This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Barnacle Face" from season eight, which aired on September 16, 2011.
- [The episode begins at Bikini Bottom High School. A kid walking past gets a doughnut thrown on him in which 2 people laugh and then spits on his friends face. Another kid with headphones attempts to say hi to the girls who pass him while chatting but they only remove them and put them on the floor and walk off. A bully does a wedgie to the nerd who screams but the nerd tweeks his nipple really hard causing him to run off crying. While all this is happening Pearl and her friend is sitting down on a bench talking]
- Pearl: Boy do I love high school [small laugh]. You know what?. Someday were gonna remember all this and were gonna look back and say.....Remember?
- Pearl's friend: [laughing] Speaking of remembering. You didn't forget the Bikini Bottom High School Dance is tomorrow night did you?
- Pearl: [Joy] Of course I didn't forget. I'm so excited.
- Pearl's friend: [laughs] Me too!!
- [They both laugh until Pearl's friend stops in shock]
- Pearl's friend: [In horror] Barnacle
- Pearl: What!?
- Pearl's friend: Pearl I'm gonna say this as touchly as possible. [pointing] There is a hideous barnacle growing out of the side of your face.
- Pearl: [Shock] Where!?
- [Her friend moves her face so she can see it]
- Pearl's friend: There.
- [Pearl notices the barnacle growing and starts screaming. So much that the entire Bikini Bottom is looking at her.]
- Pearl's friend: Pearl it's not really bad as you...
- [She screams again. The whole Bikini Bottom town is looking at her again.]
- [Bubble translation to the Krusty Krab]
- [SpongeBob appears to be whistling while mopping the floors]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob? (SpongeBob stops)
SpongeBob: Yes Mr Krabs?.
Mr. Krabs: Didn't you already mop this area?.
SpongeBob: (Small laugh). Affirmative Captain!.
Mr. Krabs: Well then why would you mop it again?.
SpongeBob: Why woudn't I?.
Mr. Krabs: Good Point.
(Pearl enters in tears)
Mr. Krabs: Pearl, What brings you in on such a fine afternoon?.
Pearl: (Crying) Oh Daddy! It's terrible. The school dance is this weekend.
Mr. Krabs; Oooh that is terrible. (Shivers) Makes my shell crawl just thinking about it. Bleugh!.
Pearl: No daddy. Don't you understand!?. The terrible part is that I can't go to the dance (Mr Krabs comes closer).
Mr. Krabs: Why ever not?
Pearl: Because I have a hideous Barnacle growning on THE SIDE OF MY FACE!.
Mr. Krabs: Ohohohoh. Now calm down there my little Pearl. I'm sure it can't be half as awful as you...(Screams as a drop of somethig comes off Barnacle) GREAT RUSTY HICHFIT OF DAVY JONES LOCKER!!
Pearl: WE HAVE TO GET RID OF IT NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES!.
Mr. Krabs: Anything for me beloved Angel.
Pearl: Oh..Ok. I need an appointment with a Germatologist, A trip to the Spa. Expensive creams and lotions. And probably some other kind of...
(Krabs stops her angry).
Mr. Krabs: I meant whatever you need to get rid of your Blemish NOT LIQUIDATE ME RETIREMENT FUND!.
(Pearl cries again)
(Harold and Nat Peterson are eating luch on a table full of tears)
Harold: You know what?. Let's go across the street to the Chum Bucket.
Nat: I heard they have better weather over there.
(They leave the Krusty Krab. Mr Krabs chases after them but fails).
Mr Krabs: NO!. WAIT!. (Pearl is still crying). This is starting to eat away me Profit Budgering (This is what i heard so it may not be the exact line). If i don't come up with a solution fast it's gonna cost me more than a couple cases of cold cream. (He notices SpongeBob mopping past him).
Mr. Krabs: Oh SpongeBob. (SpongeBob salutes him). How would you like to.....(He raises his right hand) Adees (Again this is what I heard), (SpongeBob salutes again). How would you like to do your dear old chum a favor and raid this beautiful daughter of her evil barnacle?
SpongeBob: I will do you this favor sir chum,never fear!
(bubble transition to Pearl walking with SpongeBob)
Pearl: I don't know, SpongeBob. The school dance is right around the corner and this barnacle seems to get bigger by a minute!
SpongeBob: Don't fear, Pearl. We'll get rid of this barnacle in no time! I know just what to do!
Pearl: Are you sure?
SpongeBob: One time, my friend Patrick had this barnacle the size of an extra large Krabby Patty right at the center of his forehead! Anyway, I fixed it, so we never saw that barnacle again!
SpongeBob: I took him to see a hypnotist.
Pearl: You took Patrick to a hypnotist?
SpongeBob: No. The barnacle. It became convinced it was a pelican and flew south for the winter. We never saw that pelican again!
Pearl: I thought you said it was a barnacle.
SpongeBob: What did I say?
SpongeBob: (pauses for a second) He was a really good hypnotist.
(bubble transition inside the bathroom)