you used to have one of those cucumber bicycles?
Squidward: Oh, [laughs] that was a recumbent bicycle, and I sold it.
Squidward: So I could get further away from you! [rushes off]
SpongeBob: Okay, I'll see you later then, Squidward.
Squidward: Bon voyage, nincompoop! [Squidward accidentally runs through a stop sign, literally. He then realizes he is being chased by cops] What the? [pulls over, then the policeman walks up] Can I help you, officer?
Policeman: No, but you can help yourself to this ticket.
Squidward:[gasps] Ticket? Officer, please! I have inpeckable boat smarts! I pried myself in obtaining an un-soiled driving record! It's all that I have!
Policeman: Well, you can have it again, right after you complete boating school. [drives off]
Squidward: Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo? [cuts to Mrs. Puff's boating school] Boating school. [knocks on door] Oh well, it's just one day out of your life Squiddy. How bad can it be? [SpongeBob opens the door]
SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward! [Squidward cries, then the bell rings]
Mrs. Puff: Good morning class. Would everyone please take a seat? [SpongeBob sits]
SpongeBob: Psst, Squidward, sit here. Here.
Squidward: Um, excuse me, there don't seem to be any empty seats left.
Mrs. Puff: But there's one right next to SpongeBob. [Squidward sits there, and SpongeBob touches him]
Squidward: Do you mind?
SpongeBob: Don't worry Squidward, we're boating buddies now! I'll teach you everything I know, and then we can.
Squidward:We won't be doing anything, because there is no we! Understand?
Mrs. Puff: Quiet in the front please.
SpongeBob: Oh, I understand. I understand perfectly, boating buddy.
Mrs. Puff: Okay class, how about we get to know our new students, by telling each other why we were sentenced to I mean why we are enrolled in boating school.
Student: Um, I got caught speeding.
Mrs. Puff: Very good. Next.
Student: I don't see what's so very good about it.
Mrs. Puff: No, I didn't mean very.
Student:[sighs] I know exactly what you meant.
Mrs. Puff: Next.
SpongeBob: Oh, I am here because I.
Mrs. Puff: We all know why you're here, SpongeBob. What about you, sir? [referring to Squidward]
Mrs. Puff: Yes. Would you like to tell the rest of the class, why you're with us today?
Squidward: Why I'm. [sees SpongeBob staring, and breathing at him] All right, I'll tell you. I was trying to get away, from him! He is the bane, of my existence!
Mrs. Puff: Yours too? Uhh. What I meant to say was, please come up to the chalkboard, and draw a diagram of the incident.
Squidward: Gladly. [begins drawing what he is saying] It all started when I left my house. And then, he appeared. He made, an immediate right turn, and parked, here. [referring to Squidward's house] Seeing the oncoming hazard, I looked both ways, and proceeded safely toward my vehicle. It was then, that I realized that I was being followed, at an unsafe distance. So, in order to create more optimal driving conditions, I was then forced to par-take in [screeches the chalk board] evasive action. And by increasing speed slightly, I created a safety cushion, while in-invertenttly attracting the attention, of said law enforcement official. May I sit down now, sweet cheeks?
Mrs. Puff: Why, certainly. And perhaps now, SpongeBob would like to come up, and illustrate his side of the story.
Squidward: His side?
SpongeBob: Well, first, I started over here. And then I went way over here. Do-do-do-do, like that. Then, I went around like this, and over here like that, and across this lane, and down here like this, and then [continues writing, without speaking] and then I went around, and stopped right here. [We See The Bubbly Transition]
Everyone: SpongeBob and Squidward, best boating buddies, forever. [all are confused, then SpongeBob sits down]
SpongeBob: Do you like it Squidward?
Squidward: Shut it. [bell rings, then cuts to everyone eating lunch, and SpongeBob sits next to Squidward]
SpongeBob: Ah, lunch time, eh boating buddy? [SpongeBob sits, and Squidward walks away, over to the trash cans]
Squidward: I'll have to eat over here, like in grade school. [Squidward is about to eat, then SpongeBob pops up from a trash can]
SpongeBob: Squidward, do you have any mustard in there? [Squidward runs away screaming, then cuts to the bathroom, where Squidward is eating]
Squidward: Mm, bon appetite, Squidy. [is about to eat, but then sees SpongeBob's feet in the other stall. Squidward gets angry, and throws his sandwich on the ground] You've ruined my morning, you've ruined my lunch, and you're ruining my... [door opens, revealing that it's a muscular tough fish, with feet that look like SpongeBob's. Scene cuts to Squidward walking to his seat, bandaged up]
Mrs. Puff: Okay class, it's time for our behind the wheel lesson. Squidward, you'll be riding with SpongeBob.
Squidward: Eh, didn't see that coming. [cuts to them in a boat]
Mrs. Puff: Now, we're going to take this nice and slow. SpongeBob, what do we do when pulling away from the curb?
SpongeBob: Uh, step on the gas?
Mrs. Puff: Good. Nice and easy. Now let's slowly... [SpongeBob steps on the pedal, and Mrs. Puff screams]
Squidward: SpongeBob, look out! [they bump through the cones, then they barge out through the fence, then they go through a red light] SpongeBob, give me that wheel!
SpongeBob: I got it, I got it. [they fight over it]
Squidward: Just let go of it! [the steering wheel breaks, and Mrs. Puff screams. They drive into grandma]
Grandma: Hooligans! [they drive through the Barg 'n Mart, and a costume shop, and they are about to drive into a secret lab]
Scientest 1: Johnson, I finally figured out a way to shrink an ordinary mail man, down to the size of a grain of sand.
Scientist 2: How?
Scientist 1: By using this shrink ray. [he pulls a lever that turns it on, then the boat comes in, and they get shrunk instead]
Scientist 2: Mother of mercy! [they shrink] Where'd they go?
Scientist 1: There! They're heading right for that discarded potato chip. [mail man growls]
Scientist 2: What's the matter?
Scientist 1: Potato chips are his favorite snack. [he breaks out] Johnson! No! [is about to eat it, but then gets sprayed with water]
Scientist 2: No, no, no. [they then go through a drain. A cowboy is about to drink from a drinking fountain, but then Mrs. Puff and SpongeBob come out and return to normal size]
Cowboy: I never will understand these city folk.
SpongeBob: Hey, where'd Squidward go? [the tough fish from earlier is going to go to the bathroom again, and Squidward returns to normal in the toilet]
Squidward: I was just leaving. [cuts to Squidward walking toward his desk all bandaged up]
Mrs. Puff: Okay class, it's time to take our final exam. Please have your pencils ready.
SpongeBob: Pst, hey, boating buddy, if you need any help, I've taken this test hundreds of times, and.
Squidward: How many times do I have to tell you?! I am not your buddy! I don't need your help, and I don't need you, ever! Now just kindly let me take this stupid test, so I can get out of here, and never have to see you again, for the rest of my life!
SpongeBob:[sadly] Okay Squidward, if that's the way you want it.
Squidward: Thank you. [tries to pick up his pencil, then picks it up in both hands, but then it drops and rolls out the room]
Mrs. Puff: 3 more minutes class.
Squidward: SpongeBob? SpongeBob, I need your help.
Mrs. Puff: 2 more minutes.
Squidward: SpongeBob, please? This is important.
SpongeBob: You said you didn't need my help, Squidward, and that you didn't need me.
Squidward: No no, I didn't. I never said that. [Student play's back what Squidward said] I don't need your help, and I don't need you! [now talking] Jerk! [student shrugs] All right, I said it. But that was before.
SpongeBob: Before what?
Squidward: Before before.
Mrs. Puff: 1 more minute, class.
Squidward: Before we were, [gulps] boating buddies.
Mrs. Puff: Okay class, times up.
Squidward: Time can't be up. I didn't even get a chance to fill in a single answer. What am I supposed to do?
Mrs. Puff: You do the same thing that everybody else does who failed the test, you take it again next week.
Squidward: Next week?
SpongeBob: Don't worry Squidward, I've never gotten one answer right on this test. [screen cuts to outside] But we'll meet again next week, at Mrs. Puff's boating school! [Squidward screams]