Encyclopedia SpongeBobia
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Encyclopedia SpongeBobia

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants DVD bonus feature "Bikini Bottom's 7 Life Strategies." It can be found in these DVDs: Lost at Sea, which was released on March 4, 2003 and The Complete 1st Season, which was released on October 28, 2003.

  • Narrator: Bikini Bottom's 7 Life Strategies are here! Act now and you can put into practice these crucial techniques for spongier, squarer, and more absorbent living! Number 1: "Setting Boundaries."
  • [Scenes from various episodes play.]
  • Patrick: Don't touch me, I'm sterile!
  • SpongeBob: I can't play with you anymore! I just can't take the games!
  • Squidward: Be quiet, SpongeBob!
  • Narrator: Number 2: "Reverence."
  • [Scenes from various episodes play.]
  • SpongeBob: Wow, a golden spatula! [in another episode] Ta-da! A perfect patty. [in another episode] You delicate little Krabby Patty. With your tasty, juicy, scrumptious, warm, steamy goodness.
  • Narrator: Number 3: "Self-Esteem."
  • [Scenes from various episodes play.]
  • SpongeBob: Do you know how lucky you are to have a friend like me?
  • Patrick: And they said I'd never make anything out of myself.
  • SpongeBob: I am confident in my ability to successfully succeed. [in another episode] I is 100% ma-male.
  • Sandy: I'm hotter than a hickory-smoked sausage!
  • SpongeBob: Let an old pro show you how to do it.
  • Narrator: Number 4: "Affirmations."
  • [Scenes from various episodes play.]
  • SpongeBob: I...am a man!
  • Patrick: The dirty therapy seems to be working just fine.
  • Plankton: Everything works out.
  • SpongeBob: Well, a sponge has to look his spongiest.
  • Gary: Meow.
  • Narrator: Number 5: "Gratitude."
  • [Scenes from various episodes play.]
  • Mr. Krabs: The customer is always right.
  • SpongeBob: You taught me a valuable lesson.
  • Mr. Krabs: Nickel buddy, I'll never spend you!
  • SpongeBob: Haven't you ever had a very special friend?
  • Narrator: Number 6: "Coping Skills."
  • [Scenes from various episodes play.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, barnacles!
  • [Plankton laughs. SpongeBob separates into seven smaller SpongeBob's, who all run away and then join back together, except for one, which SpongeBob catches and places in an open space on his backside.]
  • Narrator: Number 7: "Compassion."
  • [Scenes from various episodes play.]
  • Plankton: You weak-minded fool!
  • Mr. Krabs: Or I'll feel your life with misery and woe.
  • Plankton: [through SpongeBob] Shut your mouth, you mediocre clarinet player.
  • SpongeBob: Pfft!
  • Narrator: With these 7 life strategies, you'll be sponge-errific, sponge-tastic, sponge-elicious even. But when in doubt, remember the SpongeBob Mantra: "I'm ready! I'm ready!" Good, now you're ready to living squarer, yellower, and spongier everyday! Repeat after SpongeBob: "I'm ready! Ready! Ready! Ready! Ready! Ready! Ready!"
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