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Best Frenemies
Season №: 4
Episode №: 78b
Airdate: March 31, 2007
Previous: "Born to Be Wild"
Next: "The Pink Purloiner"
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Best Frenemies" from season four, which aired on March 31, 2007.

  • [at the Krusty Krab]
  • Mr. Krabs: [gasps] No, it's impossible. I must've counted me money a dozen times, and it still comes up short. Profits are down. Oh, I feel sorry for me self. [walks out of office]
  • Squidward: Would you like a drink with that order?
  • Martin: Oh no, thanks. I got me one of those new KelpShakes before I came in here.
  • Squidward: That comes out to two dollars even.
  • Martin: Wow, what a steal.
  • Mr. Krabs: What the...why didn't that guy order a deliciously over-priced fountain beverage with his krabby patty?
  • Squidward: Mr. Krabs, we haven't sold a single soda in days.
  • Mr. Krabs: What? Why not? [Mr. Krabs sees SpongeBob slurping a soda can loudly] All right, boy, it's done! You're gonna suck the whole cup down your gullet if you're not careful.
  • SpongeBob: Sorry, Mr Krabs, it's just that this KelpShake tastes so good.
  • Mr. Krabs: KelpShake?
  • SpongeBob: Look around ya. Everyone's enjoying a delicious KelpShake. [everyone is slurping their KelpShakes] Mm-mm. I'll be right back, Mr Krabs. I'm gonna get a refill.
  • Mr. Krabs: Refill? That's it. Listen up, everybody! New rule: No outside drinks. No exceptions! [everyone leaves with their KelpShakes]
  • Squidward: That's telling them.
  • Mr. Krabs: Grr. I better get to the bottom of this. [Squidward secretly sips his KelpShake when Mr. Krabs leaves. Mr. Krabs walks outside] Ah! A new store! [store is shaped like a KelpShake] On my block! Taking my customers. [gasps] Pearl. [Pearl is drinking a KelpShake] Me own flesh and blood. How could you do this to your papa?
  • Pearl: What are you talking about, Dad?
  • Mr. Krabs: I'm talking about this. [points to KelpShake]
  • Pearl: Once you taste the secret goodness of a KelpShake... [slurping] You can't have just one.
  • Mr. Krabs: Let me see that. [tries taking the KelpShake from Pearl but she pulls it back]
  • Pearl: Buy your own.
  • Mr. Krabs: Why I wouldn't give them a cent.
  • Pearl: I feel sorry for you.
  • Mr. Krabs: Then you do understand. [starts to cry]
  • Pearl: Dad, you're embarrassing me. [drags her dad a few more feet before prying him off] Oh, get away. [Mr. Krabs is still crying]
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, no! Confound you, new KelpShake store. What's your secret? [gasps] Of course. Plankton, I bet he's behind this. A-ha! I knew you were behind this!
  • Plankton: Pardon me, I've done nothing wrong.
  • Mr. Krabs: Then how do you explain this? [points to the KelpShake restaurant]
  • Plankton: Holy Moley, how'd that happen?
  • Mr. Krabs: Don't try that with me, Plankton. This new store is ruining me business.
  • Plankton: Really?! Wait a minute! That's my job! [groans] Blast it! It's bad enough I have to compete with this joker. Now there's this?! KelpShakes.
  • Mr. Krabs: Wow. I guess you're really not behind this after all. Plankton, they have... a secret formula.
  • Plankton: No, not another secret. And if there's a secret, I want to know about it! [rumbling]
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh!
  • Plankton: [gasps as one KelpShake store multiplies itself to have two KelpShake stores] They're multiplying. Why, they're on every corner.
  • Mr. Krabs: Block after block.
  • Plankton: They're everywhere.
  • Mr. Krabs: [a KelpShake store falls on both of them] We've got to do something about this. [cut to later where Mr. Krabs and Plankton walk into a KelpShake store] You sure this is going to work?
  • Plankton: Just stick to the plan.
  • Mr. Krabs: [whistles] Oh, let's see, let's see. Ah, there you are. [spots an 'employees only' sign. Whispers to Plankton] Plankton, I think I found the kitchen.
  • Plankton: Let's do this thing.
  • Mr. Krabs: Here goes. Wa-choo! [sneezes on a mom and daughter] I'm sorry, I have a bit of a [gasping] ah-ah-ah-ah-ah...choo!! [continues sneezing on everything. he sneezes Plankton at the door window, but Plankton was unable to get into the kitchen]
  • Employee: Eww. [sprays a cleaner at Plankton]
  • Plankton: [screams] My eye, my eye, my eye! [Mr. Krabs and Plankton run out and hide behind the Krusty Krab]
  • Mr. Krabs: I think we lost them. Well, you got any more bright ideas?
  • Plankton: Of course I do. [cut to nighttime where Mr. Krabs and Plankton are wearing black ski clothes]
  • Mr. Krabs: All set, Plankton?
  • Plankton: You better believe it. This high-powered mechanical bio-arm I invented should pry those restaurant doors open nice and easy. [presses a button that makes the hand move. The hand short-circuits] What the barnacles? Come on, you piece of garbage. [presses the button many times. The mechanical bio-arm slaps Plankton a bunch of times] Ouch! Uncle! Uncle!
  • Mr. Krabs: [Sighs] If you want anything done right, you've got to do it yourself. [takes out a crowbar and tries to open the doors but his back pops] Oh, me back. [moaning]
  • Plankton: [whispering] Krabs, pipe down. You're gonna soil our plans if you wake up the watchdog. [guardworm is sleeping]
  • Mr. Krabs: Never mind that. What about SpongeBob?
  • SpongeBob: Hi, Mr Krabs. Hi...Plankton? Uh, Mr Krabs, I'm a little confused. Don't you and Plankton hate each other?
  • Mr. Krabs: Of course we do.
  • SpongeBob: Then why is he in your fist? [Mr. Krabs and Plankton come up with a good explanation]
  • Mr. Krabs: Uh...we've gone into business together. You see, SpongeBob, we were hired, fix this door.
  • Plankton: Now we have to fix the roof. [winks]
  • Mr. Krabs: That's right. That's right. We have to fix the roof. It's, it's, it's leaking. [crickets chirping]
  • SpongeBob: Well, good luck with that. See ya. [cut to later where Mr. Krabs is using jackhammer to get into the roof]
  • Plankton: Keep her going, Krabs. At this rate, we'll have the Kelpshake's recipe faster than you can say... [speaker comes up from under the roof]
  • Speaker: You have three seconds before spontaneous combustion. [a Laser Gun comes out]
  • Plankton: Let's beat it!
  • Mr. Krabs: No kidding. [runs]
  • Plankton: Wait, you forgotten... [gets zapped and disintegrates. Cut to the next day where a line of people are ordering KelpShakes. Plankton is under one of the tiles on the floor. He laughs maniacally until the customers step the tile, causing him to get squished, making him scream. Cut to Mr. Krabs lowering Plankton by a rope through the vent. Plankton is about to take a sip of a KelpShake when the customer takes a big sip first, swallowing Plankton. Plankton opens the customers mouth and is raised up through the vent. Cut to Mr. Krabs blowing Plankton through a hose and out of a sink pipe. When Plankton gets out, he is covered with KelpShake juice and gets drowned in the disposal] I'm throwing in the towel, Krabs! All these convoluted plans are getting us nowhere. And to top it all off, I'm the only one that's taking the heat!
  • Mr. Krabs: What's that suppose to mean?
  • Plankton: I don't see you on the front lines. Sure, let me do all the work, while you just sit back like the fat gorilla you are!!
  • Mr. Krabs: [grabs Plankton] Who you are calling a gorilla, you one-cent, one-eyed bottom-feeder!?
  • SpongeBob: Mr Krabs, if you want a KelpShake, why don't you just buy one? [slurps his KelpShake]
  • Mr. Krabs: Buy one? [cut to later where Mr Krabs and Plankton are in line at the KelpShake store]
  • Customer: I'll have one KelpShake, please.
  • Mr. Krabs: I don't know about this, Plankton.
  • Plankton: It's easy. Just smile and hand the cashier the money.
  • Cashier: Can I help you?
  • Plankton: Good luck.
  • Mr. Krabs: Hi there. Uh, could I get one KelpShake?
  • Cashier: Sure, that'll be one dollar.
  • Mr. Krabs: Uh, ok. [gets out a dollar and slowly hands it to the cashier]
  • Cashier: [cash register dings] Thank you. [Mr. Krabs is not letting go of his dollar] Sir, please let go of the bill.
  • Plankton: Release your grip, man. Do it! [Mr. Krabs does so. The cashier puts the dollar in the register and hands the KelpShake to Mr. Krabs]
  • Cashier: Enjoy.
  • Mr. Krabs: Thanks. [runs out laughing] I can't believe we did it.
  • Plankton: Oh, believe it, Krabs. Now let's get to the lab and find out what this stuff is made of. [scene cuts to the KelpShake on a plate where a sample of the drink goes through a tube, into chemistry bottles, and finally into Karen where she begins a D-N-A scan] What's the secret ingredient, Karen?
  • Karen: Well, it appears that the main ingredient is, Kelp Juice.
  • Plankton & Mr. Krabs: Just kelp juice?
  • Mr. Krabs: And to think this whole time I could've been selling these meself!
  • Plankton: You? What about me? If anyone, I deserve to make a buck of selling this stuff.
  • Mr. Krabs: [removes the glass container and takes kelp juice] No way, pipsqueak. This gold mine is mine.
  • Plankton: Not if I can help it. [jumps at Mr. Krabs but goes between his eyes and splatters into the wall] Ow.
  • Mr. Krabs: [cackling] Nice try. [about to take a sip]
  • Karen: I wouldn't do that if I were you. There's another ingredient.
  • Mr. Krabs: Hey, I paid good money for this thing. Of course I'm gonna drink it. [takes a sip then spits it out] What the...? I don't get what the big deal is. This tastes like a wet gym sock.
  • Plankton: Really? Let me try that. [Plankton sips the drink and puckers his lips] Actually, there is a bit of a pungent aftertaste.
  • Mr. Krabs: Hmmm. [sips again] Hey, you're right. This ain't half bad. [takes another sip] This is amazing.
  • Plankton: Well, don't be selfish. [sips and laughs] Oh yeah.
  • Karen: Oh no.
  • Plankton: [he sips in the rest of the drink until he sucks in the cup] Krabs, we're all out of juice.
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, we gotta get more.
  • Karen: You're making a big mistake.
  • Mr. Krabs: Ah, phooey. You don't know what you're talking about. [he walks out with Plankton] KelpShake, KelpShake. Oh how I love a KelpShake.
  • SpongeBob: [runs up crying covered in yellowish-green fur] What's happening to me? [Mr. Krabs & Plankton gasps when they see SpongeBob green and naked] They've shutdown the KelpShake restaurants! [nearly crying as he runs off]
  • Plankton & Mr. Krabs: Huh? [They both see workers sucking out all the liquid in the KelpShake restaurant that's, CLOSED FOREVER]
  • Hazmat #1: It'll take decades to clean this hazardous material up.
  • Hazmat #2: I sure do feel sorry for whoever drank this. [Mr. Krabs screams as he is growing yellowish-green fur just like Plankton is, then Plankton screams]
  • Plankton: Look at us!
  • Mr. Krabs: Now what are we going to do?
  • Plankton: I don't know about you, [Plankton takes out a mini helicopter propeller] but I'm going back to what I do best. Stealing your recipe. [laughs]
  • Mr. Krabs: Hey, wait a minute! Plankton!
  • Plankton: [he flies into Mr. Krabs office where the safe is, he tosses the propeller and laughs] Come to papa. [Mr. Krabs opens the door]
  • Mr. Krabs: Hold it right there. You're not going anywhere...[He opens the safe] without a ten second head start.
  • Plankton: It's good to be home.
  • Mr. Krabs: You said it.
  • Plankton: [he runs off as Mr. Krabs begins to chase him] I love being hated.
  • Mr. Krabs: Hey, get back here you little booger! [laughs]

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