Narrator: Bikini Bottom's 7 Life Strategies are here! Act now and you can put into practice these crucial techniques for spongier, squarer, and more absorbent living!
Narrator: Number 1: "Setting boundaries" [plays scenes from episodes]
Patrick: Don't touch me, I'm sterile!
SpongeBob: I can't play with you anymore! I just can't take the games!
Squidward: Be quiet, SpongeBob!
Narrator: Number 2: "Reverence" [plays scenes from episodes]
SpongeBob: Wow, a golden spatula!
SpongeBob: Ta-da! A perfect patty.
SpongeBob: You delicate little Krabby Patty. With your tasty, juicy, scrumptious, warm, steamy goodness.
Narrator: Number 3: "Self-esteem" [plays scenes from episodes]
SpongeBob: Do you know how lucky you are to have a friend like me?
Patrick: And they said I'd never make anything out of myself.
SpongeBob: I am confident in my ability to successfully succeed.
SpongeBob: I is 100% ma-male.
Sandy: I'm hotter than a hickory-smoked sausage!
SpongeBob: Let an old pro show you how to do it.
Narrator: Number 4: "Affirmation" [plays scenes from episodes]
SpongeBob: I...am a man!
Patrick: The dirty therapy seems to be working just fine.
Plankton: Everything works out.
SpongeBob: Well, a sponge has to look his spongiest.
Narrator: Number 5: "Gratitude" [plays scenes from episodes]
Mr. Krabs: The customer is always right.
SpongeBob: You taught me a valuable lesson.
Mr. Krabs: Nickel buddy, I'll never spend you!
SpongeBob: Haven't you ever had a very special friend?
Narrator: Number 6: "Coping Skills" [plays scenes from episodes]
SpongeBob: Oh, barnacles!
SpongeBob:[separates into seven smaller SpongeBob's, who all run away and then join back together, except for one, which SpongeBob catches and places in an open space on his backside]
Narrator: Number 7: "Compassion" [plays scenes from episodes]
Plankton: You weak-minded fool!
Mr. Krabs: Or I'll feel your life with misery and woe.
SpongeBob: Shut your mouth you mediocre clarinet player.
Narrator: With these 7 life strategies, you'll be sponge-errific, sponge-tastic, sponge-elicious even. But when in doubt, remember the SpongeBob Mantra: "I'm ready! I'm ready!" Good, now you're ready to living squarer, yellower, and spongier everyday! Repeat after SpongeBob: "I'm ready! Ready! Ready! Ready! Ready! Ready! Ready!"