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Transcript Information [edit]
Are You Happy Now?
Season №: 8
Episode №: 169a
Airdate: March 31, 2012
Previous: "Fiasco!"
Next: "Planet of the Jellyfish"
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Are You Happy Now?" from season eight, which aired on March 31, 2012.

  • [opening shot of The Krusty Krab]
  • Narrator: Ahhh... The Krusty Krab, Bikini Bottom's answer to fine dining. And here we see one of its patrons now. [Patrick runs away from the back of the Krusty Krab dropping grease across his path] Ah... yes, moving on. Oh, it is the SpongeBob, creator of the fine cuisine within. Now let us watch.
  • Squidward: One Krabby Patty, extra grease. [SpongeBob chuckles and flips a page in his book.]
  • SpongeBob: Whoa!
  • Squidward: Mmm.
  • SpongeBob: Ooh! [he starts laughing]
  • Squidward: [growls]
  • SpongeBob: [he laughs more and flips a page] [Gasps and moans]
  • Squidward: GRR...
  • SpongeBob: [he gasps again and laughs even more]
  • Squidward: All right, let me see it. [he picks up the book that SpongeBob was looking at] The Krusty Krab work schedule, what's so great about this?
  • SpongeBob: [gasps] What's so... why, it's my happy book. The Krusty Krab is where all of my happiest memories occurred.
  • Squidward: Hmmm... [drops SpongeBob's book] Oops, I accidentally burned up your memories.
  • SpongeBob: Don't worry, Squidward. [walks to his cabinet and opens it] I have a whole cabinet of backups. [Squidward deflates] So what's your happiest memory, Squidward?
  • Squidward: Ummm, let me think... [thinks of TV static and color bars screen] [sighs] I guess I don't have a happiest memory. Oh, well. [walks away]
  • [SpongeBob thinks and he pops out from Squidward's boat]
  • Squidward: Yes?!
  • SpongeBob: Squidward, you don't have a happiest memory?
  • Squidward: So what?
  • SpongeBob: How can you live without a happiest memory? Do you cry yourself to sleep at night?
  • Squidward: I hear you crying all the time.
  • SpongeBob: Well, with joy, Squidward, with joy.
  • Squidward: Look, I don't need a happy memory, so just get back to your culinary grease factory and leave me alone.
  • Sandals: Hey, I'd like to order a Krabby Patty. [Squidward sobs in despair as loud as he could] Okay... can someone else take my order?
  • [SpongeBob pops out from Squidward's boat again and cries with Squidward] 
  • Sandals: I'll wait.
  • Squidward: You're right, SpongeBob, I don't have a happy memory. This is horrible.
  • SpongeBob: Don't worry, Squidward, I'll help you make a happiest memory.
  • Squidward: Really? Do you think you can?
  • SpongeBob: No problem.
  • Squidward: Well, it's against my better judgement, but, okay.
  • [at the concert, the song plays]
  • SpongeBob: You love music, right, Squidward?
  • Squidward: Mmm hmm.
  • SpongeBob: Then this will definitely be your happiest memory!
  • Squidward: Hey, this isn't so bad. I think I actually feel kinda...happy!
  • SpongeBob: See? Your happiest memory is forming!
  • [Nat plays his violin but his bow launches from it]
  • SpongeBob: Oops. That was a sour note. [Notices the violin bow on Squidward's eye]
  • Squidward: This is not my happiest memory...
  • [Bubble transition to the Museum]
  • Squidward: Why are we at the Art Museum?
  • SpongeBob: Well, you love art. Maybe you'll find a happiest moment in here!
  • Squidward: Great... I get to see all the art of people who have succeeded where I've failed. My art will never be shown in this... [Walks into a statue resembling him] What the? This... this is my sculpture! How did it get here?
  • Art Critic: [Walks up to Squidward's sculpture along with a group of fish] Oh! You're just in time! Art lovers, this is Squidward Tentacles! Creator of this piece! [The group is in awe]
  • SpongeBob: Wow! Your work at a museum Squidward!
  • Squidward: [Excited] Gosh! I can't believe it! I think this might be it!
  • SpongeBob: Your happiest memory?
  • Squidward: Yeah!
  • Art Critic: And now the performance artist Fiasco will say a few words about this piece [camera shifts over to Fiasco]
  • Squidward: Gosh! Fiasco himself is talking about my art!
  • Fiasco: Ahem! Squid... ward... go toward... the light... [takes out a flamethrower] of my flamethrower! [burns down Squidward's sculpture and the Art Critic's group claps for him]
  • Squidward: And now he's melted it...[Fiasco takes away the sign "Created by Squidward Tentacles" and replaces it with "Burned by Fiasco"] Not a happiest memory...
  • SpongeBob: Um... it's kinda smokey in here! [grabs Squidward's arm] You need fresh air!
  • [Bubble transition to SpongeBob and Squidward (who is blindfolded) in a hot air balloon]
  • SpongeBob: What a majestic view!
  • Squidward: What view?
  • SpongeBob: Oh yeah! I forgot about your blindfold! [removes Squidward's blindfold] Isn't it beautiful?
  • Squidward: [looks down at his house] Very nice... except that I'm afraid of heights!
  • SpongeBob: Oh! Sorry Squidward! I'll take us down! [takes out a needle]
  • Squidward: Wait! No! [SpongeBob pops the balloon] Oh boy... [he and SpongeBob start flying around and crash into a mountain. he knocks away the basket and notices SpongeBob's behind] Oh yeah...nice view...
  • Harold: [reaches the top] Son of a seahorse! Twenty years of training and a couple of amateurs just leap out of a balloon! Here! [gives SpongeBob his flag] You plant it! [walks back down] All that time and money and resources wasted on...
  • SpongeBob: Hey! We're the first to ever reach the top of Mt. Bikini! Surely that makes for a happiest memory! I claim this mountain in the name of Squidward Tentacles! [accidentally jams the flag onto Squidward's foot]
  • Squidward: [removes the flag from his foot and notices the mountain starting to shake] Uh oh...[the snow starts to carry him and SpongeBob down the mountain]
  • Harold: Stupid amateurs... [stops walking and notices the snow] Fantastic... [the snow carries him, SpongeBob, and Squidward onto Conch Street]
  • Squidward: Time to face facts. I'll never have a happiest memory. [opens the snow up like a door and walks out then turns to SpongeBob] And if I do, it definitely won't involve you. [closes the snow door on SpongeBob and locks it; then walks inside his house and closes the door] Hello misery... I'm home... [walks up the stairs and gets on his bed] I might as well go to bed for a hundred years or so. [lays down in bed] Wake me when I'm dead... [rolls under his bed]
  • Narrator: Two weeks later...
  • SpongeBob: [at his house] Gary, I am worried about Squidward. He hasn't come out of his house for two weeks now!
  • Gary: [meows]
  • SpongeBob: [knocks Squidward's door] Why isn't he answering? [looks through Squidward's mail slot] Squidward! Squidward! Now I'm really worried! Squidward! Squidward! [notices Squidward through the window] Gasp! Squidward! Down here! He's upstairs! [near Squidward's window will sitting on top of Gary; then knocks on the window] Hey! Hey! Squidward! [Squidward pulls the blinds down on both windows] Well at least we know that he is still alive. Uh oh... [Gary's shell falls off and SpongeBob lands on the ground; then runs into Squidward's house and Gary's shell cracks off of him] I'm okay Gary!
  • Gary: Meow...
  • [bubble transition to inside SpongeBob's house and near the phone]
  • SpongeBob: Squidward sure seems depressed. I think I'll call him to cheer him up! [starts calling Squidward and he picks up the phone] Hello? Squidward? Are you there? [Squidward throws his phone out his window and into SpongeBob's house] Squidward? Are you there? Squidward?
  • Gary: Meow?
  • SpongeBob: Gary? What are you doing at Squidward's? Uh Gare? Can you put Squidward on the phone? [Notices Gary trying to give him another phone and takes it] Hold on a second, someone is on the other line. [echoing] Hello? Hello!? Hello!? [Squidward's phone breaks] Hello? [his phone then breaks]
  • Squidward: I just can't seem to get happy... [opens his oven and takes out burned food] Well, that didn't help... [hears ringing; then walks over to his phone] Huh? That's strange, I could have swear I just threw that darn phone away. [notices his fax machine] Oh yeah. My fax machine. Now, why did I buy that again?
  • SpongeBob: [emerges from the fax machine and is in paperized form] Hi Squidward! [Squidward grabs him] You sure are a hard man to get a hold of! [sniffs] Hey, do I smell brownies?
  • Squidward: Yes... [tosses SpongeBob into the paper shredder and picks the box up] Thanks for stopping by. [dumps SpongeBob out of his window then closes it]
  • Gary: Sigh... meow. [gathers up the bits of SpongeBob and puts him back together]
  • SpongeBob: Thanks Gary! I have to find a way to give Squidward a happiest memory. These pants may be square, but it's time to think outside the box!
  • Squidward: [grabs a rope] I can't seem to get happy... [swings the rope over] Maybe this will help. [pulls on the rope to reveal a scallop in a cage but it sprays unknown liquid at him and the cage falls on his face; the scallop then flies away] Nope... I guess not... [hears knocking] Oh great... I wonder who that could be... [looks through the mail slot and notices the Mailfish] You're not SpongeBob.
  • Mailfish: I have a package for a Squidward "Tentaclees"?
  • Squidward: "Tentacles". Yes that's me.
  • Mailfish: Well here you go. [gives Squidward the package]
  • Squidward: Thanks... [closes his door] Doesn't say who's it from. No doubt SpongeBob is hiding inside. Ah well, here goes nothing. [opens the package] Gotcha! Huh? [notices it empty] It's empty. Empty, just like my miserable life! [SpongeBob emerges from the box] I see nothing but darkness ahead... [SpongeBob taps him in another box] SpongeBob!? [starts muffling as SpongeBob takes him to the Krusty Krab; SpongeBob then opens the box]
  • SpongeBob: Surprise! I figured out you needed a party to help cheer you up! Unfortunately, everybody I tried to invite was busy or sick but don't worry! I used my paper mâché skills to fill the party with your favorite person: me! [camera zooms out to show the Krusty Krab filled with paper mâché SpongeBobs] So what do you think? Happiest memory or what?
  • Squidward: You don't seem to understand. [starts to get angry] I... don't... want... a... happiest memory! [starts to go crazy and destroys the cake]
  • SpongeBob: [talking to a paper mâché SpongeBob] So you enjoying the hors d'oeuvres?
  • Squidward: [rips the paper mâché SpongeBob apart then saws more apart; then crawls to the ceiling and grabs the banner that says "Happy Happiest Memory Squidward" and kicks more of them away] I feel wonderful! [Laughs maniacally and destroys more paper mâché SpongeBobs] This is it, my happiest memory!
  • SpongeBob: Sigh... he's so handsome!

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