[The camera zooms in on SpongeBob, he is sitting crying in the area between his pineapple and Squidward's house. He lies down face-down and his tears send him up and down off the ground. He goes back to normal crying while sitting, he then bends his top half in towards his bottom half. Patrick walks up, Picks SpongeBob up, and pats SpongeBob's back]
Patrick: There, there, SpongeBob. No need to cry.
SpongeBob:[He pops off Patrick's shoulder] Yes, there is, Patrick. Sandy's been gone for two whole days.
Patrick: Two whole days?! [tears pour out of his eyes like a hose as he begins to wail]
SpongeBob: Oh, why'd she have to go to that science convention in Tejas?!
Patrick: Tejas! [Cries]
SpongeBob:[sniffles, looks at his watch] She won't be back for one more hour, 26 minutes and 47 seconds.
Patrick: Oh, 47 seconds! [SpongeBob and Patrick cry tears in each others faces] I miss Sandy so much. Her tentacles, [waves his arms] the way she plays clarinet, her massive nose. [a nose like Squidward's pops onto his face]
SpongeBob: Patrick, that's Squidward. [Patrick's Squidward-like nose disappears] He's not gone, he's right here. [pan over to Squidward planting a flower]
Squidward:[He is shown wearing a gardening hat and holding a shovel and holding a flower in one hand and a trowel in the other. He is also digging a hole. He finishes digging the hole and looks at SpongeBob.] No, I'm not. [drops the flower into the ground and walks into his home, slamming the door behind him]
SpongeBob: I sure do miss that squirrel. [sniff] Her karate chopping, [karate chops ground] that ten-gallon glass dome over her dome. And who can forget those buck teeth? [his buck teeth come together and sparkle. They return to normal.] After Sandy gets back, we're gonna let her know just how much we miss her.
Patrick: Is Sandy the one I call Mom?
SpongeBob: No, Patrick, that's your mother. But that does give me an idea. We'll throw Sandy the mother of all welcome home parties! Patrick, to the treedome! [runs off, distorted trumpet fanfare plays]
Patrick: Wa-hey! [Patrick runs after SpongeBob.]
[The scene changes to show Sandy's house. SpongeBob and Patrick sneak into it with party supplies. SpongeBob twirls the handle open and the two run in and start painting on a blue banner with light blue paint. SpongeBob writes from left to right, and Patrick does the opposite. They run out of space on the banner, and it reads "WELCOMANDY." Balloons rise up, transitioning to Patrick inhaling deeply. He holds an un-inflated balloon to his water helmet and tries to blow it up, failing. SpongeBob walks over, knocking on Patrick's Helmet to get his attention. He looks up at the tree. Patrick and SpongeBob jump out of the tree holding balloons. The balloons fill with air as the two float down. They stop, floating in mid-air just above the ground and start to kick their legs trying to reach it. There is another balloon transition to SpongeBob icing a cake which reads "WELCOME HOME SANDY!"]
SpongeBob: Ah. [cake is shown, with two red hearts on the both sides of the of the word "Home." SpongeBob sets the icing down. The cake is missing from the tray and SpongeBob gasps. Patrick is next to him eating the cake. His water helmet is sitting on the table. He notices SpongeBob glaring at him, pulls the cake out of his mouth and sets it on the tray. The cake is now in the shape of Texas] Huh? [View of the cake. The two red hearts are at the top of the Texas-shaped cake, above the words "Welcome Home Sandy!" written in cursive. The 'y' in 'Sandy' curls down to a waving SpongeBob and Patrick decoration. The two smile, SpongeBob has a "good job" type smile and Patrick has a reluctant smile. There is another balloon transition to Patrick and SpongeBob pulling ropes to hang a blue "WELCOME 'DOME' SANDY" banner in the branches of the tree. A wooden sign points out from the top of the tree that reads "WE MISSED YOU!" Balloons are hung in the tree's branches as well as pink banners.] We've readied this place for Sandy's arrival, which should be about... [He looks at his watch] ...Whoo, right now. [The normal submarine-like bus comes down the road, pulls up to Sandy's house and stops. The door opens and Sandy walks out, carrying a suitcase. Patrick and SpongeBob run out from the treedome and stop in front of Sandy. SpongeBob sings] Welcome home, Sandy, you know that we missed ya.
Nat Peterson:[Off-Screen] No! [On-Screen] No one wants to hear you sing!
SpongeBob: That's quite alright, Miss Cheeks. As long you don't have a fierce no-partying policy. [Sandy giggles. The three go inside the treedome] First, cake, then we'll karate-chop, and then...
Sandy:[She notices the decorations the two had put up earlier] Wow, guys. You two, uh... [she scratches her neck. All but her helmet is on] Really know how to, uh.. [scratches her back] Throw a party.
SpongeBob: I knew it! You have been itching to see us.
Sandy: Well, something's making my skin crawl.
SpongeBob: Maybe a slice of cake will take your mind off of your crawling hide. [The scene changes to show the three at the picnic table with cake.] Patrick and I made this cake especially for your return. [SpongeBob passes a slice of the cake to Patrick]
Patrick: This is gonna taste so good again.
SpongeBob: Dig in, Sandy. [Sandy is scratching her back with a fork] Uh...
Sandy: Looks... Tasty, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob:[He drops his fork] Are you okay, Sandy?
Sandy: I'm fine! My skin just hasn't adjusted to this here underwater air. [Sandy's fur begins to be pulled out with her scratching, it floats onto SpongeBob's plate and slice of cake. He moves the plate away with his fork, looking disgusted. He looks over to Patrick and sees him combing the hair on his cake, formed into a mustache and hairdo]
SpongeBob: Uh.. Hey, Sandy. Sandy. [he pokes her back, and holds up a pink box with a red ribbon on it] Surprise! [He sets it on the table] Patrick and I chipped in and got ya' a little somethin' somethin'.
Sandy: Aww, guys, you shouldn't have. [she rips the wrapping and lid off of the box, and lifts up a purple sandboard] A new itch board? I mean, a new snowboard? Boy, I sure can't wait to scratch this down chafe mountain.
SpongeBob: Don't you mean ride this down Scab Mountain?
Sandy: Thank you very rawness, SpongeBob and Pat.
SpongeBob: Uh, you're welcome, Sandy. Hey, uh, are you still up for some karate chops?
Sandy:[Still scratching her neck] Rashy sore. I mean, sure.
SpongeBob:[The scene changes to show SpongeBob and Sandy in there Karate Gear (except for the helmet)] Ya ready? [Sandy scratches her back with her karate gloves on] And how 'bout now? You ready?
Sandy:[Sandy gets on the floor and scratches her head like a dog, then gets up and scratches her arm] Creepin' critters, feels like somethin's bitin' me. [She looks at her arm closely, her eyes move back and forth, she spots a flea. The flea is biting Sandy's skin. The flea looks up and screeches] I've got a flea? Well, I ain't gonna take that without a fight. [She karate chops her arm] Hi...yah! [The flea jumps off Sandy's arm and lands on her leg] I'll get ya. [She chops her leg three times and tosses her gloves away. She starts biting her leg. SpongeBob and Patrick stare at her, then look at each other. Sandy scratches her leg and her back with her hands, then turns over to scratch her back. SpongeBob walks over] SpongeBob, my suitcase. Hurry. [SpongeBob brings over a blue suitcase. Sandy opens it] I'm ashamed to say this, SpongeBob, but while I was in Texas, I seem to have picked up a flea. [She digs around for something]
SpongeBob: What's a flea?
Sandy: A flea is a dastardly little vermin that bites us air breathers. But this here flea collar will send the critter a-runnin'. [Flea jumps off Sandy and lands on SpongeBob's hand. The flea screeches]
SpongeBob:[laughs] He tickles! Oh, this isn't so bad! [flea bites him] Ow! [gasps] He bit me! Got any more of those fancy collars, Sandy?
Sandy: No, but you can use this one right quick. [She puts the collar on SpongeBob's wrist. The flea jumps off SpongeBob and lands on Patrick's belly]
Patrick: Ow! Ah, Ooh, ow, ooh, ah, yah, aah. [Breathes heavily and then laughs] Connect the dots. [pulls out a pencil and draws lines between the bite marks] I drawed a horsey. [we see the "horse" he drew for a moment and the flea still bites him] Ouch! Why does this flea keep biting me?
Sandy: 'Cause he's hungry. When a flea bites you, it's 'cause he's sucking up your blood for nutrition.
Patrick: I've been bit by a vampire flea! [He looks up into the air] No! [kneels and looks down] I'm gonna turn into a vampire now! [lies on the ground and starts pulling out grass] It's already happening! Ah, ah! [growls, blows raspberry, his tongue goes around his mouth, then opens and closes mouth and has a squirrel nose]
Sandy: Patrick [Patrick's nose disappears] there ain't no such thing as vampires.
Patrick:[scratches side like a dog] Augh! Doesn't matter! [Grabs flea collar off SpongeBob] Oh, this itch is killing me. Yagh! [puts the collar on like a belt. The flea jumps off Patrick screeching and lands back on Sandy. She starts scratching]
Sandy: Aah! Gimmie that! [She takes the collar and puts it on her neck] Phew! [The flea jumps back on SpongeBob and goes under his tie]
SpongeBob: Nyahh! Oh! Sandy, please, Help me, [Scratches]
Sandy:[holds onto the collar] I need this.
SpongeBob: I need it more! [takes the collar and wears it like a belt. The flea jumps of of him and onto Patrick.]
Patrick: Eee! [He grabs the collar]
Sandy: Yah! [The flea jumps and goes in Sandy's nose. The flea passes by both eyes and scratches the inside. Sandy screams and takes the collar. They all fight for it and at one point, Patrick throws SpongeBob aside. Sandy is exhausted from scratching. Then the flea lays eggs. The eggs hatch and two fleas emerge screeching. The three fleas jump off of Sandy's head. The Fleas land on SpongeBob and he spins around on the floor scratching] Enough! I will not take this anymore! [She wraps the collar around SpongeBob, Patrick, and herself] Whatcha gonna do now, punks? [The fleas jump off of them] Looky, it worked. Phew. I'm glad that's over.
SpongeBob: Um, is that what over looks like? [He points to an increasing amount of fleas]
Sandy: Tarnation! They're multiplyin' like mad! [The flea "pile" comes over and eats away the flea collar. Sandy, SpongeBob, and Patrick scream] Run!
SpongeBob & Patrick: Okay! [A flea "cannon" shoots flea "cannonballs." They hit the glass and go back into a pile. The "cannon" shoots "cannonballs" at the three]
Sandy: Hey! ["cannonballs" hit the glass and the flea pile grows bigger] Y'all got the aim of a cross-eyed armadilla. [the flea pile grows even bigger and makes the shape of an ocean wave. The three scream.] Run again!
SpongeBob & Patrick: Okay. [The flea wave hits the three of them. SpongeBob looks at his arms and they swell with flea bites. Sandy and Patrick swell, too]
SpongeBob: Uh, thanks for having us, Sandy, but we gotta go.
Patrick: Yeah, good to see ya. [They run toward the door, but a flea tornado beats them there. The tornado then chases after them]
SpongeBob & Patrick: Raah! [Squidward is seen walking and listening to some music] Help! Help! Help!
Squidward: Just ignore them, Squidward, and continue your power walk. Heel, toe, heel, toe, heel, toe, heel, toe.
Sandy: Back off! [Sandy is squishing the fleas by stepping on them, but they overpower her and run her over. SpongeBob and Patrick rush over]
SpongeBob: Sandy! Oh, no! Are you okay? [Sandy gets up and spits out fleas]
Sandy: Them varmints is tough. They're from Texas, phew!
Patrick: It's gonna be all right. [picks her up] We will help you. [Fleas come down like planes. SpongeBob and Patrick scream] Okay, you know what? None of this would have happened if you didn't come back with your infestation! All you've brought us is fleas, and trouble and pain and itching and a rash. And pain and fleas and itching and... pain. So... much... pain. So much pain. And as for you. [He looks at SpongeBob] If you hadn't thrown this party, we wouldn't be in this mess.
SpongeBob: Wait a minute. You had as much to do with this party as I did.
Patrick: You call this a party? I'm beginning to question [He taps on SpongeBob's helmet] our friendship.
SpongeBob: Stop smudging my helmet!
Patrick: Oh, I've got half a mind, buddy.
Sandy:[Gets between the two] Would you two men stop yelling at each other?! [Pushes them to the ground] What does that prove?! If were gonna get out of this, we gotta work together.
Patrick: You're right. I have an idea. SpongeBob, you get on Sandy's shoulders. [SpongeBob hops onto Sandy's Sholders] Uh-huh. Good. Now, I'll get on top of you! [Straining to get on top of SpongeBob's shoulders. He sits down] Ah... [Munches on an apple, then burps] Ahhh... Much better. [the "tower" topples over] Whoa!
Sandy: I do not play games. [The fleas assemble to make an evil face, then laugh maniacally. SpongeBob and Patrick hold each other in fright] Quick! In the tree house. It's the only safe place left. [Shuts the door behind her] We should be protected here. [SpongeBob and Patrick look shocked as the tree house rumbles and shakes and fleas enter through the window] Hold on! [Sandy throws an acorn on a button labeled "Emergency Escape Hatch." The floor opens and leads them back outside. Fleas start to take over the treedome, and break the picnic table, and start to cover SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy]
SpongeBob: Is this how we will spend the rest of our lives? Living in fleas instead of water?
Sandy:[Her mind pings with an idea] SpongeBob! That's It. Water! [She puts on her helmet and karate chops her way to the door. She opens it, and water starts to fill the dome. Patrick and SpongeBob start to cry. Their helmets come off]
SpongeBob & Patrick: Water! [Fish are being sucked into the dome]
SpongeBob: It sure is good to have you back, Sandy! [The episode ends with the ocean empty and all the citizens stuck in Sandy's treedome]