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+ | {{EpisodeTr/38b}} |
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− | {{BTranscript |
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⚫ | {{L|Squidward|Ah, how I have dreamed of this day. Professor of Art. What a marvelous opportunity for the people of Bikini Bottom. Bring me your huddle masses of bored house wives and I will shape them into my image. ''[wife's head turns into Squidward's]'' And I'll go down in history, someday. And there will be a wing with my name on it in all the museums of the world.}} |
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− | |prev = Sailor Mouth |
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− | |title = Artist Unknown |
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− | |next = Jellyfish Hunter |
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− | |titlecard = Artist Unknown.jpg |
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− | |season = 2 |
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− | |episode = 38b |
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− | |airdate = [[September 21]], [[2001]] |
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− | |seasonname = two |
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− | }} |
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⚫ | {{L|Squidward|Ah, how I have dreamed of this day. Professor of Art. What a marvelous opportunity for the people of Bikini Bottom. Bring me your huddle masses of bored house wives and I will shape them into my image. ''[ |
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{{L|Janitor|Dude, you're teaching art at the Rec Center. Calm down.}} |
{{L|Janitor|Dude, you're teaching art at the Rec Center. Calm down.}} |
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{{L|Squidward|Uncultured trash urchin. 9am. Time to let the class in. Well, don't want to keep them waiting any longer. ''[opens door]'' Welcome to art class!}} |
{{L|Squidward|Uncultured trash urchin. 9am. Time to let the class in. Well, don't want to keep them waiting any longer. ''[opens door]'' Welcome to art class!}} |
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{{L|SpongeBob|Mr. Tentacles has all the talent.}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|Mr. Tentacles has all the talent.}} |
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{{L|Squidward|If I'm lucky, some of Mr. Tentacles talent will rub off on me.}} |
{{L|Squidward|If I'm lucky, some of Mr. Tentacles talent will rub off on me.}} |
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− | {{L|SpongeBob|If I'm lucky, some of Mr. Talent will rub his tentacles on my art. ''[smiles]''}} |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|If I'm lucky, some of Mr. Talent will rub his tentacles on my art. ''[smiles. The scene cuts to Squidward with a sad look on his face, the camera cuts back to SpongeBob and he is still smiling, the camera again cuts back to Squidward]''}} |
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− | {{L|''[The scene cuts to Squidward with a sad look on his face, the camera cuts back to SpongeBob and he is still smiling, the camera again cuts back to Squidward]''}} |
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{{L|SpongeBob|How's this, Squidward?}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|How's this, Squidward?}} |
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{{L|Squidward|What the? How the? A perfect circle? Do it again. Show your process.}} |
{{L|Squidward|What the? How the? A perfect circle? Do it again. Show your process.}} |
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{{L|Squidward|Alright, SpongeBob, pay close attention. Look at your marble. Visualize the sculpture within. And... ''[hits marble with tools and it becomes pieces]''}} |
{{L|Squidward|Alright, SpongeBob, pay close attention. Look at your marble. Visualize the sculpture within. And... ''[hits marble with tools and it becomes pieces]''}} |
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{{L|SpongeBob|''[hits marble with tools and it becomes a perfect sculpture]'' How's this Squidward?}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|''[hits marble with tools and it becomes a perfect sculpture]'' How's this Squidward?}} |
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− | {{L|Squidward |
+ | {{L|Squidward|''[starry-eyed]'' It's beautiful! ''[a tear falls from his eyes]'' I mean, this isn't a sculpture. ''[SpongeBob's lip starts quivering]'' A good sculpture takes... more time. You can't just sculpt Willie-Nillie. You've got to go by the book. Follow the rules. ''[SpongeBob wipes away a tear]'' Otherwise, you'll never get passed Amateur Hour, here. Besides, you've got the nose wrong. ''[Squidward puts a nose like his on the sculpture]'' There, now it's art.}} |
− | {{L|SpongeBob|Ohhh, it's so obvious. I would've never thought of that. I'm sorry, Squidward. I came here to learn and I arrogantly shoved your lessons. I'll never be a great artist like you |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Ohhh, it's so obvious. I would've never thought of that. I'm sorry, Squidward. I came here to learn and I arrogantly shoved your lessons. ''[falls down and starts crying]'' I'll never be a great artist like you! I don't deserve your tutoring. I don't deserve to be in your presence. ''[crawls over to the front door and looks back at Squidward]'' I don't even deserve to use your doors! ''[the doors open, hitting SpongeBob out the window into the garbage dumpster head-first]''}} |
− | {{L|Monty|Hello there.}} |
+ | {{L|Monty|Hello, there.}} |
− | {{L|SpongeBob|But I did deserve that. ''[dumpster closes]'' I deserved that, too. ''[garbage man takes SpongeBob to dump]'' And I deserve this!}} |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|But I did deserve that. ''[the dumpster closes on top of him]'' I deserved that, too. ''[garbage man takes SpongeBob to dump]'' And I deserve this!}} |
{{L|Monty|Good day, sir.}} |
{{L|Monty|Good day, sir.}} |
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{{L|Squidward|Sorry, class dismissed. You're too late.}} |
{{L|Squidward|Sorry, class dismissed. You're too late.}} |
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{{L|Squidward|Well, what are you doing here?}} |
{{L|Squidward|Well, what are you doing here?}} |
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{{L|Monty|I'm on a shopping spree. Buying art for my new museum.}} |
{{L|Monty|I'm on a shopping spree. Buying art for my new museum.}} |
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− | {{L|Squidward|Your search is over. I am Bikini Bottom's greatest artiste. I call this one: Squidward |
+ | {{L|Squidward|Your search is over. I am Bikini Bottom's greatest artiste. I call this one: "Squidward en repose".}} |
{{L|Monty|I, uh, don't think that will fit in with the other pieces in my collection.}} |
{{L|Monty|I, uh, don't think that will fit in with the other pieces in my collection.}} |
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{{L|Squidward|Why not?}} |
{{L|Squidward|Why not?}} |
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{{L|SpongeBob|Wow. ''[pause]'' Really?}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|Wow. ''[pause]'' Really?}} |
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{{L|Squidward|Let's go.}} |
{{L|Squidward|Let's go.}} |
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− | {{L|SpongeBob|''[notices a painting in the dump]'' Squidward, look. It's ol' |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|''[notices a painting in the dump]'' Squidward, look. It's ol' Bold and Brash!}} |
{{L|Squidward|Gimme that. ''[back at classroom]'' Ok, SpongeBob. Just do what you did before.}} |
{{L|Squidward|Gimme that. ''[back at classroom]'' Ok, SpongeBob. Just do what you did before.}} |
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{{L|SpongeBob|I...can't!}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|I...can't!}} |
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{{L|SpongeBob|I did it, Squidward. ''[draws a crooked circle]''}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|I did it, Squidward. ''[draws a crooked circle]''}} |
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{{L|Squidward|Huh? But, but, what about the head...and the erasing, and the, the...}} |
{{L|Squidward|Huh? But, but, what about the head...and the erasing, and the, the...}} |
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− | {{L|SpongeBob|I |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|I don't know, Squidward. That stuff's not in the book.}} |
{{L|Squidward|Uhh... ''[crumples paper]'' How about this, huh? Remember?}} |
{{L|Squidward|Uhh... ''[crumples paper]'' How about this, huh? Remember?}} |
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{{L|SpongeBob|That's not in the book, either.}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|That's not in the book, either.}} |
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{{L|Squidward|Forget about the book. ''[rips book]'' Ha! Look at all this mess SpongeBob. What do all these little pieces of paper make you want to do.}} |
{{L|Squidward|Forget about the book. ''[rips book]'' Ha! Look at all this mess SpongeBob. What do all these little pieces of paper make you want to do.}} |
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− | {{L|SpongeBob|Wait, I know this. Oh, wait, I think I got it. ''[puts book back together]'' |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Wait, I know this. Oh, wait, I think I got it. ''[puts book back together]'' Ta-da! ''[Squidward's nose melts off his face]''}} |
{{L|Squidward|Ok, SpongeBob. Let's just move onto the marble.}} |
{{L|Squidward|Ok, SpongeBob. Let's just move onto the marble.}} |
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{{L|SpongeBob|First, an artist must concentrate and visualize his concept.}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|First, an artist must concentrate and visualize his concept.}} |
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{{L|SpongeBob|With this tool, I shall give birth to art.}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|With this tool, I shall give birth to art.}} |
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{{L|Squidward|Oh, boy. ''[SpongeBob taps marble with tool and breaks into pieces]''}} |
{{L|Squidward|Oh, boy. ''[SpongeBob taps marble with tool and breaks into pieces]''}} |
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− | {{L|SpongeBob|But, one more thing. ''[puts Squidward's nose on it]'' There. Now it's art. Well, what do you think, Squidward? Just take it all in for a moment. Let it soak in. ''[Squidward gets crazy, runs though the marble and kicks two marbles,eating a part of the marble,he takes paint |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|But, one more thing. ''[puts Squidward's nose on it]'' There. Now it's art. Well, what do you think, Squidward? Just take it all in for a moment. Let it soak in. ''[Squidward gets crazy, runs though the marble and kicks two marbles, eating a part of the marble, he takes paint, squeezes it, kicks a picture, destroy the marble into 4 pieces and destroy the other marbles]'' It looks like the excitement of my artistic triumph is too much for Squidward. Oh, well, back to the dump. ''[runs through the wall and down the road]'' To the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump dump. To the dump, to the dump, To the dump, dump dump.}} |
{{L|Monty|I'm here for the...what the? Who is responsible for this?}} |
{{L|Monty|I'm here for the...what the? Who is responsible for this?}} |
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{{L|Squidward|As of now, it's his responsibility. ''[puts hat on janitor's head]'' Good day to you, sir. ''[it is revealed that when Squidward smashed all of the marble together, he created an even better sculpture than the first one and left without even seeing it]''}} |
{{L|Squidward|As of now, it's his responsibility. ''[puts hat on janitor's head]'' Good day to you, sir. ''[it is revealed that when Squidward smashed all of the marble together, he created an even better sculpture than the first one and left without even seeing it]''}} |
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− | {{L|Monty|''[to janitor]'' You, sir, are the greatest artist |
+ | {{L|Monty|''[to janitor]'' You, sir, are the greatest artist who ever lived!}} |
− | [[Category:Episode transcripts]] |
Revision as of 12:59, 9 July 2014
Template:EpisodeTr/38b
- Squidward: Ah, how I have dreamed of this day. Professor of Art. What a marvelous opportunity for the people of Bikini Bottom. Bring me your huddle masses of bored house wives and I will shape them into my image. [wife's head turns into Squidward's] And I'll go down in history, someday. And there will be a wing with my name on it in all the museums of the world.
- Janitor: Dude, you're teaching art at the Rec Center. Calm down.
- Squidward: Uncultured trash urchin. 9am. Time to let the class in. Well, don't want to keep them waiting any longer. [opens door] Welcome to art class!
- Nat: Oh, isn't this cooking? Sorry. [everyone leaves except one]
- SpongeBob: Hi, Squidward! Are you taking this art class, too?
- Squidward: SpongeBob? In art class? Wait! This is cooking! Come back! You gotta be kidding.
- SpongeBob: [laughs] This is great! You and me in school together. So, where's the teacher?
- Squidward: You're looking at him.
- SpongeBob: You are the teacher? To my pupil? This isn't art class, it's Heaven.
- Squidward: Yeah. Grab a little piece of Heaven and let's get on with it.
- SpongeBob: I'm ready, Mr. Tentacles.
- Squidward: So, you wanna be an artist, eh, SpongeBob?
- SpongeBob: Yes, please.
- Squidward: Well, art is not all fun and games. It's a lot of hard work. Ok. First, repeat after me: I have no talent.
- SpongeBob: I have no talent.
- Squidward: Mr. Tentacles has all the talent.
- SpongeBob: Mr. Tentacles has all the talent.
- Squidward: If I'm lucky, some of Mr. Tentacles talent will rub off on me.
- SpongeBob: If I'm lucky, some of Mr. Talent will rub his tentacles on my art. [smiles. The scene cuts to Squidward with a sad look on his face, the camera cuts back to SpongeBob and he is still smiling, the camera again cuts back to Squidward]
- Squidward: Whatever. Ok. Since you're telling me you have no prior training, we'll have to start from square one. Or should I say circle one. [draws a crooked circle, then laughs] Am I going to fast for you SpongeBob?
- SpongeBob: How's this, Squidward?
- Squidward: What the? How the? A perfect circle? Do it again. Show your process.
- SpongeBob: Well, first I draw this head. [draws an amazing head] Then I erase some of the more detailed features. And one, two, three. A circle, uhh, thingy.
- Squidward: Gimme that. [crumples paper] Forget the circles.
- SpongeBob: Ooh, nice one Squidward. Let me try. [laughs] Looky, Squidward. It's you and me playing leapfrog. That's you on the bottom.
- Squidward: Gimme that. [rips up paper] There is nothing artistic about leapfrog. [SpongeBob puts pieces together] What are you doing, now?
- SpongeBob: I call it: Rippy Bits. You take a bunch of old ripped of paper, and make a new picture out of it. See? You're on top...this...time. [blows paper]
- Squidward: Do you want to learn art, or not?
- SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Squidward, I'll listen.
- Squidward: Alright, SpongeBob, pay close attention. Look at your marble. Visualize the sculpture within. And... [hits marble with tools and it becomes pieces]
- SpongeBob: [hits marble with tools and it becomes a perfect sculpture] How's this Squidward?
- Squidward: [starry-eyed] It's beautiful! [a tear falls from his eyes] I mean, this isn't a sculpture. [SpongeBob's lip starts quivering] A good sculpture takes... more time. You can't just sculpt Willie-Nillie. You've got to go by the book. Follow the rules. [SpongeBob wipes away a tear] Otherwise, you'll never get passed Amateur Hour, here. Besides, you've got the nose wrong. [Squidward puts a nose like his on the sculpture] There, now it's art.
- SpongeBob: Ohhh, it's so obvious. I would've never thought of that. I'm sorry, Squidward. I came here to learn and I arrogantly shoved your lessons. [falls down and starts crying] I'll never be a great artist like you! I don't deserve your tutoring. I don't deserve to be in your presence. [crawls over to the front door and looks back at Squidward] I don't even deserve to use your doors! [the doors open, hitting SpongeBob out the window into the garbage dumpster head-first]
- Monty: Hello, there.
- SpongeBob: But I did deserve that. [the dumpster closes on top of him] I deserved that, too. [garbage man takes SpongeBob to dump] And I deserve this!
- Monty: Good day, sir.
- Squidward: Sorry, class dismissed. You're too late.
- Monty: Oh, I beg your pardon, but I've forgotten my manners. My name is Monty P. Moneybags.
- Squidward: World famous art collector?
- Monty: The one and only.
- Squidward: Well, what are you doing here?
- Monty: I'm on a shopping spree. Buying art for my new museum.
- Squidward: Your search is over. I am Bikini Bottom's greatest artiste. I call this one: "Squidward en repose".
- Monty: I, uh, don't think that will fit in with the other pieces in my collection.
- Squidward: Why not?
- Monty: Because, it's an art collection. [laughs]
- Squidward: How about this one? I call it: Bold and Brash.
- Monty: More like: Belongs in the Trash. [laughs]
- Janitor: Sorry. I must've missed that one. [grabs the painting and throws it in the trash]
- Monty: Maybe I should be...huh? What is that?
- Squidward: Wait, wait. That's not uh, uh...
- Monty: Angelic form, amazing detail, perfect censorship. This is the work of a true genius. Hello? What this? This is the only flaw. [removes the nose Squidward added on] Ah, that's more like it. I simply must find the artist responsible. He shall have fame.
- Squidward: Fame. [Squidward imagines himself as popular]
- Monty: Fortune.
- Squidward: Fortune. [Squidward imagines himself in a tub full of money]
- Monty: Anything his heart desires.
- Squidward: Anything? [Squidward imagines himself with hair] It's me. It's me. I'm responsible.
- Monty: I can see it now. Your name in the world's most prestigious museums. I'm gonna make you, immortal!! Now, uh, help me get this in the car.
- Squidward: I could use a little help. [sculptures head falls off and turns into dust] My fame, my fortune, my hair.
- Monty: Well, that's a bit a bad luck right there. But, this shouldn't be a problem for an artist of your magnitude. You can whip up another one.
- Squidward: Yeah, no problem. You know, between you and me, this isn't my best work. Why don't you come back tomorrow and I'll have something that will really knock your socks off.
- Monty: Between you and me, I'm not wearing socks. [laughs]
- Squidward: Yeah, no socks. Ok, see you tomorrow. Bye. I gotta find SpongeBob!! [at dump] SpongeBob...SpongeBob? SpongeBob!
- SpongeBob: Go away, Squidward. I don't deserve your kindness.
- Squidward: Hey, cheer up. I have decided to give you another chance. Why, with a great teacher like me, anything is possible.
- SpongeBob: Don't look at me Squidward. Don't look at my shame. These hands weren't meant to create. They only destroy. I can't look at them. [SpongeBob's hands pop off and run into a soup can]
- Squidward: Aww, c'mon SpongeBob. You've got yourself a pair of yellow dandies here. With my help, we'll turn them into tools of beauty.
- SpongeBob: Really?
- Squidward: Really!
- SpongeBob: Really?
- Squidward: Really!
- SpongeBob: Really?
- Squidward: Really.
- SpongeBob: Wow. [pause] Really?
- Squidward: Let's go.
- SpongeBob: [notices a painting in the dump] Squidward, look. It's ol' Bold and Brash!
- Squidward: Gimme that. [back at classroom] Ok, SpongeBob. Just do what you did before.
- SpongeBob: I...can't!
- Squidward: Ah, ah. Wait, wait. Let me help. Let's start with the circle again.
- SpongeBob: I did it, Squidward. [draws a crooked circle]
- Squidward: Huh? But, but, what about the head...and the erasing, and the, the...
- SpongeBob: I don't know, Squidward. That stuff's not in the book.
- Squidward: Uhh... [crumples paper] How about this, huh? Remember?
- SpongeBob: That's not in the book, either.
- Squidward: Forget about the book. [rips book] Ha! Look at all this mess SpongeBob. What do all these little pieces of paper make you want to do.
- SpongeBob: Wait, I know this. Oh, wait, I think I got it. [puts book back together] Ta-da! [Squidward's nose melts off his face]
- Squidward: Ok, SpongeBob. Let's just move onto the marble.
- SpongeBob: First, an artist must concentrate and visualize his concept.
- Squidward: Now you've got it.
- SpongeBob: I've gotta embrace the marble!
- Squidward: Right.
- SpongeBob: I've gotta sniff the marble!
- Squidward: Well, uh, ok.
- SpongeBob: I've gotta lick the marble!
- Squidward: Uhh...
- SpongeBob: [washes the marble in a washing machine] I've gotta wash the marble! I've gotta date the marble! [expands himself so that he's the same size as the marble] I've gotta be the marble! I've got it! I have see the sculpture within.
- Squidward: Here you go, buddy. [hands him sculpting tools]
- SpongeBob: With this tool, I shall give birth to art.
- Squidward: Oh, boy. [SpongeBob taps marble with tool and breaks into pieces]
- SpongeBob: But, one more thing. [puts Squidward's nose on it] There. Now it's art. Well, what do you think, Squidward? Just take it all in for a moment. Let it soak in. [Squidward gets crazy, runs though the marble and kicks two marbles, eating a part of the marble, he takes paint, squeezes it, kicks a picture, destroy the marble into 4 pieces and destroy the other marbles] It looks like the excitement of my artistic triumph is too much for Squidward. Oh, well, back to the dump. [runs through the wall and down the road] To the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump dump. To the dump, to the dump, To the dump, dump dump.
- Monty: I'm here for the...what the? Who is responsible for this?
- Squidward: As of now, it's his responsibility. [puts hat on janitor's head] Good day to you, sir. [it is revealed that when Squidward smashed all of the marble together, he created an even better sculpture than the first one and left without even seeing it]
- Monty: [to janitor] You, sir, are the greatest artist who ever lived!