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Big Sister Sam
Season №: 7
Episode №: 152a
Airdate: January 15, 2011
Previous: "Love That Squid"
Next: "Perfect Chemistry"
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Big Sister Sam" from season seven, which aired on January 15, 2011.

  • SpongeBob: [snoring with Gary] [they both wake up because hear a noise from outside and look through the window to find Patrick mopping his house.]
  • Patrick: ♪Makin' it clean, and livin' a dream. Makin' a scene, I'm makin' it clean, I'm makin' it clean. I'm makin' it clean!♪
  • SpongeBob: Hey buddy, what are you cleaning for?
  • Patrick: Cause I'm expecting some very important company.
  • SpongeBob: Who's that?
  • Patrick: My big sister, Sam!
  • SpongeBob: Wow, I didn't know you had a sister!
  • Patrick: [The music stops abruptly as Patrick drops the mop and starts to look sad.] Nobody does. [gets choked up] I lost her in the surf when we were kids.
  • SpongeBob: Gee, I'm sorry Patrick.
  • Patrick: Sam took care of me when I was just nursing on coral. She was my...[sniffles] my...[sniffles] my... rock! [Patrick bursts into tears, sobbing in despair.]
  • SpongeBob: It's gonna be ok... you're gonna see her again... today... right... today? Come on... cheer up buddy. Hey, I'll make sure her visit here will be extra super special, no matter what!
  • Patrick: Thanks man, you're right. I can't wait to make up for our lost years!
  • Squidward: [opens window] Would you two pipe down!
  • Patrick: Sorry, I was getting my place ready for my sister.
  • Squidward: Well, I hope she's not as obnoxious as you. [Bus rides up]
  • Sam: [punches door open and walks towards Patrick thunderously]
  • Squidward: [closes window fast]
  • Patrick: ...Sam!
  • Sam: [Grabs Patrick by the neck and breathes in his face] Brubber!
  • Patrick: Sis!
  • Sam: [starts hugging Patrick very tightly]
  • Patrick: It's so good to see you.
  • Sam: You. Sister Sam. have much catch up to do. [accidentaly catapults Patrick into his rock]
  • Patrick: Wow, you pack a wallop, sis. Sam, this is my best friend SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: Yeah, Patrick and I go back a long way. [Both giggling] Yeah long way, heh heh, go back.
  • Sam: [eyes bug out] Yellow square touch brubber! Make sister Sam mad! [chucks SpongeBob]
  • Patrick: I cleaned my rock just for you. [Both walk away]
  • SpongeBob: [Plummets and falls face-flat on the ground]
  • Patrick: Lets go inside and play.
  • Sam: House too small. Make bigger. [pushes rock]
  • Patrick: Hey great idea! I'll just go and get some tools and-
  • Sam: No.
  • Patrick: Huh?
  • Sam: I have tools right here. [takes out briefcase and pours out a bunch of sand. Starts making a sand rock]
  • Squidward: Oh dear Neptune didn't you hear me- [face is pummeled with sand]
  • Sam: [Walks over sand rock and takes the tv antenna off of Patrick's rock. Puts antenna on sand rock]
  • Patrick: Thanks sis!
  • Sam: Sister Sam loves to make rock for brubber.
  • Squidward: Well make rock some where else. My house is full of sand.
  • Sam: If big nose no like sand, big nose move! [pushes Squidward's house away]
  • Squidward: This is way beyond my property line. Hey Patrick, that oaf makes a better bulldozer than a sister! [laughs] Construction humor.
  • Sam: [growls] No laughing!
  • SpongeBob: No no don't be upset with Squidward. He doesn't mean it, Don't you Squidward?
  • Squidward: Oh I mean it alright. She's a big buffoon, just like Patrick. Except bigger, and dumber, and bufoonier.
  • Sam: [huffing]
  • SpongeBob: [scared] Oh, Squidward, you jokester.
  • Sam: [more huffing]
  • Squidward: Do you think she looks a little...miffed?
  • Sam: [huffing angrily, then starts crying] Those boys mean! They pick on sister Sam!
  • Patrick: Shame on you two! Look what you've done!
  • Squidward: Look what we've done?!
  • Sam: [crying so hard that her tears fling Squidward and SpongeBob]
  • Squidward: [falls face first in the sand]
  • SpongeBob: [flies onto a seahorse-shoe toss pole]
  • Cowboy: Golly-doo-diddley Clem, that was a nice toss.
  • Clem: Wasen't me. My money's on the little missie over yonder.
  • Patrick: Awwww hey sis, don't listen to those...meanies. Hey the new rock is looking kinda...boring. What do you say we decorate it?
  • Sam: Blecorate?
  • Patrick: You can call it whatever you like sis as long as we make it spiffy!
  • Squidward: [empties sand out of head]
  • Sam: Make new house spiffy. [takes window off of Squidward's house] Spiffy!
  • Squidward: Hey you can't do that, that's my window!
  • Sam: [puts window on the antenna on the sand rock and laughs] Blecorate.
  • Patrick: That's the spirit, Sis.
  • Squidward: Oh no. That is definitely not the spirit Patrick. Your sister is out of control!
  • Patrick: Hey, just mind your own business and let us blecorate in peace!
  • Squidward: You can blecor-decorate until the sea cows come home for all I care, just don't use my property to do it! [takes off the antennae-window]
  • Sam: [dismantles more part from Squidward's house and puts it on the sand rock] More spiffy!
  • Squidward: But that's from... [looks at his somewhat horribly dismantled house] my house! That's it! I've had my fill of this thieving brute!
  • Patrick: How dare you call my sister a thief, just because she took some of your things...
  • SpongeBob: Easy now gents, let's not let tempers flare. Now don't you think, Patrick, it's a teensie bit unfair that sister Sam dismantled Squidward's house?
  • Patrick: No I don't. Not even a teensie, eensie, teensie bit. I see now that you've turned against my sister, you've turned on your best friend as well! [cries]
  • SpongeBob: It's not like that at all Patrick. I was just-
  • Sam: Shush! Meanies make brubber's eyes water! [grabs SpongeBob and Squidward] Meanies go home! [Throws them to their homes]
  • Patrick: Come on sis they won't bother us under our rock.
  • Sam: Meanies is mean. [sand rock closes].
  • Squidward: [Walks out of his ruined house, gets angry and starts carrying a heavy rock]
  • SpongeBob: Squidward...wait, Squidward, w-wait! Before you do anything too rash, let me try to talk to them.
  • Squidward: The time for talk is over. now is the time for action! [walks onto sand rock and holds his rock menacingly over his head] A rock made of sand by two idiots is no match for one carved from the... [grunts] tides of time!
  • SpongeBob: I don't think you should do that.
  • Squidward: Who cares what you think?! if it's destruction they want, then it's destruction they'll get! [throws rock, but it bounces off and demolishes the pieces of Squidwards house on the sand rock. Sand rock opens, flinging Squidward in the air]
  • Sam: Who makes noise? [sees the broken pieces. screams] Spiffy broken! [Squidward falls] Sister mad!
  • SpongeBob: Now Sam it's not what it seems. Squidward was just rearranging the spiffy.
  • Sam: [picks up broken pieces] Sister Sam rearrange now!
  • SpongeBob: Please don't.
  • Sam: [chews up pieces and rapidly spits it out at themm... as well as Squidward's house. Squidward's house then collapses as Squidward looks at it in disbelief]
  • SpongeBob: Well Squidward at least on the bright side it will motivate you to finally take care of that kitchen remodeled. Right Squidward? [Squidward is gone] Huh? Must be eager to get started.
  • Squidward: [driving bulldozer toward the sand rock. Laughing maniacally]
  • Patrick and Sam: [shocked] Huh?!
  • SpongeBob: [gasps] Squidward, Squidward stop! [jumps on the bulldozer] Just calm down buddy. Let's ease that tentacle off of the accelerator, hmmm?
  • Squidward: Oh, you mean like this? [revs up accelerator, knocking SpongeBob off] Sweeeet destruction!
  • Sam: [stops the bulldozer. drops Squidward out of the bulldozer and chucks it at SpongeBob's house, destroying it] That'll teach those meanies.  
  • Patrick: Your still my rock big sis.
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, I think your sister's temper is getting out of control.
  • Patrick: SpongeBob, why are you still saying mean things about Sam?
  • SpongeBob: She destroyed my house in a fit of rage! She needs to control her temper!
  • Patrick: Well I guess she can get a little carried away.
  • Sam: What Patrick doing? Why Patrick talk to meanies?
  • Patrick: Well uh...well...well it's about your temper Sam.
  • Sam: No have temper! That make sister Sam SO mad! Sister Sam put on mean face! [turns face around with an angrier face] Now smash brubber's house! [picks up the sand rock]
  • Patrick: Not the rock! [jumps on the sand rock while Sam pummels it]
  • Sam: [slams the ground and yells. Her regular face then sees Patrick hurt and unconscious] Patrick? Little Brubber? Little Brubber no wake.
  • SpongeBob: Patrick? [takes out cookie dough]
  • Patrick: [sniffs it and eats it as he wakes up] Cookie Dough!
  • Sam: Patrick Ok! Sister Sam feel bad. Sorry she hurt Patrick. Should protect little brubber. She go now. [walks away]
  • Patrick: Sis, wait! Hold on! Aw, don't feel sad. You don't have go!
  • Sam: Yes,Sister Sam must go. Late for manicure. [hugs Patrick tightly again] Bye brubber!
  • Patrick: Bye sis.
  • Sam: [bus drives up and she punches another hole, but next to the door]
  • Patrick: Isn't my sister something?
  • SpongeBob: Aw, she's something alright! [laughs]

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