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Astrology with Squidward (transcript)

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Transcript
Arrow Right
Transcript Information
AstroSquid
General
Spin-off series №: 1
Airdate: 2000 to 2001
Chronology
Next: The Endless Summer
List of short transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants spin-off series "Astrology with Squidward," which aired from 2000 to 2001.


Cancer

  • Narrator: And now, Astrology with Squidward.
  • Squidward: [plays clarinet] Happy birthday to Cancer, sign of the crab. Not all Cancerius are crabby but they are all good at causing problems and blaming them on others. Many famous fibbers and elected officials are Cancers. My prediction for Cancer: This week you will fall asleep seven times. Don't worry you'll wake up. [gong sounds] I'm your Nicktoon Astrologer, Squidward, reminding you that it's bad karma to eat animated seafood. [plays clarinet]

Gemini

  • Narrator: And now, Astrology with Squidward.
  • Squidward: [plays clarinet] Let's look at Gemini, sign of the twins. If you're a Gemini, you've probably experienced deja vu, a feeling that this moment has happened before. This month, Gemini's moon is in Uranus, so, you smell funny. Vibration for Gemini, you'll experience deja vu. [gong crashes] Meaning that this moment has happened before. I'm Squidward, your Nicktoon astrologer, reminding you not to touch my stuff

Leo

  • Narrator: And now, Astrology with Squidward.
  • Squidward: [plays clarinet] We recognize those who were born under the Leo sign by their voice. Your typical Leo has a voice of a hole boring mill. If you have someone in your family who is a Leo, I recommend you to stock up on the earplugs. Leos often become teachers at preschools. My prediction for those who were born under the Leo sign: In the next 12 month you'll become exactly 1 year older. I'm your Nicktoon astrologer, Squidward. I affirm that my parapsychological abilities are vast. [plays clarinet]

Pisces

  • Narrator: And now, Astrology with Squidward.
  • Squidward: Today's zodiac constellations of the Pisces (fish). If you were born under this sign, it means no one trusts you. This is because fishes lie all the time. Even when they want to tell the truth, they lie. For the fishes that want to stop lying, I have a simple advice. Don't talk. My prediction for Pisces for the upcoming year: your nose will remain the same. I'm your Nicktoon astrologer, Squidward. I'm always ready to tell you something pleasant for a nice fee. [plays clarinet]

Sagittarius

  • Narrator: And now, Astrology with Squidward.
  • Squidward: [plays clarinet] Today, I'll tell you everything about the Sagittarius. Sagittarius is a half horse, half youngster armed with a bow. Sagittarius' best quality is determination(in Russian the word for determination literally translates to "pursuit of the target"). Sagittarius' worst quality is that they shoot all over the place, so keep away from them. My prediction for Sagittarius for the upcoming year. Mostly, they will eat vegetables. I'm your Nicktoon astrologer, Squidward. A reminder: If you smell something burning, most likely you got something on fire. [plays clarinet]

Taurus

  • Narrator: And now, Astrology with Squidward.
  • Squidward: [plays clarinet] Say 'Happy Birthday' to Taurus the bull. Taurus is the most clumsy and oafish of all zodiac signs. They tend to break delicate objects just by walking past them. If no one ever invites you to their house you're probably a Taurus. From now on, only buy things made out of rubber. My prediction for Taurus in the coming year: you will eat a wide variety of different foods. [gong sounds] I'm Squidward, your Nicktoon Astrologer, reminding you no matter what your sign, you owe me five dollars. [plays clarinet]

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