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Bikini Bottom's 7 Life Strategies (transcript)

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Bikini Bottom's 7 Life Strategies
General
Special №: 10
Airdate: March 4, 2003 (Lost at Sea)
October 28, 2003 (The Complete 1st Season)
Chronology
Previous: "Drawing the Goo Lagoon"
Next: "Behind the Scenes: Special Delivery"
List of special transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants special "Bikini Bottom's 7 Life Strategies." It can be found in these DVDs: Lost at Sea, which was released on March 4, 2003 and The Complete 1st Season, which was released on October 28, 2003.

  • Narrator: Bikini Bottom's 7 Life Strategies are here! Act now and you can put into practice these crucial techniques for spongier, squarer, and more absorbent living!
  • Narrator: Number 1: "Setting boundaries" [plays scenes from episodes]
  • Patrick: Don't touch me, I'm sterile!
  • SpongeBob: I can't play with you anymore! I just can't take the games!
  • Squidward: Be quiet, SpongeBob!
  • Narrator: Number 2: "Reverence" [plays scenes from episodes]
  • SpongeBob: Wow, a golden spatula!
  • SpongeBob: Ta-da! A perfect patty.
  • SpongeBob: You delicate little Krabby Patty. With your tasty, juicy, scrumptious, warm, steamy goodness.
  • Narrator: Number 3: "Self-esteem" [plays scenes from episodes]
  • SpongeBob: Do you know how lucky you are to have a friend like me?
  • Patrick: And they said I'd never make anything out of myself.
  • SpongeBob: I am confident in my ability to successfully succeed.
  • SpongeBob: I is 100% ma-male.
  • Sandy: I'm hotter than a hickory-smoked sausage!
  • SpongeBob: Let an old pro show you how to do it.
  • Narrator: Number 4: "Affirmation" [plays scenes from episodes]
  • SpongeBob: I...am a man!
  • Patrick: The dirty therapy seems to be working just fine.
  • Plankton: Everything works out.
  • SpongeBob: Well, a sponge has to look his spongiest.
  • Gary: Meow.
  • Narrator: Number 5: "Gratitude" [plays scenes from episodes]
  • Mr. Krabs: The customer is always right.
  • SpongeBob: You taught me a valuable lesson.
  • Mr. Krabs: Nickel buddy, I'll never spend you!
  • SpongeBob: Haven't you ever had a very special friend?
  • Narrator: Number 6: "Coping Skills" [plays scenes from episodes]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, barnacles!
  • Plankton: Hahahaha!
  • SpongeBob: [separates into seven smaller SpongeBob's, who all run away and then join back together, except for one, which SpongeBob catches and places in an open space on his backside]
  • Narrator: Number 7: "Compassion" [plays scenes from episodes]
  • Plankton: You weak-minded fool!
  • Mr. Krabs: Or I'll feel your life with misery and woe.
  • SpongeBob: Shut your mouth you mediocre clarinet player.
  • SpongeBob: Pfft!
  • Narrator: With these 7 life strategies, you'll be sponge-errific, sponge-tastic, sponge-elicious even. But when in doubt, remember the SpongeBob Mantra: "I'm ready! I'm ready!" Good, now you're ready to living squarer, yellower, and spongier everyday! Repeat after SpongeBob: "I'm ready! Ready! Ready! Ready! Ready! Ready! Ready!"

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