Changes: A Day Without Tears/transcript

Revision as of 20:28, 25 October 2015

Template:EpisodeTr/136a

[Inside his pineapple house, SpongeBob is laying in bed snoring. His foghorn alarm sounds and he wakes up immediately; he inhales deeply, then sighs and opens his window curtains]
SpongeBob: Good morning, day! [he begins to walk, but accidentally steps on the top of his big toe] Oww! [falls over, but gets back up with his toe sore] I stubbed my toe! [he cries profusely, and continuously like a fountain, leaving a puddle surrounding him] I stubbed my toe! I was walking around and I stubbed my toe! [later, he walks into his closet and searches though a long line of identical SquarePants while humming; he picks one, but the wire hanger rips through the side] D'oh, that was my favorite shirt. [cries; later, he appears at his breakfast table eating oatmeal while listening to the radio]
Radio DJ: And that was "Aja" by Eely Dan. Next up is Lionel Fishy with his hit, "Sad Song".
[the sad song begins to play, and SpongeBob begins to cry again]
SpongeBob: That's a sad song!
Squidward: [inside his house, wearing a robe and towel, while holding a cup of tea and a danish] That SpongeBob is such a crybaby. And lucky me I get to work with him all day. [he takes a bite out of his danish while SpongeBob continues to cry from inside his house; later, at the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob is flipping Krabby Patties while singing]
Mr. Krabs: [enters abruptly, startling SpongeBob, who flips the patty into the air] SpongeBob, guess what? [the patty lands on the ground] Yeah, I'll come back later. [goes back into his office, SpongeBob sadly picks the patty up by his spatula and carries it to the trash bin]
SpongeBob: He was a good little Krabby Patty. [sniffs] I didn't know him well, but in the few short seconds between grill and floor, I--[opens the trash lid and begins crying]--I came to love him! [the patty slowly slides off his spatula and into the trash bin] It just isn't fair! [he cries even louder, soaking and enraging Squidward from the counter window]
Squidward: SpongeBob, will you stop crying?!
SpongeBob: But the Krabby Patty fell on the floor and he—
Squidward: Krabby Patty nothing! [SpongeBob tries to speak again, but Squidward interrupts him very loudly] KRABBY PATTY NOTHING!!! [he pants heavily, then SpongeBob whimpers with tears] What now?
SpongeBob: [stifled] You yelled at me! YOU YELLED AT ME! [sobs loudly, continuing to soak Squidward with tears while Squidward gives us a depressed look on his face realizing yelling isn't going to help]
Squidward: All right, look. So far today, and it's not even 2:00 yet, you have cried 43 times.
SpongeBob: And you wrote that number on a chalkboard.
Squidward: Yes!
SpongeBob: Why?
Squidward: [pauses for a second] I have no idea.
SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward, there's no way I cry that much. There's not that many tears in my brain.
Squidward: Au contraire. [turns on a TV]
SpongeBob: What's this?
Squidward: It's a quick montage of flashbacks I've edited together that shows the hundreds of tears you have cried over the years.
[the video begins to play, showing SpongeBob crying in the Krusty Krab, in a grocery store, at Mrs. Puff's Boating School, in Jellyfish Fields, in the bathroom, and more like near a bus stop for no reason]
SpongeBob: [in the video] Boo! Hoo! Boohoo! Sob. Whimper.
Narrator: Thousands of tears later...
[SpongeBob continues to watch himself crying in the video]
SpongeBob: Wow, guess I do cry a lot. I promise I won't cry anymore.
Squidward: Oh, nonsense! I bet you can't go the rest of the day without crying.
SpongeBob: [realizes something] Excuse me a moment. [he walks up to a rotary telephone and dials it, Patrick appears lazily sitting on his couch when his own phone rings]
Patrick: [answers it] Star... residence. Patrick speaking.
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick.
Patrick: Hey, buddy! Is it 7:30 already?
SpongeBob: No, I'm still at work.
Patrick: How can I help you?
SpongeBob: Do you think that I could go the rest of the day without crying?
Patrick: [mouth full with popcorn] Well, of course you can.
SpongeBob: Okay, great, thanks Patrick.
Patrick: Umm... sure. And did you remember to put that package outside where I told you?
SpongeBob: Yeah, but I left it in a different spot. Just ask Gary, he knows where it is.
Patrick: Oh, yeah. [laughs with his mouth full] Hey, good one, buddy. You almost had me there.
SpongeBob: [chuckles] Okay.
Patrick: Yeah, talk to you later.
SpongeBob: All right, see ya. [hangs up, then walks back up to Squidward] Okay, it's a bet.
Squidward: [shakes SpongeBob's hand] Fine. If you cry one tear before midnight, you have to... [thinks] Wash my bike, clean out my rain gutters, and do all my yard work for a year.
SpongeBob: Sounds fair to me. And if I make it to midnight without crying, you'll come to a slumber party at my place. Just you and me. [Squidward retches and swallows] Ooh, what's the matter?
Squidward: Um, nothing, I just threw up a little in my mouth. [begins talking in his thoughts] No need to worry, Squiddy. You've outdone yourself. He'll be crying in ten minutes. [laughs out loud; in the evening, he and SpongeBob are now walking home from work]
SpongeBob: Thanks again for walking with me, Squidward.
Squidward: There's a first time for everything. [under his breath] Also, I'd like to win this bet as soon as possible. [chuckles devilishly]
SpongeBob: [speaking in his thoughts] I am not gonna cry. I am not gonna cry. [straining, he speaks out loud] I can do this.
Squidward: [smiling] Do what? [sees something and gasps] Oh, my! What a lovely sunset. Take a look, SpongeBob. [SpongeBob looks at the sunset and gasps] Isn't that beautiful?
SpongeBob: I've never seen such a beautiful underwater sunset.
Squidward: Really tugs the heartstrings, doesn't it?
SpongeBob: [gasps quietly in awe] It's... [the Bikini Bottom Choir drives by singing an angelic note, Squidward chuckles as SpongeBob's eyes begin to twinkle and water]
Squidward: Is that a tear I see? [the sunset disappears]
SpongeBob: Oh, well, sunset's over. [walks off, Squidward scoffs in frustration; later, they both enter SpongeBob's house] Nice of you to drop in, neighbor.
Squidward: Nice of you to have me, I--[sees something] Oh, look SpongeBob. Gary's sleeping.
[Gary appears on a stack of newspapers sleeping, snoring and meowing]
SpongeBob: [with his hands together, up to his mouth] Aww. He looks like an angel.
Squidward: That is just so adorable. Almost makes you want to cry.
[Gary begins to drool in his sleep]
SpongeBob: Yeah. [snaps out of it] No! There shall be no tears in this house tonight! [walks off into the kitchen] La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
[the mail comes in through the mail slot in SpongeBob's door]
Squidward: Oh, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: [pouring drinks] Yes?
Squidward: Your mail's here. Ooh, oh look, it's a postcard from your dear mother and father so far away.
SpongeBob: [turns around] Mother, father?
Squidward: [reading the postcard] "Dear SpongeBob, we are having a wonderful time in the South Seas and we miss you very, very much.
SpongeBob: [teary-eyed at first] Ohh. [grabs another postcard] My subscription to Jellyfishing Monthly's expired. Remind me to renew that, will you, Squidward?
Squidward: [with spite] No problem.
[Later on, SpongeBob and Squidward sit on the couch watching the news]
Anchor Fish: Welcome back to Bikini Bottom News. Our top story tonight: a series of sad tales.
Squidward: Ooh, let's turn it up.
Anchor Fish: Tragedy in the park when a young snail caught in a tree almost didn't get down.
Petey: [stuck on a coral tree branch] Meow.
[SpongeBob gasps and gets ready to cry]
Anchor Fish: However, he did get down.
SpongeBob: [raising his arms] Hooray!
Anchor Fish: Coming up, an interview with a manatee who didn't get what he wanted for his birthday.
SpongeBob: [sad again] Oh, no.
Anchor Fish: And finally, sad news for Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy fans.
[Squidward excitedly raises up the volume]
SpongeBob: [voice breaks] What, what, what?
Anchor Fish: They will only be showing The Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy Show seven times a day instead of eight—
SpongeBob: [sweating, changes the channel] Let's watch something else Squidward, okay?
Squidward: Fine!
[the channel changes to a show where a dad fish (What Zit Tooya) is walking out of his house for work while a kid fish plays with a baseball in the yard]
Kid Fish: Hey, Dad, how about a game of catch? [he throws the baseball in front of his bored dad]
Dad Fish/What Zit Tooya: Sorry, son, I'm late for work.
Kid Fish: [disappointedly] Okay, Dad. [his dad throws the baseball back]
Dad Fish/What Zit Tooya: [tosses his briefcase] I guess I can stay for a few throws.
Kid Fish: [teary-eyed] I love you, Dad.
Dad Fish/What Zit Tooya: [teary-eyed] I love you, son.
[the show ends with the two happily playing catch, SpongeBob turns the TV off and madly throws it out of his window, then walks back to the couch panting]
SpongeBob: [to Squidward] You know what they say about that television. Rots the brain.
Patrick: [from outside] Hey, thanks for the TV, SpongeBob. [he carries the broken-up TV set on his head] I'm gonna watch it all night! [he runs into his rock house with it. SpongeBob and Squidward awkwardly stare at each other, Squidward glances at the cuckoo clock, which says 8:41, then speaks in his thoughts]
Squidward: It's getting late. I'd better bring out the big guns. [out loud] Oh, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Yes, Squidward?
Squidward: What would you say to a little music? [pulls out his clarinet]
SpongeBob: [gasps happily] I'd say... I'll go get some refreshments. [walks off]
Squidward: Don't be long. My secret weapon is waiting. [gets out sheet music titled "Hearts & Flowers (or Some Such Sad Song)", then chuckles]
SpongeBob: [appears, holding a tray of tea] You said something, Squidward?
Squidward: Oh, I just said, "Relax and enjoy the song." [he begins playing the such sad song on his clarinet, SpongeBob goes stifled, trying to fight back tears, Squidward strains hard playing the last single note, then pants]
SpongeBob: That's a really sad song, Squidward.
Squidward: You're not gonna cry though, are you?
SpongeBob: No. [Squidward growls, the scallop cuckoo clock then chirps 9:00] Time really does fly when you're having fun. Well, I'd better start getting ready for bed. [starts to put the tray of tea down]
Squidward: [nervously] Uh, SpongeBob. No-no-no-no, wait.
SpongeBob: Yes, Squidward?
Squidward: How about a bedtime story?
SpongeBob: Now you're talking! [later in his room, he lays in bed with Squidward] Whatcha gonna read me, Squidward?
Squidward: Umm... [nervously searches through the pages] How 'bout The Little Angler Who Got Lost?
SpongeBob: That sounds like a very sad story.
Squidward: Oh, very sad. Umm... "There once was a little angler [the page he's reading is actually of the story Jack and Jill] who was, uh, little and sad. [SpongeBob whimpers] One day the little sad angler was walking through the park. [SpongeBob begins to chuckle with joy]
SpongeBob: Walking...
Squidward: But, he was sad, because...because he was lost... he was lost and very sad. And then, he— he started to cry. [SpongeBob begins to choke up] He cried and he cried. And he cried even more. [SpongeBob shakes with sadness] And he kept crying... [SpongeBob strains and forces back tears] ...and crying and crying and crying and...that's right. You can do it.
SpongeBob: I'm wondering if it might not be so healthy to hold in all my tears, Squidward.
Squidward: You're exactly right, SpongeBob. Let it all out. Don't fight the feel--[the second hand on the clock ticks closer to midnight] Ten, nine...do it, do it, cry...eight, seven, six, five...come on! [the dam inside SpongeBob's brain begins to crack] ...four, three, two, one! [the dam breaks, and a river of tears begins to rush out] Midnight! [sighs, SpongeBob's body is turning wide] Well, SpongeBob, it looks like you won the... [SpongeBob's eyes burst with tears, shooting a flood towards Squidward and smacking him against the wall. The tears shoot out the windows, door crack, chimney, and other holes in his house. They spread to Patrick's house, causing an entire waterfall inside]
Patrick: Wow, what a great show.
[The tears flood the Krusty Krab]
Mr. Krabs: [standing on his desk, holding a fat stack of money away from the tears] Well, at least we're still together, little ones.
[The Bikini Bottom Choir drives through the flood holding the angelic note; at SpongeBob's house, the tears continue to spray into Squidward's face, then stop; the cuckoo scallop hits him on the head. Now, SpongeBob and Squidward sit in front of the TV]
SpongeBob: [holding out a bowl of popcorn] More popcorn, Squidward?
Squidward: No, no. No, no. Please.
SpongeBob: [eating popcorn] Don't be shy now. I made extra. [Squidward begins to whimper, SpongeBob rubs his shoulders] That's all right, let it out. You can cry all you want. You're among friends here.
[Squidward whimpers even harder, then starts bawling hysterically]

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
+{{EpisodeTr/136a}}
-{{BTranscript
+{{L|''[Inside his pineapple house, SpongeBob is laying in bed snoring. His foghorn alarm sounds and he wakes up immediately; he inhales deeply, then sighs and opens his window curtains]''}}
-|prev = The Bad Guy Club for Villains
+{{L|SpongeBob|Good morning, day! ''[he begins to walk, but accidentally steps on the top of his big toe]'' Oww! ''[falls over, but gets back up with his toe sore]'' I stubbed my toe! ''[he cries profusely, and continuously like a fountain, leaving a puddle surrounding him]'' I stubbed my toe! I was walking around and I stubbed my toe! ''[later, he walks into his closet and searches though a long line of identical SquarePants while humming; he picks one, but the wire hanger rips through the side]'' D'oh, that was my favorite shirt. ''[cries; later, he appears at his breakfast table eating oatmeal while listening to the radio]''}}
-|title = A Day Without Tears
+{{L|Radio DJ|And that was "Aja" by Eely Dan. Next up is Lionel Fishy with his hit, "Sad Song".}}
-|next = Summer Job
+{{L|''[the sad song begins to play, and SpongeBob begins to cry again]''}}
-|titlecard = A Day Without Tears.jpg
+{{L|SpongeBob|That's a sad song!}}
-|season = 7
+{{L|Squidward|''[inside his house, wearing a robe and towel, while holding a cup of tea and a danish]'' That SpongeBob is such a crybaby. And lucky me I get to work with him all day. ''[he takes a bite out of his danish while SpongeBob continues to cry from inside his house; later, at the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob is flipping Krabby Patties while singing]''}}
-|episode = 136a
+{{L|Mr. Krabs|''[enters abruptly, startling SpongeBob, who flips the patty into the air]'' SpongeBob, guess what? ''[the patty lands on the ground]'' Yeah, I'll come back later. ''[goes back into his office, SpongeBob sadly picks the patty up by his spatula and carries it to the trash bin]''}}
-|airdate = [[March 22]], [[2010]]
+{{L|SpongeBob|He was a good little Krabby Patty. ''[sniffs]'' I didn't know him well, but in the few short seconds between grill and floor, I--''[opens the trash lid and begins crying]''--I came to love him! ''[the patty slowly slides off his spatula and into the trash bin]'' It just isn't fair! ''[he cries even louder, soaking and enraging Squidward from the counter window]''}}
-|seasonname = seven
+{{L|Squidward|SpongeBob, will you stop crying?!}}
-}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|But the Krabby Patty fell on the floor and he—}}
-(inside his pineapple house, SpongeBob is laying in bed snoring, his foghorn alarm sounds and he wakes up immediately; he inhales deeply, then sighs and opens his window curtains)
+{{L|Squidward|Krabby Patty nothing! ''[SpongeBob tries to speak again, but Squidward interrupts him very loudly]'' KRABBY PATTY NOTHING!!! ''[he pants heavily, then SpongeBob whimpers with tears]'' What now?}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|''[stifled]'' You yelled at me! YOU YELLED AT ME! ''[sobs loudly, continuing to soak Squidward with tears while Squidward gives us a depressed look on his face realizing yelling isn't going to help]''}}
-SpongeBob: Good morning, day! (he begins to walk, but accidently steps on the top of his big toe) Oww! (falls over, but gets back up with his toe sore) I stubbed my toe! (he cries profusely,and continiously like a fountain, leaving a puddle surrounding him) I was walking around and I stubbed my toe! (later, he walks into his closet and searches though a long line of identical SquarePants while humming; he picks one, but the wire hanger rips through the side) D'oh, that was my favorite shirt. (cries and screams; later, he appears at his breakfast table eating oatmeal while listening to the radio)
+{{L|Squidward|All right, look. So far today, and it's not even 2:00 yet, you have cried 43 times.}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|And you wrote that number on a chalkboard.}}
-Radio DJ: And that was "Asia" by Eely Dan. Next up is Lionel Fishy with his hit, "Sad Funeral Song" and with Tiny Big and his hit "Your So Lame" .
+{{L|Squidward|Yes!}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|Why?}}
-(the sad funeral song and Your So Lame begins to play, and SpongeBob begins to cry and scream)
+{{L|Squidward|''[pauses for a second]'' I have no idea.}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|Oh, Squidward, there's no way I cry that much. There's not that many tears in my brain.}}
-SpongeBob: That's a sad funeral song!
+{{L|Squidward|Au contraire. ''[turns on a TV]''}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|What's this?}}
-Squidward: (inside his house, wearing a robe and towel, while holding a cup of tea and a danish) That SpongeBob is such a crybaby. And lucky me I get to work with him all day. (he takes a bite out of his danish while SpongeBob continues to cry and scream from inside his house; later, at the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob is flipping Krabby Patties while singing)
+{{L|Squidward|It's a quick montage of flashbacks I've edited together that shows the hundreds of tears you have cried over the years.}}
+{{L|''[the video begins to play, showing SpongeBob crying in the Krusty Krab, in a grocery store, at Mrs. Puff's Boating School, in Jellyfish Fields, in the bathroom, and more like near a bus stop for no reason]''}}
-Mr. Krabs: (enters abruptly, startling SpongeBob who flips the patty into the air) SpongeBob, guess what? (the patty lands on the ground) Yeah, I'll come back later. (goes back into his office, SpongeBob sadly picks the patty up by his spatula and carries it to the trash bin)
+{{L|SpongeBob|''[in the video]'' Boo! Hoo! Boohoo! Sob. Whimper.}}
+{{L|Narrator|Thousands of tears later...}}
-SpongeBob: He was a good little Krabby Patty. (sniffs) I didn't know him well, but in the few short seconds between grill and floor, I--(opens the trash lid and begins crying and screaming)--I came to love him! (the patty slowly slides off his spatula and into the trash bin) It just isn't fair! (he cries and screams even louder, soaking and enraging Squidward from the counter window)
+{{L|''[SpongeBob continues to watch himself crying in the video]''}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|Wow, guess I do cry a lot. I promise I won't cry anymore.}}
-Squidward: SpongeBob, will you stop crying?!
+{{L|Squidward|Oh, nonsense! I bet you can't go the rest of the day without crying.}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|''[realizes something]'' Excuse me a moment. ''[he walks up to a rotary telephone and dials it, Patrick appears lazily sitting on his couch when his own phone rings]''}}
-SpongeBob: But The Krabby Patty fell on the floor and-
+{{L|Patrick|''[answers it]'' Star... residence. Patrick speaking.}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|Hey, Patrick.}}
-Squidward: Krabby Patty nothing! (SpongeBob tries to speak, but Squidward interrupts again) Krabby Patty nothing!!! (SpongeBob tries to speak again, but Squidward interrupts him very loudly) KRABBY PATTY NOTHING!!! (he pants, then SpongeBob whimpers with tears) What now?
+{{L|Patrick|Hey, buddy! Is it 7:30 already?}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|No, I'm still at work.}}
-SpongeBob: (stifled) You yelled at me! (sobs and screams loudly, continuing to soak Squidward with tears)
+{{L|Patrick|How can I help you?}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|Do you think that I could go the rest of the day without crying?}}
-[Deleted Scene]
+{{L|Patrick|''[mouth full with popcorn]'' Well, of course you can.}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|Okay, great, thanks Patrick.}}
-Squidward: You know there's an old saying, SpongeBob.
+{{L|Patrick|Umm... sure. And did you remember to put that package outside where I told you?}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|Yeah, but I left it in a different spot. Just ask Gary, he knows where it is.}}
-SpongeBob: (stops crying) What is it?
+{{L|Patrick|Oh, yeah. ''[laughs with his mouth full]'' Hey, good one, buddy. You almost had me there.}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|''[chuckles]'' Okay.}}
-Squidward: Don't cry and scream over a soiled Krabby Patty. And now may I give you a little word of advice... SHUT UP!! (leaves)
+{{L|Patrick|Yeah, talk to you later.}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|All right, see ya. ''[hangs up, then walks back up to Squidward]'' Okay, it's a bet.}}
+{{L|Squidward|''[shakes SpongeBob's hand]'' Fine. If you cry one tear before midnight, you have to... ''[thinks]'' Wash my bike, clean out my rain gutters, and do all my yard work for a year.}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|Sounds fair to me. And if I make it to midnight without crying, you'll come to a slumber party at my place. Just you and me. ''[Squidward retches and swallows]'' Ooh, what's the matter?}}
-(SpongeBob cries and screams loudly again)[Deleted Scene ended]; later outside the kitchen, Squidward stands before SpongeBob next to a board that says 43)
+{{L|Squidward|Um, nothing, I just threw up a little in my mouth. ''[begins talking in his thoughts]'' No need to worry, Squiddy. You've outdone yourself. He'll be crying in ten minutes. ''[laughs out loud; in the evening, he and SpongeBob are now walking home from work]''}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|Thanks again for walking with me, Squidward.}}
-Squidward: All right, look. So far today, and it's not even 2:00 yet, you have cried 43 times.
+{{L|Squidward|There's a first time for everything. ''[under his breath]'' Also, I'd like to win this bet as soon as possible. ''[chuckles devilishly]''}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|''[speaking in his thoughts]'' I am not gonna cry. I am not gonna cry. ''[straining, he speaks out loud]'' I can do this.}}
-SpongeBob: And you wrote that number on a chalkboard.
+{{L|Squidward|''[smiling]'' Do what? ''[sees something and gasps]'' Oh, my! What a lovely sunset. Take a look, SpongeBob. ''[SpongeBob looks at the sunset and gasps]'' Isn't that beautiful?}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|I've never seen such a beautiful underwater sunset.}}
-Squidward: Yes!
+{{L|Squidward|Really tugs the heartstrings, doesn't it?}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|''[gasps quietly in awe]'' It's... ''[the Bikini Bottom Choir drives by singing an angelic note, Squidward chuckles as SpongeBob's eyes begin to twinkle and water]''}}
-SpongeBob: Why?
+{{L|Squidward|Is that a tear I see? ''[the sunset disappears]''}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|Oh, well, sunset's over. ''[walks off, Squidward scoffs in frustration; later, they both enter SpongeBob's house]'' Nice of you to drop in, neighbor.}}
-Squidward: (pauses for a second) I have no idea.
+{{L|Squidward|Nice of you to have me, I--''[sees something]'' Oh, look SpongeBob. Gary's sleeping.}}
+{{L|''[Gary appears on a stack of newspapers sleeping, snoring and meowing]''}}
-SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward, there's no way I cry that much. There's not that many tears in my brain.
+{{L|SpongeBob|''[with his hands together, up to his mouth]'' Aww. He looks like an angel.}}
-Squidward: Au contraire. (turns on a TV)
+{{L|Squidward|That is just so adorable. Almost makes you want to cry.}}
+{{L|''[Gary begins to drool in his sleep]''}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|Yeah. ''[snaps out of it]'' No! There shall be no tears in this house tonight! ''[walks off into the kitchen]'' La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.}}
-SpongeBob: What's this?
+{{L|''[the mail comes in through the mail slot in SpongeBob's door]''}}
+{{L|Squidward|Oh, SpongeBob.}}
-Squidward: It's a quick flashback montage I've edited together that shows the hundreds of tears you have cried and screamed over the years.
+{{L|SpongeBob|''[pouring drinks]'' Yes?}}
+{{L|Squidward|Your mail's here. Ooh, oh look, it's a postcard from your dear mother and father so far away.}}
-(the video begins to play, showing SpongeBob crying and screaming and Plankton laughing at him near Squidward, near Mr. Krabs, near two customers eating Krabby Patties, in the bathroom, near two cops outside the Krusty Krab, near a woman with a baby, the baby cries and screams too, near his mirror back his house, at a psychiatrist's office, where the psychiatrist was already here, on top of some coral, Patrick shows up and starts crying and screaming too for no reason)
+{{L|SpongeBob|''[turns around]'' Mother, father?}}
+{{L|Squidward|''[reading the postcard]'' "Dear SpongeBob, we are having a wonderful time in the South Seas and we miss you very, very much.}}
-SpongeBob: (in the video) Boo-hoo-hoo! Sob. Weep.
+{{L|SpongeBob|''[teary-eyed at first]'' Ohh. ''[grabs another postcard]'' My subscription to Jellyfishing Monthly's expired. Remind me to renew that, will you, Squidward?}}
+{{L|Squidward|''[with spite]'' No problem.}}
-Narrator: Thousands of tears and screams later...
+{{L|''[Later on, SpongeBob and Squidward sit on the couch watching the news]''}}
+{{L|Anchor Fish|Welcome back to Bikini Bottom News. Our top story tonight: a series of sad tales.}}
-(SpongeBob continues to watch himself crying and screaming in the video)
+{{L|Squidward|Ooh, let's turn it up.}}
+{{L|Anchor Fish|Tragedy in the park when a young snail caught in a tree almost didn't get down.}}
-SpongeBob: Wow, guess I do cry a lot. I promise I won't cry anymore.
+{{L|Petey|''[stuck on a coral tree branch]'' Meow.}}
+{{L|''[SpongeBob gasps and gets ready to cry]''}}
-Squidward: Oh, nonsense! I bet you can't go the rest of the day without crying.
+{{L|Anchor Fish|However, he did get down.}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|''[raising his arms]'' Hooray!}}
-SpongeBob: (realizes something) Excuse me a moment. (he walks up to a rotary telephone and dials it, Patrick appears lazily sitting on his coach when his own phone rings)
+{{L|Anchor Fish|Coming up, an interview with a manatee who didn't get what he wanted for his birthday.}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|''[sad again]'' Oh, no.}}
-Patrick: (answers it) Star... residence. Patrick speaking.
+{{L|Anchor Fish|And finally, sad news for Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy fans.}}
+{{L|''[Squidward excitedly raises up the volume]''}}
-SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick.
+{{L|SpongeBob|''[voice breaks]'' What, what, what?}}
+{{L|Anchor Fish|They will only be showing The Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy Show seven times a day instead of eight—}}
-Patrick: Hey, buddy! Is it 7:30 already?
+{{L|SpongeBob|''[sweating, changes the channel]'' Let's watch something else Squidward, okay?}}
+{{L|Squidward|Fine!}}
-SpongeBob: No, I'm still at work.
+{{L|''[the channel changes to a show where a dad fish (What Zit Tooya) is walking out of his house for work while a kid fish plays with a baseball in the yard]''}}
+{{L|Kid Fish|Hey, Dad, how about a game of catch? ''[he throws the baseball in front of his bored dad]''}}
-Patrick: How can I help you?
+{{L|Dad Fish/What Zit Tooya|Sorry, son, I'm late for work.}}
+{{L|Kid Fish|''[disappointedly]'' Okay, Dad. ''[his dad throws the baseball back]''}}
-SpongeBob: Do you think that I could go the rest of the day without crying?
+{{L|Dad Fish/What Zit Tooya|''[tosses his briefcase]'' I guess I can stay for a few throws.}}
+{{L|Kid Fish|''[teary-eyed]'' I love you, Dad.}}
-Patrick: (mouth full with popcorn) Well, of course you can.
+{{L|Dad Fish/What Zit Tooya|''[teary-eyed]'' I love you, son.}}
+{{L|''[the show ends with the two happily playing catch, SpongeBob turns the TV off and madly throws it out of his window, then walks back to the couch panting]''}}
-SpongeBob: Okay, great, thanks Patrick.
+{{L|SpongeBob|''[to Squidward]'' You know what they say about that television. Rots the brain.}}
+{{L|Patrick|''[from outside]'' Hey, thanks for the TV, SpongeBob. ''[he carries the broken-up TV set on his head]'' I'm gonna watch it all night! ''[he runs into his rock house with it. SpongeBob and Squidward awkwardly stare at each other, Squidward glances at the cuckoo clock, which says 8:41, then speaks in his thoughts]''}}
-Patrick: Umm... sure. And did you remember to put that package outside where I told you?
+{{L|Squidward|It's getting late. I'd better bring out the big guns. ''[out loud]'' Oh, SpongeBob.}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|Yes, Squidward?}}
-SpongeBob: Yeah, but I left it in a different spot. Just ask Gary, he knows where it is.
+{{L|Squidward|What would you say to a little music? ''[pulls out his clarinet]''}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|''[gasps happily]'' I'd say... I'll go get some refreshments. ''[walks off]''}}
-Patrick: Oh, yeah. (laughs with his mouth full) Hey, good one, buddy. You almost had me there.
+{{L|Squidward|Don't be long. My secret weapon is waiting. ''[gets out sheet music titled "Hearts & Flowers (or Some Such Sad Song)", then chuckles]''}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|''[appears, holding a tray of tea]'' You said something, Squidward?}}
-SpongeBob: (chuckles) Okay.
+{{L|Squidward|Oh, I just said, "Relax and enjoy the song." ''[he begins playing the such sad song on his clarinet, SpongeBob goes stifled, trying to fight back tears, Squidward strains hard playing the last single note, then pants]''}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|That's a really sad song, Squidward.}}
-Patrick: Yeah, talk to you later.
+{{L|Squidward|You're not gonna cry though, are you?}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|No. ''[Squidward growls, the scallop cuckoo clock then chirps 9:00]'' Time really does fly when you're having fun. Well, I'd better start getting ready for bed. ''[starts to put the tray of tea down]''}}
-SpongeBob: All right, see ya. (hangs up, then walks back up to Squidward) Okay, it's a bet.
+{{L|Squidward|''[nervously]'' Uh, SpongeBob. No-no-no-no, wait.}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|Yes, Squidward?}}
-Squidward: (shakes SpongeBob's hand) Fine. If you cry one tear before midnight, you have to...(thinks) Wash my bike, clean out my rain gutters, and do all my yard work for a year.
+{{L|Squidward|How about a bedtime story?}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|Now you're talking! ''[later in his room, he lays in bed with Squidward]'' Whatcha gonna read me, Squidward?}}
-SpongeBob: Sounds fair to me. And if I make it to midnight without crying, you'll come to a slumber party at my place. Just you and me. (Squidward retches) Ooh, what's the matter?
+{{L|Squidward|Umm... ''[nervously searches through the pages]'' How 'bout The Little Angler Who Got Lost?}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|That sounds like a very sad story.}}
-Squidward: Um, nothing, I just threw up a little in my mouth. (begins talking in his thoughts) No need to worry, Squiddy. You've outdone yourself. He'll be crying and screaming in ten minutes. (laughs out loud; in the evening, he and SpongeBob are now walking home from work)
+{{L|Squidward|Oh, very sad. Umm... "There once was a little angler ''[the page he's reading is actually of the story Jack and Jill]'' who was, uh, little and sad. ''[SpongeBob whimpers]'' One day the little sad angler was walking through the park. ''[SpongeBob begins to chuckle with joy]''}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|Walking...}}
-SpongeBob: Thanks again for walking with me, Squidward.
+{{L|Squidward|But, he was sad, because...because he was lost... he was lost and very sad. And then, he— he started to cry. ''[SpongeBob begins to choke up]'' He cried and he cried. And he cried even more. ''[SpongeBob shakes with sadness]'' And he kept crying... ''[SpongeBob strains and forces back tears]'' ...and crying and crying and crying and...that's right. You can do it.}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|I'm wondering if it might not be so healthy to hold in all my tears, Squidward.}}
-Squidward: There's a first time for everything. (under his breath) Also, I'd like to win this bet as soon as possible. (chuckles devilishly)
+{{L|Squidward|You're exactly right, SpongeBob. Let it all out. Don't fight the feel--''[the second hand on the clock ticks closer to midnight]'' Ten, nine...do it, do it, cry...eight, seven, six, five...come on! ''[the dam inside SpongeBob's brain begins to crack]'' ...four, three, two, one! ''[the dam breaks, and a river of tears begins to rush out]'' Midnight! ''[sighs, SpongeBob's body is turning wide]'' Well, SpongeBob, it looks like you won the... ''[SpongeBob's eyes burst with tears, shooting a flood towards Squidward and smacking him against the wall. The tears shoot out the windows, door crack, chimney, and other holes in his house. They spread to Patrick's house, causing an entire waterfall inside]''}}
+{{L|Patrick|Wow, what a great show.}}
-SpongeBob: (speaking in his thoughts) I am not gonna cry. I am not gonna cry. (straining, he speaks out loud) I can do this.
+{{L|''[The tears flood the Krusty Krab]''}}
+{{L|Mr. Krabs|''[standing on his desk, holding a fat stack of money away from the tears]'' Well, at least we're still together, little ones.}}
-Squidward: (smiling) Do what? (sees something and gasps) Oh, my! What a lovely sunset. Take a look, SpongeBob. (SpongeBob looks at the sunset and gasps) Isn't that beautiful?
+{{L|''[The Bikini Bottom Choir drives through the flood holding the angelic note; at SpongeBob's house, the tears continue to spray into Squidward's face, then stop; the cuckoo scallop hits him on the head. Now, SpongeBob and Squidward sit in front of the TV]''}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|''[holding out a bowl of popcorn]'' More popcorn, Squidward?}}
-SpongeBob: I've never seen such a beautiful underwater sunset.
+{{L|Squidward|No, no. No, no. Please.}}
+{{L|SpongeBob|''[eating popcorn]'' Don't be shy now. I made extra. ''[Squidward begins to whimper, SpongeBob rubs his shoulders]'' That's all right, let it out. You can cry all you want. You're among friends here.}}
-Squidward: Really tugs the heartstrings, doesn't it?
+{{L|''[Squidward whimpers even harder, then starts bawling hysterically]''}}
-SpongeBob: (gasps quietly in awe) It's... (the Bikini Bottom Choir and 5 Bikini Bottom Roman Choir Cars) drives by singing an angelic note, Squidward chuckles as SpongeBob's eyes begin to twinkle and water)
-Squidward: Is that a tear I see?
-(the sunset disappears)
-SpongeBob: Oh well, sunset's over. (walks off, Squidward scoffs in frustration; later, they both enter SpongeBob's house) Nice of you to drop in, neighbor.
-Squidward: Nice of you to have me, I--(sees something) Oh, look SpongeBob. Gary's sleeping.
-(Gary appears on a stack of newspapers sleeping and snoring)
-SpongeBob: (with his hands together, up to his mouth) Aww. He looks like an angel.
-Squidward: That is just so adorable. Almost makes you want to cry.
-(Gary begins to drool in his sleep)
-SpongeBob: Yeah. (snaps out of it) No! There shall be no tears in this house tonight! (walks off into the kitchen) La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
-(the mail comes in through the mail slot in SpongeBob's door)
-Squidward: Oh, SpongeBob.
-SpongeBob: (pouring drinks) Yes?
-Squidward: Your mail's here. Ooh, oh look, it's a postcard from your dear mother and father so far away.
-SpongeBob: (turns around) Mother, father?
-Squidward: (reading the postcard) "Dear SpongeBob, we are having a wonderful time in the South Seas and we miss you very, very much.
-SpongeBob: (teary-eyed at first) Ohh wow. (grabs another postcard) My subscription to Jellyfishing Monthly's expired. Remind me to renew that, will you, Squidward?
-Squidward: (with spite) No problem.
-(Later on, SpongeBob and Squidward sit on the couch watching the news)
-Anchor Fish: Welcome back to Bikini Bottom News. Our top story tonight: a series of sad tales and terrible news and funerals.
-Squidward: Ooh, let's turn it up.
-Anchor Fish: Tragedy in the park when a young snail caught in a tree almost didn't get down.
-Snail #13: (stuck on a coral tree branch) Meow.
-(SpongeBob gasps and gets ready to cry)
-Anchor Fish: However, he did get down.
-SpongeBob: (raising his arms) Hooray!
-Anchor Fish: And finally, sad news for Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy fans.
-(Squidward excitedly raises up the volume)
-SpongeBob: What, what, what?
-Anchor Fish: They will only be showing The Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy Show seven times a day instead of eight—SpongeBob: (sweating, changes the channel) Let's watch something else Squidward, okay?
-Squidward: Fine!
-(the channel changes to a show where a dad fish is walking out of his house for work while a kid fish plays with a baseball in the yard)
-Kid Fish: Hey Dad, how about a game of catch? (he throws the baseball in front of his bored dad)
-Dad Fish: Sorry son, I'm gonna be late for work.
-Kid Fish: (disappointedly) Okay, Dad. (his dad throws the baseball back)
-Dad Fish: (tosses his briefcase) I guess I can stay for a few throws.
-Kid Fish: (teary-eyed) I love you, Dad.
-Dad Fish: (teary-eyed) I love you, son.
-(the show ends with the two happily playing catch, SpongeBob turns the TV off and madly throws it out of his window, then walks back to the couch panting)
-SpongeBob: (to Squidward) You know what they say about that television. Rots the brain.
-Patrick: (from outside) Hey, thanks for the TV, SpongeBob. (he carries the broken-up TV set on his head) I'm gonna watch it all night! (he runs into his rock house with it)
-(SpongeBob and Squidward awkwardly stare at each other, Squidward glances on the cuckoo clock, which says 8:41, then speaks in his thoughts)
-Squidward: It's getting late. I'd better bring out the big guns. (out loud) Oh, SpongeBob.
-SpongeBob: Yes, Squidward?
-Squidward: What would you say to a little music? (pulls out his clarinet)
-SpongeBob: (gasps happily) I'd say... I'll go get some refreshments. (walks off)
-Squidward: Don't be long. My secret weapon is waiting. (gets out sheet music titled "Hearts & Flowers (or Some Such Sad Song and Your So Lame)", then chuckles)
-SpongeBob: (appears, holding a tray of tea) You said something, Squidward?
-Squidward: Oh, I just said, "Relax and enjoy the song." (he begins playing the such sad song on his clarinet and Tiny Big sings Your So Lame and Tiny Big sings Your So Lame, SpongeBob goes stifled, trying to fight back tears, Squidward strains hard playing the last single note, then pants)
-SpongeBob: That's a really sad song, Squidward.
-Squidward: You're not gonna cry though, are you?
-SpongeBob: No. (Squidward growls, the scallop cuckoo clock then chirps 9:00) Time really does fly when you're having fun. Well, I'd better start getting ready for bed. (starts to put the tray of tea down)
-Squidward: (nervously) Uh, SpongeBob. No-no-no-no, wait.
-SpongeBob: Yes, Squidward?
-Squidward: How about a bedtime story?
-SpongeBob: Now you're talking! (later in his room, he lays in bed with Squidward) Watcha gonna read me, Squidward?
-Squidward: Umm... (nervously searches through the pages) How 'bout The Little Angler Who Got Lost?
-SpongeBob: That sounds like a very sad story.
-Squidward: Oh, very sad. Umm... "There once was a little angler (the page he's reading is actually of the story Jack and Jill) who was, uh, little and sad. (SpongeBob whimpers) One day the little sad angler was walking through the park. (SpongeBob begins to chuckle with joy) But, he was sad, because...because he was lost... he was lost and very sad. And then, he—he started to cry continiously and the gangsta rappers began singing who's your ******* daddy yo! repeatly and more keep arriving and more gangsta rappers began singing your a coral butt yo!. (SpongeBob begins to choke up) He cried and he cried. And he cried even more. and more gangsta rappers kept arriving and arriving and arriving an more of them keep coming and coming and start beating him up to his death and starts slapping him silly on the little anglers' face (SpongeBob shakes with sadness) And he kept crying and he cannot stop crying and bazillion and gazillion gangsta rappers kept arriving. (SpongeBob strains and forces back tears) and the little angler kept on Crying and crying and crying and he started bawling and bawling and bawling and bawling and bawling and screaming and bawling and screaming very loudly ...that's right. You can do it.
-SpongeBob: I'm wondering if it might not be so really very healthy to hold in all my tears, Squidward.
-Squidward: You're exactly right, SpongeBob. Let it all out. Don't fight the feel--(the second hand on the clock ticks closer to midnight) Ten, nine...do it, do it, cry...eight, seven, six, five...come on please right now Spongebob! (the dam inside SpongeBob's brain begins to crack) ...four, three, two, one! (the dam breaks) Midnight! (sighs, SpongeBob's body is bloated) Well, SpongeBob, it looks like you won the game and let's finish the sad bedtime story the little angler commited a suicide by hanging in his bedroom closet and then the little anglers' mommy and daddy found him dead the following night and then the day after the funeral the sun shined on the little angler's tombstone the end... (SpongeBob's eyes burst with tears, shooting a flood towards Squidward and smacking him against the wall. The tears shoot out the windows, door crack, chimney, and other holes in his house. They spread to Patrick's house, causing an entire waterfall inside)
-Patrick: Wow, what a great show.
-(The tears flood the Krusty Krab)
-Mr. Krabs: (standing on his desk, holding a fat stack of money away from the tears) Well, at least we're still together, little ones.
-(The Bikini Bottom Choir drives through the flood holding the angelic note; at SpongeBob's house, the tears continue to spray into Squidward's face, then stop, the cuckoo scallop hit him on the head. Now, SpongeBob and Squidward sit in front of the TV)
-SpongeBob: (holding out a bowl of popcorn) More popcorn, Squidward?
-Squidward: No, no. No, no. Please.
-SpongeBob: (eating popcorn) Don't be shy now. I'm made extra. (Squidward begins to cry, SpongeBob rubs his shoulders) That's all right, let it out. You can cry all you want. You're among friends here.
-(Squidward wails and screamseven harder)
-[[Category:Episode transcripts]]